Day 187 of 365 days of Solace: Hold on to dreams.

Last night as I slept several songs played into my thoughts while I slept.  One of them I hear on occasion as a reminder that I don't need to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or upset at who I am. That song is, "There's a Hero," by Mariah Carey.  I smiled as I heard it, but I also prayed in my sleep state and asked Heavenly Father wanted me to learn from that song, which I wasn't quite understanding? I didn't get an answer, but fell to sleep again, far more deeply.

This morning as I went about getting my little boys ready for school, I heard a line from a song. I couldn't place the song, but I did an online search with the few words that I could pull from memory---  "Tear them away....tomorrow..."

Well, I found Mariah's song, and I smiled because I'd gotten the answer I had prayed for as I slept many hours prior.  God was letting me know that I can believe in my dreams, no matter how others may try to dissuade me. I know that the future holds wonderful things, even though the journey is currently heart-breaking at times.

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

I don't know what your dreams are, but I know that if God plants them in your heart and mind, and you live up to making Godly choices, He will help your fondest dreams to be realized. I don't know when I will see fruition of mine, but I trust Him completely.

This reminds us to abound in "every good work." As we do so we will have all that we need. Hold fast to the righteous dreams (desires) of your heart.


We can "do all things through Christ who strengtheneth (us)"! (Phil 4:13)

Christine

Day 162 of 365 days of Solace: A Weeping Walmart Stranger

I've been working on a photography project, and it's kept me too busy too blog! But I wanted to drop a quick line about an experience I had tonight.

I headed toward walmart to pick of my 8x10 prints for a temple photo shoot I did last week.  As I drove I prayed aloud to Heavenly Father. I find those are my best, most heartfelt prayers because I'm not distracted, or hurting by kneeling on my knees! ;) 

No really, for some reason I just pour out my heart more easily as I drive. (Maybe it's because I pray aloud, and I don't always do that as I kneel.) Tonight was no exception. I told God about my sorrows, and joys, and before I knew it I was in tears as I spoke about the love I feel in my heart. I thanked him for filling my heart with that love, especially when I never thought I would know love in this life.

I formally closed my prayer with a "in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen" before I got out of my car. But, of course, my prayers never really cease because I want to give my heart and life to the will of God, and if I remember to always have a prayer in my heart, then I'm more likely to make good choices, and be accountable to God. 

Well, I digress...

I walked into Walmart, as I wiped the last few tears from my eyes, and I look over to see a Walmart associate walking quickly down the front aisle and turning to head to the back of the store. She had a tissue in hand, and was wiping her nose. I looked to see if she had just sneezed, or had allergies, but the expression on her face was much like the one I'd had as I drove there. She had that open mouth, anguished look, and she was taking heaving breaths.  

I wondered, "What can I do?"  I hurried my pace, to an almost run.  I came up behind her (she hadn't even noticed me), and I threw my right arm around her, and said, "I'm so sorry you are feeling sad." 

I kept my arm around her, as I kept pace with her. She looked over at me, made a puzzled expression, like, "Who are you, and why are you being so nice to me?" 

I quickly filled in her silence, and said, "I was crying, just like you are now, as I drove here.  I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with Walmart!" She cracked a smile.  I proceeded, "Do you have a support system to help you through this hard time?" She sincerely spoke and said "Yes, I have three wonderful supports at home." I told her I was so happy to hear that, and as I turned to head down another aisle, I added, "I'll be praying for you hon." She thanked me, and we parted ways.

I felt so very thankful that I had the right words for the situation. God helped me to have quick thoughts of what to say.  

I also felt thankful that I could comfort this woman, who seemed to feel much like me. 

I felt thankful that God had placed in my path, with his perfect timing, a woman that I could uniquely give some assurance to.  

I felt comforted by giving comfort.

I felt the Spirit witness to me that by serving others, I am showing God's love on earth. And I felt His love for me because I am willing to show His love.

I am not the woman I used to be. I used to think more about how I felt than about how others felt I didn't comfort others very well because I thought about myself too much, instead of wondering how God could use my hands and heart for the good of others.  

