Day 36 of 365 days of solace: Spiritual Crisis

I have struggled on a matter of concern the last 24 hours.  Consequently, I was battling my demons of self-doubt. I began wondering the validity of my feelings and understanding of life. I won't go into it too deeply, but I would like to share a small portion of a letter I wrote a friend today.  I hope it will help you, as it did me!

MY LETTER EXCERPT: 

I don't know whether it was a talk I listened to in priesthood session,James E. Faust , or a combinations of many things; but somewhere along the lines of recent pondering, I realized that there is nothing I face on earth- no fear of anything or anyone, no doubt, no loneliness, sorrow, etc.---nothing, absolutely nothing, that I will ever face alone. I may internally feel very alone sometimes. I may see myself literally alone sometimes. BUT, I will never truly be alone, unaccounted for, or bereft of a loving God and Savior, even though I may on occasion feel as such. 

I woke up yesterday morning to the song, "He is always near me, though I do not see him there, and because he loves me dearly I am in His constant care." I don't understand those sentiments as I should. I doubt myself and my capacity to understand spiritual things with clarity-which doesn't make fertile learning ground- but I have hope through the perfection of Christ. 

 I decided to watch a speech I was directed to (with the word to my mind of "conquistador") ...I will share a quote among many, which helps me understand my small spiritual crisis of the moment...  

"You see, we must be what God calls a “peculiar” or a “holy” people. At its most basic root, the word holy means to be set aside or to be different than everything else. ... If we are truly going to be holy, we will have to overcome our desire to fit in and think like everyone else and instead relish the idea of thinking more like God and less like this world. That is why God commands His Latter-day Saints to “go ye out from Babylon” (D&C 133:5). Leaving intellectual Babylon and becoming holy, ..., or peculiar will cause us to be like Enoch’s people, who “confessed they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth” (D&C 45:13). In other words, many of the ways you think and feel now will eventually come to feel foreign to your higher, holier way of thinking. "

"Second, you must honestly ask yourself what worldly influenced ideas you are clinging to and then do everything you can to eradicate those ideas from your system....especially in times of crisis."

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/kerry-m-muhlestein_why-we-must-be-wholeheartedly-holy/ 

The other morning I woke up with the hymn "O' Babylon we bid thee farewell," I didn't understand it then, but I do now! I need to change my thoughts of not fitting in, being different, gossiped about, etc. I must learn to truly accept God's opinion wholeheartedly, and "bid Babylon...farewell." ...

....I'm off to vanquish my doubts with a sword of faith! If you have any doubts===>> here's an invisible sword of immense faith (double sided,even!), which I can spare for you! :)   <<<<========================>>>>  

... I hope that you are comforted, assured, and blessed through the peace of Jesus Christ. He has complete capacity to heal hearts and minds. Hebrews 12:1-2- I take comfort in that. 

Christine