We Are the Champions

Today I've been watching videos about the life of Christ.  He faced immense trials, pain, and suffering.  I wanted to watch to be reminded that my life only plays out on a small scale, as it relates to hardships and suffering.

In the next few days I feel like I am going to be walking the plank!  Walking into a situation for which I thought the righteous desires of my heart were better understood by someone.  But that person has (as far as I understand it) helped set me up to face a situation that is going to examine me and question my motives.

If you read yesterdays post, then you know I've been terrified of the experience.   However, I don't feel like I am alone.  I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for my life, and in the end I will come out successful.  This weekend, may not see that success though, but Heavenly Father knows that my heart has been right, even if some of my actions may have been mistakes (definitely not big ones).

In this process of fear and self-doubt that keeps me fairly worried, I've been reminded of two song lately that have "randomly" (NOT!) come to my thoughts, that I'll be fine.  So, I continue to keep the hope, that no matter what shame I suffer, or sorrow I experience, that it can all be swallowed up through the power and atonement of Jesus Christ, if I allow Him to rein my heart.
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This song reminds me that my life is a canvas that has painting yet to be painted.  Scenery and people that will brighten and beautify, and add to the rainbow of promise and miracles of my specialized plan of learning.

Well it's not far down to paradise, at least's not for me
If the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

It's not far to never, never land, reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

                                                                                        

Sailing, takes me away To where I've always heard it 

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

Soon I will be free

Fantasy, it gets the best of me when I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony, won't you believe me?

Sailing, takes me away
To where I've always heard it
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
Soon I will be free

It's not far back to sanity at least it's not for me
And when the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity
Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

Sailing, takes me away
To where I've always heard it
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
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This song reminds me that by keeping hope and holding out hope in the face of obstacles.  Indeed, each of are are champions as long as we keep trying to face each new day!

I've paid my dues

Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before
The whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose

And we mean to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions
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I am thankful that music enriches and blesses my life, and speaks to my heart.  I hope you will let beautiful music teach your heart how to sing!  I hope you will know that whatever it is that you worry about, that God can help you through it if you look towards him in prayer and diligence to His ways.  It's never too late to look to Him!

Psalms 26:2

2 Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.

I trust Him completely, and hope you will too.
Christine

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart

I'm feeling a tremendous amount of fear today, over something I am dreading, but must face in the next couple of days. I've begun to doubt myself to the umpth degree, and I think...."Maybe I really am a confused and lost soul!" (Okay, perhaps overly dramatic to say  but worry and doubt are an understatement to how I'm feeling today!)

As I knelt to pray this morning I found myself think of what appeared to be a random word "moorings." I searched that word at lds.org and found this talk that really speaks to heart today. Perhaps it will comfort you also. (P.S. I'd appreciate prayers!)

Here are some excerpts of that gave me comfort:
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"We’re all here because we love the Lord. We want to serve Him. Our Heavenly Father is mindful of us. Of that I testify. I acknowledge His hand in all things.

"
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

“For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.”

"My counsel for all of us is to look to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so lost but what its beacon light can rescue. It beckons through the storms of life. The lighthouse of the Lord sends forth signals readily recognized and never failing."

I love the words found in Psalms: “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; … I will call upon the Lord … so [I shall] be saved from mine enemies.”

The Lord loves us, my brothers and sisters, and will bless us as we call upon Him."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/a-word-at-closing?lang=eng#watch=video

I feel firmly that I can trust in the greater plan of Heavenly Father.  I am going to make mistakes along the way, but he will help guide me home, as I look to him.

In the words of an old song "I Will Survive" (by Gloria Gaynor) I close tonight's blog.  (I didn't put them all, because they don't all apply....but you can hear it all in the song.
REMEMBER--- You CAN and YOU WILL survive anything!!

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I ....how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive,
I will survive!

But now I hold my head up high
And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl ....

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive

I will survive,
I will survive!

Sad Sunday

Sunday turned out to be unexpectedly sad for me.  I found myself in a situation for which I was taken very much off guard.  The specific details don't matter anymore.  It's sufficient to say that when I walked away from this experience I was left to question a lot of things about myself. Specifically in my ability to act in ways that would please Heavenly Father, because I was told I didn't make this friend happy, even when I'd tried too.  The essence of my doubts stem in believing whether I have misplaced my faith in self and my understanding of the circle of life going on around me.

I won't say everything I did that afternoon to work through that experience, but I will say that I found Godly solace in the face of a "spiritual midlife crisis"-- so to speak!  I also got a blessing of comfort and my well of tears dried and my heart calmed.  I haven't cried a tear since!

Do I still have some of my doubts?  Sure.  But, I am not "throwing the baby (me) out with the bath water!"  I have built my foundation over the course of years.  I am not going to allow a jack-hammer of spoken, and implied meaning destroy the foundation of what makes me who I am!

