Looking toward the light and example of Jesus Christ, who is "mighty to save." May we face our individual struggles and challenges by being willing to drink whatever " bitter cup" (or trial) we are given, and not shrink from doing what will ultimately strengthen us.
Over the last few days, I have felt an immense amount of inner turmoil. So much so, that I was experiencing physiological responses I have rarely encountered in my life. (I guess it could be related to an anxiety attach--- which is not something I'm very familiar with.) During this duress, I repeatedly fell to my knees in prayer and asked Heavenly Father why He let me feel like something was right to do, when in fact it turned out so very very badly. I asked Him over and over. "Why, when you knew the outcome? Why? Why? How could any of this be good?" The answers came gradually to me, as I purified my actions to Him. Not only did I pray, but I studied scriptures, listened to talks, and sought comfort from a priesthood blessing and attending the temple. The ordeal left me feeling injured and and terribly worried. Something has happened. As I have listened to the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, my shaking fears and disconsolate heart has been comforted, and my peace is being restored. I have particularly been comforted through lines of songs that play into my thoughts, during the silent moments of this threatening storm. I immediately knew what God wants me to know, when a popular song I haven't listened to or heard for many months played into my thoughts as I fitfully tried sleeping... "Let it go! Let it go!" and added to that were words from two hymns: "Leave to thy God, to order and provide." and "When all that was promised the Saints will be given." Heavenly Father wants me to truly "let it go" and to trust in His omnipotent hand. I have learned a lot from this experience. Among other things, I've increased in my sensitivity to the feelings and experiences of others. I have been reminded that God's vision is marvelous and massive. I am reassured that He loves each of us very much, and is truly mindful of our needs. I also becoming more aware of how truly he "delights to own and bless" His children "as they try and do what's right." It's important to just start where you are, because little efforts efforts, even in a weak, tired, and sorrowful condition, will help you feel God's love. As you feel yourself grow stronger, try to keep the commandments of God even better. No one grows stronger, if they don't flex, work and exercise their spiritual muscles.
My amazing bishop once taught me an important lesson, "Repentance encompasses more than repentance from sin.Repentance equates to progression, and it is rarely comfortable. " If you keep trying to improve yourself, you will see miracles in your life!
I can really relate to this video. I have faith that God will open up doors, for which my narrow vision had never seen before! I am thankful for His sweet and perfect assurances of love and peace in my life. I feel loved. :)
My 4 yr old got my camera for me and too this photo.
He's helpful and talented! :)
Today, when I took out the trash I noticed how my lawn hasn't been trimmed. I'd like to tell you it's been a month or two, but I think it's been years. Oh, the embarrassment to speak such truth! But, it's true!
This morning the weather was sunny, but cool. Just like I like it! I had my morning energy, so I
decided I'd tackle the whole strip of lawn nearest to the road. It was so rewarding to reach down and twist up nasty tangled weeds from the grass. I just knew this was going to make our yard look so much better.
My 4 yr old helper M is amazing!
My 4 year old, M, was right along side me. (He works hard
and lasts a long time when we work. He's been know to help me for hours. His own choice! He loves to scrub, sweep, and clean off the chair and cupboards. It truly astounds me!) Today he was sweeping the weeds into a pile and then putting it in the trash can. I felt so thankful for this little boy of mine. He really does help me.
Soon my joy turned to embarrassment. What had I done?!! While it's true that I'd conquered the weeds in the grass, I also was left with mostly dirt. That's right people, our grass isn't really grass anymore. It's mostly weeds of all sizes, shapes and colors. In the process of trying to improve my yard, I'd actually made it look uglier that the previous unkempt grass look. Years of ignoring the small and controllable weeds had turned into massive overgrowth. And the weeds have taken control, because we'd allowed them too.
It's kind of like that in life, isn't it? We realize there are things about ourselves, our surroundings, or our circumstances, and yet we do little, or nothing, to take care of matters. We close our eyes, or turn our head away. We either pretend we don't see. Or, we tell ourselves, we'll get to it later.
That's how I/We spent most of my/our life. "Living by default" as my Mom used to reprimand my husband and I. We let our bills go. We let our home go. We let our time go. And to where? Pretty much nowhere! We were a mess. Literally. What happens when you let everything around go by default? I'll tell you! The winds of happenstance blow you in circles. And sometimes those winds become full fledged tornado's, or worse!
The only thing that we had going for us is that by nurture and nature, we were two good people. We were faithful to the basic things of our religion. We tried to be honest. We tried to go to church each week. We tried to always pay a full tithe. We tried to read our scriptures. We tried to pray. We tried to do the things good people do.
Unfortunately, most of those behaviors were just try. Not DO! We almost always made it to weekly church-- but were glad to have an excuse of having a cold virus to keep us home, or the baby did not seem to be feeling well. We listened to our semi-annual general conference, but we did not worry if we fell asleep through it. We read our scriptures, unless we were too tired. We'd offer up our bedtime prayers under the warmth of our covers, and more often than not fell asleep, or gave said poorly thought out words to God. We were pretty good about tithing, but usually months behind. In general, we just made a lot of excuses for ourselves. We didn't feel that we had what other people did, so we just didn't try as hard.
It's embarrassing to say, but we had a "woe is me" mentality. We thought only of ourselves and what was in our best comfort and convenience. We just kind of hoped things would fall into our laps, but they rarely did.
Family fun at Chick Filet Cow Appreciation Day 2014! :)
Here's the strange part of it all. God never gave up on us. We did still receive many blessings.
Things that of ourselves we had not earned, but that he saw fit to bless us with. Among those things were children. In my struggle with infertility, it took us 3 years to have our first child, but even then he further blessed me with 4 more children! He took us from living in poverty conditions, to owning our own home. He took us from only being able to take the city bus if we needed to get somewhere, to owning our own vehicles. His blessings were still very apparent, despite the chaos in our lives and minds!
Stepping away from the "we," I'd like to talk just about me now. Years ago, I lived with a secret. I tried to hide it from people. I tried to pretend I was in control. But here it is. I WAS a hoarder. I had always been called a "pack rat" by my family, since I was a young girl, but until I saw an episode of the TV show Hoarders a few years ago, I didn't know I was one! It was strangely consoling to know I wasn't alone, but it was overwhelming, because I knew I could never have a crew of people come and clean my house, because then people would know my secret. The secret I tried hard to hide.
Gratefully, I had not had the chance to develop into some of the most extreme cases of being a hoarder, but trust me, I had a major problem. I wouldn't let people into my home. I couldn't find things I needed. I couldn't keep up with the bills, because I didn't know where the mail was. I couldn't let the children have friends in, unless I hid the mess in some out of the way room. The laundry was out of control, and the mess seemed endless. I lived in fear that my children would be taken away from me. It was awful. It was terrifying. And worst of all, I never had hope that it could change.
Things have changed since then. I am a new woman. I am NOT a hoarder anymore. I have cleaned up my life, my surrounding, my circumstances. I didn't needed Hoarders to come and save me. I didn't need to be rescued by Oprah (as once I desired) to fulfill my wish of a clean, orderly home.
I needed something more. I needed a hurricane to strike the lonely island of my soul, and teach me what I needed to understand.
You might even say, on this unforgettably horrific day in history, that I needed a 9-11 to symbolically strike my tower of laziness, pride! Indeed, it was wrong terribly wrong that September 11, 2001 ever happened. But just like the weeds in my grass, natural, careless, or intentional disaster's, in all their ugly forms have a way of stepping into our lives and our circumstances (and in small or large way) and cause devastation and destruction in it's path. And, like September 11th, I was forced to re-build a broken or weakened structure--of personal and spiritual self.
I don't have time tonight to tell you of that initial personal disaster, or the experience and the ramifications of it, but I plan to come back over the next few days and share how the ball of change began to roll in my life. I truly believe that some of the hardest challenges and trials we face in our lives can strengthen us, refine us, and help us to rise a little taller. I hope you will return to learn more.
36 Yea, and acry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thybdoings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy cthoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 aCounsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for bgood; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the cmorning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
I hope wherever you are in life, that you will know that there is always hope for change. Jesus Christ made it all possible--for everyone For you. For me. You just need to be willing to make some effort, and you will find that things aren't as despairing as perhaps you see them now. I have confidence that if I can clean my life of overgrown weeds, and useless belonging-- that YOU CAN clear away the weeds in your life, that keep you from reaching your full potential.
Next spring I hope the grass grows back!
My remaining clumps of grass look lonely and embarrassing temporarily, but I am hopeful that now that they are not crowded out with the stifling overgrowth of weeds, that what remains will have a chance to multiply and replenish into a beautiful spot of earth! I look forward to the awakening of next Spring, when the cold snow melts away, and I discover that my painful efforts were worth the time.
