Looking toward the light and example of Jesus Christ, who is "mighty to save." May we face our individual struggles and challenges by being willing to drink whatever " bitter cup" (or trial) we are given, and not shrink from doing what will ultimately strengthen us.
I've been feeling discouraged. I've been struggling with my identity. Am I capable enough to continue climb the uphill battle and become the stronger woman that Heavenly Father wants me to become?
I'm torn in so many directions I don't know what to do first, and I've started feeling very overwhelmed. How do I manage a house, help my children reach their full potential (when I struggle to reach my own!), and help my husband with gentle kindness and patience. How can I fill my time with greater achievement? Do I make more efforts to obtain a job to help support our family? And, if I do, how in the world will I balance the things I already struggle to balance? The list of my concerns go on and on.
And most important... How do I keep my focus on the Savior and trust in his grace, that same power that enables me to become more than I am, so that everything else will fall into place in my life? I don't want to remain average, or probably more honestly stated....remain in my below average state. I want to rise to new heights and see new dimensions that can only be seen through the lenses Heavenly Father can help me wear.
This morning I was writing in my journal and expressing my discouragements and fears. I especially felt worried that I could never be truly loved in my life, because "I'm not good enough." (I don't need to remind you such thoughts are LIES from the devil, who wants to destroy my feelings of self-worth. This kind of thought is NOT (Nor, ever could be) from God) As I carefully wrote my feelings, the hymn "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" very clearly played into my thoughts. Indeed, I need to remember that as long as I am loved by Heavenly Father, I have the greatest love possible.
1. Savior, Redeemer of my soul,
Whose mighty hand hath made me whole, Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up
And filled with sweet my bitter cup! What tongue my gratitude can tell, O gracious God of Israel.
2. Never can I repay thee, Lord, But I can love thee. Thy pure word, Hath it not been my one delight, My joy by day, my dream by night? Then let my lips proclaim it still, And all my life reflect thy will.
3. O’errule mine acts to serve thine ends. Change frowning foes to smiling friends. Chasten my soul till I shall be In perfect harmony with thee. Make me more worthy of thy love, And fit me for the life above.
Text: Orson F. Whitney, 1855-1931 Music: Harry A. Dean, 1892-1987. (c) 1948 IRI
For me, music has become a special gift God has given me to help me return home to him. I need a
lot of love and encouragement, and as I keep trying to do His will, I am regularly comforted by silent, yet very audible songs to my thoughts that help direct focus on Him.
I still have my worries, but the comfort I feel as I listen to that song reminds me of where to place my focus in life--on Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ. The journey to become a better me isn't going to happen overnight, but if I walk true and faithfully on the pathways created by God, I will find tremendous rewards of happier moments, and comfort for the moments of doubt and fear.
I hope you will listen for the quiet songs or thoughts that will undoubtedly come to your mind in the moments of your days. Often these heavenly messages come when we allow ourselves quiet moments without distraction of television and radio, so try and turn down the noise of the world, so that you can tune into to heavenly messages. Those messages may come in the form of a song or hymn, a simple word, a scripture, a long forgotten memory from your life or from the mouth of a loved one, an old poem, or in some other form.
Here is a sampling of beautiful scriptures on just a few gifts of the spirit, found atMoroni 10:
5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.
6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.
7 And ye mayaknowthat he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power,baccordingto the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.
8 And again, I exhort you,...that ye deny not theagiftsof God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there arebdifferentways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of thecSpiritof God unto men, to profit them.
Listen carefully and prayerfully, and you too will hear His loving and beckoning voice calling you forward, onward and upward!
Several years ago my Mom's sister took my oldest daughter to get a Mother's Day gift for me. My aunt had seen a beautiful gold necklace with pendant in an ad, and intended to have my daughter get that for me. Upon arriving at the jewelry counter, my little girl (about 8 years old) became fascinated with another necklace for me. My Aunt said that there was no changing K's mind. She wanted this specific, less quality necklace for me. My Aunt expressed disappointment when little K was out of earshot. I'm embarrassed to admit it, and though I didn't express it, I felt disappointment too. I could imagine the prettier necklace she had described!
