Day 193 of 365 days of Solace: Death on the Sabbath

I knew a friend of mine in her 80's was dying and I planned to go do something nice for her, but I hadn't gotten to her house to see her in the last few weeks since I learned of her cancer. I guess I thought she had longer to live. But today at church when my Relief Society President, and Bishop asked us to pray she would be quickly free of pain and return home to heaven I knew I had to go get one last hug from her--if possible. I considered going right after church, but I was empty handed and wanted to take her something to brighten her day. So I came and sat on my bed and with tearful emotion I considered all the times she filled my empty cup.

I hurried to finish my painting and poem for her, well knowing she could pass away at any moment. My son, who had gone earlier today to take the sacrament to her said that when they went she was unable to eat anything, and that there was a lot of family there (Meaning, in his teenage way NOT to bug them!;)

Undaunted, I knew I wanted to try to see her one last time. But I have to tell you, that as I finished up gluing my poem onto a quick watercolor rainbow sunshine picture (with 2 suns--the smaller one representing her, and the larger one representing God) I remembered the thought I had before I wrote the poem, which was: It's alright if she has passed away before you finish it because it will comfort her family to remember how loved she is.

When I walked up to her house around the block, I discovered a lot of cars and when I asked if she was well enough for me to give her a last hug I learned that she has passed away not to long before. I hugged some family and handed my poem and tearfully walked away wondering how I'd feel about going back to church with her no longer to return. :(

Here's the poem I wrote. Not a masterpiece, but it's everything Carol has been to me, and so many others! She was a one of kind woman.

Carol, enjoy soaring with your husband, my Mom, Tyler, Susan, and so many loved ones in God's peaceful and joyful courts above. I'll miss you.
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*This song comforts me. And Carol showed the Savior's loving kindness. I know that in time all aches will be soothed and healed through the power of Christ. I'm thankful for the reminders Carol always showed me of His love.

I wish I could go back in time and visit her before she passed away, but time moves on. I take comfort in knowing that she knew of my love, and even more comfort in knowing that she knows even now how many of us mourn her loss. I know the veil between heaven and earth is very thin.

The angels rejoice at reuniting with their angels, and we weep at her departure, but I take comfort in knowing that I too will see her, and all those I love, again one day-- after my frail mortal body is laid to rest. In the meantime I am going to fight with my every breath to live in a way to please God, and to show Him all my love, and give him all my will.  I want to make a difference in this world, like she did.

Let's renew our efforts to do a little more today than we did yesterday!

Love, Christine

Day 50 of 365 days of solace: Eye of the Tiger

As I was waking up today I heard a familiar oldie to my thoughts. I haven't heard it in such a long time, that I couldn't remember more than the chorus, and honest, it didn't make much sense to me-- that is, until I read the lyrics.

Having read the lyrics now, I realize that I need to have the will to survive and not give up on dreams, even when it seems that the time for dreaming has passed!  

I need to make sure I never trade my desires of the moments, for the long-lasting, eternal blessings of the future.  

In other words, "Don't sell (myself) short!" 

We all will face moments in our lives where the choices are crucial to determining the outcomes of our tomorrows!  Let's make sure that we don't give up on the victory that is available to each one of us!
I've got to get to bed, as I'm getting another illness, on top of my already viral, asthmatic condition!  Prayer, rest, and plenty of water. :)  So I will leave you for now.

Keep you eye on your goal, and set dreams that will fill your tomorrows with God's promised rainbows.
Love, Christine

Eye of the Tiger

By Survivor

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance
Now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds
Still we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger

Risin' up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance
Now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger

The eye of the tiger
The eye of the tiger
The eye of the tiger
The eye of the tiger

Hope for brighter tomorrows

Tonight, I went to the youth devotional with my children. For a little portion of it, I sat out in the lobby to listen from a soft chair. A girl of about 16 walked in late, and sat across from me.

When our amazing stake president got up to speak I had the thought to invite this unfamiliar young woman to walk in to listen with me. I felt somewhat awkward asking her, because I didn't know her. But, nonetheless, I stood up at the conclusion of the previous speaker and looked to the girl and said "Would you like to come in to the chapel with me? She said no. I said, "Well it's President D.. speaking, and you'd have me, so you wouldn't be walking in alone. She replied, "Well, yeah, okay."

As we walked toward the doors to enter she hesitated and said, "Can I sit by you?" I put my arm on her shoulder and said, "Sure, I'd love that." As I we stepped forward toward the doors, I had this sweet feeling wash over me, as we made our way into a large chapel of several hundred young people (with far fewer adults). We sat down together, and enjoyed a sweet talk by our wonderful stake president.

When President D had finished speaking, and the closing hymn, and the "amen" of the closing prayer was said, I turned to the girl I sat by, and made some small talk for a few seconds. I was going to get up and leave, then thought I should learn her name for future reference in my goal to get to know more youth in our stake.

Now this may not seem like much to you, but to me it was a tender mercy from heaven, when I asked her name, and she smiled and said, "I'm Hope!."

