8 April 2019 -Monday: Brave Enough for Love? I'm not sure yet!

Here I am watching conference for The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
on my sick bed yesterday. Sorry, I don't
feel much like smiling, even though
I feel very grateful to God. I hope you
can appreciate that. On an upnote, the
conference was AMAZING.
You can watch it here:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/conferences?lang=eng

I feel so much better from the virus that I feared might try to set into pneumonia or a chronic cough-- but didn't! I feel it's a BIG blessing because I'm asthmatic and usually I'm sick with a cough for 6 months (no joke) after a cold has hit me. I'm still feverish, but I'm kind of thinking it's the heavy burden of stress I'm under. I'm going to pray that I don't settle into a depression where I have plenty of reason to. 

But, I don't want to talk about being sick anymore, except to say that even in my sickness I feel like God has blessed me with a fairly quick recovery. It's true that I've been sick in bed for 6 straight days, but that's in part under an emotional duress that I haven't learned to carry well yet. 

I'd probably still be in bed a lot because I'm also in the middle of my college class finals (my study place being my soft bed-- with my enormous college books, laptop, and tissue!) 

I have a lot of writing and studying I try to do... which I do in between crying, 

LDS conference talks (listening to their voices are very soothing), 

peaceful songs, 

scriptures, 

prayer, 

and a cat nap here and there!

I'm trying to find peace from my anguish. I'm thankful to say that as I listened I did feel calmed (despite my tears). Even the nausea I was feeling from my fear subsided. Another blessing!

What I really want to share is the song that came to my thoughts. This is what I wrote of the experience in my journal: 

I've been hearing this song since praying with the boys on the way out the door to school: 

'You must never lose faith

 

You must never lose heart

 

God will restore your trust

 

And I know you're afraid I'm as scared as you are

 

But willing to be brave

 

Brave enough for love" 

 I guess the angels are begging me to keep my heart afloat. But I feel a devastation that cannot be put into words. To which I just hear the word "Recompense." I guess I will be recompensed for my unfair treatment, but it's unimaginably painful to me now...

Interestingly, those words are a small portion of from another part of the song I've been hearing lately! The song is "Forgiveness" from the Jane Eyre Broadway Musical. It is a profound song!

I can and DO  forgive those who are involved in hurting me because my heart is not angry, just sad and misunderstood. I'm finding it much harder to be "Brave enough to love" because I feel betrayed and very untrusting! 

I cannot see what good can come out of this, but God does and He seems to be promising me that as I hold onto Him in faith that He will help me become one of the weak things become strong.  

(See the meme. That's a scripture out of The Book of Mormon-- which is another testimony of Jesus Christ. It is wonderfully complementary to the Bible! Each adds to the other's truth. Request your free Book of Mormon here: https://www.mormon.org/site/free-book-of-mormon )

I discovered a really cool program today on Youtube called "Hope Works." It's pretty much like a short Tedx talk, but it's Christian based. 

Here's one that really stood out to me because I realized I'm like the broken china doll. And God is going to help put me back together again! 

I've been broken and I have a foreboding that before this is finished that I'm going to be more broken than I ever thought possible. But as this wonderful speaker Liz Wiseman reminds us of God has the power to heal and bind up our broken hearts!


I am so thankful for the power 
of Jesus Christ's all-encompassing atonement which frees us from the momentary sentences of mortality. 

For those of you who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you probably take comfort from the words Joseph Smith heard in liberty jail by the voice of God. I close with them as a reminder that we can get through the hard things. 

With the help of Jesus Christ, we can get through anything!   

Love, Christine