an unproductive day

I have been feeling badly about myself today.  Questioning my worth and value. Feeling like I will never be the kind of person that Heavenly Father wants me to be.  I have so much to do to put my life in order, that I get overwhelmed and feel like I can't do it.  So, sometimes I sit back and figuratively chew my fingers wondering where to start.

I make a lot of comparisons of myself to others.  I especially study the women I go to church with.  I look at the order of their homes and the management of their time and I think, "How am I going to become that kind of woman?  I don't do half of what they do."

I went to bed too late last night (1am), but because of my worry and pleading of prayers to God through the night for assurance and comfort, I didn't exactly wake up refreshed.  I'm embarrassed to say it, but I didn't get out of bed until around 3pm or so.... I didn't sleep, because I felt too guilty to go back to sleep.

Instead I sat on the computer read some religious articles and scriptures, and researched how to make a living will and write up legal forms for having a health care proxy--should something befall me to the point I'm incapacitated, and I even researched how to make Guatemala worry dolls for my little

girls to make.  So, I certainly was doing some good things, but, I didn't read stories to my children, make meals, or do housework.  For that I felt badly.  (though I gave plenty of hugs, kisses, and words of praise and affection to my children, so that is good.)

I had set a goal to do one thing to clean in my home today, and I try to always keep my promises to myself and others, so I did end up cleaning the front room at around 5 pm.  It took me about 2 hours.  I rolled around the room on my pink sewing room/computer chair.  I cleaned slowly and lethargically.

As I worked, I realized that besides not getting enough sleep, I also haven't been taking my multi-vitamins, and other supplements.  Ah-ha!  So that has played into my fatigue of late!  It's hard to do good things in the world, and to serve God, if you aren't taking care of yourself.

It's important to get to bed at a reasonable time,  eat right, take vitamins, and set goals for ourselves (even if they are small and unassuming, like my goal to clean my front room ( which technically could have been cleaned in about 15 minutes had I exerted myself!  It really wasn't that bad.)

So, now I go to bed, and I think,  Tomorrow!  Tomorrow I will get up earlier and try a little harder.  I will pray or the strength of Heavenly Father, and just keep trying to be someone better.  I'm going to try and stop making comparisons of myself to others.  Instead, I am going to try and celebrate those small successes...no matter how small they are.  I am going to pray for the strength and power of the atonement to help me progress in my life.

I'm not a lousy human being.  I am worthy of being loved, and so are you.  It doesn't help us feel good, if we aren't taking steps to living a healthy way. So let's make some better choices.  And many of you will also understand how intensely hard it is to feel of worth, when you are around some people, who only tell you negative words.  Sometimes we can change those factors, other times they are to some extend beyond our control.

I hope you know that Heavenly Father is aware of each one of us individually.   He loves us with a love that's too indescribable for my mere words.  He feels a patience that is endlessly compassionate.  He feels a forgiveness for our weakness that is consistent and enduring.  Turn to him with all your heart and with your thoughts throughout the hours of your day.  He will help guide you to safety.  You ARE worth more than you know.  Your value is truly worth all the riches of this earth.

I'm inspired by these verses from the Bible.

2 Timothy 4:7-8

7 I have fought a good ^afight, I have ^bfinished my course, I have kept the faith:

8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a ^acrown of ^brighteousness, which the Lord, the righteous ^cjudge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

Let's try a little harder to be a little better tomorrow, shall we?! :)
Christine