Day 264 of 365 days of Solace: God of Second Chances!

Our puppy when we first got her.
Seen in the arms of a small 6 yr old.

Last night as I was picking up in the kitchen I was growing increasing sad about a personal insecurity involving a current life experience.

Around this time I looked over at our beautiful puppy/teen dog asleep in her kennel. She just looked so adorable and my heart was strangely filled with love for her!

Our puppy 7 months later!!!
Seen in the arms of my 5'8" daughter! 

I did something I never have done before. I went over and opened her kennel to pet her soft cream and tan fur. She laid her head and paws out of the kennel and just enjoyed my scratching her behind her ears and under her chin. When I finished, she ("Sunny") was mildly resistant to going back to bed, but she climbed back in as I closed the door for the night.

Same daughter with the same doggy just 7 months earlier!

As I turned to walk off, I realized something. For those few minutes I felt happy as I petted and loved
on her adorableness, and I'd even forgotten what I'd been thinking about. "Wow!" I thought, "So that's why people have dogs. To help with sadness or depression." It was fascinating to see how a simple, loving act could alter my mood!

I am generally a very happy person, but I do have to keep my mood in check. Last night was one of those kind of nights.

As melancholy feelings set in again, after petting Sunny, I did everything in my power to fight them off! I prayed, read my scriptures and wrote careful notes in my journal as to why I think I was beginning to feel less happy than usual.

I needed to analyze the thought processes and try to catch and alter (through positive, hopeful words) any unhealthy thought patterns which would lead me to feeling sadness and apathy for my many blessings.

I don't like feeling that way, and I will always put up a fight at the first sign of sadness! I knew I could have put on a movie, played music, eat cookies or ice cream!, but those things are generally band-aides to console the symptom of pain, not treat the wound for real and eventual healing. I chose to be spiritually proactive at this time, even if the other way would have been easier.

My prayerful and reflective journal writing helped me to understand what insecurity was influencing my mood. The only problem is that I felt my reasoning was not overly unhealthy, but plausibly justifiable! Meaning--maybe there was a good reason to be concerned over my concern!

As I wrote I had a song come to my thoughts, "Someone Is Listening When you Pray", and I was not only reminded that a deeply compassionate God is very aware of my feelings, but that it is important to remember that I must walk with faith, not always being able to understand the answers to some questions--no matter how important I think those answers are at the time! (I must trust His perfect timing!) 

So I went to bed without the answers, and took comfort that Heavenly Father knew me, his daughter, and that my life is in His hands. I hoped that getting some sleep would help my mood.

When I woke up to a quiet house I was surprised to hear that in my thoughts the song was blaring, "Do you believe God's love is true, that you know what you should do...God is a God of second chances." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wj-7_HUa2kY

I realized that my sadness was gone! I happily jumped out of bed and went in and greeted my sleeping boys with a "Goodmorning, Goodmorning. It's a wonderful morning" song! Today is my second chance!




I hope you find things to feel grateful for today.
I hope that if you are feeling sad or worried that you will do all the positive things in your power to alter your mood for the better. 

I hope you will ultimately allow the power of Christ's atonement to help heal you.


Some healing doesn't come immediately, or quickly, but I KNOW that healing will ultimately come if we look to God and allow him to guide us through the choices of our earthly experience.

Know that even when you feel sad, that you can have the peace of God to help you through any darkness.

Do your best! Give God the rest!

I am thankful for God's compassion, and for music that fills this world with beauty and testament of His love for each one of us.

Look Up! "There is HOPE and Happiness Ahead." (Jeffrey R. Holland)

God Gives all of US second Chances!

Much Love,
Christine

Day 54 of 365 days of solace

I have something troubling me-- yes, of course, it has to do with the thing that has troubled me for a long time now. For that reason, I've felt so terribly worried and sad today. Silently, I remained in my room most of the day. I sorted and organized drawers, paper, and purses. (I have a collection of colors).

Right now as I type I heard (silently into my thoughts) the piano intro of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight."  I've been comforted today, through a variety of songs playing into my thoughts. I'm thankful for that solace, and yet I can't seem to escape the emotional turmoil I am feeling. Turmoil based solely on fear of what could happen--but hasn't happened.

It would be easy for me to give up on trying and hoping for "good things to come," but that is not my way.  God has given me a new heart, because I turned to Him, and changed my life through the power of Jesus Christ's atonement.  Through the grace of God, I can do all things!

We must press forward.  We must remain

diligent to God.  For that reason I will still study more scriptures before I go to bed.  For that reason I will continue to pray unto my Father all day long.  For that reason I will be valiant in Christ until the day I die.  

“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). 

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. [Romans 8:38–39]

No matter what challenges and heartaches you face, you will be alright, if you face them with God's help.  Say your prayers each day, study the scriptures, go to church, and then, in the quiet moments of the day...listen...for songs, thoughts, scriptures, hopeful memories, or the hand of a friend, who reaches out to help you in kindness...God will offer comfort, but we must be paying close attention.
Love, Christine

P.S. I did get out tonight. We got Little Caesar's pizza, and went to a playground with our new puppy.  I sat in the car, because I'm so sad, still sick, and was working on school work...but at least I made a small effort and got out...that's a good thing, right?!

