Sunday. 14 April 2019.
Last night I stopped in at Walmart after having spent time in a temple (for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My family had informed me that we were out of milk, lunch meat and a few other grocery items. I always try to make sure we have food to get us through the Sabbath because we don't shop on Sunday's in case of illness and the need for medicine or extreme illness)
I did my shopping and then went to check out. I was pleased that there were several empty lines! I approached one checker who was sitting and leaning on her hands and staring off into space. I told her that I go through her because saying jokingly: "I don't want you to be bored." She said that she wasn't bored she was very tired and then added that her life was falling apart and she felt miserable.
As I proceeded to slide my card to pay I said that we could probably swap stories of our misery. I then told her the tip of the iceberg of what's happened to me. She's like "Why? How come that's happening?" I said I couldn't go into it. But she then shared her misery, "Well, my husband was just put in jail a few days ago?" While my anguish is deep and some aspects of what I've gone through are unfairly humiliating, her story is obviously more tragic.
As the line was still empty I stayed and visited with her a few minutes. She just kept saying, "I don't know why he did something so stupid." I asked her "Was he into pornography?" She said that in fact after he was put into prison she looked on his tablet and discovered that he has been. As I figured!
You see, I've done a lot of research the last few months and have discovered that pornography only leaves devastation in it's path. Pornography very rarely stays "just pornography" it leads to much worse deviances of social behavior which can lead into vile, degrading, deplorable human behavior (sex trafficking, prostitution, sex addiction, affairs, child pornography, etc..). I was not surprised to learn that her husband had done stupid things. Pornography eats a persons brain up by causing dopamine overload.
Oh, I'm not saying the brain can't be rewired. It can! People can fix their lives and free themselves from the entanglement of porn, but it takes a LOT of COURAGE to get help and then it takes a lot of effort and diligence. People involved with porn must seek help. Being able to account for your actions is part of the healing and learning to come out of the dark, secret closets of sin. It takes 12-step programs, feedtherightwolf.com, ADDO, or any number of programs and sponsors to help provide support. I will list some resources below in the P.S.
I told her about how sorry I feel that she is going through "Betrayal Trauma" (research this to understand more) and I said I'd pray for her. I asked if I could give her a hug and she and I was able to hug her before I left.
My time spent on speaking supportively and encouragingly and giving her a hug were very small acts in terms of the size, but I hope that I was a drop in the bucket of friendship that helps support this grieving wife on the rocky journey that lay ahead of her. (She plans to stay with him and help him work through it. He has expressed a desire to get help.)
As I left Walmart that evening, I said a quiet prayer of gratitude to Heavenly Father for placing someone in my path who was willing to receive my friendship and love. In the process of reaching outward I was able to find some solace for my own sorrow. It helps put my experience into proportion.
Although today was a very painful day to me as I (and my family) embarked on a new adventure-- one that stems out of someone else's dishonesty about me-- I took comfort that it could be worse. I took comfort knowing that my testimony of Jesus Christ doesn't waver just because cold cruel winds of fate have blown me into a new social circle. I am blessed to have my husband and children by my side. Whenever I was inclined to feel miserable I just thought of how no one I love is in jail-- and I would pray for that sweet young woman.
Whatever hard thing lay before you, I promise that with the help of Christ you can do it. I felt his strength today as he calmed my violent shaking, nausea (from fears) and my bitter tears amidst a new and foreign experience. I reminded myself that the Savior has suffered all things for each one of us and "with his stripes we are healed."
Remember to keep your chin up and your eyes on Jesus Christ!
A few Addiction recovery programs
LDS 12-Step Program (This program is FREE): https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/steps?lang=eng
Sex-aholics anonymous: https://www.sa.org/
I also recommend these websites to understand pornography and other related problems: