Day 110 of 365 days of Solace: Hotheaded teenager! 26 June 16

I have been working on making sure that my children do not act or feel entitled.  This means that I

give them an assigned job to do, if they want me to help them financially for school, etc. I told my 17 year old that if he wanted money for his trip he needed to do something each day to help in our home.

That job varies, depending on need of the day. Today I needed him to make dinner. I had printed up a recipe, from www.allrecipes.com. I needed to finish my schoolwork, which is due by midnight on Saturday's. He was feeling stressed about packing up, and I might add he was tired. He laid on my bed and said he didn't have time to make the pasta salad.  I reminded him repeatedly that I would not give him anymore money if he didn't help because I was not giving massive jobs to him, just small, helpful things that benefit everyone.

This wasn't this particular day
Back from camp 3 days, and except the 
popcorn from his naughty siblings, 
the rest of the mess was
camping gear that he and dad dropped
on front room floor.  Instead of cleaning 
he was supposed he fell asleep! 
Though he ended up cleaning it hours later.

I was not unkind, at all! (Unlike yesterday where I was in the wrong.) But, I helped him to see that my terms were exact, and I would not yield on this as I have some things in the past. I told him that I do not want to raise a child, who feel entitled to just be given things. I expressed understanding to his concerns, but that feeling anxious about something doesn't exempt us from needing to help in other ways of life.

He laid tiredly and stubbornly across my bed and angrily mulled over what I was saying.  He realized that I meant business.  And then it happened.... (I might say it was the unbelievable, but the Spirit of God had prepared me the last week for this possibility!) My son looked at me and said,  "You are such a (explative!) parent!" Yes, my sweet, blue eyed son had sworn at me!

This may not shock you, the reader, but it shocked me because in our home we do not swear! As active, diligent members of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints ("Mormons") we try to use great care in how we speak, because we want to live worthy of the Spirit of God, and in order to feel a closeness to the Spirit of God we have to live worthy, wholesome lives.  No one on earth is perfect, and gratefully, we can repent! (Repentance means to not just stop a behavior and try never to do that said behavior again, but it also means to improve our behavior, and to progress forward a little better than before.)

I sat there dumbfounded, but quickly told him to leave the room and go make dinner. (His sisters were in the room, but they didn't seem to notice that he'd said that word.) I was trying to process my feelings. I was upset at him, but also, I didn't want to let that angry word affect me to say something mean to him. He got up and left. And I reminded myself that swear words are intended to incite anger in other's, but that this swear word represented more of his sleep, worried, fatigue.

I sat there silently praying to be comforted.  As I did so I considered how the last week or so I kept having thoughts that teenagers, even really good ones, will test the waters and use a swear words just to rile a parent up. Every time I had a thought like that I'd pray that my children would not succumb to that, but that if they did that I would respond calmly. Hence, the shock value of his word wasn't quite as upsetting.

I asked my 11 year old daughter to go see if he was making dinner. She came back and reported that he was not making dinner, but that he was just standing in the kitchen doing nothing.  I wondered why he was doing that, but I said nothing to him. I figured part of it was processing what he'd just done.

A few minutes later my son walks into the room.  He's got an embarrassed look on his face, and he asks me to have the girls leave. I tell his sisters to gone on over so I can talk to him.

He walks over to me sitting on my bed.  (I had been doing schoolwork, until this happened. Now it just sat open on my lap.) C says, "Mom, I'm sorry for swearing at you. It's just that when I get really mad I have swear words fill my head. Will you please forgive me." It was wonderful to see the interesting change that had overcome him by being humble in approaching me for forgiveness.  I replied, "Of course. I'm proud of you for saying sorry.  Give me a hug."

My son will give me hugs, but this hug was different. When he hugged me it was a hug of a little boy, who was clinging to his Mom because he loves her and needs her safe, forgiving arms to encircle him and assure him.  It is not a feeling I will soon forget.

He sat on my bed and I talked with him about how the devil helps fill our mind with mean and angry thoughts.  And I expressed how he is a such a good young man, who is diligent with spiritual things. (Every day C reads his scriptures, writes in his journal, and prays. Something I wasn't great about at his age.)

The devil will try to find our weak spots and get us to act on those thoughts and feelings.  I said that if he is having those swear words pour into his thought then he can rest assured that the devil is trying to get him to give in to that weakness.  In not giving in to those thoughts he will grow stronger, but that when he gives in it gives the devil just a little more room to try to get him to do the wrong things.

I don't remember all I said, but I do remember the feelings. My son was in a soft, pliable state of
learning.  He felt good by his right choice to repent quickly, as did I.  He felt my love for him, and I felt his love for me.  And it was a happy moment for me to be able to teach him the ways of the Lord. (For I even shared how God had prepared me that he was going to test the waters.) And it was a happy moment to know that all his anger had melted away to love and happiness.

After we'd enjoyed some time together, I asked him to go make dinner.  This time there was no response of anger. He just teased and said, "But it's too hard and will take forever."  But off he went to make dinner. At one point he came in and said, "taste this." He held out the spoon and I used my finger for a taste. Mmmm, it was delicious! He'd used the special ranch packet...something like "Fiesta Ranch" (sorry, I can't think of it, off hand. I'll try to remember to come back and tell you!)

When it took longer than I expected I walked into the kitchen to discover C and his sisters eating the pasta salad out of the bowl. They were loving the delicious taste and were going to avoid bowls!!
This was another happy moment for me to see how happy family life can be when everyone is doing their part to help each other out.

I have a lot of room for growth in learning how to become a better wife, mother, and person, but I keep taking small steps towards improvement.  I pray often about what Heavenly Father wants me to do to improve my life. As I take steps toward living a pure and worthy life before God, He blesses me with insights and understanding to things I can do and keep doing, which will ultimately yield  happy blessings in my life.


"Dearest children, God is near you, and delights to own and bless you, if you choose to do what's right."


No matter where you are in this process, just start this very minute. Ask Heavenly Father to help you know what you need to change or improve on. If you listen, He will direct you in quiet moments of thought or distinct inspiration.  Listen and then Keep listening.

Christine 

Day 109 of 365 days of Solace: The adjustment of my attitude!

My sweet 17 year old son has been packing up for his high school Nationals. Today, while I was organizing my bedroom he called up to me from the front room, "Mom, I have a job for you to do." Why in the world was he using my own words--- which he frequently hears me saying??!  I called down and told him I was too busy to come, but he kept pestering me! "Mom, I have a job for you!" I finally went out to see why he was bugging me!" 

As I approached, C said with a bossy parent tone, "I need you to clean this out." I looked at what he was speaking about, and he had my airplane carry-on (luggage) open where I store my assortment of beads. He wanted to use it for his trip and lifted it up, in what appeared to be an attempt to dump it out. 

With a bad attitude I threatened him and said, "If you want another penny for your trip you better not touch my things!" And then I turned to walk off, but I first grumbled to him that I was feeling a lot of pain from what I was doing, and that what he was doing was wasting my time."  And I stormed off to finish what I had planned to.

Feeling badly I didn't act very much like Jesus would want me to I immediately walked back down the hall and said, "C, I'm sorry for talking that way to you, but I really do find it frustrating that you keep talking about that suitcase and trying to dump it out. Find another one because I don't want you touching my things" I had gone to apologize but I ended up being sour again!

I came in my room and began some task, but I didn't felt unsettled about acting meanly. I silently began to pray as I worked and I said, "Heavenly Father, I know that should have talked more kindly and softer, but I find it so frustrating that...." As I was praying I had the thought that he was just having fun with me, and had not trying to rile me up.  Normally, I enjoy his humor, but not tonight, and in my mood I had missed his attempted humor.  

I walked back down the hall to try apologizing again! I was still upset because I still was feeling pride (Isn't that the root of anger?!) As soon as I walked out I began to speak to him from a distance... "C, please forgive me for how I spoke to you. I should have been kinder."  A strange thing happened. As I said those words all of my pride melted. I felt sweetness and peace overcome me.

Unfortunately as I approached him he was now feeling upset at me by how I'd been acting and he said angrily, "You've already apologized to me and you didn't mean it!" I replied with a laugh in my voice and animated dance-like hand motions (common to the Italian girl in me), "Well, third times the charm, and I'm trying to learn to repent quickly."  

The mood was lightened and C, replied with his usual humor, "Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that!"  He went to take my jewelry supply suitcase and lift it to dump it!  I said, "No way, I'm not looking!" And laughing I turn away, because I didn't want to watch-- just in case he did! (No, he didn't dump it! He really was teasing.)

I feel ashamed to admit that I acted that way to begin with because I know I should be in control of my attitude and behavior at all times- no matter what someone else may or may not be doing. Apparently I have room for improvement! 

I really share this to say that there is a God that loves us as imperfect as we are, and doing the right things can bring a special sweetness in to our lives.  

