Responsibility, Promises, and Angels

President Monson's talk about the 3 R's, "responsibility" really stuck out at me.  Several years ago, when I decided to own that word, I began to change my life!  Before that point, I had allowed myself to be "acted upon."  It was always something that caused my problems- not me!  I am depressed, therefore my depression is to blame.  That of course, is only one example out of the many.  I lived without accepting that I was the one in control of my destiny.

I relied heavily on others around me, until the day came that no one around me had the answers on where to turn after a heart-shattering experience.  Only the Savior could use the key of the atonement to unlock my prison cell, and pardon me with the peace I needed in my life to move forward.  It's interesting though, because I still remember the day that I was vacuuming down my basement stairs, at a time well before the life-altering experience, and I was contemplating how I could ever be more than I was; which in truth, I didn't figure amounted to much.

I wondered how people could have such strong testimonies, and undaunted spirits of faith and hope.  Little did I realize that in that moment the spirit was preparing my thoughts and helping shape my desires to become more than I had been to that point in my life.   President Monson says, "When faced with significant choices, how do we decide? Do we succumb to the promise of momentary pleasure? To our urges and passions? To the pressure of our peers?"

In the past I would have been more likely to do what was in my best interest, and thus act upon self-interests, and physical and emotional impulses. I have since decided, from the heartbreaking experiences of life, that the only way we can find peace and joy, is to first accept that the minutes and hours of our life go beyond ourselves and into the echoes of eternity.

There is not one single pleasure, passion, or pressure release valve, which will ever yield the joy and peace, which true disciples of Christ long for; except we give our whole soul to God, and walk circumspectly- looking through the lenses of self-sacrifice and self-discipline.  Indeed, our singular discipleship to God is the only path to a completely incomprehensible fulfillment of even more than we alone could have ever dreamed of in the moments of mortal passions, and appetites.

As we hold fast to the rod of iron, and wrestle through the unrelenting, and disorienting and blinding black smog of temptation, confusion, and doubt, we will ultimately reach the sweetest fruit that we could ever partake of.  The fruit, of the love of Christ. encompasses every righteous and holy passion and pleasure imaginable, and offers ten- fold the delight of any selfish, short-lived, and short-sighted appetites of the flesh.

President Monson continues, "Unlike Alice, we all know where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for by choosing our path, we choose our destination. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny." I add that not only do our decisions determine our destiny, but our decisions also determine the destiny of those we love now, and those we have yet to love.  

I have been granted insights into the voices of angels, which remind me in sacred moment, that my life is bringing honor to them as I earnestly strive to correct the repercussions of the "blood and sins" of the present and previous generations of my family.  I do not quite understand it, but I feel, even as I write these words, the affirmation of the Spirit, and the present nearness of beloved angels, that my life is not as inconsequential as the cacophony of voices around me would lead me to believe.  With  heart pound, blood pumping pulsation, every part of my being adds to witness that my destiny is to lead my family (past, present, and future) toward spiritual victory- well beyond the weakness of the flesh.  

Today, I felt impressed to write a friend of mine, and express just a small portion of my concerns.  As I did so, the Spirit helped to soften my heart, and help me see my challenges for what they are in the scheme of eternity.  

My cleansing tears flowed freely, as my troubled mind was washed of the impurities of distorting doubts.  And, I had an experience as I wrote, which was very much like Alma (36:19), "I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more."

Perhaps my experiences are unique to your own spiritual moments of assurance and direction from our loving Heavenly Father, but I assure you, the message of my experiences is the same for each one of you. For the Spirit bears witness to me that you are on your own unique journey home to our Heavenly Father.  You are on a quest to save not only yourself, but those you love.

As we are reminded in the "Disciple Leadership" video, your influence in the small and consistent ways, do cause  ripples upon the waters of life.  Do not underestimate the difference you are making.  I felt ready to give in to the voices of doubt. I felt ready to stop trying so hard to be meek in the face of adversity. I felt ready to act upon impulses to speak in my defense, against my "accusers.(John 8:10)  

Today, I did not succumb to the voices of worldly logic and worldly reason.  Instead, I followed through on that impression to write a friend of my experiences with doubt. In the process this quiet timing of writing introspection, I was able to listen to the loving logic of our Heavenly Father, who assures and guides us on individual journey's home.  

Indeed, you are placed here "for such a time as this (Esther 4:14)." While we each have unique strengths, capabilities, and circumstances, we can stand, wherever we are, united in the army of our God- if we are one in purpose of heart, mind, and hands.  

In an amazing BYU Devotional, by  Donald W. Parry "Angel, Chariots, and the Lord of Hosts."), Brother Parry shares some of the following:

"President Packer provided the following significant
 statement:

Angels attend the rank and file of the Church. . .
 .
Who would dare to say that angels do not now attend the rank and file of the
 Church who—answer the calls to the mission fields, teach the
 classes, pay their tithes and offerings, seek for the records of
 their forebears,
work in the temples, raise their children in
faith, and have brought this work through 150 years?""This statement of President Packer’s clearly shows that
 angels attend the Church’s rank and file as they raise children in faith, pay tithing, conduct
 sacred temple work, teach classes, and more." 
"It is my understanding—based on more than
 twenty years of research—that operations and ministrations of angels are largely unknown to mortals.
 Angels can move about the earth conducting the Lord’s divine work, and they serve, minister, and
 mingle among mortals, usually without our awareness. Most of us in mortality will never see an
 angel. As Parley P. Pratt instructed, angels can “be present without being visible to
 mortals.”15 And Paul wrote, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some
 have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2)."

