Looking toward the light and example of Jesus Christ, who is "mighty to save." May we face our individual struggles and challenges by being willing to drink whatever " bitter cup" (or trial) we are given, and not shrink from doing what will ultimately strengthen us.
As some of you know from various posts, I love to worship regularly at my local LDS (Mormon) temple. However, some of you criticize or focus on the "secret" things we do. When in reality, the way we dress and act there is deeply sacred to us--not secret. If society acted in the kind, calm, and thoughtful way we do in the beautiful, and clean interior of the temple, the world would be a different place! We protect the feelings and experiences of our temples, because we hold it dear to our hearts, and we don't want it to be made fun of by those who don't cherish God and our firm beliefs, as we do
This short but very informative video shows you what we wear, and explains the comparisons of our faith to other faiths.
As paralleled in this short segment, It is completely true, that I feel as deeply about God, and Jesus Christ, as any nun, monk, catholic priest, or Muslim feel about their religious beliefs.
When I am in the temple I count it a time of holy communion with God. A time of peace, and tranquility, in which I am reminded of my divine worth, as well as reminded of my vows to follow the path of our Savior, and all that he taught in His ministry.
When I pray, at home, church, temple, or silently in my daily activities, I count it a sacred experience. As special as a "Hail Mary (Ave Maria)" or any other symbolic actions.
By wearing unseen religious clothing, it helps my focus on spiritual things of God and eternity, and it is very sacred to me.
While not everyone in The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints worships identically in all aspects of our lives, the devout member of our Christian religion is daily trying to improve and dedicate our time and energies to faithfully serving our families, friends, and community around us.
I hope you will take a few minutes to learn about me, and others who share my views. I hope it will help us increase in our mutual understanding and appreciation. It's always best to get your information from the source!! Never second hand.
Christine
P.S. If you have other questions, please feel free to comment or message me. :)
My heart is truly thankful to Heavenly Father today. I wish I could adequately put into words how happy, and peaceful my heart feels. Indeed. These past two days I have had some very special experiences. My first special experience was yesterday. My husband was very kind and drove my children and I to another state to attend the baptism of sister's child. Here's is what I wrote in my journal about the day:
11 October 2014
"My highlight of Beckie's house was talking alone with her when I went to leave, and all her other guests had gone. She was very sick and it was the first day of her nasty cold and diarrea. I had opted not to hug her all day, but I had to the thought, as I stood there about to leave, that I should. And I followed the impression and hugged her (as I am a bit of a germ-o-phobe that wasn't my favorite thought;), but as I did so my heart felt full of love for her, and my insecurities and sore spots seemed to melt away."
I haven't seen her in many months, and it was interesting, because as I hugged her, I could sense how deeply it meant to her. It was a hug where the person it clutching you. She had acted all along that it was alright none of us hug her, because of her sickness, but I could tell it meant a lot to her, because I let go thinking we were done hugging, and realized she was still holding onto me. So I re-hugged her.
Little Beckie and Christine as young girls.
When we finished hugging we each said, "I love you" and then parted. As I climbed into the van, I felt teary, and thankful. I needed that moment to remind me of why I have her as my sister. Too many other things had gotten in the way of our relationship over the last year, and I had forgotten some of the feelings I once had. The power of remembering is healing.
My second experience was feeling I should bear my testimony and tell my ward that I was a hoarder. It was hard for me. Not exactly at the top of my "wish list!"
My continued motivation and desire was to inspire anyone else to change and draw closer to Heavenly Father. Even if it was frightening, and even if I worried what people would think of me, I am thankful if I can be found worthy to be on His errand.
Sharing my testimony didn't come without a struggle last week though. I felt very nervous at the thought that I possibly should share my personal experiences. I didn't want to "say too much." I didn't want to say things that would let people know too many of my weaknesses, or challenges. But, when I prayed about it, everything seemed to suggest I should bear my testimony for all those present to hear.
Through the week I prayed about what I might say, in an effort to prepare. I prayed about what order of things to say, or what stories I could share to make a memorable point. (I knew that I did no want to get up there to the microphone and speak a personal agenda. I wanted to be open and worthy of the spirit of God to direct me, so that I might be an instrument in his hands.)
As you can tell, I worried a lot about the possibility of sharing my testimony. One night, just a few days prior to Sunday, when I was too worried to sleep, I said, "Heavenly Father, I'm going to let this go, and allow You to give me the words that I need to speak--if bearing my testimony is what you want me to do. I knew He could direct my words when I stood up.
Jump ahead to church today. There I stood, pouring out the feelings of my heart, I tried to pause and allow the spirit to shape the form of my testimony. I tried to listen to the ideas that came to my mind. I did not saying everything perfectly, but when I finished I no longer felt that nervous, "I should give my testimony" feeling. I felt peace.
I spoke of many things in my testimony, but one thing I specifically shared was an experience I had a couple of years back, with our last bishop. I told them how I sat in the bishop's office with my husband. And there was complete silence (except the sound of my tears!) as I looked into the eyes of this good man, who was called of God. I had a question on my heart, but was afraid to ask it.
Here is an excerpt from my journal entry that day--with additional information with what he spoke to my husband and I about. 11 March 2012
How can I put into words the feelings of my heart? I sat with my amazing, and inspired Mormon (LDS) Bishop today, and was counseled by him that the most grand, amazing, and eternally beautiful pieces of ART that I have created are my children, and there is nothing more important in this world than putting my time and effort into helping shape and mold their hearts and lives in the ways of God and His paths righteousness.
The spirit of God was strong in the bishop's office that day, and the spirit could tangibly be felt in the air. My bishop broke the silence, by looking directly in my eyes, and with piercing strength and kindness spoke the answer to the deepest worry of my heart. He said, "It is not too late. It is not to late." And I cried harder.
