I didn't recognize it yesterday, but now I really don't think it was coincidence that my 8 year old son, could be urged to come home from dinner, by asking if we would make pizza. I agreed, and he decided to come home willingly! (That's a first for him!) I haven't made homemade bread in a VERY long time, and on the day that I was directed toward a talk about daily bread, I realize it was just another reminder of Heavenly Father's care for me.
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I guess I'm back to blogging more regularly, because I need somewhere to keep track of my sorrowing journey, which began at a private, but very personally devastating experience yesterday.
I cannot speak about why I feel myself moving into a depression, because of the nature of things- but I can write about what I'm going to do to pick myself up and move forward again. I know this journey is not something I can do on my own. I need the help of God and His angels!
My first step to overcoming the depression that is setting in upon my peace is to "knock." That
means I'm going to do my part to be diligent in things of God, every day of my life! I need His help, and by knocking, the door and way will be opened unto me. Oh, I need that door opened! (But I will keep a prayer of patience, so I can have patience in His timetable and not my own.)
29 Therefore, ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you; for he that asketh, receiveth; and unto him that knocketh, it shall be opened.
3 Nephi 27:29
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| Living a Godly life, means to follow the recipe for success that Christ taught! |
But there has to be more. For me it means that I make sure I am listening to encouraging talks and speeches, and walking in the sunshine (which is a very exciting event- given that I have lived in a place that see's very little sunshine during the winter!), and doing unselfish acts of service for others.
I go to school, online, but I still went on a little walk tonight, and I also made homemade pizza with my children. They enjoyed that very much. It was also delicious. Maybe I'll come back with that recipe later. (See RECIPE further down)
Here are some longer, but encouraging words I took solace from... I listened to his video-- I'd recommend it all!
"You will remember the great exodus of the tribes of Israel from Egypt and the 40 years in the wilderness before entering their promised land. This massive host of well over a million people had to be fed. Certainly that number in one location could not long subsist on hunting game, and their seminomadic lifestyle at the time was not conducive to raising crops or livestock in any sufficient quantity. Jehovah solved the challenge by miraculously providing their daily bread from heaven—manna.
This small edible substance which appeared on the ground each morning was something quite new and unknown. The name manna, in fact, was derived from words meaning “What is it?” Through Moses, the Lord instructed the people to gather enough each day for that day, except on the day before the Sabbath, when they were to gather enough for two days.
At the beginning, despite Moses’s specific instructions, some tried to gather more than enough for one day and store the balance:
And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning.
Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto Moses; but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms, and stank.[Exodus 16:19–20]
As promised, however, when they gathered twice the normal daily quantity of manna on the sixth day, it did not spoil:
And they laid it up till the morning, as Moses bade: and it did not stink, neither was there any worm therein.
And Moses said, Eat that to day; for to day is a sabbath unto the Lord: to day ye shall not find it in the field.
Six days ye shall gather it; but on the seventh day, which is the sabbath, in it there shall be none. [Exodus 16:24–26]
Again, however, some could not believe without seeing, and they went looking to gather manna on the Sabbath.
And the Lord said unto Moses, How long refuse ye to keep my commandments and my laws?
See, for that the Lord hath given you the sabbath, therefore he giveth you on the sixth day the bread of two days; abide ye every man in his place, let no man go out of his place on the seventh day.[Exodus 16:28–29]
It seems that even in ancient times, as today, there were some people who couldn’t resist shopping on the Sabbath.
By providing a daily sustenance, one day at a time, Jehovah was trying to teach faith to a nation that over a period of some 400 years had lost much of the faith of their fathers. He was teaching them to trust Him, to “look unto [Him] in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (D&C 6:36). He was providing enough for one day at a time. Except for the sixth day, they could not store manna for use in any succeeding day or days. In essence, the children of Israel had to walk with Him today and trust that He would grant a sufficient amount of food for the next day on the next day, and so on. In that way He could never be too far from their minds and hearts.
We should note, by the way, that 40 years of manna was not meant to become a dole. Once the tribes of Israel were in a position to provide for themselves, they were required to do so. After they had crossed the Jordan River and were prepared to begin their conquest of Canaan, beginning at Jericho, the scripture records that
they did eat of the old corn of the land [that is, the previous year’s harvest] on the morrow after the passover. . . .