But, as strange as this is going to sound, I also need to say that there is also a devil, and he is focused on making our lives a literal "living hell"! I know because for those few minutes tonight I felt glimpses of it in the pride and anger of my heart and mind. It felt sick and miserable. 

If we aren't quick to repent (defined: change our way and try to act better) we will not feel peace of mind and heart. But, when we do the things that we know we need to do, even as simple as saying "I'm sorry," we can feel the sweet peace that only God can offer.

At other times, acting like God would have you act, may mean that you just choose not to speak unkindly, even where you are being "reviled," mistreated, or "falsely accused."  Your prayers may need to be focused on being kind and humble, even where you feel things aren't fair.  

The truth of the matter is that we can only do our individual best, and leave the real battles of life for God to fight for us.  God will fight those battles, IF we let Him, and additionally He can give us peace and heal us--no matter what trials we face. 

Isaiah 57:19

19 I create the fruit (sweetness of speech) of the lips; Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord; and I will heal him.

Love, 

Christine

Day 107 of 365 days of Solace: Early Wake-up Call

I woke up to the words of the hymn (silently) ringing into my ear, "Hope of Israel rise in might, with the sword of truth and right." I was exhausted from getting to bed late, as I usually do on Wednesdays to get my online homework submissions in on time! (BYU-I//Pathway have deadlines twice a week, to help keep procrastinators in-line!  Yeah!)

I was out of bed within a minute and headed down to the front room. I didn't know why God wanted me up, but I know He is much wiser than I am, so I was obedient to His call.  It was around 6:45 is. The Summer sun was already bright and cheerful, but oh, I felt sooo tired! I sat down on the couch and said to my husband, "Let's have spouse prayer." He replied that he couldn't kneel because of his sprained ankle (from "High Adventure last week! They hiked about 30 miles in some place like Escalante Canyons... ??)

We sat on the couch together and I snuggled my head on his shoulder. He asked if I wanted to pray. I think it's his joke because clearly I was not quite coherant (which few "night owls" are at this time of day!) My mumbled "uh-uh" led him into his prayer... "Dear Heavenly Father, we're thankful...." When he finished with an "amen" my head drooped onto the couch, but I managed to call him back for a hug.

I'm trying to make it clear that I looked like I was in a drunken stupor, but in truth I have never touched a drop of alcohol in my life!!  I strictly keep the word of wisdom in my life (translated, "I'm Mormon and we don't drink, coffee, tea, alcohol, or put anything into our body such as drugs, cigarettes, etc,) If you'd like to know more you can find out here about "The Word of Wisdom."
https://www.mormon.org/faq/topic/health

I knelt down to pray and fell asleep again. But I heard my 17 year old son up early to head to his high school to work on robotics. I mustered the strength to climb back up on the couch and when he came up I called him over for prayer. He sat next to me, held my hand, and I put my head on his should. This time I started to pray, but he interrupted my prayer and say, "Mom, do I need to remind you that I'm in a hurry and have to walk to get to the school, or I'll be late."  Point taken! He wanted a short prayer- not one of my long specialties!! I prayed quickly, but carefully for his protection and for him to listen to the voice of God as he prays throughout his day. Off he went to school when I said "amen."

I laid my head down on the armrest, knowing I would be too tired to get up again from praying.  As I lay my head there, I prayed to know if I could go back to bed, or to understand why He woke me up so early when I was clearly exhausted from not having enough sleep yet!

The house was filled with the remaining quite children- sleeping soundly. But I heard one of the four rustling about the house upstairs.  As I waited to see who, I clearly had the Spirit tell me why I'd been awakened with the words "comings and goings." I immediately remembered what I'd been reading about for my religion class at bedtime, and further, I knew I had been praying that I would be a better mom!

My sweet little 9 year old came down and sat by me. I told him to bring me some books to read. He brought back a stack of books and we took turns reading. I had to work hard to stay awake, but I managed, and we read some classic children's books together.

Here's what I'd been reading, by Persident Ezra Taft Benson:

"Be at the Crossroads. First, take time to always be at the
crossroads when your children are either coming or
going—when they leave and return from school, when
they leave and return from dates, when they bring
friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your
children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read, “A child
left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” ( Proverbs
29:15 )" President Ezra Taft Benson


God had woken me up to be there at the start of my families day.  He doesn't want me to remain in bad sleep-in Summer habits, which are easy to do with the children out of school.

It's going to take some extra effort, but I am going to try to push myself out of my night owl ways so that I can be there for my children at the start of their day.

