Burial Dress Lesson

Sunday, during church, I learned the shocking news that my friend's baby had died. Little Nora was born at 23 weeks gestation. She lived a week and a day, but then died September 7, due to an infection. 

While I can't exactly relate to a loss so late in pregnancy, I did feel an added measure of sorrow to consider how her oldest son (approx age 4 years old) must feel. 

When my oldest son was about the same age as her son is now, I had a early miscarriage. I felt disappointment at the loss, but oh, my son was devastated by losing the sibling he had apparently felt so much anticipation for! (He loves children!) 

In memory of my son's feelings, my heart had an added motherly ache. I wanted to do something special her and her family.  But what?

Sundress soon to be
a beautiful, modest gown!

Upon contempation of those feelings, I decided to make a burial gown. I knew it might not be needed, but I also knew that it if was, I'd need plenty of time to make it. With the funeral two days away I worried I might not have time if she said she would like me to make her a burial dress. I had wanted her to be able to design the gown for her baby, in whatever style she imagined, but I had not heard back as of Monday morning, so I decided to just get to work and make one. I figured "What can it hurt to be prepared?"

I went through my fabric in search of the perfect material. I wanted to do french hierloom pintucks and lace insertion, but that would take days to create. And then I thought a ornately beaded wedding dress would look stunning, but I didn't have enough left over from a wedding dress I'd recently used for a costume. So I kept looking. 

In a little stack of white blouses and dresses (which I'd set aside with the purpose of using on burial gowns) I rediscovered a lightweight sundress I'd purchased at a local thrift shop. I decided this would be perfect! 

With dress and supplies in hand I headed to my comfortable sewing spot upstairs. Just where my huband likes it! ;) 

First I laid out the dress on my bed, then I studied how the laces, ruffles, and underlays had been sewn. I consider all the possibilites to suit my needs, and how to get the best outcome by cutting in just right places. I contemplated how I wanted this to fit a body so very small, delicate, and possibly swollen. With the details firmly in my mind I created a pattern. I then placed the pattern pieces on carefully selected areas of the dress, and I went to work in pinning and cutting. 

I've just finished pinning the neck facing.

From there I pinned and sewed the pieces together. I worked from the beginning stages to the more advanced stages and areas of neck, sleeves and closure. Then I went back and pinned and sewed some more!  

And then, when it seemed I neared completion, I cut away excess fabric and hanging threads. I also reinforced specific spots, and sometimes I took parts that I'd sewn together, and I cut them off or reworked them for better results. 

Yep, lot's of details! But they're important to what I'm going to say! :)

After completing it, I finally got word from a sister at my church ( My Relief Society ("R.S.") president--she takes care of all the women at my local church. Or as we call it- a "ward") that the mom already had something for angel baby to be buried in. 

Ties on an open back for easy dressing.

I had prepared myself that the dress might not be needed, but I still felt some self doubts over having even made an initial effort. I also have to admit I felt embarrassed for having gone to "so much trouble for nothing," and I worried of how ridiculous I must look to others for having done more than a condolence card. 

I took painstaking efforts to make sure it was a beautiful creation, which I'd envisioned from the start. And yet, I looked back after 6+ hours of a days efforts and wondered if my time would have been better spent on housework, or homework (as I'm back to college). I also wondered if maybe the dress and bonnet were just too old-fashioned looking (something I only noticed upon completion),  and maybe she really just didn't want it. I worried about having put myself out there for others to judge!

Here I am sewing. A drill is always
important to have handy! ;)

But regardless of my doubts, I can't deny that I felt good as I created that little gown. My heavy heart took on wings as I worked. I realize now that I had needed a reminder lesson about my life, and the goodness, grace, and mercy of a devoted Heavenly Father!

Let me tell you why! (Here's where the above details matter!:)

You see, on a small scale, I was doing what God does with each of us. He helps to recreate our mortal mind and spirits into something better and more beautiful! The symbolism in my creation and efforts of this dress reveals that if we let His masterful hands work on us, He can repurpose us into something more beautiful than we can imagine on our own. 

He takes the cut & damaged parts of our lives, and with tremendous care and attention to EVERY detail he will refashion us into something of greater value! God can take things that seem permanent design flaws of our character or circumstance, and through cutting and reconnecting He will have made a more pleasing, beneficial creation. His work may hurt initially, but these careful cuttings and reshapings will be immeasurable blessings to us in the long run!

The bodice measures approx 4" across.

I realize now that I needed to have a visual (though time-consuming) lesson on His work with me, and each of us!.  Even though my gift wasn't needed by this family, I needed the reminder of how our Heavenly Father tenderly and individually works with each and fills us with hope through His artistic vision! He can help fulfill us with more noble purposes! 

It seems I have nothing to offer this family now in their time of loss. Sure, I'll take a meal and make a condolance card. But I wanted to do something special. But perhaps the best thing we can offer someone is continued prayers on their behalf, when we seem limited in what we have to give. 

This process of growth and improvement
can be a very messy experience!

May we remember we are worth more than what we initially appear to be! It doesn't matter if we are loved, accepted, or understood by those around us. I really believe, despite my feelings of personal insecurities, that when we are trying to do a loving thing, we are pleasing Heavenly Father. There is no failure or shame in trying to be right before God! He accepts all our offerings- big or very small, and He can, and will, multiply those efforts for our good!

For all my imperfection and weakness, I take comfort in knowing that through the master creator, who lovingly knows how to shape and construct us, we are destined for eternal joy and unparalleled vistas of heavenly beauty!

May we keep His love ever before our eyes, and let the Lord God work His miracles in our hearts and lives!

