Friday, September 19, 2014

"Amid the Encircling Gloom"

Over the last few days, I have felt an immense amount of inner turmoil.  So much so, that I was experiencing physiological responses  I have rarely encountered in my life.  (I guess it could be related to an anxiety attach--- which is not something I'm very familiar with.)  

During this duress, I repeatedly fell to my knees in prayer and asked Heavenly Father why He let me feel like something was right to do, when in fact it turned out so very very badly.  I asked Him over and over.  "Why, when you knew the outcome? Why? Why? How could any of this be good?" The answers came gradually to me, as I purified my actions to Him.  Not only did I pray, but I studied scriptures, listened to talks, and sought comfort from a priesthood blessing and attending the temple. The ordeal left me feeling injured and and terribly worried.

Something has happened.  As I have listened to the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, my shaking fears and disconsolate heart has been comforted, and my peace is being restored.  I have particularly been comforted through lines of songs that play into my thoughts, during the silent moments of this threatening storm. 

I immediately knew what God wants me to know, when a popular song I haven't listened to or heard for many months played into my thoughts as I fitfully tried sleeping... "Let it go! Let it go!"  and added to that were words from two hymns: 
 "Leave to thy God, to order and provide." and "When all that was promised the Saints will be given." Heavenly Father wants me to truly "let it go" and to trust in His omnipotent hand.  

I have learned a lot from this experience.  Among other things, I've increased in my sensitivity to the feelings and experiences of others.  I have been reminded that God's vision is marvelous and massive.  I am reassured that He loves each of us very much, and is truly mindful of our needs.  

I also becoming more aware of how truly he "delights to own and bless" His children "as they try and do 

what's right."  It's important to just start where you are, because little efforts efforts, even in a weak, tired, and sorrowful condition, will help you feel God's love. As you feel yourself grow stronger, try to keep the commandments of God even better.  No one grows stronger, if they don't flex, work and exercise their spiritual muscles.  

My amazing bishop once taught me an important lesson, "Repentance encompasses more than repentance from sin. Repentance equates to progression, and it is rarely comfortable. "  If you keep trying to improve yourself, you will see miracles in your life!  

I can really relate to this video.  I have faith that God will open up doors, for which my narrow vision had never seen before!  I am thankful for His sweet and perfect assurances of love and peace in my life.  I feel loved. :)

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