And the manna ceased on the morrow after they had eaten of the old corn of the land; neither had the children of Israel manna any more; but they did eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year.[Joshua 5:11–12]
Likewise, as we plead with God for our daily bread—for help in the moment that we
cannot ourselves provide—we must still be active in doing and providing that which is within our power.
There were times when I had exhausted all my resources, when I had nowhere or no one to turn to at that moment, when there was simply no other human being I could call on to help meet the exigency before me. With no other recourse, more than once I fell down before my Heavenly Father begging in tears for His help. And He did help. Sometimes it was nothing more than a sense of peace, a feeling of assurance that things would work out. I might not see how or what the path would be, but He gave me to know that, directly or indirectly, He would open a way. Circumstances might change, a new and helpful idea might come to mind, some unanticipated income or other resource might appear at just the right time. Somehow there was a resolution.
Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened otherwise or that might have taken me much longer to achieve. I learned that daily bread is a precious commodity. I learned that manna today can be as real as the physical manna of biblical history. I learned to trust in the Lord with all my heart. I learned to walk with Him day by day.
I was impressed by something a senior officer said to the group as they began the final and most demanding phase of their training. He said:
“First of all, I do not want you to give in to the pressure of the moment. Whenever you’re hurting bad, just hang in there. Finish the day. Then, if you’re still feeling bad, think about it long and hard before you decide to quit. Second, take it one day at a time. One [phase] at a time
“Don’t let your thoughts run away with you, don’t start planning to bail out because you’re worried about the future and how much you can take. Don’t look ahead to the pain. Just get through the day, and there’s a wonderful career ahead of you.”
Generally it is good to try to anticipate what is coming and prepare to deal with it. At times, however, this captain’s counsel is wise: “Take it one day at a time. . . . Don’t look ahead to the pain. Just get through the day.” To worry about what is or may be coming can be debilitating. It can paralyze us and make us quit.
In the 1950s my mother survived radical cancer surgery, but difficult as that was, the surgery was followed with dozens of painful radiation treatments in what would now be considered rather primitive medical conditions. She recalls that her mother taught her something during that time that has helped her ever since:
I was so sick and weak, and I said to her one day, “Oh, Mother, I can’t stand having 16 more of those treatments.”
She said, “Can you go today?”
“Yes.”
“Well, honey, that’s all you have to do today.”
It has helped me many times when I remember to take one day or one thing at a time.
The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should just deal with this one day, with this one moment. If we ask, the Lord will let us know through the Holy Ghost when it may be appropriate for us to apply in our lives the commandment He gave His ancient Apostles: “Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof” (3 Nephi 13:34; see also Matthew 6:34).
President Ezra Taft Benson, speaking of repentance, gave this counsel:
We must not lose hope. Hope is an anchor to the souls of men. Satan would have us cast away that anchor. In this way he can bring discouragement and surrender. But we must not lose hope. The Lord is pleased with every effort, even the tiny, daily ones in which we strive to be more like Him.
Today, I was blessed by his manna to hear beautiful songs into my thoughts...one of which were the words of a beloved hymn
"Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,I believe those words, and know that through Christ, I will be safe and blessed!
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."
I have determined that I am going to essentially have a chain, which for each day of the next year I am going to tear off, until I arrive safely at a place of peace. I hope it won't take that long, but I feel hopeful that if I have a goal to try a little each day, I will somehow beat the monster if depression and self-pity, which is trying to drown me in the moment. I will take it a day by day with the help of God, and I KNOW that He will help me.
I know that some of you will not be able to overcome depression, quite as I hope to, because I know there are many factors involved, but I am hopeful that I may still help any of you readers as you face a dark day, for which you'd rather sleep, than wake up and serve a family of 5 children- like I have! I will only be able to face each day, with the grace of God.
Well, sorry this is not a well ordered post, but I did want to go to bed! I'm proud of myself for not going to bed at 7pm, to escape realitythrough sleep. But it's 11:00 now and I am tired.
May you feel hope and help through heaven's help. Please join me on my quest, if you are just barely hanging on right- we can be happier- even if we still feel depressed.
I survived day #1- I've got this!
P.S. Here is a picture of me yesterday, after things had happened which disrupted my peace. Try as I might, I couldn't manage a smile for the picture. I'm glad I can at least get myself to smile today.
