Several years ago my Mom's sister took my oldest daughter to get a Mother's Day gift for me. My aunt had seen a beautiful gold necklace with pendant in an ad, and intended to have my daughter get that for me. Upon arriving at the jewelry counter, my little girl (about 8 years old) became fascinated with another necklace for me. My Aunt said that there was no changing K's mind. She wanted this specific, less quality necklace for me. My Aunt expressed disappointment when little K was out of earshot. I'm embarrassed to admit it, and though I didn't express it, I felt disappointment too. I could imagine the prettier necklace she had described!
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I went to put on the necklace to wear to church that Mother's Day Sunday and I paused for a moment, with the necklace laying on my left hand, and I stood and studied it. I wondered what my little girl had seen in this necklace, which clearly was not a very pretty or quality gold chain, and which the small attached pendant read, "Mom." I also admit I didn't particularly like it, because it had a word on it.At that moment I had a subtle, but fascinating experience. I felt the spirit of God speak to me. It wasn't an audible voice, just a thought. The thought was this, "She chose this necklace because to her the word 'Mom' means love." And even as I had that thought, I felt flooded with feelings of the love she felt for me in choosing it.
You can imagine that brief moment affected my feelings toward that necklace. I put on that necklace and felt the unspoken message of my little girl's love for me. To this day I cannot reach for that necklace without feeling the peace of love that can be associated with motherhood. I've since gotten necklaces that would be
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deemed more beautiful, and which are higher quality, but the love I feel from the message of that necklace far surpasses the value of my other necklaces. It's financial value is minimal in the world's eyes, but it's spiritual value of love is without price.Do we sometimes look at ourselves, like I did that necklace? Do we ever think negative things like, "Look how fat/old I look?" "I'm not very pretty/handsome." "I don't really fit in with the people around me, everyone else seems to have it together" "How could anyone love me, my life is so messed up?" You need to know that those thoughts are not from God! God is the author of love, not of doubts, self-loathing or discouragement. He wants us to believe in that love, and take hope for our futures.
Unfortunately, I used to think those types of things all the time. I used to feel like nothing could ever change for me, or get much better in life. I felt I was destined to remain stagnant in sorrow. In my process of drawing closer to God by making better choices I have learned to see myself more as he does. More as my little girl did (does!:)...with a whole lot of love!! Of course, I don't completely understand how other people can love me as much as they do, but through heavenly reassurances I feel in special moments that they do. Despite my weakness and imperfections, I am regularly reminded that I am loved.
I am also coming to learn that my life is truly a gift from God. And I don't mean just the blessing of living and breathing, but the privileges of my husband and children, talents, and yes, even my weaknesses and trials! I'm afraid that sometimes I look at it my life as I did that necklace from my little girl--with ingratitude or distaste. I am learning that He placed me on earth in my own unique set of circumstances because He best knows how I can learn to be more like Him.
There is a song we sing our church sing. Oh how true it is!!
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