Wow! H-O-P-E.

I had symbolically used my energy to stand up and reach out my hand to "hope," then I willingly invited "hope" to join me in my walk forward to face an unknown future!! I feel thankful for the personal reminder that HOPE journeyed with me, when I made a concerted effort on my part!

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A few special notes (A more creative and visual approach! :) I see about HOPE:

Hope does not remove the pain, but HOPE can help us to find things to gratefully focus on, as we try to take comfort amidst confusion. I compare hope to an emerging view, as the terribly loud, frightening, and very long storm finally ceases. Hope for me is when the dark clouds part to display rays of light majestically revealing the beautiful and fundamental truths of life.

In the process those beams of divine light reflect and magnifies the moisture left from the storm, and a rainbow materializes and frames a vision of your new life.
You look out upon the glorious expanse only to discover a crystal clear ocean, previously unknown in your kingdom.

You now have waters to sail upon as you explore distant lands and people, or you may decide to simply walk along beside the shoreline to gather precious seashells of sandy dreams, or beach glass of misty memories. Indeed, the ocean is uniquely yours, for it was formed and nourished by your heartache, and cleansed through your tears, as you braved those frightening storms of life. Storms for which you rose victorious against!

Let us each allow the positive energy of our hearts and minds to make our best efforts to look forward to promises of a brighter tomorrow on the horizon- even during those times where life is the darkest, and much too cloudy for us to see with the limited vision of our natural eyes.

During those dark times, we must make a personal effort to reach out and take hold of the binoculars of hope (ooh, I think I just coined a catchy phrase;) --those binoculars will enlarge and strengthen our sight and help us to see our bright dreams and beautiful desires in the distance.

I feel thankful for my personal reminder, that HOPE decided to join me, even when I made an awkward, uncertain effort on my part! May we all invite "HOPE" to join us on our journeys, and especially as we face the sorrows, heartbreaks, and uncertainties of life!

Romans 8:2424 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

Romans 15:1313 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

You've got the strength within you to succeed! Keep trying!
Hugs, Christine

P.S. I hope this makes sense! I wrote it when I was very sleepy!

Happy New Year 2015! :)

Last night at nearly midnight (I'm a bit of a night owl!!), I finished painting my bathroom a beautiful When I began painting I was feeling so happy and productive. As I worked, the little angel on my shoulder whispered happy songs in my ear of how great I was doing at working so hard today, and finishing up almost everything I can, for now, in the basement!) But, somewhere between the happy songs and productive, satisfied feeling, I started listening to the other voice on the other shoulder!! (I speak purely metaphorically! Not literally!) And the other voice wasn't an angel! 

shade of blue.

Indeed, I found myself mulling over unsettling situations in various corners of my life and circles of contacts. Regarding one such situation, I found myself deciding I wouldn't go to my church next Sunday. Then I decided, "No, I won't go for at least 2 weeks." I wanted to prove a point! As I painted, I prayed and asked Heavenly Father if it would be alright if I were to skip my ward. After all, I pointed out to him, "Isn't there room for just a little harmless pride." I just knew that such a behavior really wouldn't affect anyone but me. Right? And Besides, I continued to express to Him, "I'll still go to another church time--- just not my own."

Well, for the record, God did not speak back. He just listened to me express the hurts of my heart. I asked myself, why I should let 1 or a few people cause me to question my value for even a moment, or cause me to feel flustered by certain dynamics.) 

I really didn't need God to say, "Hey look, Christine-- just let it go (insert music outburst here... "Let it Gol! Let it Go!!  For as I silently continue to pray I already knew my answers. I knew that the most important opinion I need to worry about is Him--and not anyone else.

And though I didn't hear any audible replies, I did find myself recalling the scripture which says:

Philippians 4:12

I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: 

every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry,

both to abound and to suffer need. 

Well, I don't happen to like being "abased." I much favor feeling at peace, contently thankful, and happy! Being abased, by definition means to be humiliated, dishonored, defamed, belittled. I've never handled those things too well! 

Somehow, as my mind was drawn to the scripture, I also found that my thoughts were able to move past the sting, rejections, and hurt, which to that time I'd been allowing myself to focus on. I also found that I was able to move past the sour taste of this particular topic. Instead, I found myself considering just how blessed I was to be able to have the strength to paint, work with energy, and cumulatively change my life. I felt thankful for divine direction, and the grace- which truly enables and affords me so many blessings. Yes, there in the unlikely confines of my small bathroom, my heart felt full as I considered how I have reached a place in my life that I never imagined possible for the likes of me.

In truth, I used to imagine, and pray, that Oprah would step in and save me and my family with one of her big dreams come true shows. Now I see that I needed to give my life and will to God, and become humbled and hard working. He has given me all the tools I needed to change FROM WITHIN- and it turns out I did not need to be an Oprah success story!