I went to put on the necklace to wear to church that Mother's Day Sunday and I paused for a moment, with the necklace laying on my left hand, and I stood and studied it. I wondered what my little girl had seen in this necklace, which clearly was not a very pretty or quality gold chain, and which the small attached pendant read, "Mom." I also admit I didn't particularly like it, because it had a word on it.
At that moment I had a subtle, but fascinating experience. I felt the spirit of God speak to me. It wasn't an audible voice, just a thought. The thought was this, "She chose this necklace because to her the word 'Mom' means love." And even as I had that thought, I felt flooded with feelings of the love she felt for me in choosing it.
You can imagine that brief moment affected my feelings toward that necklace. I put on that necklace and felt the unspoken message of my little girl's love for me. To this day I cannot reach for that necklace without feeling the peace of love that can be associated with motherhood. I've since gotten necklaces that would be deemed more beautiful, and which are higher quality, but the love I feel from the message of that necklace far surpasses the value of my other necklaces. It's financial value is minimal in the world's eyes, but it's spiritual value of love is without price.
Do we sometimes look at ourselves, like I did that necklace? Do we ever think negative things like, "Look how fat/old I look?" "I'm not very pretty/handsome." "I don't really fit in with the people around me, everyone else seems to have it together" "How could anyone love me, my life is so messed up?" You need to know that those thoughts are not from God! God is the author of love, not of doubts, self-loathing or discouragement. He wants us to believe in that love, and take hope for our futures.
Unfortunately, I used to think those types of things all the time. I used to feel like nothing could ever change for me, or get much better in life. I felt I was destined to remain stagnant in sorrow. In my process of drawing closer to God by making better choices I have learned to see myself more as he does. More as my little girl did (does!:)...with a whole lot of love!! Of course, I don't completely understand how other people can love me as much as they do, but through heavenly reassurances I feel in special moments that they do. Despite my weakness and imperfections, I am regularly reminded that I am loved.
I am also coming to learn that my life is truly a gift from God. And I don't mean just the blessing of living and breathing, but the privileges of my husband and children, talents, and yes, even my weaknesses and trials! I'm afraid that sometimes I look at it my life as I did that necklace from my little girl--with ingratitude or distaste. I am learning that He placed me on earth in my own unique set of circumstances because He best knows how I can learn to be more like Him.
There is a song we sing our church sing. Oh how true it is!!
My life is a gift; my life has a plan. My life has a purpose; in heav'n it began. My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth And seek for God's light to direct me from birth. I will follow God's plan for me, Holding fast to his word and his love. I will work, and I will pray; I will always walk in his way. Then I will be happy on earth And in my home above. Words and music: Vanja Y. Watkins, b. 1938. (c) 1981 IRI
I hope you will look around you and try to see the good in your life. Pray to be more thankful for your house or apartment, even if it's not where you envisioned your life. Or look into the eyes of your child and realize how blessed you are to be so loved. And don't forget to feel happy for the little things...even if it's just something as simple as those beautiful blue shoes you own.
Let's work on showing The Best Giver of Gifts, our Heavenly Father, that we appreciate what He's give to us!! Christine
This past Sunday, 2 March 2014, I ended up staying late and visiting with a friend, Joanne, in the church parking lot. My husband had taken the rest of the children home in his car, but I had my 6 year old waiting with me. He waited in the car for a little while, but got restless, and came to ask if he could play in the large green grassy church field right by where I was parked and visiting with Joanne. I had no idea what he'd do on an empty field, but it was a warm winter day (of about 50 degrees! :) and the snow had finally all melted, so I encouraged him to go entertain himself, so I could keep visiting.
My friend and I finally parted ways, and I went to get little S to come get in the van, but with excitement he showed me a football someone had left on the field. I made my way down the little steep of grassy hillside and decided to toss around the ball with him a few minutes. I wanted to show him how to throw it, catch it, and kick it. We don't actually own a football, so this was a good opportunity.
