"For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you."

Today, I was asked to write about some things we've been learning in class.  After I finished, I decided that perhaps there could be of some benefit in sharing it here at my blog.  So, here I am!

Here is what I shared with my class:

Over the last few years, there has been a change in how I view people and the world. I have an increase of love for them, and I long for them to feel of the sweetness that I finally came to more fully comprehend.  My posts, blogs, and use of my time and efforts has consequently changed. My posts are read only by several people (no more than 60---though often much less!)

In truth, my words are not generally as popular as the latest recipe, funniest meme, or the coolest new trend, but I am hopeful that I am making a difference in helping to buoy up other Christians, and help other to know who God, and Jesus Christ are. 

I know it sounds like a stretch to think I could make a difference, but I hope I do.  It has not been uncommon over the years for only one person to say... "Christine, this is just what I needed to hear tonight.  Thank you."  I have had the peaceful feeling in my heart at special times, which witnesses by the Spirit of God, that my offering is accepted of Him. And I feel like I have made a difference, even though it is not accountable by me.

I read a talk today, and found these words by Russell M. Ballard, encouraging.

"While some conversations have audiences in the thousands or even millions, most are much, much smaller. But all conversations have an impact on those who participate in them.  Perceptions of the Church are established one conversation at a time.

"The challenge is that there are too many people participating in conversations about the Church, for our Church personnel to converse with and respond to individually. We cannot answer every question, satisfy every inquiry..some who seek answers want them to come directly from a member of the Church.  They appreciate one-on-one conversation."

“Sharing the Gospel Using the Internet,” by Elder M. Russell Ballard, Liahona, June 2008. 

I think that too many of us are afraid to speak up, for fear we are wrong, or we don't express ourselves well enough. I realize that some are better at written or verbal communication, but the spirit does NOT work on the premise of perfection.  

The Spirit relays himself on the wings of truth.  The Spirit speaks through the sincere and generous voice of all who seek to share God's love through the Spirit. People will feel that of us, if there is no pretense.  As Elder Ballard also shared, it is true that knowing, studying, and understanding gospel principals is an important key to sharing the gospel, BUT, I would also add that God can still use what we know, and what we testify of, as we speak in the Spirit of love, and truth.  

Story:
I learned this lesson about the Spirit, in an unusual, but very difficult way a few years ago, when I got up to perform a Christmas solo, "The Star of Bethlehem," in sacrament a couple years ago. I had performed a solo for the ward Christmas party just a few nights prior, and it had gone fairly well, though I was terribly nervous, and my voice was more vibrato as a result.  

However, when I went to stand up to sing in sacrament this Sunday, I felt perfectly at peace. I felt no worries. I felt confident that I could, for once in my life, sing without the nervousness that has always negatively affected my singing!  I felt so thankful and hopeful for a nearly flawless performance.  As I stepped to the mic, I said a silent prayer to ask Heavenly Father to help dedicate my song to Him, and for His good.

The piano began playing, and I confidently opened my mouth to sing, and the sounds that came out of my voice sounded like I had a cold!! I was thoroughly perplexed at what was going on.  Here I was singing for the Lord, and my voice would not cooperate.  I just kept silently praying and asking Heavenly Father to free the sound of my voice.  I had hope that it would soon appear.  I was able to clearly sing a few high notes, but immediately my voice clicked back into the sounding sick and weak.

(YOU CAN WATCH SOME NEWER VIDEOS OF ME SINGING, NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST. I went to class one night, and afterward discovered a very talented pianist and singer, and we became quick friends! The recordings aren't great, because the recording and sound don't match. So cover my mouth with your hand, and watch my eyes. :) 

Why I continued singing, is anyone's guess!  Well, really, I know why.  that song has tremendous spiritual meaning to me, about not giving up hope, because "my star (of His promise, is) still there." So, I did the best I could, to sing with my heart- where my voice did not cooperate.  

I was surprised to realize that as I was looking into the face of my friends and ward family, I could see love and tears in their eyes!  The Spirit relayed to me, in that moment, that His message is relayed even through imperfect vessels!  That was mind boggling to me, because I'd lived my entire life on the premise that I had to be talented or beautiful to be of worth.  And here was the Spirit teaching me, that my beauty is completely independent of worldly measuring systems of value!  