Christine

UPDATE: I went to a truly beautiful funeral of this little child tonight at The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints. This little girl, no more than 10.5 inches tall lay in her casket all dressed in white. She was perfect in from head to toe. Her little fingers were half the length of my a sewing need, and she had precious little finger nail painted with light pink nail polish. She had a a precious white headband, and she wore a delightful antique blessing gown with pintucks and fancy french heirloom work. 

This beautiful baby wore a dress that had been made by the dad's great grandma- generations ago...for a doll! I felt tearful to consider that the hand of providence was in motion long before this little girl passed away, so that a perfect family heirloom was ready for this day!

There were many tear filled eyes (especially as the dad walked in carrying the casket of his baby) but the funeral was filled with messages and songs of hope through Jesus Christ. If you've never been to a "Mormon" funeral, I recommend you go to see what I mean. There is always an underlying theme of being able to be reuinited with our loved ones again!

To learn more about our beliefs on death please go to this following link: https://www.mormon.org/beliefs/life-after-death

I now obviously I realize that I worried needlessly about my dress somehow being rejected for looking too antique! ;) I plan to learn from this lesson!

Day 10 or 365 days of solace: Heartbreak or sunshine- we can be at peace

After my usual morning of breakfast with my son, reading, doing laundry, etc...then getting him on the school bus, I sat down to my computer. I am usually found here, with my Math work-- but my first priority are things like scriptures, BYU speeches, and such.  I find that when I put God first, the other things in my life work out well.

There was a nearby book, which I purchased, but have not taken the time to read through,  "Women of the New Testament"by Camille Fronk Olson. It is a beautifully written and illustrated book, and I recommend the Old Testament version too! As I reached to open the large book, I had a prayerful desire in my heart that Heavenly Father would give me a special message.

I opened to page 128 and began reading. I found the contrast of Zacharias and Elizabeth, very interesting.  Here are two very righteous people, but Zecharias is skeptical and unbelieving of just how powerful God can be.  When the angel told Zacharias the he would have a son, and thus his priesthood power would be passed through his line to a son, he did not think it possible!

Elizabeth, on the other hand, did not need convincing! Here are a few of my favorite excerpts from the book:

"When God sent a messenger to signal that their prayers would soon be answered, however, this righteous man (Zacharias) reasoned it could not be; Elisabeth was past the age of child bearing. He was consequently rendered mute."

"...unlike Zacharias, (Elisabeth) showed no sign of unbelief or skepticism, but only of deep gratitude.   Despite the onus of responsibility that was hers for failing to bear a child, she recognized that God was not humiliating her or punishing her, but had always had a plan for her."

"...she knew that her suffering and humiliation in her childlessness were not willed by God, but were a product of living in a fallen world. God was not the cause of her suffering, but her deliverance from public disgrace."

 "Steady and prolonged faith. Elisabeth's faith in God was steadfast during circumstances that were humiliating and painful. Her patience and trust were in God's timetable, not her own.  She accepted that God was mindful of her and through her could do great things. Her advanced age underscored the strength of her faith, even though she had not been granted her heart's desire for decades. her assurance reflects a peaceful conviction of God's goodness, no matter what the future held. ....Elisabeth exemplifies one who looks to God for a reason to hope, even amid long years of uncertainty and disappointment."

"Like Elisabeth, many of us may discover that God's greatest blessings come near the end of a faithful life.  In that moment ,he also shows us that he was responding with love to our prayers all along." 

I just keep thinking about how they were both two very righteous people, but each had their own lessons to learn. God applied necessary demands to each of their own lives.

• For a season, Zacharias became mute, and unable to be the voice representing his family name.
• Elisabeth experiences a great deal of social humiliation and personal devastation, during a time of longing and loneliness.

I can't help considering what they learned about themselves, one another, and about God during their trials.

• Did Zacharias grow to understand the significance of God in his life, in not just the greater and miraculous way, but in the things he took for granted- like the capacity to speak (and maybe even hear!)?
• Did Elisabeth learn greater, more righteous humility than she had before her affliction of being childless, in a culture were that reflected a woman's value?  Did this experience help Elisabeth grow in a greater trust in the divine power of God, where no one except God could offer her solace?

I consider Elisabeth's life, and my life, and I know that we do learn from the hardships and trials of life-- IF WE LET THOSE TRIALS WORK TO OUR LEARNING AND BENEFIT.

As I read this verse in the Book of Mormon the other day, I considered how it is a choice on our part to find the good in our afflictions, or to wish to die, because we aren't courageous enough to face the darkness of mortal experiences.  

"But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned...." 

"And they did not come unto Jesus with broken hearts and contrite spirits, but they did curse God, and wish to die...."
Mormon 2:13-14

Whenever I read that verse, I always recommit myself to trying to find the good, in situations that feel
so very hard in the moment.  It takes a lot of prayer, and diligent study and service, but Heavenly Father teaches me through the pain.

Life is filled with sorrows, and heartache, but if we look to God in humility, we can find courage and peace to face whatever comes our way.  I haven't shared a song lately, and this just played into my thoughts.  I think this beautiful song represents how we can accept the heartbreaks of life, but not with the plan to remain heartbroken, but with the hope to create new and brighter homes!  And, like Belle, we will eventually see a fulfillment of our dreams, in even the most unlikely circumstances!



My prayer is that you and I will fight against the darkness of life, with hope and courage.  We will not always understand God's purposes in the moment.  We won't always understand how he allows some things to happen to us, but I have a strong testimony that he can take weak things, and painful situations in our lives, and make us strong through those things.  God is a God of miracles, and we must hold out hope- be it years, or a lifetime- He will keep His promises to those who love Him!

Christine