Imagine it. There I was a middle aged chubby woman, running around in my skirt and pointed heels! I was running and catching the football, or clumsily kicking around the ball. I also tried to teach him how to steady himself on slightly bent knee while he kicked the football with his other foot. And just like in the charlie brown shows that I grew up watching, I kept letting go of the ball before he actually kicked it!! :P I'm a great football coach! ;)
He has a short attention span so he frequently wanted to change up our impromptu play time together. So then, there we were, Mom and 6 year old son, facing each other, hand in hand, and spinning in circles until we were dizzy and falling over!! And when he got tired out (Surprisingly! That's an uncommon occurrence for him!) he laid on the ground to rest, and he had fun counting how many times I could throw the football high up into the air and catch it. (You can bet I successfully caught it every time! ;)
I have little doubt it was a very crazy sight to any onlookers, but to my son and I, I KNOW it felt like a few sunny minutes in Heaven. There was a happiness and joy that accompanied our time together. I felt a certain exhilaration and love that is hard to explain.
S didn't want to go home, because I'm sure he felt what I was feeling. Very happy and loved. But, alas, we couldn't play forever--and besides I was "plum tuckered out"! I played a little game of "Let's see who can spin all the way to the van without falling over." He won!! (And don't worry we left the ball where we found it. :)
I don't plan to make a rousing game of football a Sunday tradition, because it doesn't quite fall into my definition of Sabbath day observance, but because of the feeling of that experience I will work harder to have more effective family time with my children.
I felt so thankful as drove home with my song. I felt so truly thankful to have that little time alone to just enjoy him for who he is. These little ones grow up so fast and it's easy to fall prey to other distraction around us than our valuable time with family. We need to relish the opportunities we have with them, while we can!
I hope you create special memories with your loved ones by sharing your time with them. We not only learn to love by giving of ourselves, but we also help the receiver of our time to feel our love.
Christine
P.S. A little more details about Fasting and Sundays from the Mormon viewpoint.
SABBATH:
Members of the "Mormon" church (The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints. Also known as LDS) believe in strict Sabbath observance. The active members of our church try to avoid shopping on Sunday (except in special cases, such as getting medicine for a sick family member)or attending sporting events, plays, and other such recreational activities like boating and river rafting.
Sundays are a day we are encouraged to write letters, visit the sick and the needy, attend firesides, and refrain from work (I really like this one!! ;) , etc. How the day is spent by each family is determined by them--but the goal is to make it a day of peace, reverence, and to help refocus on the priorities of our lives. See Exodus 20:8-11 (Old Testament)
This specific
Sabbath Day experience doesn't follow my standard tradition, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
We "Mormons" (The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints) fast on the first Sunday of the month. It's kind of like a day we come together as a family and unite in the power of a fast. We can also fast on any day we need personal help, direction, or strength from God. Sometimes as individual family units or groups of friends, we will fast over a crisis or special need that we are concerned about.
Those who want to participate join from wherever they are in the world, and while they give up 2 meals they also offer up special prayers to Heavenly Father for special blessings. It's an amazing things, and miracles are seen, and unity felt from fasting.
My Miracle:
When I was around 18 my church ward fasted for me, and I was healed by the time I went into the hospital. The surgeon thinking he would have to remove my ovary because of the tumor on it, found only a "straw-like foreign substance" in place of where the tumor had been. Because of the power of that fast, I had miraculously been healed, and my ability to bear children was not removed. How thankful I am for not only that miracle, but my 5 miracle babies that have since been born to me!
I started doubting a lot of things today. And in my self doubt, I started to doubt my understanding of other things. In turn those doubts caused me to feel sad and hurt. I kept telling myself to trust Heavenly Father, but then I worried I may not understand the will of God in my life.
I just really wanted to sleep my day away, as I would have in my years past of my own struggle with
depression. But, In good conscious, I couldn't justify that behavior. My young children need to see me out of bed. Not a Mom who hides away from the world by sleeping.
Problem was, I didn't know what to do with my sad feelings. Sleep really, really sounded like a good way to escape reality!! Somehow I decided to start cleaning instead of trying to find a way to escape my feelings. (And no, it's not because I necessarily like cleaning. In fact, if I could afford a maid, I'd gladly relinquish such mundane tasks of life!) I cleaned the bathrooms, worked in the kitchen, and I scrubbed my four year old's drawings off the walls! (I used Mr. Clean "Magic Erasers" sponges-- I highly recommend them!!)
I realized something after being busy at work a while--- I realized I was feeling better. I feel it's because I was doing something that was increasing my self esteem. After all, I hadn't tried to "give up" my life. That's something to be proud of, even if it appears a very small thing.
There's a quote I love by an amazing Christian man, Neal A Maxwell. He says:
"... there are certain mortal moments and minutes that matter—certain hinge points in the history of each human. Some seconds are so decisive they shrink the soul, while other seconds are spent so as to stretch the soul."
Work didn't take all my concern away, but because I took actions to try and improve my circumstances in those "mortal moments and minutes" I liked myself more. In liking myself more, my confidence in myself increased. I had discovered a simple"home remedy" for fighting against sadness and disappointment!
I completely understand depression. I spent a lifetime living with it, and sleeping my hours away. I also know that some people turn to drugs, alcohol, movies, smoking, gambling, food, video games, and a wide array of things to "forget" the pain they feel. I hope you will get help and counseling with some of the more serious nature of those things, but I also hope that next time you feel like giving up on life and acting upon your vice, be it sleep, food, or addictions, that you will instead reach for a scrub brush, mop, disinfectant wipes, or the vacuum. There is satisfaction in the labor of our hands.
There are two voices that will try and direct you on your pathways through life. God's voice, and the devil's voice. God will encourage you and assure you of your worth. The devil will discourage you and try and destroy your feelings of worth. Making daily and righteous efforts of scripture, prayer and loving service of your neighbor are a few ways to thwart the devil's attempts to bring you down to misery, but I absolutely feel that honest work with our hands is another way to fight off those deceptions.
It's 12:24 am and I probably ought to get to bed, because the children want to get an early start out the door to see their cousins for Thanksgiving. I've spend the entire day cleaning the house to a sparkle.!! I scrubbed toilets and baseboards today, in a way I rarely do. I was sitting on the bathroom floor with knife and scrapers in hand and removing caulk everywhere...toilet, tub, walls!! Needless to say it looks so much better, but now I am going to need to hurry and re-caulk!! And, use a lot of "magic erasers" by Mr. Clean to clean the wall drawings off, which are so artistically rendered upon my walls and doors by my 4 year old! :P
I guess I'm kind of breaking my rules in how a while back I announced that I was going to stick to spiritual matters, so I will try and refocus here.
But, for the record, God is involved and aware of us in our everyday processes of life. So whether we're scrubbing toilets, making dinner, or reading a stories to our children (or nieces/nephews), our Heavenly Father is pleased when we work towards good goals. He knows that every little thing we do, adds to the bigger whole of our eternal well-being and progress.
I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father helps me to know I am loved and special. I realize that the angels are around us. I also know that they like to be around us when we have good things going on. I don't think they are too keen on hanging out with us while we whittle away hours in front of the t.v. or game cube. (What do I know, maybe they love a good movie!)
My personal opinion is that I feel we get special blessings when we take time each day to pray, study our scriptures, and (for those of you who are "LDS" or "Mormon") regularly attend the temple. I also think it's imperative to our well being to serve others in kindness, work hard, and play games and read stories with our children and family. Yes, making time for family is an absolute must!
