despair and hopelessness for a long time. She has made unsuccessful attempts to take her life, and she feels no reason for living. She questions her worth, and her faith in God. She feels little, if any, hope for her future.
Initially our visit did not take shape as I had hoped, because one by one two of her sons, and then her husband trickled through the front room where we were visiting. As the room gradually emptied and quietly settled, I had a thought to have her watch with me, a video I'd emailed her earlier, but she hadn't made time to watch. (On her days off from work, Mary would rather play online games to pass away the emotionally painful and ticking hours of life. I think it's her escape.)
As the video began her 11 year old son, and his friend, became interested in watching the video too. They sat oddly enthralled by slow (by today's standards "faster" imagery) mini-video. Mary and the boys were very quiet as they watched. The spirit of the Lord seemed to fill the room, especially as a man of God spoke words with heartfelt emotion the words:
I recalled how I'd made it through some really dark hours. Hours that never seemed could improve. Be it complete poverty, abuse, or the anguish of death, my feelings seemed hopeless--like they would never end. And yet they do end--some later than sooner.
I asked her another question, but again she had little to say. I added my thoughts,
"You know what struck me the first time tonight, as I watched that with you? It was when the man says to the Dad that he and his wife and children would make the journey, but they wouldn't be making it in that car.
Before I left I suggested we start our daily walks again, and she said she would. (She hasn't walked with me for a couple of weeks now, because she didn't feel like it anymore.) I am hopeful that taking up walking again will bless both of us to get out of our houses, have pleasant conversation, and breath in the fresh autumn air, and most of all, to find hope and healing through friendship.
Mary stood up when I went to leave, and I gave her a hug and told her I love her. She replied in kind. I felt the warm, comforting spirit of God. I know of His love and His hopes for her and her family. I also felt that she took comfort and hope from my words of encouragement.
As I stepped with a smile into the chilly night air, I felt humbly grateful to have been on an errand of the Lord. I felt grateful to know that as imperfect and insignificant as I am in this world, that there are a few people who need me. I felt thankful that he has blessed me with His courage to do things, which in the past I would have unlikely attempted.
I am thankful to be here in my body. So very thankful that I didn't add anymore anguish into the world, and the hearts of those who love me or need me, by cutting my life short. I am needed in this world, even in my small ways. And so are you!!
I feel so thankful that I am learning of a joy that I never knew existed. A joy that can only come when we are busy in the work of the Lord. I am thankful that precious drop-by-drop, I am learning more about my value in God's eyes. God's love is miraculous.
You, my reader, may wonder how life could hold anything worthwhile. Or, you may wonder how a certain challenge(s) that exists in your life, will find resolve. I assure you, as the darkness of evening falls upon our frail earthly hours, so to does the sun rise again. If you hold out hope, and look to God, you will find answers to your problems, and a way through your darkest nights.
|With God's help you will one day see that the darkness of |
frightening and uncertain storm clouds have parted, and
in it's place the sunshine, and a dawning of a new day rising.
I hope you find hope of good things to come through the grace of Jesus Christ!
For hope and direction please check out my two favorite websites:
www.mormon.org and www.lds.org
If you live in the U.S.A. and you need to talk to someone please call NOW. Don't Wait!