Day 45 of 365 days of solace: a letter to a friend & my epiphany!

I was really comforted by the words I wrote to someone I care about..  As I wrote I felt blessed by insights I'd never considered...  I hope that some of you may take comfort and hope as well.
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Dear (Friend),

I really need you to start considering the ramifications of your words. I know you are worried. I know you ... I know you don't like.... I know you feel uncertain about.... I know you worry about... and about ..., and how things can work out. I know know you battle ugly dragons, which are constantly
trying to stab you from the inside out. I know you want to ..., and I know that those same monsters make it hard for you to think straight.  

Friend, I am sorry that you worry so much. I am sorry that your mind is always anxious, and that you are always feeling afraid of how anything can work out. I am sorry that you feel upset that I made a mistake with ..., and sorry that I don't ... better, which ...

.... I know your anxiety isn't going to magically go away, but I know that it will have less power on you, if you don't give it so much power.  When your anxiety wants to yell ..., you need to talk back and say, "I feel really worried about this, but I know that yelling at Christine isn't going to solve the problems I worry about."  Sometimes it's best to step away from the situation to cool off.  But I need you to know that it really eats away at my heart to have you... and say...  

....even if I were intentionally trying to be a lousy (person),  it would not be justified for you to yell at me- ever.  In life, it is up to us to take person accountability for how we act- no matter how another person chooses to act.

Isaiah 41:10

One of the things that is getting me through my own personal worries is to really focus on the fact that the Savior suffered all things. He understands all shame, all grief, sorrow, fear, anxiety, etc....  But, more than that, there is nothing that can happen to us, which cannot be solved through the atoning grace of Jesus Christ.  

It doesn't matter how awful things were to get for me.  It doesn't matter how terrified you feel over... or  ... The truth of the matter is that such things cannot physically touch your eternal spirit. Our bodies are housed with flesh, and they can be harmed- but even if we are shamed, homeless, stabbed, embarrassed, or even imprisoned, or any type of abasement or trial-- we must always remember that our spirit cannot be harmed, unless we spiritually allow ourselves to be injured by the devil's evil war waged at our bright and valiant eternal spirit!

Helaman 5:12 (Book of Mormon)

Even as I write that concept of the spirit being whole and well, no matter what physical or bloody battle takes place on our mortal flesh, I can't help but wonder if it's really a true statement.  Can our spirit really remain untouched?

You might tell me I'm wrong.  And considering challenges like depression and anxiety, which seem to affect the spirit, I stop and wonder if maybe it is a false statement.  But, I stand firm in my concept. I think there is a difference between emotional and mental aspects of life- versus our thriving divine spirits. And I think it is part of our journey here in mortality to  
sort those things out, and make choices which will help our spirits grow stronger, despite any battles that are waged upon us and most especially upon our eternal life-blood--our spirit. 

I was just thinking how the devil is angry that we came to earth with bodies of flesh and bone. I have focused too much of my life on how he has waged a war against our bodies.  So much of his warfare seems aimed at the flesh- from drugs, abuse, illicit sexual relationships.  I think I have considered those to be the sins I must remain pure and safe from, but I sometimes fail to recognize that with his "evil cunning" and "craftiness," those are only a few of his methods to get us to do things to injure our bodies.  He has many more techniques to get us to lose sight of our divine worth and potential, such as pornography, too much media consumption, selfishness, laziness, and so many other things, which I do not wish to bring up.

But is the devil's plan to really get us to destroy our physical bodies only, or to simply inflict emotional, mental, or social pain in our lives?  No!  I believe that the devil's ultimate plan is to destroy our spirits, and he knows that there is only one way to get to our spirits--through SIN.  He knows that being ashamed, or judged, or criticized isn't going to hurt our spirits- UNLESS we allow those negative things to fester and cause us to feel pride, resentment, hurt, and anger... or worse!  

When we aren't keeping the commandment in any form- large or small- we weaken our spirits- even if it's only a little injury.  And the devil knows that small injury to our spirit is just the right wedge for him to get started on causing a larger crack in our spirits. And then, if he's really successful, he will cause our spirits to be severed in half, like a tall oak tree, where the base has been cut so deeply that it crashes down to the earth.  

The great thing is, that unlike that permanently destroyed tree, we can actually be repaired.  How does that happen?  You know!  It happens through repentance.  As our bishop said, "repentance equate to more than just repentance from serious sins, it also equates to progression."

I think it is important that we do not underestimate our individual role of choice and accountability. I need you to accept your decision to let your temper and resentment to rule your tongue, and not justify it because you feel/think that I made a poor choice in ....  

In order to get through hard things, I keep focusing on how the Savior "descended below all things," and how I KNOW it is going to be alright.  I don't need to worry or have excessive fears.  I just keep telling myself from morning until night (and sometimes through the night), "This is in God's hands", "I don't need to worry, He has a plan..."  "Be not afraid, for I am thy God, and will still give thee aide." (Hymn)  

....Please, please, try harder to speak softly toward me.