I certainly believe there is a place for some t.v. or movies, but I think we would each benefit from being more selective about what we allow ourselves to use our precious time on. (Want some recommendations?! :) I personaly really enjoyed the movie series "Love Comes Softly." Good clean, and wholesome entertainment. Oh, and recently my husband took me to see "The Saratov Approach" definitely worth seeing (though I didn't love the violence--there is no swearing!). A couple of my other favorites are really "Ephraim's Rescue," or "17 Miracles." (Doesn't hurt that my husband is in one of those movies :)
Let me say this, and then I need to get to sleep... I have always struggled to love. I am sure that a good portion of that is due to the abuse and trauma I experienced as a child. In consequence, I have always tended to push people away, and act indifferently. In fact, I didn't think I'd ever really know how to love like everyone else seems to apt at doing.
This year has been a pivotal time for me, because as I have allowed Heavenly Father to shape my heart and life, I have grown in my ability to love!! Yes, I have truly grown to understand the depths of love in a way, I never thought possible. I love my children more deeply, and new friends more willingly, and toward strangers I often feel sincere love and compassion. I know this miracle is because of my increased love for my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. It's a miraculous phenomenon that I know only comes through the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ.
My heart is filled with so much more joy and love, than I ever thought possible. It's not that sad things don't happen to me, but those sad things do rule my life, because I have the peace and assurance that the spirit of God give's me that Heavenly Father will take care of me, as he seeth fit. I trust him completely.
Before I get to bed, I have a song for you to enjoy. It's one that I heard recently, I don't know how I ever missed it in the movie Pocahontas, but I did. This song speaks to me of how love can teach us so many beautiful and life altering things.
13 Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread.
To me that scripture means that if we are lazy (or sleeping! ;) and not working hard (in the many areas of need in our life) we will be emotionally bankrupt! However, if we open our eyes--meaning wake up and do things. Serve, love, look to God in all things.. then we shall be filled with love, and it will satisfy us. And the satisfaction and contentment will feed out spirits in a peaceful way. A way that we never imagined possible, because we decided to work for his love!
May you feel His peace and love in your heart, as you seek His will, above your own, in all things. Christine
Before I start talking. I should tell you that my marriage concerns don't have anything to do with domestic violence. If you are in a frightening relationship situation. Please, please get help. Find a safe spot, and call this number now! 1-800-799-(SAFE) 7233. You don't deserve to be abused...NO MATTER what you've done. It's not your fault. Please believe me. My prayers go out to those of you, who find yourselves in such situations. There is hope and healing through a loving Heavenly Father, and from those who serve with gentle and loving hands of service here on earth. May you find His peace.
=========Well, after that serious beginning, it's hard for me to switch to what I plan to say. It makes me realize just how blessed I am. But, on I will go.....
I don't know about you, but I've been married 17 years, and it isn't a bed of roses. In fact, it hasn't quite as I'd envisioned it. I married a good man, don't get me wrong. But, well, he's super shy, and very uncomfortable in social settings. (Except when he's acting in a role--Another story for another time.) Because of that reason, and some other differences, there have been many moments of heartache or anger on my part.
Of course, here I could tell you what he finds frustrating about me. My cold feet when I come to bed, after he's been sleeping many hours. My struggle to wake up in the morning, when he's most cheerful and energetic. The attention I bring to us when we are out in public, through my talkative, social mannerisms. (Oh, that makes my shy husband uncomfortable!) How I slow him down, when he's in a rush to get somewhere. etc. etc. You get the point. But, I'm not here to speak of comparative differences. And I'm only going to speak from my point of view. It's not meant to put him down. It's only meant to point out some of the challenging dynamics of marriage.
This past year as I've really tried to get to know my Heavenly Father better, I've done a lot of praying for His gift of charity. I've really had to give closer consideration to God's will in everything. Especially as it relates to my relationship to my husband. This has come as a challenge for me, because some people might consider me stubborn. Okay, fine, I admit it. I've always been quite stubborn and a wee bit headstrong! I get an idea, and my mind is not easily swayed. I am grateful to say that is changing.
Something my insightful bishop taught me this year, is that I cannot control my spouse. I can only control myself. I can choose to respond with consideration to his feelings, and seek to understand his perspective above my own. Or, I can cause a fight over things in my marriage because I want them to go a different direction. While I am certainly imperfect, I feel I have been truly blessed. I'm not quite where I hope to be in my marriage, but as I've lightened up with control, I've felt a lot more peace. I am able to let go and move on so much more quickly. Truly a miracle! (If you are LDS and you need someone to talk to, I hope you will go to your bishop. He can help. Don't delay.)