Heavenly Father had answered my unspoken question through this righteous man--- "Is it too late for my children, or have we destroyed and scarred them for life by the way we've lived?" [I was particularly worried about our oldest son. (Who, at the time, struggled with oppositional defiance disorder.--He has since had a miracle of being healed from that, as we began daily family scripture study and prayer. And in turn he began doing those same thing, plus journal writing, on his own!) I repeat again, God works miracles!]
In my testimony I also spoke of a few of my personal experiences, and encouraged them to take the things that control them, and let God heal their lives-- be it things they can do on their own, or things that require the help of the bishop. I spoke to them of having the courage to change their lives.
Heavenly Father knows that I am (now) willing to sacrifice my own comfort to do His work on earth. Even in my small ways like sharing my testimony of His power and love for each of us. I hope I can make a difference, for the better, in the lives of others because of my willingness to share my experiences, and my love for Heavenly Father, and the miracles that are now seen in my life, because I gave my heart and hands to God.
After I sat down from sharing my testimony, my insecurities started to play in my mind. I began to
worry if I'd really done the right thing. After all, I'd just announced my secret problem! And that was not completely comfortable. I received repeated confirmation of the good of what I'd done, when after sacrament the stake president came up and thanked me, and MANY others for the next two hours at church came up and hugged me, put their arms around me, expressed their love for me, and showed kindness and appreciation. I even had some youth come up and thank me for my testimony.
It seemed that I'd struck a chord with the congregation, because of my humility and willingness to confess before them what has caused me so many problems--a long life history of depression and hoarding. And of their own witness, in confirmation to my words, they have of themselves see how I've turned my life, home, and family around. What has happened in our home is nothing short of a miracle, which testifies and witnesses of God's power, mercy, and grace. My third experience occurred after tonight's amazing fireside (religious devotional) at the church. I said something in my testimony that touched upon something a threat a ward member had made to me regarding my children. I didn't point her out specifically by name, but I wanted people to realize that we get warning voices that often come from the people closest to us, and we should heed those voices.
I felt some concern, after I referred subtly to her threat, that she would think I was still upset over the incident. Which, I'm sure, some people would not have let go. But Heavenly Father has helped me to forgive people in my life, in a way that to this point I could not do. I used to be VERY slow to forgive. If I forgave at all!
After church, I went to work. I'm a demo lady at Walmart :) During my lunch break I explained in a lovely flower greeting cart, that I have long forgiven her, and that I have truly come to love and appreciate her.
I had wanted to hand deliver it to her house, but I didn't get off work in time, and I had to hurry home to get my two teenage children to the devotional by 7 pm. (I felt she needed this message that day--as I suspected she might feel a little upset over what I'd said).
At the devotional, I saw the woman I referenced in my testimony. Afterward, I went up to her and handed her the note I wrote her on my break, and then I hugged her. She seemed worried and concerned. I said, "I've been wanting to write you for a while now, but after my testimony today I felt I should do it immediately."
She quickly processed what my note was about, and she hugged me again, and then when she pulled away she became very quiet, as though she wanted to say something. I watched and waited. She suddenly burst our crying and told me something she never had before said, "Oh Christine, I am so sorry." I hugged her. I told her I loved her, and I've long forgiven her, and we proceeded to share a very sacred few minutes of love and forgiveness.
Every time I thought we were finished and I was ready to walk away, she'd break the parting silence, and speak. One thing she said truly struck my heart. She said, "Christine, I love to watch you. You have become so happy and radiant. You are an inspiration to me." Those words meant a lot to me to hear. Not because I've done that myself. But because it shows how Heavenly Father has given me strength and energy to become new person through Christ. I replied as such, and spoke of how He has blessed me, and how that means a great deal to me.
She spoke other things to me, but I reassured her that all was well. That it was a lesson we both learned from. I hugged her in parting, and again assured her that all I felt was love for her. I walked away, and felt a joy hard to describe.
Later on, as I contemplated why my heart felt so much joy, I realized that it was not only a sacred moment, but it was moment that was cleansing. My heart felt purified, and any lingering sore spots of doubt, or worry were washed away. I felt so much gratitude to Heavenly Father, because he is making a new woman out of me. A woman who is becoming meek and humble. A woman who worries less about being verbally strong and sharp spoken, and instead one who tries to speak with softer tones, intentions, and kindness.
I never knew I could be this way. In itself it is a miracle. And it's a possibility for everyone. Not just for me. But it can only come through learning to rely on Heavenly Father, and allowing him to sand my rough edges. This sanding comes of self-sacrifice, and sincere seeking. It requires diligent and daily scripture study and prayer. Weekly church attendance. Service to others. Namely it requires physical and spiritual labor. SUMMED UP: I have given my whole heart to Heavenly Father!
I'm not the same woman I used to be, sitting and watching movies, eating in bed, or spending wasted, mindless hours online. It means that the new me cleans house daily. And I don't make excuses for myself anymore. I am in control of my life. I have no one to blame. I can't even blame the abuses and trauma of my childhood. Although they affected me, they are no longer an excuse for me. I have looked to God for healing, and I have found it.
Whenever the adversary cannot persuade imperfect yet striving Saints such as you to abandon your belief in a personal and loving God, he employs a vicious campaign to put as much distance as possible between you and God.The adversary knows that faith in Christ—the kind of faith that produces a steady stream of tender mercies and even mighty miracles—goes hand in hand with a personal confidence that you are striving to choose the right.For that reason he will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme.
As long as you allow these (negative) voices to chisel away at your soul, you can’t approach the throne of God with real confidence. Whatever you do, whatever you pray for, whatever hopes for a miracle you may have, there will always be just enough self-doubt chipping away at your faith—not only your faith in God but also your confidence in yourself. Living the gospel in this manner is no fun, nor is it very healthy. Above all, it is completely unnecessary! The decision to change is yours—and yours alone.
I would like to share one more experience. (Making it 4!) I hope it is not too personal. It's just that my heart feels almost night unto bursting at how special these tender mercy moments were for me.
On my way home from work, I could tell I was getting a migraine. (They are very uncommon for me.) I could feel my headache growing, and I felt nauseated, and I felt like I was going to be very sick. But oh, how I wanted to go to the fireside to feel spiritually uplifted, and to have that time with my son and daughter. I prayed that Heavenly Father would remove my headache.
When I go home I quickly ate 2 cookies on the stove, and took 4 ibuprofin. I hurried down the hall to my bedroom to grab something, and as I did so a beautiful song played into my memory (by Janice Kapp Perry).. "Thanks for the music, that's in me..." And I smiled and offered a silent prayer of sincere gratitude for my blessing of songs in the night (and day!).
Yet the Lord will command his loving kindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.
No sooner had that melody played into my thoughts, than a new one began to play.... "My kindness
shall not depart from thee..."
My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee
Text and Music by Rob Gardner
For a little while
Have I forsaken thee;
But with great mercies will I gather thee.
In a little wrath I hid my face from thee
For a moment.
But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee,
And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings,
For the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
But know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
Though thine afflictions seem
At times too great to bear,
I know thine every thought and every care.
And though the very jaws
Of hell gape after thee I am with thee.
And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee,
And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings.
Though the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
Know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
How long can rolling waters
Remain impure?
What pow'r shall stay the hand of God?
The Son of Man hath descended below all things.
Art thou greater than He?
So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man, for he
Cannot hurt thee.
And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee,
And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
But know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
My heart felt truly full and thankful. I realized when I arrived at the devotional that somewhere in the last 10 minutes my symptoms of ALL sickness had gone from me. I also knew that there had not been time for the ibuprofin to take any affect. Again my heart felt grateful. Heavenly Father is truly kind to me.
====
Semi-tangent: Listening to the speaker that night was an amazing experience, which I would not have wanted to miss. It was a young Mom, who had been paralyzed when she accidentally jumped off a cliff. She shared amazing experiences of seeing God's love and hand in her life. I particularly liked when she shared the night she went running at 2 am (obviously before she was paralyzed during college).
She was out running, because of the anguish of her soul. She ran through the streets of her community, but ended running herself to the doors of her LDS (Mormon) church building. She sat on the steps and sobbed. As she did so, into her ears she heard a choir singing "I Know that my Redeemer Lives" and she thought, "Wow! That is one tough choir director, holding a 2 am practice!
She knew it was not an ordinary choir. She looked through the door to try and see the choir, but she could see no lights on in the building! She was very aware that this was a heavenly, angelic choir. And they were there to lift, cheer, and bless her soul. Heavenly Father was letting her know that He is aware of her individually. As He is of each one of us!
There are many ways you can hear the voice of God speaking to you. It will come through the voice of friends, and loved ones. It may come through song. It may be a line from a movie, book, or poem that plays into your thoughts. It may be a long forgotten memory. It may just be a feeling of courage, or a special peace "which passeth all understanding." Or, it may be a an act of kindness, or a simple hug., or a simple hug.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
It is unlikely that you will have profound, un-explainable experiences, like a choir of angels! Though such things cannot be ruled out! Such experience generally come when you are seeking to know God's will for you, and then keeping your heart and mind open to learning.those things. They will rarely come without desire and effort on your part--though God has been know to work mighty miracles among even non-believers!
My young brothers and sisters, strive to be someone the Lord can trust. Always be listening for that still small voice. Have you received “a wireless message from heaven” today? President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave this advice in the April 2011 general conference:
Often [the Lord] speaks to us in ways that we can hear only with our heart. To better hear His voice, it would be wise to turn down the volume control of the worldly noise in our lives. If we ignore or block out the promptings of the Spirit for whatever reason, they become less noticeable until we cannot hear them at all. Let us learn to hearken to the promptings of the Spirit and then be eager to heed them. [“Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign,May 2011, 70–75]
I promise you, every effort is worth feeling and knowing how much Heavenly Father loves you! Have faith. Have hope. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong, capable, and courageous! Keep trying!
Christine P.S. I'm no more special than any one of you, and I hope I don't appear to be saying anything of the sort. What I am saying, is that I've learned to turn down the noises and distractions of the world (i.e. television, movies, music, and yelling!!), and I allow myself the opportunities to listen to the very quiet melodies of heaven. Any of you who know me well, will also know that I never was a great listener!! In fact, I'm truly ADD! But, I am learning to listen, and in listening I am blessed. You will be also. :)
I have see a bit of discussion going on around the internet regarding the movie, "Meet the Mormons," as well as the changing of social media icon. |
As I am Mormon, I would like to share with you my take on things.
Here's the thing. You may have noticed that some of your social media friends have changed their profile pictures to read "I'm a Mormon." We are doing this to raise awareness of who we are, and the uniqueness of our personalities.
It's rather late though, and I've had a full day of cleanings, more cleaning, and still more cleaning!.( trust me....that happens more often that I'd like, because my 5 children (particularly my 2 youngest boys) are very active!!) so I am going to paste here a comment I have made elsewhere on the internet. I think it sums up most of my feelings pretty well.
Tangent: Don't worry, I also played play dough, cars, and found patterns and fabric to make a Halloween costume (fairy) that my 9 year old designed. I have also read, weeded, done too many dishes to count! ;) ,cleaned toilets (etc.), made meals, and even rested a little bit. We also had family scripture and prayer. I visited with my sweet neighbor, and she shared some garden produce with me. I particularly enjoyed the fresh basil and tomatoes---It's been a rewarding day.