While words may "break a heart" and cause many tears-
we still ultimately must decide to forgive, and let
God teach us how to heal.  Sorrow doesn't have to
destroy our faith and confidence in God! We can be at  peace
through the powerful love and grace of God, and Jesus Christ.

I love you, but I will never thrive as long as you 

yell at me, or ...  I need you to try and see what I am trying to do right.  Whether it's your love language or not, if you ask God, He will help you to see things about me that can be appreciated. Pray for a heart of gratitude, and then work to speak kindly- or walk away quietly until you've knelt to pray and can be less over-reactive.

Please, please, stop believing any lies that the evil one helps plant in your thought, which are that you are a "bad person," or  that you are just who you are, or that you aren't going to change anytime soon.  Change will come as quickly as you decide to give your ALL to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Change will come when your will is less important that Heavenly Father's will.  Change every sacrifice, even life itself, for the sake of righteousness!
will come when you are willing to make

Don't quit! Keep Trying! I believe in you!

Christine

P.S.  Some of you may be sea deep in some very serious problems and heartaches.  I wholeheartedly suggest you watch the videos in these 12 Steps to recovery serious.  They deal with very sensitive topics, and I do not recommend them for children.  These are true stories of people who have overcome addictions of all kinds.  And I recommend you watch them, even if you don't struggle with pornography, drug addiction, etc.  These are moving and deeply profound videos, which help me to increase in compassion towards others.

Here is an introduction to the program (video) https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/steps/introduction?lang=eng   But on the same page are videos covering step 1-12--those are my favorite, deeply touching videos! And, best of all, each step tells you what you need to do (even if you never join a recovery group).

Hope for brighter tomorrows

Tonight, I went to the youth devotional with my children. For a little portion of it, I sat out in the lobby to listen from a soft chair. A girl of about 16 walked in late, and sat across from me.

When our amazing stake president got up to speak I had the thought to invite this unfamiliar young woman to walk in to listen with me. I felt somewhat awkward asking her, because I didn't know her. But, nonetheless, I stood up at the conclusion of the previous speaker and looked to the girl and said "Would you like to come in to the chapel with me? She said no. I said, "Well it's President D.. speaking, and you'd have me, so you wouldn't be walking in alone. She replied, "Well, yeah, okay."

As we walked toward the doors to enter she hesitated and said, "Can I sit by you?" I put my arm on her shoulder and said, "Sure, I'd love that." As I we stepped forward toward the doors, I had this sweet feeling wash over me, as we made our way into a large chapel of several hundred young people (with far fewer adults). We sat down together, and enjoyed a sweet talk by our wonderful stake president.

When President D had finished speaking, and the closing hymn, and the "amen" of the closing prayer was said, I turned to the girl I sat by, and made some small talk for a few seconds. I was going to get up and leave, then thought I should learn her name for future reference in my goal to get to know more youth in our stake.

Now this may not seem like much to you, but to me it was a tender mercy from heaven, when I asked her name, and she smiled and said, "I'm Hope!."

Wow! H-O-P-E.

I had symbolically used my energy to stand up and reach out my hand to "hope," then I willingly invited "hope" to join me in my walk forward to face an unknown future!! I feel thankful for the personal reminder that HOPE journeyed with me, when I made a concerted effort on my part!

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A few special notes (A more creative and visual approach! :) I see about HOPE:

Hope does not remove the pain, but HOPE can help us to find things to gratefully focus on, as we try to take comfort amidst confusion. I compare hope to an emerging view, as the terribly loud, frightening, and very long storm finally ceases. Hope for me is when the dark clouds part to display rays of light majestically revealing the beautiful and fundamental truths of life.

In the process those beams of divine light reflect and magnifies the moisture left from the storm, and a rainbow materializes and frames a vision of your new life.
You look out upon the glorious expanse only to discover a crystal clear ocean, previously unknown in your kingdom.

You now have waters to sail upon as you explore distant lands and people, or you may decide to simply walk along beside the shoreline to gather precious seashells of sandy dreams, or beach glass of misty memories. Indeed, the ocean is uniquely yours, for it was formed and nourished by your heartache, and cleansed through your tears, as you braved those frightening storms of life. Storms for which you rose victorious against!

Let us each allow the positive energy of our hearts and minds to make our best efforts to look forward to promises of a brighter tomorrow on the horizon- even during those times where life is the darkest, and much too cloudy for us to see with the limited vision of our natural eyes.

During those dark times, we must make a personal effort to reach out and take hold of the binoculars of hope (ooh, I think I just coined a catchy phrase;) --those binoculars will enlarge and strengthen our sight and help us to see our bright dreams and beautiful desires in the distance.

I feel thankful for my personal reminder, that HOPE decided to join me, even when I made an awkward, uncertain effort on my part! May we all invite "HOPE" to join us on our journeys, and especially as we face the sorrows, heartbreaks, and uncertainties of life!

Romans 8:2424 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

Romans 15:1313 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

You've got the strength within you to succeed! Keep trying!
Hugs, Christine

P.S. I hope this makes sense! I wrote it when I was very sleepy!