Hands caked with dirt will yield us fruit from our labors!
(A Tomato from our garden. :)
Join me on my journey for change and betterment. You will never regret it. Even if the soul-stretching efforts of change ache you to the core, you will come out a happier person for it!
The other night I dropped my two teenage children off for a Sunday fireside * (devotional) at a church member's house. I saw one of my friends, and also the Young Women's President pull up to the house on her bike. I'd been meaning to talk to her, so I left my car running and jumped out to check on how my excessively shy girl is doing in her church youth classes. --Not great. ;\
After visiting a minute with my friend, an 8 yr. old daughter (from inside the house) came up to me and started talking to me. I said goodbye to H, as she hurried in for the fireside and turned to visit with J . A bright, beautiful, articulate child. She's warm, trusting, and naturally loving and open. And well, it's hard for me not to enjoy myself around those kind of people!
J and I have visited many times before, but on this night she was carrying her Queen Elsa barbie doll and a fun conversation ensued on the movie frozen, and specifically "Queen Elsa." I tried to convince her to like Princess Anna more. But, her mind could bot be changed.
Me: But why do you like Princess Elsa so much? J. (correction) Queen Elsa!
Me: Okay! ;) Queen Elsa!
J; "Queen Elsa can do cool magic with her hands, and her dress is so pretty, and she's sooo beautiful." (and she tilted her head down to tightly hug her Queen Elsa to her heart.
Me: (teasingly) Yeah, okay, so she builds really cool ice castles and a cute snowman, BUT Princess Elsa is forgiving, she sings so pretty, and never stops loving-- You know that sad part (and I imitate a spoken child's voice) "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
J: Yeah, but Queen Elsa sings (and J breaks into song) "The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen..."
Me. You sing so pretty J.
J: Thanks, now you try it.
Me: What are the words again? (I only know the words "Let it Go! Let it Go!...")
J: (repeats the words she sang)
Me: I start singing it.
J: Hey, you sound just like Queen Elsa!
Me: Thanks :)
Me: But J, Anna has the same hair color as we do! (Dark Brown)
J: (cutely correcting me!) "Her hair is red!"
Me: (puzzled, and thinking back to a visual image I have of Anna,) "Oh, yeah, I guess it is kind of reddish"
J: (Holding a handful of her long hair to shine in the setting sun) "look"
[I understood immediately her unspoken intent, for I'd done the same thing many times myself! Yes, brown hair usually has reddish undertones when the light shines through]
Me: (holding up my hair for the sun to also shine through) "Yeah, and I have reddish hair too"
J; (Giggling) We both have the same hair as Anna!
You can thank me, because that's the abridged version of our conversation on that topic!
We also spoke about all kinds of things-- like how there is a mean girl who won't let her play with her friend K.C. at school, and how how she has a chandelier in her room, and a desk that was her brother's and she's scraping of the black chalk paint from it because she already has a chalkboard, and how her parents used to have cats but one was smushed by a car and the other by the garage door!
And, of course, I told her how I have a chandelier in my front room. Which I call my "temple room" (but it never really looks quite as clean as a temple, because my children are mess makers!)
And how we have 2 pet bunnies, and a hamster, but we used to have pigeons, bunnies, dogs, and chickens!
And on and on we visited-- because that's what two talkative girls do! ;)
One of my favorite things J told was a story about how one morning, when she was still asleep, her sister woke her up by throwing herself on J-- and then they proceeded to re-enact a scene from Frozen--- Which of course J and her sister have memorized!! And little J acted it out for me, and explained she kept her eyes closed and her sister opened one of them just like Elsa. She was proud of her ability to act asleep.
Young Anna: [climbs into Elsa's bed] Elsa. Psst. Elsa! Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Young Elsa: [half-asleep] Anna, go back to sleep.
Young Anna: I just can't.
[dramatically] The sky's awake,
so I'm awake, so we have to play!
Young Elsa: [smiling] Go play by yourself!
[nudges Anna off the bed]
[Anna hits the floor with a thud, but smiles
and climbs back up on the bed.
She opens one of Elsa's eyes]
Young Anna: [mischievously] Do you wanna build a snowman?
Somehow after sharing the story she told me how she could almost do a somersault. I followed her over to the grass and she tried very hard, but wasn't quite making it. I showed her how to place her feet and tuck her head toward her knees and how to push off with her legs and hands. I gave her a push over and she did a successful somersault.
