Lost in an Amusement park

ME (Christine), when I was obviously feeling happy! Not upset.

There I was, walking aimlessly through through the swirling hoards of people at a large amusement park.  A young man, a "Carney" from a game booth calling out over his microphone to me, "Are you having fun?!" Feeling forlorn, lost, and upset I kept my glance downward and with my wide-brimmed hat  concealing part of my face I shook my head, "no" and I kept on walking.  In the nearby distance that seemed to engulf me like a black hole, he called back, "Aw come on!"  Unresponsive to his urging, I walked on.  He quickly turned his attention to a happy group of people behind me who replied to his question of whether they were having fun with a "Whoo-yeah!"  All I could feel was deeply unhappy.  A thick cloud of negativity and self induced misery hung around me.

It has been a long time since I've felt such negative and depressing emotions, but that's exactly how I felt this past Friday night, while at Lagoon (in Utah).  My husband and I had planned it all out, he would drive down with our four youngest children, and I would bring my son in the afternoon,when he was done with his summer sprinkling system job.  (A momentous occasion because it's his first ever job!:)

When I arrived though,  I learned that my husband had been alone for most of that day, and no one knew where he was, as he doesn't have a cell phone.  I was very upset by this, because I wanted my husband to have time with his siblings from all over the united states.  I wanted them to delight in each others company.  Instead, I felt upset and angry that they'd alienate him (or so I viewed it, initially).

Having such strong emotions I allowed my negative thoughts and worries to consume my perspectives and views.  The "old Christine" easily fell prey to such negative concepts.  But the "new Christine" rarely feels such strong negative emotions.  And because of that very reason, I felt sick at feeling such ugliness in myself. I found myself thinking how I wasn't worth much, nor could I ever be.  And why?  Because I felt exactly the way I believe a good Christian woman should never feel.  And in feeling this way,  it shows that I can't really be someone truly good or someone worth being loved.  Or so I told myself.  Talk about "all or nothing" thinking!

I wanted to feel differently.  I prayed frequently, but although I prayed and felt I was heard, I still couldn't, or perhaps, wouldn't shake the way I felt. I only wanted my husband and children.  I wanted to have my husband hug me and hold me close and reassure me that he was alright, and that I was alright.  I knew I should be smiling at people, but I didn't feel like it.  I knew I'd feel better if I tried to strike up conversations with people, and see how I could help them, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.  So there I was, not smiling.  Rarely looking into anyone's eyes, and feeling mad at my husband's siblings for letting him and my 3 youngest children, stay all by himself, without adult and sibling friendship.

At one point, I walked past a man sitting down leaning forward with his hands to his face, and his wife (or girlfriend) who was rubbing his shoulders.  They looked like a bigger picture of sadness than I felt.   I quietly prayed for them as I walked on.  But, there must be some human decency in me, because ended up walking back to them and asking if he was alright.  It turns out he was "fine" but that he had a neck cramp.  I suggested getting some pain medicine from first aide.  Then  I walked on.  Feeling a certain sense of relief for a few seconds, I still remained fairly apathetic.

In the end of that experience things looked up.  I found my daughter and some cousins, who could show me where to meet.  As all the family started to gather for dinner, I expressed my disappointment of having searched unsuccessfully for so long.  My husbands sisters each took different directions of the park and set out to find him. I made no attempt, I didn't know the park like they did.  Within about 20 minutes they'd found him, and brought him to family.  What relief.  I rushed up to him, and melted my head against his heart, and expressed my relief for him to be found and no longer alone!  And guess what?!  He didn't care.  He was fine, and didn't feel an ounce of irritation. (Yep, he's usually much lower key than I am!)

After our dinner of Pizza, fruit, and "Capri Suns," the family made sure that no one was separated.  We formed groups relating to interests of rides, and each group had a person with at least one cell phone.  Greater care was taken so that no one was lost.  It proved to be a much more enjoyable evening that I could have expected from that earlier time when I was very unreasonable in my emotions.

So you may wonder my point, after my LONG story!  Well, I have a few ;)

1.  Feeling negative emotions doesn't make us a bad or unlovable person, it just means we are human.  We need to always work against such overwhelming negativity within our thoughts though, or it will destroy our happiness in life,  and our relationships.   But, no matter how low we go, we can improve, and we are worthy of being loved.  That's God's glorious plan, to repent and improve, and feel joy, and learn how to give and receive love!


2.  Our families should be a priority.  In this world of distraction and chaos, family can be easy to lose sight of.  We must try each and every day to put our focus on our family.  And, on the days we fall short, we need to pray for God's direction and seek to do better the next day.  My husbands family tweaked the situation, and because of it there was a greater sense of unity.  We need to ask ourselves where we feel we are succeeding, and where we can improve within our individual and unique family circles.  Pray for direction, but also get feedback from family and friends on what they'd like to see improve,  or what works for them.  The ultimate goal should be that we are giving and receiving love, and making  happy and productive memories together. (And no---- television and video games and electronics should play only a very small roll in memory makers.)


3.  Keep Trying!  Don't give up on yourself or others.  Trust me, I know all about difficult people.(Heck, I'm apparently one of "them" sometimes!;)  But we need to remember, God never never gives up on us.  And if we are all his children, that makes us each heavenly brothers and sisters.  So whether those difficult people are in our immediate family, or extended earthly family, we need to keep working to have patience, kindness, and love for each other.
 





































Here's a little word art I put together.  It is particularly significant to me, because a friend of mine, while visiting with my husband and I, pointed out that Charity is a gift from God.  It is where the power and grace of the Savior's atonement is at work.  His grace is an enabling power, that gives us the strength to do things, that we ourselves could not do on our own strength.  Sheer will doesn't give us the power we need. 

I now pray for charity each day, and plead that God will help teach my spirit to love and accept others with the love and patience that I hope they will give to me!

I hope you will pray for charity too.  It's a miraculous gift
that can help heal struggling relationships.
Christine