5 April 2019- Friday

I took a turn for the better last night. Somewhere during the night I wasn't having to breathe through my mouth to sleep (since my nose was completely stuffy from this terrible cold virus). 

When I realized I was sleeping so wonderfully well, I said a sleepy prayer of gratitude to Heavenly Father for blessing me to make such a drastic improvement from just a few hours prior. I was getting worse by the time bed rolled around and I feared I might be getting pneumonia. But as I slept so well, I knew that God had used his power to bless and give me marked healing. 

As I slept, I even had a wonderful dream. 

In my dream, I was in a very large semi-indoor room (meaning it had some coverage but it was still very open, without walls) of people I didn't know. It seemed like a picnic or something. There were rows of tables lined up, and people were standing in line. I noticed two people in a conversation. One person was telling the other that they'd like to write a letter, but they didn't have an appropriate surface. Another person handed them a bowl. And they seemed content. But I saw that this small cereal bowl was ineffective as a writing surface because of the curves. I rushed away with and idea. I went over to my supplies nearby and pulled out a smooth flat piece of Masonite board that I watercolor on. I happily hurried back and offered this to them instead. They were very appreciative. We visited a minute and then I went on and looked for other people in the room to talk to or help. 

This is 2 Sundays ago. I wasn't truly feeling happy, 

but it's a better photo than the one I share down

below! Remember me smiling!:)

The interesting part of this dream was the feeling of being completely happy. I was unencumbered from any type of sorrow. I felt a peace and freedom that I haven't felt in a long time. It was a beautiful feeling. It felt as though I was standing on a perfect Spring day with a smile on my face and I felt such love for all of Heavenly Father's children there in that luncheon gathering-- even though I didn't know them. In my dream I just felt so thankful to be making friends, feeling God's love, and felt a sense of purpose in my life.

When I awoke from that dream, I felt (for a few moments) the lingering happiness as my head lay sleepily on the pillow. I felt immeasurably happy. All felt right with the world.... at least until I became more awake and cognizant that I was laying there feeling physically weak, weary, and totally consumed with an anguished heart. I wished that the feeling of that dream could be my reality! And, I am sure it will be one day! The sooner, the better! (And in honesty, I felt that perhaps it represented the new future my family and I are moving into next week. So I took hope from that.)

I keep debating on whether or not to put this

photo of me, but I guess we all have times

where we cry, right? I haven't always cried like

this, but it's a season... a season in passing I hope!

A little while later as I was studying a conference talk from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I heard these specific words of a well-known song play into my thoughts: "When you try your best but you don't succeed Lights will guide you home..." I began to sob. I sobbed in sorrow and gratitude knowing that Heavenly Father and Savior are very aware of the depth of my anguish. 

The complete words of the song I heard:


Fix Ya by Cold Play

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
An

d I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

What I know is that One step at a time they are leading me Home. And they are leading you home too, if you will follow. The more we step toward that light, the closer we get to learning the truth of our divine identity, and of learning more about His perfect and merciful love that reaches out toward each one of us-- even in the very darkest corners of sin and despair. 

May we each make the concerted choice to move toward His perfect light and shun the evil that is so prevalent everywhere in the world. The Love of Christ is sweeter than any momentary pleasure of all sins and addictions combined. 

Please, Come Unto Christ, this very day!

Christine