We practiced several more times. And I even demonstrated a somersault twice in my perfectly mature, ladylike manners (and all dressed in my knee length peasant skirt and blouse!!) She thought that was too funny. (But, then again, she's a giggly, happy child, and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I'm not so sure any onlookers were as generous as she was. I don't mind occasionally marching to my own rat-a-tat-tat--- drum beat! ;) After I had her practice a few more somersaults, she started to get the hang of it. (She still needs to put more speed into pushing off though.)
J moved on to something else. This time she showed me how to move and twist around the tall basketball hoop on the drive way. Because she's a petite girl, and still developing coordination, like other children her age, it took care and thought on her part. She finished her feat, and said, "Now you try it."
When J had me take a turn to copy what she had done, I worried that that it would look too easy if I did it like she did. I have the leg length to reach stepping spots that she'd had trouble with. I didn't want to make it seem like a "piece of cake," and squash any of her wonderful self-esteem, so I modified what I did. I danced around it like an awkward pirouetting ballerina. She watched me, and then corrected me nicely "No, that's not how you do it." She then demonstrated and told me again to give it a try. I just laughed and said, I might fall and hit my head on the cement if I did. :))
Well, I was having a great time visiting with her, but made my apologies, and told her I should be getting home. After all, I was only there 30-40 minutes!
As always, you may be asking, "Goodness, what is the point of Christine's long winded play by play of her conversation and playtime with J." I'm glad you asked. :) I'll tell you.
Children need role models. Not only do children get into trouble without proper attention, but it also affects their self-esteem. Children derive increased confidence when they are listened to and engage in happy social relationships. (Okay, I'm not going to write a research paper here. So I won't bother to support any of my facts or theories! Just go with it, okay?!)
It's a great way to remember how you acted and felt as a child. We live in a world of distraction. As adults we tent to always be off cleaning, sending emails, checking Facebook, editing photos, watching movies, working, or doing our civic or church duties. I realize those things can be important and necessary, but there is something truly satisfying when engaging with children. You are reminded of perspectives and views of the world you saw when you were much closer to the ground. Memories you've long forgotten.
Making eye contact is more rewarding than staring at a lap top, cell phone, or ipod. Having this time with J, reminded me that I want to give my full and undivided attention to my own children. I certainly try. And I have a lot of fun, precious, and special stories I could share of my conversations and experiences with them. But, giving your undivided attention to one child is vastly different than dividing it with 5! It can be downright challenging! And sometime I feel exhausted in the effort.
From this experience I felt renewed in my desire to make sure I am setting aside opportunities in which I have alone time with each of my children. Not just alone time in the house, while my 4 year old helps me clean in the kitchen or bedroom, or my 13 year old makes cookies (and I give her baking tips), but also alone time going outside more. Doing such things as jumping on the trampoline, going on a walk or bike ride, a "date" with just Mom and/or Dad, or practicing somersaults together are just a few of the many possibilities!
I do a lot of those things, but I realized after talking with J, that I'm going to need to actually make conscious effort to stop what I'm doing and give them regular time and attention, especially as it relates to going outdoors- in all kinds of weather.
Children gain confidence for positive interactions with adults. Today on Facebook I saw a short clip about "acting like a girl." It's pathetic commentary on how society views females. If I can pay attention to not just my daughter's, but son's, or other children, and give encouragement and let them know I care, then I'm hopeful they will know how special they are, and that's it's alright to be themselves! (I mean, seriously, if at my age I can do a somersault and not act embarrassed that someone might see me, then I hope it relays the message that "I'm alright with myself," and they like themselves as they are too!)
OH, and guys, I better not hear you tell your son's "What!! Are you gonna cry like a girl now?! Buck up and be a man." (I won't step all the way on my soap box now, but needless to say, I don't increase in respect when men talk that way to their sons!)
We can learn to be more like Jesus! (Not to mention children can remind us how Heavenly Father loves us with the same compassion and mercy, and that we are of value in His sight.) Think of all the wonderful qualities I've described of J. Think of the sweet, endearing qualities in children you know and love.
Children are generally accepting of everyone.
Children love to experiment and learn.
Children are trusting.
Children are teachable.
Children forgive quickly.
Children love to laugh and giggle.
Children aren't afraid of appearances.
Children speak with direct honesty!
Children have tremendous faith in everyone and everything.
Children are what the savior admonished us to be like!