Okay, hopefully you don't mind hearing that little bit about my day. I sometimes feel some concern that my readers think there isn't substance to me-- but as I have stated elsewhere-- My goal and aim for this blog is to increase spiritual awareness in the chaotic world we live, and also to encourage and support YOU-- in whatever circumstance you find yourself.
There is hope and healing. I know, I have been recipient to God's many miracles! You can change who you are for the better. You can improve whatever circumstance you find yourself. Keep trying!!
=====Okay..without further ado... Here is a comment I wrote earlier today on other social media forums.
====
(This reply was in response to two different people, who won't change their profile picture. ---Which
I don't have any deep seeded issue with... BUT I needed/wanted to make my position clear for why I chose to post this photo!)
"I took your points into consideration, but I decided that I want to be a missionary. You see, after reading your article-and those of commenter's, I felt a bit embarrassed that I might possibly put the "I'm a Mormon" icon on my Facebook page. I didn't like that feeling!! I should never be ashamed by the potentially fallible points brought up. We aren't sharing it to show we are some elite social club, or showing high school snobbery, or any number of reasons people expressed herein.
The claim that "I'm a Mormon" and come watch "Meet the Mormon's" is a worthy goal, and aim, with several purposes. (Here's just 5 reasons to consider--Not mentioning the beautiful music by David Archuleta!:)
1. We want to inspire others to do good in whatever place they stand, or circumstance they find themselves. No matter what their religious preference of beliefs. This movie will do just that! (And there will be no missionaries standing at the doors to pass out fliers. The movie is not only intended to inspire, but it is also intended to help promote dialogue, acceptance, and understanding for the people we really are--and not the mistaken identity some people would try to apply to "Mormon's" or member's of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.
2. We want them to understand who we are and what we stand for. And yes, to feel free to ask us questions they may have. Some of our friends may not know we are Mormon. It is also intended to help promote dialogue, acceptance, and understanding for the people we really are--and not the mistaken identity some people would try to apply to "Mormon's" or member's of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.
3. If you are a person, worthy of representing the name of "Mormon" of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints--- it could be a great missionary tool! So beautifully put by Elder Bednar during this recent conference:
"Devoted disciples of Jesus Christ always have been and always will be valiant missionaries. A missionary is a follower of Christ who testifies of Him as the Redeemer and proclaims the truths of His gospel.
"The Church of Jesus Christ always has been and always will be a missionary church. The individual members of the Savior’s Church have accepted the solemn obligation to assist in fulfilling the divine commission given by the Lord to His Apostles, as recorded in the New Testament:
“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
“Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen” (Matthew 28:19–20).
"Latter-day Saints take seriously this responsibility to teach all people in all nations about the Lord Jesus Christ and His restored gospel. We believe the same Church founded by the Savior anciently has been reestablished on the earth by Him in the latter days. The doctrine, principles, priesthood authority, ordinances, and covenants of His gospel are found today in His Church."
"When we invite you to attend church with us or to learn with the full-time missionaries, we are not trying to sell you a product. As members of the Church, we do not receive prizes or bonus points in a heavenly contest. We are not seeking simply to increase the numerical size of the Church. And most importantly, we are not attempting to coerce you to believe as we do. We are inviting you to hear the restored truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ so you can study, ponder, pray, and come to know for yourself if the things we are sharing with you are true."
"Some of you may respond, “But I already believe in Jesus and follow His teachings,” or “I am not sure if God really exists.” Our invitations to you are not an attempt to diminish your religious tradition or life experience. Bring all that you know is true, good, and praiseworthy—and test our message. Just as Jesus beckoned two of His disciples to “come and see” (John 1:39), so we urge you to come and see if the restored gospel of Jesus Christ enlarges and enriches that which you already believe to be true."
Elder Bednar continues by sharing a very true and funny story, and then makes a PROFOUND point:
"....What happened next is most important. The injured brother gathered up the remaining bandages and the almost empty tube of ointment, and he went back outside. He quickly sought out his friends and began to put ointment and bandages on their arms. Susan and I both were struck by the sincerity, enthusiasm, and rapidity of his response."
"Why did that little boy do what he did? Please note that he immediately and intuitively wanted to give to his friends the very thing that had helped him when he was hurt. That little boy did not have to be urged, challenged, prompted, or goaded to act. His desire to share was the natural consequence of a most helpful and beneficial personal experience."
"Many of us as adults behave in precisely the same way when we find a treatment or medication that alleviates pain with which we have long suffered, or we receive counsel that enables us to face challenges with courage and perplexities with patience. Sharing with other people things that are most meaningful to us or have helped us is not unusual at all."
5. 100% of the net profit from the movie "Meet the Mormons" goes to the Red Cross. Talk
about a tremendous humanitarian effort! I am sure the victims, from any given disaster type, will feel grateful for the comforts and blessings that brings! (What a wonderful way for each of us to make a difference in our world!)
Over the last few days, I have felt an immense amount of inner turmoil. So much so, that I was experiencing physiological responses I have rarely encountered in my life. (I guess it could be related to an anxiety attach--- which is not something I'm very familiar with.) During this duress, I repeatedly fell to my knees in prayer and asked Heavenly Father why He let me feel like something was right to do, when in fact it turned out so very very badly. I asked Him over and over. "Why, when you knew the outcome? Why? Why? How could any of this be good?" The answers came gradually to me, as I purified my actions to Him. Not only did I pray, but I studied scriptures, listened to talks, and sought comfort from a priesthood blessing and attending the temple. The ordeal left me feeling injured and and terribly worried. Something has happened. As I have listened to the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, my shaking fears and disconsolate heart has been comforted, and my peace is being restored. I have particularly been comforted through lines of songs that play into my thoughts, during the silent moments of this threatening storm. I immediately knew what God wants me to know, when a popular song I haven't listened to or heard for many months played into my thoughts as I fitfully tried sleeping... "Let it go! Let it go!" and added to that were words from two hymns: "Leave to thy God, to order and provide." and "When all that was promised the Saints will be given." Heavenly Father wants me to truly "let it go" and to trust in His omnipotent hand. I have learned a lot from this experience. Among other things, I've increased in my sensitivity to the feelings and experiences of others. I have been reminded that God's vision is marvelous and massive. I am reassured that He loves each of us very much, and is truly mindful of our needs. I also becoming more aware of how truly he "delights to own and bless" His children "as they try and do what's right." It's important to just start where you are, because little efforts efforts, even in a weak, tired, and sorrowful condition, will help you feel God's love. As you feel yourself grow stronger, try to keep the commandments of God even better. No one grows stronger, if they don't flex, work and exercise their spiritual muscles.