=== end excerpt

I conclude with my united testimony of the words President Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng),

"...no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

Brothers and Sisters, not only are you encompassed about by angels, because of your efforts of righteousness, but you will also one day fully discover that you were ministering angels in your unselfish service the those within your influence.  

You may not understand you influence now, but one day every act of righteousness and responsibility you willingly took upon yourself, will be paid off in dividends.  Rest assured, that every sacrifice now, is worth it.  You and I must never underestimate our worth!  

"....We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.²¹ Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed."

"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”^22"

"Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love."

"God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him."

"May we ever believe, trust, and align our lives so that we will understand our true eternal worth and potential. May we be worthy of the precious blessings our Heavenly Father has in store for us is my 
prayer in the name of His Son, even Jesus Christ, amen."

My bad side...

Last night I took a profile picture of myself, to submit for consideration in a short film segment. As I uploaded the photo and saw what the camera and the world must see me like, I felt intensely ugly and discouraged.   I thought to myself, "I know I have a double chin, but was it so obvious?!"  (There were also MANY other negative thoughts I had about my appearance and inabilities, which I won't share.  Those thoughts caused me to feel I didn't measure up in any way.) I felt great disgust for myself, as I rolled my chubby body into bed.  I prayed the Lord would remove those feelings from me.  Which gratefully he did.  By morning I felt acceptance for myself--only with his help!
(My husband just read my blog, and says he doesn't understand why I felt like I did.  He just doesn't see those things when he looks at the picture.  That's the thing thing about all of this:
 My feelings don't become real, just because they feel real to me.)

The Edeweiss flower represents to me just a small portion of
God's glory here on earth.  If he took such tender care in
creating a soft, white, artistic flower like this, then what efforts
and thought must he have taken towards our creation. We are far
more beautiful than any of his other creations!

Perhaps others of you are just as hard on yourself.   Thoughts of ugliness are not from God, but from the devil.

Our kind, loving Heavenly Father sees us far differently than we see ourselves.
God does not have that same standard of beauty that the world depicts in movies and magazines.  Those are lies, and not reality.   Our Heavenly Father looks upon our hearts. He loves us with all the pure and tender feelings of the greatest parent we have ever known--and even then so much more than we can imagine.  He sees the radiance and glory of our spirits, desires, and actions.

I want to apologize here, because I realize that things aren't too bad for me.  I could be a much heavier person, my body or face could be disfigured, I could be missing teeth, etc.  Some of you who read this may have just those very challenges, and many others.   Far worse, or more painful than mine.  You may look at me and read my feelings and think with discouragement, "What is she complaining about.  If she thinks that's a bad picture, then what must I look like?"  I'm sincerely sorry.  It is not my wish to weigh you down, or make you feel badly about yourself.  It's a strange phenomenon, because I NEVER look at other people and have negative thoughts about their appearance.  I only feel that way about myself. :(  In fact, if I see someone, who looks like they are struggling, I say a fervent and silent prayer for them.  It's just harder for me to have the same generosity for myself? It's good to remember this "...we are ... hard on ourselves! Believe me when I say each of us is much better than we think. We need to recognize and celebrate what we’re doing right." (Bonnie D. Parken, Sweet Moments, complete article found here.)

Reach out to know and learn more of Jesus Christ.  His love
can heal you of any pain, heartache, anguish, or fear that you have.

"The Lord doesn’t care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances. He will use—in His own way and for His holy purposes—those who incline their hearts to Him."

"God knows that some of the greatest souls who have ever lived are those who will never appear in the chronicles of history. They are the blessed, humble souls who emulate the Savior’s example and spend the days of their lives doing good" You Matter To Him 

It is very damaging when we start comparing ourselves to others. 

Fighting the invisible enemy of imagination

I've been there in that boxing ring of distress, far too often.  I stand alone and try punching at an invisible, but powerful enemy--my imagination.  I falsely believe that because someone is better than me, that somehow it lessens my value.  That's a lie!

I like to remind myself that "There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, thinner (more athletic, talented, _______ (insert your own word),"  and it doesn't matter, because I can only be my best self.  My life here on earth isn't a competition against others, but a quest to become the very best person that I can be, within my allotted circumstances. That reminder has often brought me comfort. I'm going to start praying for help to love myself more, and ask that Heavenly Father will help me understand my intrinsic value.  I'm going to pray that I can learn from the examples of those I admire, but not feel overwhelmed by feelings of insignificance.  Perhaps you'd benefit from this prayer too. :) 

Take hope in knowing you are somebody special, even in those moments that, like me, you forget that.  Even if you do not look the way you wish you could.  Or, you have very real limitations and obstacles that make it difficult to do the things you want to in this world.  Someday, after the trials and hardships of this life, you will soar with joy and freedom through glorious courts on high. 
   "...no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

"....please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love." 

You can read the whole article here by Dieter F. Uchtdorf : You Matter To Him

I hope you will focus on being the best you, and look to find your own special beauty.  We all have beauty.  A beauty that cannot be seen on the outside, but only on the heart.  Look there to find the very best, brightest and most beautiful you.  Look hard, reach inside, grab careful hold of it, and act upon that beauty (even if it only starts out with a spark or two)!
My warmest regards to you in your quest to reveal and understand your true beauty. 
Christine 
To learn more about Jesus Christ and how he can help you feel greater joy, peace, and happiness in your heart, please visit one of my favorite sites: http://mormon.org/beliefs/jesus-christ