We  can each have regular opportunities like I had tonight. There are chances all around us. They may be  small things, like putting your arm around a stranger and saying you will pray for them, or it may be visiting an elderly person in a care center.  But, if you look for meaningful ways to give your time to others, and pray to have charity, you will begin to see that there is hope in life, even where it seems hopeless.  

You must hold on to hope. Hope helped me overcome depression. Hope in Christ, and in His love, is what keeps me moving forward through the sometimes very dark days of life.

Seek the Lord in prayer, and he will bless you with hope and strength to face life,

Christine

My Birthday Gift from God!

My front room chandelier, BEFORE I installed chandelier!

(AFTER) My "temple room" chandelier

Idaho Temple

I recently celebrated my birthday.  It was a pleasant enough day, but I was not my usual happy self.  I wasn't depressed.  But, I wasn't filled with light and joy, which I generally am. 

I spent my day really trying to beautify my home.  That meant first tackling the front room. I call my front room, my "temple room," because it's suppose to look like an LDS temple.  few years ago, I even installed this medallion and chandelier to help create a beautiful temple effect! 

M plays legos with our Hamster (look close!)
that's "Ninja" or "donut" depending on who is talking!
M named him  "d

But, that little dream temple room" of mine, seems at times not to be permanently achievable!  On this particular birthday cleaning day I was collecting stray Lego pieces, loose nails (from my little boy, who loves tools and nails, like I do!... but don't get me started on the holes he intentionally put in his bedroom drywall!), and pieces of school papers, bills, or my 6 year old construction worker/artists creations of colors duct tape,paper, and cardboard tubes!  

As I went about my day cleaning, and trying to contain Lego pieces! I had birthday visitors--women from church trying to brighten my birthday.  These church sisters are friends, and they brought me not only gifts, but they also brought me cards (I love a handwritten note).  One sister even brought me dinner, with a gift and card.  

My son playing with the tangram I made!

In fact, I had so many women, show up so closely to my door, though unplanned, that I joked that I should have thrown a birthday party for me! 

Even though I was getting the things I always thought I wanted (gifts, notes, time, and attention) on my birthday, I just felt rather somber. I had even called my husband, as he was leaving work, to make sure he came straight home. I knew that he probably hadn't gotten me a birthday gift, and would stop on the way home from work to find one, but I didn't care if I got one or not!

Dinner from my friend Judy G.

The long and short of the story is, that my heart felt heavy and burdened. And I really could not comprehend my place in "The Circle of Life." I could not understand why anyone would celebrate my birthday, and I allowed a few people in my life, to affect the truth of everything else!

Just a few of the gifts I received from friends

Well, wouldn't you know it, but my husband had stopped at our local thrift store to get me a gift! Even though I said, to come straight home, and he agreed.  He handed me a crumpled bag, and the contents were hidden within the sloppy wad of thrift shop bagging!  

Initially, I told him I wasn't ready to open it, because I was in the middle of using wood cutting equipment-- table saw, band saw, and miter saw.  But when the power over-loaded in the garage, I was forced to retire  cutting out wood tangrams! (I had envisioned us sitting around watching a sweet family friendly movie, and painting the wood, or working on finishing up a doll outfit for a birthday gift I am making for my sister. Neither of those happened!)

I came in and sat down, and then my husband handed me my gift. I opened it to discover a doll.  She was pretty enough, but fairly dirty on her face.  And as I surveyed her face, I realized she was not only dirty, but she was cracked.

I wasn't very impressed with the doll, because she had brown short hair and brown eyes. I favor a doll that "looks" like me, with longer, straight brown hair and greenish hazel eyes. But, it was alright, I told my husband, "I really like dolls, because of their clothing."  

I began to remove the dolls lovely lacy outfit.  As I did so, my hand caught hold of something on the back of her dress.  I remarked out loud, "What?!  She has her dress bolted on!" I couldn't believe the'd made her clothes non-removable! With disappointment and chagrin I flipped her over to figure out why in the world, they had ruined perfectly good doll clothes! 

I was amazed to discover that it was not a screw. It was in fact a music box key. She was  a windup key in her back. She was a music box doll!  Suddenly it didn't matter that she was dirty, or cracked, or had brown eyes and curly hair. I loved this doll for her music!