My amazing bishop once taught me an important lesson, "Repentance encompasses more than repentance from sin.Repentance equates to progression, and it is rarely comfortable. " If you keep trying to improve yourself, you will see miracles in your life!
I can really relate to this video. I have faith that God will open up doors, for which my narrow vision had never seen before! I am thankful for His sweet and perfect assurances of love and peace in my life. I feel loved. :)
My 4 yr old got my camera for me and too this photo.
He's helpful and talented! :)
Today, when I took out the trash I noticed how my lawn hasn't been trimmed. I'd like to tell you it's been a month or two, but I think it's been years. Oh, the embarrassment to speak such truth! But, it's true!
This morning the weather was sunny, but cool. Just like I like it! I had my morning energy, so I
decided I'd tackle the whole strip of lawn nearest to the road. It was so rewarding to reach down and twist up nasty tangled weeds from the grass. I just knew this was going to make our yard look so much better.
My 4 yr old helper M is amazing!
My 4 year old, M, was right along side me. (He works hard
and lasts a long time when we work. He's been know to help me for hours. His own choice! He loves to scrub, sweep, and clean off the chair and cupboards. It truly astounds me!) Today he was sweeping the weeds into a pile and then putting it in the trash can. I felt so thankful for this little boy of mine. He really does help me.
Soon my joy turned to embarrassment. What had I done?!! While it's true that I'd conquered the weeds in the grass, I also was left with mostly dirt. That's right people, our grass isn't really grass anymore. It's mostly weeds of all sizes, shapes and colors. In the process of trying to improve my yard, I'd actually made it look uglier that the previous unkempt grass look. Years of ignoring the small and controllable weeds had turned into massive overgrowth. And the weeds have taken control, because we'd allowed them too.
It's kind of like that in life, isn't it? We realize there are things about ourselves, our surroundings, or our circumstances, and yet we do little, or nothing, to take care of matters. We close our eyes, or turn our head away. We either pretend we don't see. Or, we tell ourselves, we'll get to it later.
That's how I/We spent most of my/our life. "Living by default" as my Mom used to reprimand my husband and I. We let our bills go. We let our home go. We let our time go. And to where? Pretty much nowhere! We were a mess. Literally. What happens when you let everything around go by default? I'll tell you! The winds of happenstance blow you in circles. And sometimes those winds become full fledged tornado's, or worse!
The only thing that we had going for us is that by nurture and nature, we were two good people. We were faithful to the basic things of our religion. We tried to be honest. We tried to go to church each week. We tried to always pay a full tithe. We tried to read our scriptures. We tried to pray. We tried to do the things good people do.
Unfortunately, most of those behaviors were just try. Not DO! We almost always made it to weekly church-- but were glad to have an excuse of having a cold virus to keep us home, or the baby did not seem to be feeling well. We listened to our semi-annual general conference, but we did not worry if we fell asleep through it. We read our scriptures, unless we were too tired. We'd offer up our bedtime prayers under the warmth of our covers, and more often than not fell asleep, or gave said poorly thought out words to God. We were pretty good about tithing, but usually months behind. In general, we just made a lot of excuses for ourselves. We didn't feel that we had what other people did, so we just didn't try as hard.
It's embarrassing to say, but we had a "woe is me" mentality. We thought only of ourselves and what was in our best comfort and convenience. We just kind of hoped things would fall into our laps, but they rarely did.
Family fun at Chick Filet Cow Appreciation Day 2014! :)
Here's the strange part of it all. God never gave up on us. We did still receive many blessings.
Things that of ourselves we had not earned, but that he saw fit to bless us with. Among those things were children. In my struggle with infertility, it took us 3 years to have our first child, but even then he further blessed me with 4 more children! He took us from living in poverty conditions, to owning our own home. He took us from only being able to take the city bus if we needed to get somewhere, to owning our own vehicles. His blessings were still very apparent, despite the chaos in our lives and minds!
Stepping away from the "we," I'd like to talk just about me now. Years ago, I lived with a secret. I tried to hide it from people. I tried to pretend I was in control. But here it is. I WAS a hoarder. I had always been called a "pack rat" by my family, since I was a young girl, but until I saw an episode of the TV show Hoarders a few years ago, I didn't know I was one! It was strangely consoling to know I wasn't alone, but it was overwhelming, because I knew I could never have a crew of people come and clean my house, because then people would know my secret. The secret I tried hard to hide.
Gratefully, I had not had the chance to develop into some of the most extreme cases of being a hoarder, but trust me, I had a major problem. I wouldn't let people into my home. I couldn't find things I needed. I couldn't keep up with the bills, because I didn't know where the mail was. I couldn't let the children have friends in, unless I hid the mess in some out of the way room. The laundry was out of control, and the mess seemed endless. I lived in fear that my children would be taken away from me. It was awful. It was terrifying. And worst of all, I never had hope that it could change.