I know I underestimate my importance and influence as a Mom, but I have been learning in my religious studies that the world needs Mother's who are willing to sacrifice for God to teach, train, and love their children with unselifishness, and to share God's vision of hope, love, and forgiveness. Indeed, I have not more important calling in life than to teach my children His ways of truth and righteousness, so that can in turn bless the lives of their future families, and all they meet.  It's a large undertaking, and could be daunting, but I know that with the partnership of God, I will be able to teach His children, who I have on loan, the things he wants me to.

I'm thankful for my blessings as a wife and mother, and I hope to better understand my eternal value in the vital role I play- even though the world is sending me messages that I'm not that important, or that I should think of my needs before anyone else.  It will only be through deciding to put God first and then His children that I will yields the sweet fruits of hard work and sacrifice.

May you pray to know how to be a better Mom, Dad, or general family member, and then act quickly on intentions to bless the lives of your family and friends.

Christine

Day 106 of 265 days of Solace: God's promises

I am so incredibly blessed by God, but that doesn't mean my life is free of pain or suffering. As I watched this short film I could relate to the message of it. I could relate to feeling I knew God's will and yet seeing that what seemed like promises from God were not fulfilled. As I remain filled with faith and patience I also see that good things happen as I "wait upon the Lord," versus if I begin to question and worry things aren't going to work out alright.

Even now I wait to see God's hand in larger matters in my life, but in the meantime I have to walk through what feels like a large, dry, hot, and exhausting and painful desert. What's so interesting is that I have been feeling at peace, instead being in tears and disconsolate emotional duress. While I slept I heard these words of a scripture come into my thoughts,"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

I felt truly thankful for that reminder. I do know that I am being buoyed up by the peace of God, and I also know that if we are faithful to following his commandments and living in a way to please God each hour of each day we will find that we are blessed with a peace that no earthly source can imitate. I will keep trying with my every breath to be found worthy of His peace.

I discovered this video today, and I think it illustrated just one of the many wonderful ways that God keeps his promises--in His own due time.

https://movingworks.org/films/ (You can see other inspiring videos of how people's lives have been changed through Christ.)

May you keep your sight Jesus Christ in all you do, and you will have his peace to attend to you.

Love, Christine

Day 101 of 365 Days of solace: Boys, Boots, and Beauty

My son was bitten by our puppy
because he plays like a puppy!

You'll probably notice that there are some gaps in my numbers in my titles. That's because I don't have time to write everyday, but I do have sweet things happen that help me move forward, and I'm hoping that by the number 365 things will be far sweeter and happier. :)  Well, I can hope! Beside, life is still sweet, just very tumultuous, but all the while I try to find the bright side

 

Today my bright side was in various moments.

• It was watching how excited my boys are to wear new cowboy boots that I bought them. 
• Eating lunch at a nearby school for a free summer lunch program! (They love going and seeing what surprise lunch they'll be eating, and then they love playing on the playground.) 
• Sitting in a book store rocking chair, and reading my 6 year old boy on my lap children's books. 
• Going to a local thrift shop and playing in the toys, or playing dress up with the crazy high heel shoes! (I'd show you photos, but my cell phone was dead during the fun!)



M got stitches on Wednesday! :(

• Cuddling with them while we watched a movie off of Amazon--- Belle and Sebastian. (May I recommend it whole-heartedly. It's family friendly, and clean-without swear words! Such a beautiful foreign film (but with English speaking over top) (It is not a comedy, but it is heartwarming- and even with some sadness, there is always hope.)

It's the movie I wish to address briefly.  In one part a man asks another person, "Are you going to let him travel home alone?" The reply, "Oh, he's not alone" In an effort not to spoil the movie I will just say that the journey home is a treacherous one, and it seems so very lonely to see him head off.

I considered the lonely terrain I travel currently. I consider the treacherous steeps I must climb. I considered the vast distance....and I felt sad. So sad that I cried. All the while my sweet 6 year old boy cuddled in my right arm, and my sweet 9 year old boy in my left arm kept looking up at me with strange curiosity.  They asked me why I was crying? I couldn't answer because I was feeling too emotional!

I was crying with bittersweet emotion.. I considered upon the loneliness of my journey, and I cried. I considered upon the final destination of home, and I cried! I thought about home in earthly terms, and Home in heavenly terms  

The word home is very dear to me because it represents a place of safety, shelter, love, and acceptance.  I felt that tonight as I sat cuddling with my two little boys.  They felt safe and content in my arms, and I felt so much love for them. I was indeed home.  