1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the agreatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little achildren, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall ahumble himself as this little bchild, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my aname receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall aoffend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
I hope we will work harder to show love to the Heavenly Father's children of all ages. I know it can be hard at times, but He trusts us to show His love and care. And when we do, we will each be blessed.
Christine
I took the this other day up our beautiful canyon. We ate Little Caesar's for a picnic and explored around the water.
P.S. Update and Warning! ;)
Not all interactions are going to be as pleasant as the one I described above!!
My stinker M wanted to be in the photo when I took a picture of
this card I made at Relief Society the other night.
Our card making didn't go this well tonight!! :P
After writing this blog, I went to test my ability to set aside my distractions, and pay close attention to my children. First I said we'd have a craft time, while the 2 oldest were at their church youth activity.
I went to get some pretty scrapbook paper in the basement, and discovered my boys had dumped a big bag of cereal on the front sidewalk. I had them help me first clean it up, so we could make cards. It had been a rainy day and the Lucky Charms stuck to the sidewalk! It took longer than anticipated to clean.
Here are M and S the next night. There were fighting over the
pillows and the chair. :( I don't mind a little fun, or temporary mess,
but when the fighting and crying starts, I do whatever I can to
improve the situation. Usually they are the best of friend tho!
Once finished, I gathered the paper and made my way into my bedroom (which was clean most of the day) but suddenly the boys were leaping from chair to bed and wrestling with each other, and piling up pillows and blankets and a crib mattress for more fun.
Promises are important for me to keep to my children, so I was trying to make bright Halloween inspired greeting cards with my 9 year old daughter. The boys were suppose to have participated, but they were having to much fun with all the bedding!
Meanwhile, my two oldest came home from the church activity. Realizing it was getting late, I called
for it to be scripture time. My 15 year old read from the Doctrine and Covenants, while I tried to quietly pick up and get the boys to settle down. Needless to say, but they weren't terribly quiet during scriptures.
If only our prayer time looked this reverent!!
C finished a short chapter, and that meant prayer time. My 13 year old, K, quickly drops to her knees and starts praying. I say "Wait for the rest of us to kneel" I lovingly threatened ;) asked the boys to kneel and be quiet. Ummm...yeah, the sound went from loud sillies to softer reverent sillies. My 7 year old, H, chimed in and started to pray a quick prayer (They worry that I might beat them. I'm not into short prayers!) Tonight I felt very happy that it was short and sweet. As the three oldest went off quietly to bed. I was left to wrangle the 2 wild ones! (4 and 7 years old)
I was so tired and wanted to get to bed early myself, but you probably can tell that they were too rowdy for that. I had a clever idea of "Which of you can go potty the fastest" Off the boys raced. Little M (4) made it to my toilet first and peed quickly. Then S jumped on the same toilet as soon as M finished (don't ask me why they didn't choose separate bathrooms tonight, but they didn't!) S too peed quickly. But as he stood, with laughing disdain cried out, "He peed on my bottom and now it's burning!" I'm like, "What are you talking about 'He peed on your bottom'?!" (And of course there was no way I could keep a straight face at that!! (We were all laughing) [Mystery was soon solved. I learned that S sat down to pee and got M's"hot" pee to "burn" him--translated by me "He peed on the toilet and now I have very warm pee on my patootie!")
(Okay, that may be one of those "You had to be there to get it" kind of stories!)
While S was getting his pull ups on, M was complaining of how he wanted to sleep in my bed.
"No way!" I replied. I explained to him again, the same thing I'd told him this morning. (Which made him laugh every time I told him that wasn't happening again.)
You see, last night I gave in because I was so very tired and didn't feel I had the energy to muster a firm action against it. Well, with him in the bed I had bad dreams all night! (Heat always causes this for me. And I even had the window A/C blowing on me!) There's a reason I call him "My sweaty little bed hog." Worst still, but last night his feet were often pummeling me in the stomach! He promised me that tonight he'd stay farther away from me. But there was no changing my mind!
Because I refused to let his hot-tempered self share my bed (Dad's out of town), he was ornery about getting on his own bed. S was being surprisingly cooperative by this point, so I said, "Come into S's room, I'm going to read a book. I cuddled with S on my lap and M near me. They had a lot of fun reading about Thomas's first day of school. M wanted me to read it again, and he also wanted "2 more books" then "No, 3 more books" (That's what you get when they are learning their numbers in preschool!) No more books. The night had been too crazy.