Things have changed since then. I am a new woman. I am NOT a hoarder anymore. I have cleaned up my life, my surrounding, my circumstances. I didn't needed Hoarders to come and save me. I didn't need to be rescued by Oprah (as once I desired) to fulfill my wish of a clean, orderly home.
I needed something more. I needed a hurricane to strike the lonely island of my soul, and teach me what I needed to understand.
You might even say, on this unforgettably horrific day in history, that I needed a 9-11 to symbolically strike my tower of laziness, pride! Indeed, it was wrong terribly wrong that September 11, 2001 ever happened. But just like the weeds in my grass, natural, careless, or intentional disaster's, in all their ugly forms have a way of stepping into our lives and our circumstances (and in small or large way) and cause devastation and destruction in it's path. And, like September 11th, I was forced to re-build a broken or weakened structure--of personal and spiritual self.
I don't have time tonight to tell you of that initial personal disaster, or the experience and the ramifications of it, but I plan to come back over the next few days and share how the ball of change began to roll in my life. I truly believe that some of the hardest challenges and trials we face in our lives can strengthen us, refine us, and help us to rise a little taller. I hope you will return to learn more.
36 Yea, and acry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thybdoings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy cthoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 aCounsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for bgood; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the cmorning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
I hope wherever you are in life, that you will know that there is always hope for change. Jesus Christ made it all possible--for everyone For you. For me. You just need to be willing to make some effort, and you will find that things aren't as despairing as perhaps you see them now. I have confidence that if I can clean my life of overgrown weeds, and useless belonging-- that YOU CAN clear away the weeds in your life, that keep you from reaching your full potential.
Next spring I hope the grass grows back!
My remaining clumps of grass look lonely and embarrassing temporarily, but I am hopeful that now that they are not crowded out with the stifling overgrowth of weeds, that what remains will have a chance to multiply and replenish into a beautiful spot of earth! I look forward to the awakening of next Spring, when the cold snow melts away, and I discover that my painful efforts were worth the time.
Hands caked with dirt will yield us fruit from our labors!
(A Tomato from our garden. :)
Join me on my journey for change and betterment. You will never regret it. Even if the soul-stretching efforts of change ache you to the core, you will come out a happier person for it!
The other night I dropped my two teenage children off for a Sunday fireside * (devotional) at a church member's house. I saw one of my friends, and also the Young Women's President pull up to the house on her bike. I'd been meaning to talk to her, so I left my car running and jumped out to check on how my excessively shy girl is doing in her church youth classes. --Not great. ;\
After visiting a minute with my friend, an 8 yr. old daughter (from inside the house) came up to me and started talking to me. I said goodbye to H, as she hurried in for the fireside and turned to visit with J . A bright, beautiful, articulate child. She's warm, trusting, and naturally loving and open. And well, it's hard for me not to enjoy myself around those kind of people!
J and I have visited many times before, but on this night she was carrying her Queen Elsa barbie doll and a fun conversation ensued on the movie frozen, and specifically "Queen Elsa." I tried to convince her to like Princess Anna more. But, her mind could bot be changed.
Me: But why do you like Princess Elsa so much? J. (correction) Queen Elsa!
Me: Okay! ;) Queen Elsa!
J; "Queen Elsa can do cool magic with her hands, and her dress is so pretty, and she's sooo beautiful." (and she tilted her head down to tightly hug her Queen Elsa to her heart.
Me: (teasingly) Yeah, okay, so she builds really cool ice castles and a cute snowman, BUT Princess Elsa is forgiving, she sings so pretty, and never stops loving-- You know that sad part (and I imitate a spoken child's voice) "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
J: Yeah, but Queen Elsa sings (and J breaks into song) "The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen..."
Me. You sing so pretty J.
J: Thanks, now you try it.
Me: What are the words again? (I only know the words "Let it Go! Let it Go!...")
J: (repeats the words she sang)
Me: I start singing it.
J: Hey, you sound just like Queen Elsa!
Me: Thanks :)
Me: But J, Anna has the same hair color as we do! (Dark Brown)
J: (cutely correcting me!) "Her hair is red!"
Me: (puzzled, and thinking back to a visual image I have of Anna,) "Oh, yeah, I guess it is kind of reddish"
J: (Holding a handful of her long hair to shine in the setting sun) "look"
[I understood immediately her unspoken intent, for I'd done the same thing many times myself! Yes, brown hair usually has reddish undertones when the light shines through]
Me: (holding up my hair for the sun to also shine through) "Yeah, and I have reddish hair too"
J; (Giggling) We both have the same hair as Anna!
You can thank me, because that's the abridged version of our conversation on that topic!
We also spoke about all kinds of things-- like how there is a mean girl who won't let her play with her friend K.C. at school, and how how she has a chandelier in her room, and a desk that was her brother's and she's scraping of the black chalk paint from it because she already has a chalkboard, and how her parents used to have cats but one was smushed by a car and the other by the garage door!
And, of course, I told her how I have a chandelier in my front room. Which I call my "temple room" (but it never really looks quite as clean as a temple, because my children are mess makers!)
And how we have 2 pet bunnies, and a hamster, but we used to have pigeons, bunnies, dogs, and chickens!
And on and on we visited-- because that's what two talkative girls do! ;)
One of my favorite things J told was a story about how one morning, when she was still asleep, her sister woke her up by throwing herself on J-- and then they proceeded to re-enact a scene from Frozen--- Which of course J and her sister have memorized!! And little J acted it out for me, and explained she kept her eyes closed and her sister opened one of them just like Elsa. She was proud of her ability to act asleep.
Young Anna: [climbs into Elsa's bed] Elsa. Psst. Elsa! Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Young Elsa: [half-asleep] Anna, go back to sleep.
Young Anna: I just can't.
[dramatically] The sky's awake,
so I'm awake, so we have to play!
Young Elsa: [smiling] Go play by yourself!