But sometimes we can be home and know that we aren't really home. And that it a topic for another day! But, I will say that I also cried because I know that I am not alone. I know that angels walk this earth, and move among us unseen.  But I KNOW that I have angels that walk with me, guard me, ,and comfort me.  I take solace in that knowledge.  I hope you will also.

As I knelt to pray tonight I had this hymn play into my thoughts, "Hark All Ye Nations." I have heard this on rare occasion, but what does it mean? I went and looked up the words and the scriptures, and I again found solace..

1. 
   
   1. Hark, all ye nations!
   Hear heaven's voice
   Thru ev'ry land that all may rejoice!
   Angels of glory shout the refrain:
   Truth is restored again!
2. (Chorus)
   Oh, how glorious from the throne above
   Shines the gospel light of truth and love!
   Bright as the sun, this heavenly ray
   Lights ev'ry land today.
3. 2. Searching in darkness,   nations have wept;
   Watching for dawn,           their vigil they've kept. 
   All now rejoice; the long night is o'er.
   Truth is on earth once more!
4. 3. Chosen by God to serve him below,
   To ev'ry land and people we'll go,
   Standing for truth with fervent accord,
   Teaching his holy word.

The message of that whole song is beautiful, but tonight verse 2 really stood out to me.
"Searching in darkness..watching for dawn, their vigil they've kept...now rejoice; the long night is o'er."  Oh, can you imagine such a sweet dawn that comes after such a dark era  of life. I can, and it is a beautiful sight!

I need you to understand that I do see so much beauty each day of my life, and I seek to find the hand of God in any direction I turn, and because of that He helps me to be aware of his beauties.  But, it doesn't mean that my life is free of sorrow and pain- in fact I carry a heavy burden. 

What I do know is that as long as I keep looking toward Christ I will ultimately reach my show of home after a lifetime of keeping vigil.

Vigil (translation-- only a partial definition)

: the act of keeping awake at times when sleep is customary; also : a period of wakefulness
: an act or period of watching or surveillance : watch <kept vigil at her bedside

I try hard to be alert, awake, and on guard at all times!
Let us unite our prayers for us, our loved ones, and our nations that we won't stray away from our loving father in heaven, and forget who we are, and what we are watching, praying, fighting for!

 19 Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of ^agladness! A voice of mercy from heaven; and a voice of ^btruth out of the earth; glad tidings for the dead; a voice of gladness for the living and the dead; glad tidings of great ^cjoy. How beautiful upon the mountains are the ^dfeet of those that bring glad tidings of good things, and that say unto Zion: Behold, thy God reigneth! As the ^edews of Carmel, so shall the knowledge of God descend upon them! (Doctrine and Covenants 128:19)

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/128.19?lang=eng#18 

No matter what journey home that you must travel, I know God can give you the strength and blessings to get there.  He can work miracles! Just watch and listen with a prayerful heart and you will see His hand in your life.

Christine

Day 98 of 654 days of solace: seedling of childhood- meanderings of motherhood

It's an unusual week for me, and I find myself the sole parent of my 3 youngest children (4, if you count the child that practically lives here from next door!). Today we picked up around the house, then they went off and played in the room where they put up about 6 of our fan and hand a "fan party."  (We have no air conditioning but an abundance of fans.)

Nearing dinner time we went to Walmart and I bought lunch meats and cheeses from the deli, and we made impromptu tortilla wraps. (Have I mentioned I'll do anything to avoid making a full on dinner!)  Then we went to Lowe's and I bought plant food, and a 36 inch tall rose tree!  I got it for 15 dollars because it is drying in parts.  I was particularly excited because as I fell to sleep last night I saw a tree very much like it in my dream, and I couldn't help wondering if it was a special blessing just for me because of all the hurt in my soul.  Either way I feel very thankful to have something which will brighten up  my yard and my spirit!

The children were so excited about planted with me. I began weeding the flower bed, but I was unhappy to discover that my pink skirt was covered in a thousand angry ants! No wonder I kind of felt I was being stung on my legs!  In a panic I looked around to see if any neighbors were out, then I ripped off my skirt and went running inside the house!!  The kids were laughing so hard at me! But it was either be eaten alive or run inside with my undergarments! (Even though some people describe me as flamboyant I am sure even a self-respecting, quiet, reserved kind of female would have done the very same thing as me under the circumstances!!  Haha..and don't try to tell me otherwise! I am quick to adhere strictly to the book of social ettiquette and intelligence! ;))

I was sidetracked by those awful ants, until tomorrow when I try to spray them dead! But I did move elsewhere (after putting on new clothes) and my little 6 year old and I dug a large hole to put his pumpkin plant in.  It is the pumpkin plant he brought home from school several weeks ago, and we've watered it faithful. It was excited to finally get it planted.

