Last night at nearly midnight (I'm a bit of a night owl!!), I finished painting my bathroom a beautiful
When I began painting I was feeling so happy and productive. As I worked, the little angel on my shoulder whispered happy songs in my ear of how great I was doing at working so hard today, and finishing up almost everything I can, for now, in the basement!) But, somewhere between the happy songs and productive, satisfied feeling, I started listening to the other voice on the other shoulder!! (I speak purely metaphorically! Not literally!) And the other voice wasn't an angel!
shade of blue.
Indeed, I found myself mulling over unsettling situations in various corners of my life and circles of contacts. Regarding one such situation, I found myself deciding I wouldn't go to my church next Sunday. Then I decided, "No, I won't go for at least 2 weeks." I wanted to prove a point! As I painted, I prayed and asked Heavenly Father if it would be alright if I were to skip my ward. After all, I pointed out to him, "Isn't there room for just a little harmless pride." I just knew that such a behavior really wouldn't affect anyone but me. Right? And Besides, I continued to express to Him, "I'll still go to another church time--- just not my own."
Well, for the record, God did not speak back. He just listened to me express the hurts of my heart. I asked myself, why I should let 1 or a few people cause me to question my value for even a moment, or cause me to feel flustered by certain dynamics.)
I really didn't need God to say, "Hey look, Christine-- just let it go (insert music outburst here... "Let it Gol! Let it Go!! For as I silently continue to pray I already knew my answers. I knew that the most important opinion I need to worry about is Him--and not anyone else.
And though I didn't hear any audible replies, I did find myself recalling the scripture which says:
Philippians 4:12
I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound:
every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry,
both to abound and to suffer need.
Well, I don't happen to like being "abased." I much favor feeling at peace, contently thankful, and happy! Being abased, by definition means to be humiliated, dishonored, defamed, belittled. I've never handled those things too well!
Somehow, as my mind was drawn to the scripture, I also found that my thoughts were able to move past the sting, rejections, and hurt, which to that time I'd been allowing myself to focus on. I also found that I was able to move past the sour taste of this particular topic. Instead, I found myself considering just how blessed I was to be able to have the strength to paint, work with energy, and cumulatively change my life. I felt thankful for divine direction, and the grace- which truly enables and affords me so many blessings. Yes, there in the unlikely confines of my small bathroom, my heart felt full as I considered how I have reached a place in my life that I never imagined possible for the likes of me.
In truth, I used to imagine, and pray, that Oprah would step in and save me and my family with one of her big dreams come true shows. Now I see that I needed to give my life and will to God, and become humbled and hard working. He has given me all the tools I needed to change FROM WITHIN- and it turns out I did not need to be an Oprah success story!
My bathroom is now painted and I'm amazed to realize that my greatest satisfaction didn't come from a sense of accomplishment in finally getting the bathroom painted-- but in the knowledge that I was able to face that battle against my unseen opponent of pride and vain imagination, and come out a victor! A champion against my weaknesses.
Here we all are, on the verge of a new year. You may face, as did I, unseen enemies, or you may face very real and very strong opponents in your daily battles. Whatever you face, please understand that a very loving Heavenly Father is ready to stand at the front of your battle line, and help to fight your battles with you, and for you.
The amount of help God gives us is, in large part, determined by us. It's not so simple as saying, "Please fight my battles for me and with me." It requires our personal discomfort, sacrifice, and self-discipline. We have to decide that we want to improve and change our lives. We have to want to give our troubles, stubbornness, and rebellions to Him, and allow Him to teach us how to be peaceable in all the scenarios we face in life--be they sweet and pleasant, or humiliating and degrading.
I hope that you will remember that you are loved perfectly by Heavenly Father. He sees you in everything you do, and he knows you better than your dearest friend. The feelings of His heart extend beyond our limited understanding. He is filled with tenderness, love, longing, and mercy for each one of us. Heavenly Father has a special plan for your life. Dreams waiting to be written, and songs yet to sing. No matter what darkness some of you may be facing, or will yet face, there is a beautiful sunrise waiting for you. Sunrises of a new day, filled with new beginnings.
I know those colorfully painted words of mine may sound too flowery for you. You may even doubt what I say. But, I cannot deny that I have seen of God's goodness, and felt of His love. I have had glimpses into the capacity of His almighty hand. Through Jesus Christ, I am redeemed, and through His all encompassing atonement I have the capacity and potential to co-author marvelous dreams of a personal paradise here on earth. I never dreamed I would be able to do so, but now I can't help but sing a song of His redeeming love. I am truly blessed, and grateful for my testimony of God's love for me, and for each one of us, individually.
In closing, let me share some of the words from a BYU speech I listened today, given by an amazing man in 1973. Some of you know Him! Gordon B. Hinckley!
"It is so easy to get discouraged while you’re here. It seems so natural a thing to drop out or to give in. The way seems so long, the road so steep, that we are prone to think it not worth the candle. The story is told of the Irish peddler who wished to go to Dublin, which was so far away and he had no money. But he got there by placing one foot in front of the other."
"My dear young friends, never lose faith in yourselves or in your capacity to do worthwhile things. And call upon the Lord for help that your minds may be enlightened and your understanding quickened. Then go to work with that assurance inside of you that somehow you can do it."
".... for “if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20). Such is the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ. This, my brethren and sisters, is what our presence ... is all about: that faith might increase and be manifest and reflected in our lives..."
You are loved! Keep firm in faith, and take the necessary steps forward to meet your goals. Happy New Year!
Christine
Last night as I slept several songs played into my thoughts while I slept. One of them I hear on occasion as a reminder that I don't need to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or upset at who I am. That song is, "There's a Hero," by Mariah Carey. I smiled as I heard it, but I also prayed in my sleep state and asked Heavenly Father wanted me to learn from that song, which I wasn't quite understanding? I didn't get an answer, but fell to sleep again, far more deeply.