I was enjoying the snuggle time with S, so I decided to take a minute to ask him some questions
about his day. I asked him about the friends he played with today. He told me Jaden, and the new boy Connor. Then I asked what they played. He'd told me he'd played with sand earlier, but now he added a new dimension to this conversation.....
S: Oh we played guns. We shot each other with our hands, like this (mimics gun hands and starts shooting me and little M. who was looking through the picture book again.
Me. (a bit distressed!) But guns can kill people, it's not nice to even pretend.
S. We also played knives, and we stuck them into ourselves. (Mimics a knife in his chest)
Me: (Motherly distress is growing. I'm worried I may be raising a killer! But trying to keep it light. Trying....) Did you pretend to die?
S. (ignoring the question. He was much to excited to tell me more!) And I also shot off a bee shooter!
Me: A bee shooter? What's that?
S. (And ignoring the answer in his enthusiasm) And a fish shooter. (pauses) No, I didn't shoot a fish shooter, I just made that up just now. Yeah, and the bee gun shoots out bees and they sting the other person.
Okay, do you see the definitive difference between girls and boys!! Here I was expecting this happy little jaunt down memory lane, through sunshine and flowers, and I get instead- killing! (Fortunately, I do have to add that he is an uber sweet boy! And emulates the Christ like qualities I mention above, but he is just that- a boy! ;)
Reminds me of a poem my Mother often told me as a little girl. (Hey look, I can draw a happy memory from that crazy boy experience!)
What are little boys made of? Made of? What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are little girls made of? Made of? What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!
Well, I think tonight is one of my longest posts, but I couldn't resist drawing a comparison to my experiences of two different children.
The house is now quiet. The boys finally fell asleep by 10 (Late! but better than midnight! And in their own beds!) I can sit here and laughingly reflect on children and family life. And I realize that "Out of the mouths of babes" seems to lose it's seriousness, in moments like these. But truly, I am thankful for my life, and for all my many blessings.
I am reminded of an epiphany I had with a song from Frozen while in the temple recently. (And I'm pretty sure you've never heard this analogy drawn from the song "In Summer." So please check back to read it. I think it's a lesson we can all use in life!
===
*(DEFINITION: A "fireside" is a gathering of people-- usually it is of a more spiritual nature, but sometimes it can just be playing games and eating donuts. You know, as "sitting around the fireside" and visiting. Except usually there isn't a fire involved. :)
Last night as I knelt to pray at my soft recliner chair, I felt some worry over a future matter. I asked a specific question of Heavenly Father. As usual I stayed on my knees, and I meditated over things relating to this matter, and my worries over the possible dynamics. I find that as I talk with Heavenly Father and think through thing that it allows me to clear my mind. I have learned over the last couple of years that there is a difference between praying, and meditation. It won't be easy to describe, but I will try to simply share those differences.
Here are the definitions from the dictionary. (Phew! Now I can spare you the 200 sentences I'd have used in trying to explain it myself!! ;) Definition of prayer (n) Bing Dictionary prayer [ prer ] 1. address to God: a spoken or unspoken address to God, a deity, or a saint.
2. addressing of God: the act or practice of making spoken or unspoken addresses to God, a deity, or a saint
3. something wished for: something that is wanted or hoped for very much
Definition of meditation (n) Bing Dictionary med·i·ta·tion [ mèddi táysh'n ] 1. emptying or concentration of mind: the emptying of the mind of thoughts, or the concentration of the mind on one thing, in order to aid mental or spiritual development,
2. contemplation, or relaxation
3. pondering of something: the act of thinking about something carefully, calmly, seriously, and for some time, or an instance of such thinking serious study of topic: an extended and serious study of a topic
Anyone can offer up a quick prayer in which they direct their questions to God.
But meditation is the time when I feel the greatest communication occurs!!
Meditation takes a lot more effort, and more time.
A lot of people complain about how they don't always remember their prayers or their scriptures, but I don't understand it. If you could communicate with God and Heaven, wouldn't you?
Well, you can. And that comes by allowing your self to not just pray for direction, comfort, and answers, but also listening for those answers.
Honestly, listening is the hard part. And sometimes you will think to yourself, "Maybe I imaged that word, thought, song, scripture, or long forgotten memory." I have done that a lot in the course of my life. But now, well now I pay attention. I'm always trying to keep my spiritual ears open to hearing the Spirit of God.