And, the children still hadn't gotten tired of planting so they insisted we sprout some flower seeds in the potting soil we put in the empty egg crate and then I carefully watered it and lined it with foil so the egg carton wouldn't get wet and ruin the counter.  Oh did the children ever have so much fun choosing their favorite flower seeds!

Now here's the point of my long-winded writing of today...  Those little seeds are going to grow and become flowers.  But the most important seeds I will ever nurture are the little children that are mine to nourish with spiritual sunshine and life-given water.  They are growing and formulating ideas and they are growing spiritual and physically by the day.


Just like flowers though, if I don't nourish them and give them what they need they will wither.  Sure they may still grow, but they will be stunted or resistant to blooming if I keep them from the sunshine of God's love.

It's quite wordy tonight, but I wanted to document this day, and to remember that all my loving actions toward my children will ultimately yield the fruits of my labors. I hope we don't loose sight of that for not just our children (if we have them), but foremost for ourselves.  We can't be strong for others if we aren't nourishing ourselves!

Let's do something to nourish ourselves starting now,

Christine 

Day 97 of 365 days of Solace: A gift without strings

    My daughter has been assigned to give secret gifts to a "sister" at church.  That sister just happens to be part of the sadness I feel.  And yet, I feel absolutely no hard feelings toward her.  I feel justified to feel anger, resentment, hostility. or a myriad of negative emotions toward her- and yet, all I feel toward her is love (okay, and some worry of being stung again.). I really do want her to be happy. I want her to feel joy and contentment in life.  She doesn't have to like me, appreciate me, or understand me, but I feel those positive things toward her, and  I hope to help brighten her life with our thoughtful gifts.

     I was writing in my journal a few minutes ago that it's truly a miracle. Years ago, I was anything but forgiving of others. l was judgment, critical, and difficult.  But through the power of Jesus Christ I have become a new person! Truly a woman who can love and give and have no other string attached. I just want to share the love of the Lord. I don't need to understand someone, or why they do what they do because I know that as He did with me, he can take spots of weakness and help them become strong.

I can respect the time that others need to learn and grow because I took most of my life to figure out how to grow better and happier. God took my hard, unfeeling, and unforgiving heart and taught me to see and feel forgiveness where I've been hurt or wronged, and He's granted to me a vision to see life with a resonating love for others, no matter who they are. It's glorious! (Think David Archuleta! :) How thankful I am!

     I am so excited for my daughter to give her these special gifts we made together for her- during a week at camp. The gift of vintage fabric hot pads/table pads made from dearly departed Grandma's unfinished quilt pieces are the part I'm most excited for her to get. They are large and shaped like flowers and we

sewed 2 layers of heat resistant fabric, sandwiching "warm and natural batting" so that they are a nicer thicker quality than the store.

I need to get to sleep, but here is a scripture I read, which always helps my heart rejoice with optimism in the work of the Lord!

 "... shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. ^aCourage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into ^bsinging. Let the ^cdead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the ^dKing Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to ^eredeem them out of their ^fprison; for the prisoners shall go free."

Doctrine and Covenant 128:22

Let's move on in courage, my friends~

Christine

Day 95 of 365 days of Solace:

I woke up this morning hearing an unfamiliar song. I hummed it, and knew that I knew it, but I could not place it, so I prayed to know it and immediately the words began to play into my thoughts "When you try your best but you don't succeed...Lights will guide you home" and I envisioned (no I didn't see them) bright, round yellow lights representing God and his holy angels that guard me, as these symbolic lights of the song are indeed guiding me home to heaven. I envisioned myself being sweetly, and lovingly guarded today and all the days of my life. How thankful I am for spiritual musical  moments.