[nudges Anna off the bed]
[Anna hits the floor with a thud, but smiles
and climbs back up on the bed.
She opens one of Elsa's eyes]
Young Anna: [mischievously] Do you wanna build a snowman?
Somehow after sharing the story she told me how she could almost do a somersault. I followed her over to the grass and she tried very hard, but wasn't quite making it. I showed her how to place her feet and tuck her head toward her knees and how to push off with her legs and hands. I gave her a push over and she did a successful somersault.
We practiced several more times. And I even demonstrated a somersault twice in my perfectly mature, ladylike manners (and all dressed in my knee length peasant skirt and blouse!!) She thought that was too funny. (But, then again, she's a giggly, happy child, and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I'm not so sure any onlookers were as generous as she was. I don't mind occasionally marching to my own rat-a-tat-tat--- drum beat! ;) After I had her practice a few more somersaults, she started to get the hang of it. (She still needs to put more speed into pushing off though.)
J moved on to something else. This time she showed me how to move and twist around the tall basketball hoop on the drive way. Because she's a petite girl, and still developing coordination, like other children her age, it took care and thought on her part. She finished her feat, and said, "Now you try it."
When J had me take a turn to copy what she had done, I worried that that it would look too easy if I did it like she did. I have the leg length to reach stepping spots that she'd had trouble with. I didn't want to make it seem like a "piece of cake," and squash any of her wonderful self-esteem, so I modified what I did. I danced around it like an awkward pirouetting ballerina. She watched me, and then corrected me nicely "No, that's not how you do it." She then demonstrated and told me again to give it a try. I just laughed and said, I might fall and hit my head on the cement if I did. :))
Well, I was having a great time visiting with her, but made my apologies, and told her I should be getting home. After all, I was only there 30-40 minutes!
As always, you may be asking, "Goodness, what is the point of Christine's long winded play by play of her conversation and playtime with J." I'm glad you asked. :) I'll tell you.
Children need role models. Not only do children get into trouble without proper attention, but it also affects their self-esteem. Children derive increased confidence when they are listened to and engage in happy social relationships. (Okay, I'm not going to write a research paper here. So I won't bother to support any of my facts or theories! Just go with it, okay?!)
It's a great way to remember how you acted and felt as a child. We live in a world of distraction. As adults we tent to always be off cleaning, sending emails, checking Facebook, editing photos, watching movies, working, or doing our civic or church duties. I realize those things can be important and necessary, but there is something truly satisfying when engaging with children. You are reminded of perspectives and views of the world you saw when you were much closer to the ground. Memories you've long forgotten.
Making eye contact is more rewarding than staring at a lap top, cell phone, or ipod. Having this time with J, reminded me that I want to give my full and undivided attention to my own children. I certainly try. And I have a lot of fun, precious, and special stories I could share of my conversations and experiences with them. But, giving your undivided attention to one child is vastly different than dividing it with 5! It can be downright challenging! And sometime I feel exhausted in the effort.
From this experience I felt renewed in my desire to make sure I am setting aside opportunities in which I have alone time with each of my children. Not just alone time in the house, while my 4 year old helps me clean in the kitchen or bedroom, or my 13 year old makes cookies (and I give her baking tips), but also alone time going outside more. Doing such things as jumping on the trampoline, going on a walk or bike ride, a "date" with just Mom and/or Dad, or practicing somersaults together are just a few of the many possibilities!
I do a lot of those things, but I realized after talking with J, that I'm going to need to actually make conscious effort to stop what I'm doing and give them regular time and attention, especially as it relates to going outdoors- in all kinds of weather.
Children gain confidence for positive interactions with adults. Today on Facebook I saw a short clip about "acting like a girl." It's pathetic commentary on how society views females. If I can pay attention to not just my daughter's, but son's, or other children, and give encouragement and let them know I care, then I'm hopeful they will know how special they are, and that's it's alright to be themselves! (I mean, seriously, if at my age I can do a somersault and not act embarrassed that someone might see me, then I hope it relays the message that "I'm alright with myself," and they like themselves as they are too!)
OH, and guys, I better not hear you tell your son's "What!! Are you gonna cry like a girl now?! Buck up and be a man." (I won't step all the way on my soap box now, but needless to say, I don't increase in respect when men talk that way to their sons!)
We can learn to be more like Jesus! (Not to mention children can remind us how Heavenly Father loves us with the same compassion and mercy, and that we are of value in His sight.) Think of all the wonderful qualities I've described of J. Think of the sweet, endearing qualities in children you know and love.
Children are generally accepting of everyone.
Children love to experiment and learn.
Children are trusting.
Children are teachable.
Children forgive quickly.
Children love to laugh and giggle.
Children aren't afraid of appearances.
Children speak with direct honesty!
Children have tremendous faith in everyone and everything.
Children are what the savior admonished us to be like!
1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the agreatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little achildren, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall ahumble himself as this little bchild, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my aname receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall aoffend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
I hope we will work harder to show love to the Heavenly Father's children of all ages. I know it can be hard at times, but He trusts us to show His love and care. And when we do, we will each be blessed.
Christine
I took the this other day up our beautiful canyon. We ate Little Caesar's for a picnic and explored around the water.
P.S. Update and Warning! ;)
Not all interactions are going to be as pleasant as the one I described above!!
My stinker M wanted to be in the photo when I took a picture of
this card I made at Relief Society the other night.
Our card making didn't go this well tonight!! :P
After writing this blog, I went to test my ability to set aside my distractions, and pay close attention to my children. First I said we'd have a craft time, while the 2 oldest were at their church youth activity.
I went to get some pretty scrapbook paper in the basement, and discovered my boys had dumped a big bag of cereal on the front sidewalk. I had them help me first clean it up, so we could make cards. It had been a rainy day and the Lucky Charms stuck to the sidewalk! It took longer than anticipated to clean.