With excitement I wound her up. I waited with surprise to discover what song she played.  As she played the song didn't sound familiar-- which may have had more to do with my distraction from the noise of my nearby children.  But, no worries, I told myself-- she played music, and her value increased tenfold on that premise alone.

As the unknown song played, I expressed appreciation to my husband. I asked him how he had settled on a doll for me. (He had never in our 18 years of marriage bought me a doll before, so why now?) he said that as he drove home he had the thought to stop in to Deseret Industries and buy me a doll.  He added that there were two dolls, but he had no explanation why he'd chosen this one.  In fact, he didn't even know she had a music box. He just picked her up, without a second though, and  he went directly to check out.

As we talked, I realized that the melody of the doll had become very familiar, and into my thoughts the direct lines of the song was recognizable-- "Country road take me home to the place I belong."  I was struck profoundly, and my tears began to flow.  In fact, I was sobbing, and the numbness of emotional I'd felt all day, had melted into a pool of gratitude that Heavenly Father had heard my heart.

To think, minutes before I was looking at this imperfect doll, thinking how I wished she had different colored eyes, darker lipstick, straight hair, and no cracked face. In truth, I wished she looked a little more beautiful and perfect, like my other more cherished dolls of exquisite beauty.  

The symbolism could not escape me, and it was the reason for my well of tears. Here was this doll, who represented me. God had directed my good husband, by his Holy Spirit; and despite my  birthday request to please "just come straight home,"  my husband instead listens to a very soft impression to buy me a doll. 

The doll, like me, has been abandoned and cracked in her life.  And like me also, there are thing which in her appearance that are imperfect--like my crooked tooth, and blemished skin.  And like me, a sense of home has not come easily. I too have found myself in places I never planned to be.  

That doll was an assurance that I have a home, which I am headed for. Ultimately that home is my heavenly home. A home which is eternal. And it doesn't matter how cracked or broken I become on the journey, my future, my home, my eternal well being doesn't depend one whit upon my physical appearance.  My eternal and spiritual well being rests upon the purity of my spirit, indeed, upon the music of my soul!

Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many gifts, among which is my gift of song. He wants me to let my divine song help guide me home, as well as to brighten the lives of others.  Heavenly Father wants me to understand that I am headed home, and that He and His angels are near me every step of the way.  And as long as I am taking steps toward him, and reaching out my hand toward Him- like a trusting toddler, learning to walk- He will be able to guide me home!

Heavenly Father wants the same for you. But, as with me, it all boils down to the same thing- He wants our "heart." We read just a few examples of this in a few many scriptures:

Music doll reaches in to our "treasure box."
Inside this box we keep our scripture treasures! 

Mark 12:30
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

Moroni 7:44

.... none is acceptable before God, save the meek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.

John 14:2

In my Father’s house are many mansions.... I go to prepare a place for you.

I hope that we will remember that the Lord does looks upon our heart-- not upon our physical appearance. When we each truly understand this, we will take confidence in knowing that what is within us, is of utmost importance to our eternal well-being.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said.... Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Know that you are loved, and important to a loving creator. Your value cannot be measured on an earthly scale. The music you have to offer others, through clean hands, and pure heart, is the best gift you can ever give him, while here in your sojourn on earth!

As I close this blog post, this song plays into my thoughts, "Beyond this moment lies eternity."

Let's make decisions which will help us home!

Christine

The Maze of Life

I'm so happy to be back.  It's been a long month or so.  I've been working so hard around our house to finish my long to-do list that I shared with you a post or two ago.  I've also been without a computer for weeks now.  That was hard, because I love to express myself through writing!  But, I'm back, so let me share some of my reminders of Heavenly Father's awareness of his children.

I woke up hearing this song into my thoughts.  As with many songs, I do not feel it is coincidence.  I knew it was a message about my life (each of our lives)!  The way we spend our time.  The places we make effort and hard work.  The pruning and refining of beautiful roses and pesterous moles and weeds.  But in the end we have a sublime experience in the garden of our lives!!