My bathroom is now painted and I'm amazed to realize that my greatest satisfaction didn't come from a sense of accomplishment in finally getting the bathroom painted-- but in the knowledge that I was able to face that battle against my unseen opponent of pride and vain imagination, and come out a victor! A champion against my weaknesses.

Here we all are, on the verge of a new year. You may face, as did I, unseen enemies, or you may face very real and very strong opponents in your daily battles. Whatever you face, please understand that a very loving Heavenly Father is ready to stand at the front of your battle line, and help to fight your battles with you, and for you.

The amount of help God gives us is, in large part, determined by us. It's not so simple as saying, "Please fight my battles for me and with me." It requires our personal discomfort, sacrifice, and self-discipline. We have to decide that we want to improve and change our lives. We have to want to give our troubles, stubbornness, and rebellions to Him, and allow Him to teach us how to be peaceable in all the scenarios we face in life--be they sweet and pleasant, or humiliating and degrading.

I hope that you will remember that you are loved perfectly by Heavenly Father. He sees you in everything you do, and he knows you better than your dearest friend. The feelings of His heart extend beyond our limited understanding. He is filled with tenderness, love, longing, and mercy for each one of us. Heavenly Father has a special plan for your life. Dreams waiting to be written, and songs yet to sing. No matter what darkness some of you may be facing, or will yet face, there is a beautiful sunrise waiting for you. Sunrises of a new day, filled with new beginnings.

I know those colorfully painted words of mine may sound too flowery for you. You may even doubt what I say. But, I cannot deny that I have seen of God's goodness, and felt of His love. I have had glimpses into the capacity of His almighty hand. Through Jesus Christ, I am redeemed, and through His all encompassing atonement I have the capacity and potential to co-author marvelous dreams of a personal paradise here on earth. I never dreamed I would be able to do so, but now I can't help but sing a song of His redeeming love. I am truly blessed, and grateful for my testimony of God's love for me, and for each one of us, individually.

In closing, let me share some of the words from a BYU speech I listened today, given by an amazing man in 1973. Some of you know Him! Gordon B. Hinckley!

"It is so easy to get discouraged while you’re here. It seems so natural a thing to drop out or to give in. The way seems so long, the road so steep, that we are prone to think it not worth the candle. The story is told of the Irish peddler who wished to go to Dublin, which was so far away and he had no money. But he got there by placing one foot in front of the other."

"My dear young friends, never lose faith in yourselves or in your capacity to do worthwhile things. And call upon the Lord for help that your minds may be enlightened and your understanding quickened. Then go to work with that assurance inside of you that somehow you can do it."

".... for “if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20). Such is the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ. This, my brethren and sisters, is what our presence ... is all about: that faith might increase and be manifest and reflected in our lives..."

You are loved! Keep firm in faith, and take the necessary steps forward to meet your goals. Happy New Year!
Christine

We Are the Champions

Today I've been watching videos about the life of Christ.  He faced immense trials, pain, and suffering.  I wanted to watch to be reminded that my life only plays out on a small scale, as it relates to hardships and suffering.

In the next few days I feel like I am going to be walking the plank!  Walking into a situation for which I thought the righteous desires of my heart were better understood by someone.  But that person has (as far as I understand it) helped set me up to face a situation that is going to examine me and question my motives.

If you read yesterdays post, then you know I've been terrified of the experience.   However, I don't feel like I am alone.  I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for my life, and in the end I will come out successful.  This weekend, may not see that success though, but Heavenly Father knows that my heart has been right, even if some of my actions may have been mistakes (definitely not big ones).

In this process of fear and self-doubt that keeps me fairly worried, I've been reminded of two song lately that have "randomly" (NOT!) come to my thoughts, that I'll be fine.  So, I continue to keep the hope, that no matter what shame I suffer, or sorrow I experience, that it can all be swallowed up through the power and atonement of Jesus Christ, if I allow Him to rein my heart.
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This song reminds me that my life is a canvas that has painting yet to be painted.  Scenery and people that will brighten and beautify, and add to the rainbow of promise and miracles of my specialized plan of learning.

Well it's not far down to paradise, at least's not for me
If the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

It's not far to never, never land, reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

                                                                                        

Sailing, takes me away To where I've always heard it 

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

Soon I will be free

Fantasy, it gets the best of me when I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony, won't you believe me?

Sailing, takes me away
To where I've always heard it
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
Soon I will be free

It's not far back to sanity at least it's not for me
And when the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

Sailing, takes me away
To where I've always heard it
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
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This song reminds me that by keeping hope and holding out hope in the face of obstacles.  Indeed, each of are are champions as long as we keep trying to face each new day!

I've paid my dues

Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before
The whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions
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I am thankful that music enriches and blesses my life, and speaks to my heart.  I hope you will let beautiful music teach your heart how to sing!  I hope you will know that whatever it is that you worry about, that God can help you through it if you look towards him in prayer and diligence to His ways.  It's never too late to look to Him!

Psalms 26:2

2 Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.

I trust Him completely, and hope you will too.
Christine