Fix You

By Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Later this afternoon I was waiting outside Deseret Book in the rain. My 15 year old had gone in to see if her favorie book was in yet! (The 5 Kingdom Series). I was sitting there surrounding by giggling children in the back of the van, who were making sandwhiches out of different colored Laffy Taffy candies. But despite the joy of my 3 youngest children, and a neighbor friend ("my adopted daughter")  I was feeling a great sense of betrayal and mistrust over external events in my life.  My heart was beginning to ache and wonder how I can continue to face people that hurt me with their jealousy and gossip.  The rain seemed to be crying the tears my heart feels.  And, again, in a sweet spiritual moment a song played into my thoughts--- The Angel Carol. I got teary eyed, but I express thanks to God for the angels that attend to me night and day.  I took comfort in knowing that I will never be alone, and I will always be understood, and that I have the Savior Jesus Christ, who is my guiding star in life.  I was comforted.

1. Have you heard the sounds 

of the angel voices ringing out so sweetly, 

ringing out so clear? 

Have you seen the star shining out so brightly 

as a sign from God that Christ the Lord is here? 

Have you heard the news that they bring from heaven 

to the humble shepherds who have waited long? 

Gloria in excelsis Deo! Gloria in excelsis Deo!

Hear the angels sing their joyful song. 

2. He is come in peace in the winter's stillness, 

like a snowfall in the gentle night. 

He is come in joy.

He is come in joy, 

like the sun at morning, 

filling all the world with radiance and with light. 

He is come in love as the child of Mary. 

In a simple stable we have seen his birth. 

Gloria in excelsis Deo! Gloria in excelsis Deo! 

Hear the angels singing 'Peace on earth'. 

3. He will bring new light. 

He will bring new light to a world in darkness, 

like a bright star shining in the skies above. 

He will bring new hope. 

He will bring new hope to the waiting nations.

When he comes to reign in purity and love.

Let the earth rejoice.

Let the earth rejoice at the Saviour's coming.

Let the heavens answer with the joyful morn: 

Gloria in excelsis Deo! Gloria in excelsis Deo! 

Hear the angels singing, 'Christ is born'

May you keep your eyes on the light of Christ, and search diligently to find him even in your darkest hours. Hearts and minds, individual, families, and communities can be healed through His atoning power, of that I am absolutely sure.  He will never betray or abandon me, or you! His love is endless!

Christine

Day 94 of 363 days solace: Second guessing myself

I discovered this article today and it has brought me so much comfort. I hope you will read it.
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/god-is-in-the-details-a-surprising-story/

But first I will tell you what I felt when I read it... I was moved to tears with this article. I am going through a very difficult time, and today I have been second guessing myself. But this article, as well as so many of the moving comments have become a tender mercy to me today.

As I just finished up reading this, the line from a hymn played into my thoughts, "We are all enlisted till the conflict is o'er; Happy are we! Happy are we! Soldiers in the army, there's a bright crown in store; We shall win and wear it by and by."

While I don't feel exactly happy at the difficult battlefield I am fighting on, I feel encouraged by what I read. I know God is in the details of my life, and through Him I have peace, even where I am not completely joyful....yet! I hope to always be found on his errand, and that I will have the spiritual ears to hear when he is communicating with me, as He did through this article.

Be it through song, scripture, words, memories, kind acts of others,or any other form of communication, we will each recognize the hand of God if we are paying attention. It's definitely worth listening, and not disregarding those thoughts as "coincidence."

The more we keep God's commandments, the more you will be able to see His hand in your life!
Keep Trying,
Christine

=================== (BELOW is the Article and a comment that stood out to me)

"Zona Cannavo had a remarkable experience. She writes:

“One normal, sunny, Monday morning, after sending my sweet husband out the door for a business trip, and getting my son off to school, I was ready to begin my day!

“I had a day of errands planned, and was going to start my day on the treadmill. As I was putting on my second shoe, I had a very strong impression to make cinnamon rolls. I thought, why in the world would I think that?

“Once again the thought came to me to make cinnamon rolls. I thought to myself…I am getting on the treadmill!!

“Then very clear….NO treadmill…do it now, it is urgent!! I started speaking out loud, ‘But I don’t want to make cinnamon rolls…they take forever…who are they for anyway?’

“And the last thought….’I do not make the best cinnamon rolls, who would want them?’

“Needless to say…I did not get on the treadmill that morning. I truly could not make the dough fast enough, and still had no idea who I was making them for. As the dough was rising, I hurried and showered, and speedily got ready.

“I became excited not knowing what was next, and the process seemed to be going so slow. What surprised me, was the love I felt for whomever they were going to. I prepared a box, and made it look pretty. When I took the rolls out of the oven, I was thrilled!! They were the most beautiful, fluffy, perfect rolls I had ever made!

“After frosting them, it was that feeling again–to move fast, hurry, put them in the box…go now!