I like to stay on my knees, and give myself the time to relax myself into a meditative state. I describe meditation as not just a relaxed state of mind and body, but also a sleepy-like state. In fact, it is not uncommon for me to kind of sleep, but still be praying, thinking, and mediating.
That's what I was doing last night, when a hymn played into my thoughts. Immediately my mind became more alert, and aware that a song was playing into my thoughts. A hymn, in this instance. I hummed into my little miniature hand held digital recorder the melody that was floating silently into my thoughts. (I got mine at Staples, but you can get it at Walmart, and many other places in store or online. Make sure it has a USB port to transfer it to your computer. That's how I send some songs to my music friends, so that can see if they can name a tune that I cannot name myself!)
Last nights hymn was a familiar melody, and yet I couldn't seem to place any songs to it. I took the few words I thought I knew and searched them at music.lds.org . None of the hymns sounded like the one I was humming. As I read through the list of hymns, the title of it came clearly to my thoughts. I was excited that the Spirit of God was helping me, when on my own I could not remember the hymn. It was:
"Lord, Dismiss us with Thy blessings"
I immediately went and looked up the words. It appeared to be an answer to my prayer!
Heavenly Father was letting me know I'd be taken care of. Not only as it pertained to my worry, but in all things. 1. Lord, dismiss us with thy blessing; Fill our hearts with joy and peace. Let us each, thy love possessing, Triumph in redeeming grace. Oh, refresh us, oh, refresh us, Trav'ling thru this wilderness. Oh, refresh us, oh, refresh us, Trav'ling thru this wilderness.2. Thanks we give and adoration For the gospel's joyful sound. May the fruits of thy salvation In our hearts and lives abound. Ever faithful, ever faithful To the truth may we be found. Ever faithful, ever faithful To the truth may we be found.Text: John Fawcett, 1740-1817 Music: Jean-Jacques Rousseau, 1712-1778I like to read the associated scriptures to the hymns, and they proved even more exiting to me. There were some things that really stood out as answers to me. Here's a couple of scriptures that stood out to me.
24 Be of good acourage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that bhope in the Lord.
Doctrine and Covenants 6:
14 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast ainquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.
15 Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy amind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been benlightened by the cSpirit of truth;
16 Yea, I tell thee, that thou mayest know that there is none else save God that aknowest thy thoughts and the bintents of thy cheart.
22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might aknow concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater bwitness can you have than from God?
Okay, I hesitate to share those scripture, because spiritual experiences are personal. But I believe I have shared this experience with care.
You may wonder why I share it at all. I'll tell you! I want you to know that Heavenly Father does hear and answer prayers. He wants us to learn to remember Him, like He remembers us. He wants us to be worthy to hear and receive the voice of the Spirit, so that we can have peace and comfort in our lives.
I promise you that if you seek with a pure heart to know the will of God for your life. The truth of things you need to know to move forward, or special assurances to give you hope, (and much more) will be yours if you give God the same amount of attention (preferably more!) than you give your cell phone, Facebook, Youtube, movies, music, and any entertainment in life.
As you make wholesome choices, even though all around you people are doing just about any and every offense toward God, (You know, all the "freedoms" they think they have, but really are losing by careless, cowardly, or rebellious choices.) you will find more peace, joy, and freedom that you ever thought possible.
I used to think I could never change. I used to believe there was no more happiness that I would ever feel. I used to think I'd remain deficient all my life in learning how to love. But truly, as I've given my life over to Heavenly Father, He's made so much more out of me and my life, than I could have ever dreamed.
Do, do you think you might like to try meditating?! It takes some practice to relax and not stop short. Not all answers come immediately,but some will, and if you listen carefully you will hear heaven whisper answers, direction, and comfort to you.
Stay longer on your knees to pray. Stay longer to listen, and meditate. Quiet the noises of the world (like television, radio, and being "wired") and patiently pour out the anxieties of your heart to God in prayer and meditation, so you too can hear the voice of the divine as Martin Luther, Jr., I, and so many others have!
Heavenly Father wants to bless you, and he will if you try a little harder each day.
I have faith in your capacity to improve!
God bless you in your efforts,
Christine
P.S. Sometimes you will not get answers directly on your knees. After all, there are things to be done, people to serve, spouses, friends, and children to give attention to, and jobs to finish, BUT if you go about the minutes and hours of your day with a prayerful heart, many answers will come. I've gotten answers at some very unexpected times-- while mopping, doing laundry, reading a story to my children. God is pleased with us when we move forward with not just faith, but also withaction.
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