1. Definition of sublime (adj)

   • sub·lime
   • [ sə blī́m ]
   1. beautiful: so awe-inspiringly beautiful as to seem almost heavenly
   2. morally worthy: of the highest moral or spiritual value
   3. complete: complete or utter
   synonyms: beautiful · inspiring · inspirational · uplifting · awe-inspiring · moving

( See if you can read into it the meaning I did.)

Plant a hedge, cut it back
Dig a hole try to fill it
Plant a rose, tie it back
Find a mole, try to kill it

It's a maze this garden, it's a maze of ways
Any man can spend his day
It's a maze, this garden, it's a maze of paths
But a soul can find the way

For an old man knows how a year it goes
How the cold hard ground in the spring comes 'round
How the seeds take hold and the birds unfold
How an English garden grows

Skip, skipped the ladies to the master's gate
Sip, sipped the ladies while the master ate
Tiptoed the chambermaids and stole their pearls
Snip, snipped the gardener and cut off their curls

Come along, love, come fly away, fly along
Come along, fly away home
Come along, love, you've come a long way
You've flown all the day, fly away home

Miss a step, trip and fall
Miss the path, meet the wall
Miss the way, miss a turn
Getting lost is how you learn

It's a maze, this garden, it's a maze of paths
Meant to lead a man astray
Take a left and then, turning left again
How a soul can find the way

For an old man knows how a year it goes
How the cold hard ground in the spring comes 'round
How in time it shows how a garden grows
How an English garden grows

How the roses climb
How sublime the time
When an English garden grows

=================================

With all but one of my 5 children back in school all day, I am going to try even harder to improve the hours I've been allotted.

My new prayers are filled with fervor to grow in my love and gratitude for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost.

I am also praying to REMEMBER. I am praying to remember special memories of family and friends, in hopes that I can find some healing to things that cause my heart to hurt.  If we can remember the past---especially thinking with gratitude upon those touching, beautiful moments of loving emotion--- I believe we can be healed of the numbing effects of forgetfulness.

I'm praying with renewed fervor to have charity as a blessing from Heavenly Father.  I need that charity, compassion, empathy.  I need that love, more than anything, to help me accept others as they are, and are capable of becoming.  (Not how I feel they SHOULD be now!)  

Heavenly Father has been patient with me in my learning.  I owe the same to my children, family, and all I associate with.  I may not always agree with them, but I need to love them despite my (hopefully silent) disagreements.

 9 Only take ^aheed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou ^bforget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but ^cteach them thy^dsons, and thy sons’ sons;"   

Deuteronomy 4:9

I hope you, my readers are well.  Keep the faith, even when it feels like things could not get better.  Our loving creator has your best interest in mind and heart.
Christine.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart

I'm feeling a tremendous amount of fear today, over something I am dreading, but must face in the next couple of days. I've begun to doubt myself to the umpth degree, and I think...."Maybe I really am a confused and lost soul!" (Okay, perhaps overly dramatic to say  but worry and doubt are an understatement to how I'm feeling today!)

As I knelt to pray this morning I found myself think of what appeared to be a random word "moorings." I searched that word at lds.org and found this talk that really speaks to heart today. Perhaps it will comfort you also. (P.S. I'd appreciate prayers!)

Here are some excerpts of that gave me comfort:
=====
"We’re all here because we love the Lord. We want to serve Him. Our Heavenly Father is mindful of us. Of that I testify. I acknowledge His hand in all things.

"
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

“For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.”

"My counsel for all of us is to look to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so lost but what its beacon light can rescue. It beckons through the storms of life. The lighthouse of the Lord sends forth signals readily recognized and never failing."

I love the words found in Psalms: “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; … I will call upon the Lord … so [I shall] be saved from mine enemies.”

The Lord loves us, my brothers and sisters, and will bless us as we call upon Him."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/a-word-at-closing?lang=eng#watch=video

I feel firmly that I can trust in the greater plan of Heavenly Father.  I am going to make mistakes along the way, but he will help guide me home, as I look to him.

In the words of an old song "I Will Survive" (by Gloria Gaynor) I close tonight's blog.  (I didn't put them all, because they don't all apply....but you can hear it all in the song.
REMEMBER--- You CAN and YOU WILL survive anything!!