Despite that understanding, I finished my song, and then I plopped myself down on the seat near the podium, which I'd just sung at.  I sat directly behind my bishop and his counselors. I sunk low in the soft fold down seat, and covered my eyes with my hand, and I wept.  

I would have run out of the church, but there was no where to escape without full view of those 130-ish people.  As I sat there silently weeping, I kept silently pleading asking "Why? Why did you take my voice Heavenly Father? Why?" Because at that point, I KNEW God had removed my gift from me!  This was further confirmed when it came time to sing the closing song, "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear," and I composed myself enough to sing--- with a beautiful, clear voice!!  Yes, God had taken my voice- but why?!

It took me a few days, but the answers came.  Some are too sacred to share, but some may be of benefit to any of you (who manage to tackle "Wordy Word Girls" words!). Heavenly Father needed me to understand:

1.  My worth is NOT dependent upon my appearance or skills.  

2.  The Spirit can and does use our imperfect selves to relay His messages.

3.  My gifts ARE from God alone. He can take and He can give.  (I thought I understood that, but trust me, this lesson cinched that understanding of my perfect dependency upon the Savior's grace!)

Being humble is imperative to our spiritual success.  (And while I feel I approached that experience humbly, He apparently saw a need to teach me a truly empathetic lesson on the matter!)

Side note: You may also be interested to know that many of my ward members gathered around me in love, and shared how that had felt the Spirit.  Many said I sounded just like the Shepherd boy, who was seeking his star that night!

I just found this link at Youtube.  It's not me singing, but she has a beautiful voice.  And you too may be able to feel the spirit and message of this song! It's beautiful!

In conclusion, I want to share the sentiments of Be Not Afraid, Only Believe --Dieter F. Uchtdorf (This October 2015 session of General Conference.) These words had a strong impact upon my spirit, because I find that I doubt and second guess myself a LOT, especially on spiritual matters.

"Satan, our adversary, wants us to fail. He spreads lies as part of his effort to destroy our belief. He slyly suggests that the doubter, the skeptic, the cynic is sophisticated and intelligent, while those who have faith in God and His miracles are naive, blind, or brainwashed." 

"Satan will advocate that it is cool to doubt spiritual gifts and the teachings of true prophets."

"I wish I could help everyone to understand this one simple fact: we believe in God because of things we know with our heart and mind, not because of things we do not know. Our spiritual experiences are sometimes too sacred to explain in worldly terms, but that doesn’t mean they are not real."

If you live with diligence and consistence to be worthy of the Spirit (and selectively tune down the sounds and voices of world distractions), you will be able to hear and obey the sound of the Spirit voice.  

You won't always know you are on God's errand, but just as a clean vessel pours clean water, so you shall also pour out purified words from heaven, which will help, lift, bless,strengthen, and edify all those on your journey. 

It won't matter if your words are eloquent of simple, the Spirit will relay his message of truth and sincerity. "Ponder anew" upon Heavenly Fathers blessings. Continually draw your thoughts to remembrance of His goodness, and express frequent gratitude for your many blessings.

Step forth daily in the path of righteousness, and you will know that you too can made a small difference in the ripples of life.  For, indeed, you will be acting in His name, and as a true disciple of Christ.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Christine

P.S. I just found this wonderful scripture, which is very applicable to what I said!

Matthew 10: 10-22

16 ¶Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. serpents, and harmless as doves.

17 But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;

18 And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles.

19 But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. 

20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.

22 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake:but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

I'm sure, like me, you have been persecuted, mocked, and made fun of for you beliefs. (Well, if you are as vocal as I am!)  But I have found it to be true that God will help me to speak.  And, I have felt on precious occasion the witness that it is the Spirit of God, blessing me with word beyond my own capacity.

And yet, there are times I doubt myself.  I needed these reminders, so that I can move forward in faith. God goes before me, and I am in His care. Put your life in order, and be worthy of His Spirit, and He will bless you with the words, and wisdom like a "serpents" and humility "as a dove."  And no matter what fiery furnace you "endure" you will come through safely encompassed in His love!

MY RECORDINGS.  Not great, but better than the above video, I think.

I start singing at 1:03.  My friend H. starts out the song.  She's been playing since she was 4!  I don't know this song well...as evidenced .