Here are M and S the next night. There were fighting over the
pillows and the chair. :( I don't mind a little fun, or temporary mess,
but when the fighting and crying starts, I do whatever I can to
improve the situation. Usually they are the best of friend tho!
Once finished, I gathered the paper and made my way into my bedroom (which was clean most of the day) but suddenly the boys were leaping from chair to bed and wrestling with each other, and piling up pillows and blankets and a crib mattress for more fun.
Promises are important for me to keep to my children, so I was trying to make bright Halloween inspired greeting cards with my 9 year old daughter. The boys were suppose to have participated, but they were having to much fun with all the bedding!
Meanwhile, my two oldest came home from the church activity. Realizing it was getting late, I called
for it to be scripture time. My 15 year old read from the Doctrine and Covenants, while I tried to quietly pick up and get the boys to settle down. Needless to say, but they weren't terribly quiet during scriptures.
If only our prayer time looked this reverent!!
C finished a short chapter, and that meant prayer time. My 13 year old, K, quickly drops to her knees and starts praying. I say "Wait for the rest of us to kneel" I lovingly threatened ;) asked the boys to kneel and be quiet. Ummm...yeah, the sound went from loud sillies to softer reverent sillies. My 7 year old, H, chimed in and started to pray a quick prayer (They worry that I might beat them. I'm not into short prayers!) Tonight I felt very happy that it was short and sweet. As the three oldest went off quietly to bed. I was left to wrangle the 2 wild ones! (4 and 7 years old)
I was so tired and wanted to get to bed early myself, but you probably can tell that they were too rowdy for that. I had a clever idea of "Which of you can go potty the fastest" Off the boys raced. Little M (4) made it to my toilet first and peed quickly. Then S jumped on the same toilet as soon as M finished (don't ask me why they didn't choose separate bathrooms tonight, but they didn't!) S too peed quickly. But as he stood, with laughing disdain cried out, "He peed on my bottom and now it's burning!" I'm like, "What are you talking about 'He peed on your bottom'?!" (And of course there was no way I could keep a straight face at that!! (We were all laughing) [Mystery was soon solved. I learned that S sat down to pee and got M's"hot" pee to "burn" him--translated by me "He peed on the toilet and now I have very warm pee on my patootie!")
(Okay, that may be one of those "You had to be there to get it" kind of stories!)
While S was getting his pull ups on, M was complaining of how he wanted to sleep in my bed.
"No way!" I replied. I explained to him again, the same thing I'd told him this morning. (Which made him laugh every time I told him that wasn't happening again.)
You see, last night I gave in because I was so very tired and didn't feel I had the energy to muster a firm action against it. Well, with him in the bed I had bad dreams all night! (Heat always causes this for me. And I even had the window A/C blowing on me!) There's a reason I call him "My sweaty little bed hog." Worst still, but last night his feet were often pummeling me in the stomach! He promised me that tonight he'd stay farther away from me. But there was no changing my mind!
Because I refused to let his hot-tempered self share my bed (Dad's out of town), he was ornery about getting on his own bed. S was being surprisingly cooperative by this point, so I said, "Come into S's room, I'm going to read a book. I cuddled with S on my lap and M near me. They had a lot of fun reading about Thomas's first day of school. M wanted me to read it again, and he also wanted "2 more books" then "No, 3 more books" (That's what you get when they are learning their numbers in preschool!) No more books. The night had been too crazy.
I was enjoying the snuggle time with S, so I decided to take a minute to ask him some questions
about his day. I asked him about the friends he played with today. He told me Jaden, and the new boy Connor. Then I asked what they played. He'd told me he'd played with sand earlier, but now he added a new dimension to this conversation.....
S: Oh we played guns. We shot each other with our hands, like this (mimics gun hands and starts shooting me and little M. who was looking through the picture book again.
Me. (a bit distressed!) But guns can kill people, it's not nice to even pretend.
S. We also played knives, and we stuck them into ourselves. (Mimics a knife in his chest)
Me: (Motherly distress is growing. I'm worried I may be raising a killer! But trying to keep it light. Trying....) Did you pretend to die?
S. (ignoring the question. He was much to excited to tell me more!) And I also shot off a bee shooter!
Me: A bee shooter? What's that?
S. (And ignoring the answer in his enthusiasm) And a fish shooter. (pauses) No, I didn't shoot a fish shooter, I just made that up just now. Yeah, and the bee gun shoots out bees and they sting the other person.
Okay, do you see the definitive difference between girls and boys!! Here I was expecting this happy little jaunt down memory lane, through sunshine and flowers, and I get instead- killing! (Fortunately, I do have to add that he is an uber sweet boy! And emulates the Christ like qualities I mention above, but he is just that- a boy! ;)
Reminds me of a poem my Mother often told me as a little girl. (Hey look, I can draw a happy memory from that crazy boy experience!)
What are little boys made of? Made of? What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are little girls made of? Made of? What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!
Well, I think tonight is one of my longest posts, but I couldn't resist drawing a comparison to my experiences of two different children.
The house is now quiet. The boys finally fell asleep by 10 (Late! but better than midnight! And in their own beds!) I can sit here and laughingly reflect on children and family life. And I realize that "Out of the mouths of babes" seems to lose it's seriousness, in moments like these. But truly, I am thankful for my life, and for all my many blessings.
I am reminded of an epiphany I had with a song from Frozen while in the temple recently. (And I'm pretty sure you've never heard this analogy drawn from the song "In Summer." So please check back to read it. I think it's a lesson we can all use in life!
===
*(DEFINITION: A "fireside" is a gathering of people-- usually it is of a more spiritual nature, but sometimes it can just be playing games and eating donuts. You know, as "sitting around the fireside" and visiting. Except usually there isn't a fire involved. :)
.JPG)