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I ....how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive,
I will survive!

But now I hold my head up high
And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl ....

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive

I will survive,
I will survive!

Slow to learn....

I've been feeling discouraged.  I've been struggling with my identity.  Am I capable enough to continue climb the uphill battle and become the stronger woman that Heavenly Father wants me to become?  

I'm torn in so many directions I don't know what to do first, and I've started feeling very overwhelmed.  How do I manage a house, help my children reach their full potential (when I struggle to reach my own!), and help my husband with gentle kindness and patience.  How can I fill my time with greater achievement?  Do I make more efforts to obtain a job to help support our family?  And, if I do, how in the world will I balance the things I already struggle to balance?  The list of my concerns go on and on. 

And most important... How do I keep my focus on the Savior and trust in his grace, that same power that enables me to become more than I am, so that everything else will fall into place in my life?   I don't want to remain average, or probably more honestly stated....remain in my below average state.  I want to rise to new heights and see new dimensions that can only be seen through the lenses Heavenly Father can help me wear.

This morning I was writing in my journal and expressing my discouragements and fears.  I especially felt worried that I could never be truly loved in my life, because "I'm not good enough." (I don't need to remind you such thoughts are LIES from the devil, who wants to destroy my feelings of self-worth.  This kind of thought is NOT (Nor, ever could be) from God) As I carefully wrote my feelings, the hymn "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" very clearly played into my thoughts.  Indeed, I need to remember that as long as I am loved by Heavenly Father, I have the greatest love possible.

1. Savior, Redeemer of my soul,

Whose mighty hand hath made me whole,
Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up

And filled with sweet my bitter cup!
What tongue my gratitude can tell,
O gracious God of Israel.

2. Never can I repay thee, Lord,
But I can love thee. Thy pure word,
Hath it not been my one delight,
My joy by day, my dream by night?
Then let my lips proclaim it still,
And all my life reflect thy will.

3. O’errule mine acts to serve thine ends.
Change frowning foes to smiling friends.
Chasten my soul till I shall be
In perfect harmony with thee.
Make me more worthy of thy love,
And fit me for the life above.

Text: Orson F. Whitney, 1855-1931
Music: Harry A. Dean, 1892-1987. 
(c) 1948 IRI

For me, music has become a special gift God has given me to help me return home to him.  I need a

lot of love and encouragement, and as I keep trying to do His will, I am regularly comforted by silent, yet very audible songs to my thoughts that help direct focus on Him.

I still have my worries, but the comfort I feel as I listen to that song reminds me of where to place my focus in life--on Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.  The journey to become a better me isn't going to happen overnight, but if I walk true and faithfully on the pathways created by God, I will find tremendous rewards of happier moments, and comfort for the moments of doubt and fear.

I hope you will listen for the quiet songs or thoughts that will undoubtedly come to your mind in the moments of your days.  Often these heavenly messages come when we allow ourselves quiet moments without distraction of television and radio, so try and turn down the noise of the world, so that you can tune into to heavenly  messages.  Those messages may come in the form of a song or hymn, a simple word, a scripture, a long forgotten memory from your life or from the mouth of a loved one, an old poem, or in some other form. 

Here is a sampling of beautiful scriptures on just a few gifts of the spirit, found at Moroni 10:

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

 6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.

 7 And ye may ^aknow that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, ^baccording to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.

 8 And again, I exhort you,...that ye deny not the ^agifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are ^bdifferent ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the ^cSpirit of God unto men, to profit them. 

Listen carefully and prayerfully, and you too will hear His loving and beckoning voice calling you forward, onward and upward!

Christine

My bad side...

Last night I took a profile picture of myself, to submit for consideration in a short film segment. As I uploaded the photo and saw what the camera and the world must see me like, I felt intensely ugly and discouraged.   I thought to myself, "I know I have a double chin, but was it so obvious?!"  (There were also MANY other negative thoughts I had about my appearance and inabilities, which I won't share.  Those thoughts caused me to feel I didn't measure up in any way.) I felt great disgust for myself, as I rolled my chubby body into bed.  I prayed the Lord would remove those feelings from me.  Which gratefully he did.  By morning I felt acceptance for myself--only with his help!
(My husband just read my blog, and says he doesn't understand why I felt like I did.  He just doesn't see those things when he looks at the picture.  That's the thing thing about all of this:
 My feelings don't become real, just because they feel real to me.)