Last LDS Conference I heard a talk about terrific marriages. I have to tell you that I didn't much care for it. Not because it wasn't a great talk, and well written. It's just that it hurt my heart a bit, to see how far away I am from the ideal of marriage that I want for us. I admit my marriage and family life is probably far better than many in the world, but it's not where I long for it to be. When I heard the talk I felt depressed. Recently I decided to revisited it, and instead focus on the aspects within my control. One part really stuck out to me as I read it, "cheerfully do all things that lie in (my) power to persevere" I felt happiness at those words, realizing that despite my imperfections,I really have been smiling more, showing more patience, and acting within MY CONTROL to not let the less than perfect side of my marriage bring me down. Indeed, I Have been "cheerfully doing" all that lay within my power. (And like in my older blog posts, I encourage each of us to CELEBRATE our SUCCESS. :)
"There are those whose marriages are not as happy as they would wish, as well as those who have never married, are divorced, are single parents, or for various reasons are not in a position to marry. These circumstances can be full of challenge and heartbreak, but they need not be eternal. To those of you in such situations who nevertheless “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power”11to persevere, may heaven bless you richly. Seek after the ideal of forming an eternal marriage, including by striving or preparing to be a worthy spouse. Keep the commandments, and trust the Lord and His perfect love for you. One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours.12" APRIL 2013MARRIAGE: WATCH AND LEARN
Today as I studied some articles at www.lds.org on the topic of marriage, I found this marriage article interesting.
“Two people coming from different backgrounds soon learn after the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced. There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Responsibility must be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be relinquished and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.
“One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues that were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses that seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizeable proportions. The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning.” (Marriage and Divorce, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976, pp. 12–13.)
....William Jordan then made another interesting observation: “In the days of courtship two may feel that they thoroughly understand each other, and that no matter how many marriages may fail their happiness together is absolutely assured. Yet courtship is only the kindergarten class of matrimony. Courtship is the preliminary canter, not the real race. It is the matrimonial shopping; marriage is the acceptance of the unreturnable delivered goods.Courtship is the joyous, sunshine launching of the craft of hope; marriage is the long cruise across uncharted seas. The two now pass under the test of new conditions; they face new problems and enter a life of finer attunement, of constant call on patience, tolerance, forbearance, concession, kindness, sympathy and wise understanding.” (Improvement Era, July 1911, pp. 787–88.)
The importance of efforts and attitude, of believing and hoping, of bearing and enduring in marriage (see 1 Cor. 13:7, and Moro. 7:45) is emphasized in the poem “Listen World”:
You can’t leave love to luck.
Love first came with leaping ecstacy.
But when this passes … as it always may …
Love, too, will go unless you make it stay.
For there come times when hearts
Are deaf and dumb, when nothing wakens,
Nothing yearns or burns. … These times must come;
They are not accident, nor do they proveYour choice of love was wrong.
They come with every lover,
Every loving bond-mother or father,
Sister, brother, mate. Always, at times,
Love seems as cold as hate …
Cut off forever, by malignant fate.
But it’s not so. Such chilling of the heart’s
As much a part of life as thirst or hunger. …
It’s the natural ebb of our affection’s flow.
Such times must come for all who love,
And when they come you must know why,
And how to meet them or your love will die.
You can’t leave love to luck,
You must at times build love.
Though lacking all delight,
As blind men weave a pattern in the night,
Counting each gentle gesture,
Spacing word and smile, groping through darkness
Of both heart and head, as blind men fumble
With their unseen thread.
Until at last from out of the dull
Gray warp and woof of service, unto God and men,
There’s the shine of that sweet wonder
Which you had thought had passed …
And, once again, you feel God’s beautiful design.