“The presentation was beautiful, they were warm, and I flew out the door. As I was putting them in the car, one of the kids pulled in the driveway. I said, ‘You have to move your car now.’

“‘Where are you going,’ they asked?

“’I don’t know, but move now please.’ They looked at me like I was nuts! I thought the rolls were going to someone in my ward, yet as I was driving, I was driving away from my ward and stake boundaries. I drove for a few minutes and was coming to a round about.

“Ok… there are four roads here. What now? I felt like the car was being driven by someone else. I took the third road off the round about. I went for just a moment when a big SUV pulled out in front of me, almost hitting me!

“My first thought was not nice. Then I got the most overwhelming, peaceful feeling. As I looked at the car in front of me, I recognized the license plate, it was a California plate. Right then I knew my cinnamon rolls were for this vehicle.

“I followed the car closely. Then it turned on a street and parked in front of a home. The lady got out of her car, and I knew her! She had been my visiting teacher in California, and her husband my home teacher, for many years. I loved this family.

“For the 18 years I lived in California they were so good and kind to my family. I wished many times there was something I could have done for them before I moved to Utah.

“We both were shocked to see each other. We hugged. I asked what she was doing? She said her parents lived here, and she was in town because her mom had died.

“She said her dad was having a hard time, and he had said minutes before I arrived that he sure missed his wife’s cinnamon rolls, and wished he had a warm roll to comfort him.

“She had stopped at the home to get her sister in-law to go buy cinnamon rolls. Then she asked what I was doing? I could not speak, because of the emotions that took over. All I could do was hand her the box of warm cinnamon rolls.

“I learned so many things that day:

“1) I did not do anything big or grand that day. The wisdom of the spirit is big and grand!

“2) Heavenly Father knows every detail of our lives including the timing of when things should happen.

“3) Heavenly Father uses regular people like you and me to be his hands to serve here on earth. I know without a doubt he loves us, he notices us, watches over us in ways that we humanly could not do on our own without guidance from above.

“4) I will never argue with or ignore a prompting again. I am so glad I followed the Spirit that day. I am so grateful I did not miss the opportunity to serve, because I am the one that got blessed that day.

“I need to add that even the smallest prompting of giving a hug, a smile, or stopping by someone’s home empty handed has made just as big of an impact on me.”

We worship a God of enormous capacity. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Amid the vastness of his creations, God’s personal shaping influence is felt in the details of our lives.” In this case he knew that a grieving widower needed warm cinnamon rolls one morning—and he knew who would listen to his Spirit and supply them.

Cinnamon rolls are a small thing. Minute, really, when you consider “the details of the galaxies and the molecules” in his hand. But they made a man felt loved and noticed on that bright morning when he needed it most.

Elder Maxwell noted that the Lord promised, “I will be in your midst” (D&C 49:27). “I will lead you along” (D&C 78:18).

Elder Maxwell added, “Have we not been reassured about the fall of one sparrow and that the very hairs of our heads are numbered?” (see Matt. 10:29-30; D&C 84:80).

He said, “Recall the new star that announced the birth at Bethlehem? It was in its precise orbit long before it so shone. We are likewise placed in human orbits to illuminate.

“Part of God’s ‘ample provision’ consists of imperfect people like you and me, committed to shining and serving in our appointed orbits, knowing all the while that we are encircled “in the arms of [His] love” (D&C 6:20)."


9 COMMENTS | POST OR READ COMMENTS

SDJune 10, 2016

I have had many such experiences. But one I can never forget. I was counseling two young inmates. It is a very stressful life. After few months, I knelt down and prayed. "Heavenly father, I have help these two and helped one to reunite with his family. I quit, I will send them Christmas cards and birthday cards." Then I heard an unspoken voice that said "Listen and I will show you what to do." It was so real, I looked up from my prayer and said, "Huh?" Again I heard listen, JUST LISTEN AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TO DO." Over the next couple of years I can not tell you how many times I would feel I had to write. But, I argued that I had just visited them. But I would write that letter. It would go on and on about the gospel or morlity or honesty. I did not know at the end, what I had written. I would go back and read what i had written. It turned out to be right on target.\ In our daily lives. we do not recognize what the Lord has done for us. But when you live in the depths of hell, you can see things happen that just don't happen in prison. I could write book about the experences....and God was there. One of them went to the temple this past year. A hard road. But God was there.

(To read the full comments you can read them at this link: http://ldsmag.com/god-is-in-the-details-a-surprising-story/)

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