The Edeweiss flower represents to me just a small portion of
God's glory here on earth.  If he took such tender care in
creating a soft, white, artistic flower like this, then what efforts
and thought must he have taken towards our creation. We are far
more beautiful than any of his other creations!

Perhaps others of you are just as hard on yourself.   Thoughts of ugliness are not from God, but from the devil.

Our kind, loving Heavenly Father sees us far differently than we see ourselves.
God does not have that same standard of beauty that the world depicts in movies and magazines.  Those are lies, and not reality.   Our Heavenly Father looks upon our hearts. He loves us with all the pure and tender feelings of the greatest parent we have ever known--and even then so much more than we can imagine.  He sees the radiance and glory of our spirits, desires, and actions.

I want to apologize here, because I realize that things aren't too bad for me.  I could be a much heavier person, my body or face could be disfigured, I could be missing teeth, etc.  Some of you who read this may have just those very challenges, and many others.   Far worse, or more painful than mine.  You may look at me and read my feelings and think with discouragement, "What is she complaining about.  If she thinks that's a bad picture, then what must I look like?"  I'm sincerely sorry.  It is not my wish to weigh you down, or make you feel badly about yourself.  It's a strange phenomenon, because I NEVER look at other people and have negative thoughts about their appearance.  I only feel that way about myself. :(  In fact, if I see someone, who looks like they are struggling, I say a fervent and silent prayer for them.  It's just harder for me to have the same generosity for myself? It's good to remember this "...we are ... hard on ourselves! Believe me when I say each of us is much better than we think. We need to recognize and celebrate what we’re doing right." (Bonnie D. Parken, Sweet Moments, complete article found here.)

Reach out to know and learn more of Jesus Christ.  His love
can heal you of any pain, heartache, anguish, or fear that you have.

"The Lord doesn’t care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances. He will use—in His own way and for His holy purposes—those who incline their hearts to Him."

"God knows that some of the greatest souls who have ever lived are those who will never appear in the chronicles of history. They are the blessed, humble souls who emulate the Savior’s example and spend the days of their lives doing good" You Matter To Him 

It is very damaging when we start comparing ourselves to others. 

Fighting the invisible enemy of imagination

I've been there in that boxing ring of distress, far too often.  I stand alone and try punching at an invisible, but powerful enemy--my imagination.  I falsely believe that because someone is better than me, that somehow it lessens my value.  That's a lie!

I like to remind myself that "There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, thinner (more athletic, talented, _______ (insert your own word),"  and it doesn't matter, because I can only be my best self.  My life here on earth isn't a competition against others, but a quest to become the very best person that I can be, within my allotted circumstances. That reminder has often brought me comfort. I'm going to start praying for help to love myself more, and ask that Heavenly Father will help me understand my intrinsic value.  I'm going to pray that I can learn from the examples of those I admire, but not feel overwhelmed by feelings of insignificance.  Perhaps you'd benefit from this prayer too. :) 

Take hope in knowing you are somebody special, even in those moments that, like me, you forget that.  Even if you do not look the way you wish you could.  Or, you have very real limitations and obstacles that make it difficult to do the things you want to in this world.  Someday, after the trials and hardships of this life, you will soar with joy and freedom through glorious courts on high. 
   "...no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

"....please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love." 

You can read the whole article here by Dieter F. Uchtdorf : You Matter To Him

I hope you will focus on being the best you, and look to find your own special beauty.  We all have beauty.  A beauty that cannot be seen on the outside, but only on the heart.  Look there to find the very best, brightest and most beautiful you.  Look hard, reach inside, grab careful hold of it, and act upon that beauty (even if it only starts out with a spark or two)!
My warmest regards to you in your quest to reveal and understand your true beauty. 
Christine 
To learn more about Jesus Christ and how he can help you feel greater joy, peace, and happiness in your heart, please visit one of my favorite sites: http://mormon.org/beliefs/jesus-christ