(Author unknown, quoted in Louis H. Evans, Your Marriage, Duel or Duet? Westward, New Jersey: F. H. Revell Co., 1962, p. 72.)
During the times of the lows, couples should try to build love, as mentioned in the poem. One way to give the highs more attention, more focus, is to talk about them and relive them together. “What have been the highlights of our marriage thus far?” “What were the contributing circumstances?” “Could we create these or similar experiences again?” (See the exercise “Remembering the Highs” at the end of this article.)
Instead of measuring our marriage by the low of the lows, let’s judge it by the high of the highs. And the good news is that the highs are in our control. We
can plan for and create good times together. Then we will have something to cushion the lows with when they occur unbidden. And by so doing, we increase our capacity to survive in marriage. Since we have had good times together in the past—and every married couple has—we likely have the same capacity to experience them again if we both choose to do so. And maybe we’ll discover that things really aren’t so bad after all.
As we experience the lows and strive for the highs in marriage, let’s consider this counsel and promise from the Lord:
“Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.” (D&C 90:24.)
Remembering the Highs It is important to focus on the “highs” instead of the “lows” in marriage. This exercise will help you recall some of the pleasant times and positive experiences you’ve had together. Complete the following statements individually in writing, and then share your written and verbal responses with each other. You may wish to divide this exercise into two or three sessions.
1. The first time I saw you was … 2. I wanted to be with you because … 3. I was impressed with you because … 4. I decided I wanted to marry you because … 5. During our engagement, the most difficult situations we overcame were … 6. The most pleasant memories of our wedding day are … 7. The most difficult experiences we have encountered and survived thus far in our marriage are 8. At the birth of our first child I felt … 9. Highlights of our marriage thus far have been … 10. Other pleasant memories I have of you and our marriage are … 11. Things I like best about you are … 12. Three things about our marriage right now that are good are … 13. Three things about our marriage right now that are great are …"
I know marriage can be hard. Very hard. Sometimes the hardest, most discouraging journey in life can be felt when you share a very lonely road with a companion, who no longer seems to be your friend. Or, the pain of living with a spouse, who may care, but ends up hurting you with unkind words and thoughtless deeds. Or any other set of dynamics.
But, if you are like me, then you don't view giving up as an option. Though at times emotionally you may give up, you know that you want to try and make it work. You want to find a way to be happy together. But, sometimes, no matter how hard you try that just doesn't happen.
I really don't have any perfect answers to those of you in troubling or heartbreaking marriages. I do believe God can heal hearts and marriages and homes and families. In fact, I've seen that in many ways in my own life. (The video takes a strong stand for marriage, but please KNOW our church does not tolerate domestic violence, and abuse.)
We can't give up. We must keep trying. How does the old adage go, "Anything worth having, is worth fighting for." Look to God in prayer, and in more consistent and daily efforts to do His will. Seek for help from family, friends, church leaders, and/or counselors. Like me, I know you will feel a difference.
Don't give up. Don't become apathetic and accept life and marriage as drudgery. Hold on to happy memories and hopeful dreams, then act upon goals and efforts that will bring a happier marriage relationship into your heart, or, if nothing else, a happier heart into your unhappy marriage. I know it's possible.
Keep Trying,
Christine
To learn more about marriage, family, Jesus Christ, prayer, and many other wonderful life changing things, please visit my friends at http://mormon.org/
You can also get aFREE Book of Mormon by visiting this link. Learn more by watching this short video. The Book of Mormon is additional scripture that compliments the Holy Bible. I study them each night, and feel the power of God in my life because of it. In fact, let me share a scripture with you from it....
2 Nephi 25 26 And we atalk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we bprophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our cchildren may know to what source they may look for a dremission of their sins.
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P.S. Mormon's are CHRISTians!! :)
I still have my worries, but the comfort I feel as I listen to that song reminds me of where to place my focus in life--on Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ. The journey to become a better me isn't going to happen overnight, but if I walk true and faithfully on the pathways created by God, I will find tremendous rewards of happier moments, and comfort for the moments of doubt and fear. 
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