Because of my insecurities, I have spend a lot of prayer and a lot of time meditating on where and how I went wrong.  I have also tried to see it from the other person's point of view.  (I don't want to spend my life being self centered, only thinking of how I feel. That can NEVER bring happiness.)  I want to try and understand the feelings, intentions and heart other people.  So my prayers were not only to have comfort, peace for myself, but also that my friend would have understanding and solace for they have a kind and sensitive soul too, and must be experiencing some pain as well.

In His mercy, God has answered many of my questions, and I feel I've been blessed to understand things beyond my own capacity.  I have also had continued assurances of my worth since Sunday. Assurances that let me know that just because things turned out as they did, doesn't reflect that I am any less loved, or any less of a person  (That may not make sense to some of my readers, but to those who experienced childhood trauma and abuse it is understood that the ramifications of fear and scars are felt into adulthood.)

I felt particular gratitude last night, as I prepared for bed in hotel room (my family and I are traveling for a few days:) I had specific words of a hymn come to mind.  "I will not doubt, I will not fear;"

With a quick search at music.lds.org I quickly learned the rest of the song :

I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God's love and strength 
are always near.
His promised gift 
helps me to find
An inner strength 
and peace of mind.

I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; 
His love assures
That fear departs when faith endures

I knew this was a Heavenly message, and that I could take assurance!  I also felt added faith, when I read some scriptures to this associated hymn:

2 Timothy 1:

6 Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I took immense comfort from those words, and that hymn.  There are many things I don't understand, but one thing I know...I am moving forward in complete faith in God, and not in man.

I still love and respect my friend, who either doesn't see me for me, or who chooses not to acknowledge that understanding.  In the end what will matter far more is that my hope in a patient, loving Heavenly Father is kept bright by my faith in Him!

I pray you also will take comfort and confidence in knowing that the God who created you has marvelous things in store for you.  Learn from those around you, but always allow the Spirit of God be your direct source of light.

Christine

In Memory of Mama

 Today I have stopped to give grateful consideration to my Mom, who now watches over me from Heaven.

My Mom Donna, age 18

Graduation day for Mom.

My Mom overcame a life filled with being abused, and overcoming many other tragic obstacles.  She went back to school to become a teacher.  She did this as a divorced Mom of 4 young children.  She was very determined.  She was also a blessing in the lives of her elementary students.  They always felt loved and cared for by her, and loved her in return.

Here's my Mom and I.  The days of big hair!!

Before she died on her 66th birthday from congestive heart failure, nearly 9 years ago, she experienced many debilitating health conditions. And yet, she kept trying to go to church even when she was in a lot of pain.


I have many happy memories with my Mama---I remember the time she tried to take my little sister and I fishing and camping, but in the process of trying to teach us to fish, she tripped, and she was in so much pain.  She got us back in the truck, and tried to drive quickly back down from Yosemite back to Merced to get to a doctor.  She'd injured her ankle, and couldn't press the accelerator, so I had to use my leg from the passenger side to press the pedal during that crazy experience.  I remember being so disappointed that I couldn't learn to fish (nor did I until I was about 22), but I always felt happy that she had tried to make up for our not having a Dad.

My siblings and I.  I'm in the blue dress on the right.

Mom loved driving and visiting family.  We often found ourselves on long, but happy drives across the desserts of Utah and Nevada.

She also loved Der Wienershnitzal hotdogs.  We'd always go through the drive through, and then park and eat.  (No wonder I love to eat in the car!)

On Mother's Day she would give me little sister and I gifts (Like nail polish, lipstick, and eye shadow) ---just because she felt lucky to have such good daughters!

I learned to play the organ because she felt impressed to buy it at our local Chowchilla fair.  If I'd sit and practice the organ, she did my chores.  I still remember playing the old hymns, like "Amazing Grace" and "Abide with Me" while she stood at the kitchen sink washing the dishes (or as she said it, "warsh" or "warshing") and she'd sing along with me from the kitchen sink. (My Mom sang beautifully.)

My Mom saying goodbye to my first 2 children.  She couldn't
keep living in Hawaii with us, because she was not able to
get good medical care in the little town we lived.  She was so
sad to be saying goodbye to the children. :(

 She would sometimes make Chinese food (wantons) which I loved.   But more often than not, I remember eating a lot of hot dogs!

I still remember the beautiful sunny day when she sliced up some fresh garden tomatoes and salted them.  We were new from California, and I don't recall eating fresh garden tomatoes, until this day, when I was around 16.  She treated this as most delicious fare, and I too remember the savor upon my tongue and heart from that moment of her enthusiasm.

My Mom like keeping a supply of frozen peaches she had sliced in the freezer.  I remember many yummy peach shakes, which never failed to remind me of happy summer days in Chowchilla, where we enjoyed family time with homemade peach Ice Cream and four wheeling at the house of Pam and Craig Wood-members of our local branch.

This is the first and last time my Mom got to meet my H.
Mom died a few months later of congestive heart fail

My Mother!  A woman of faith, and courage.  A woman, for whom there always seemed to be a lot of uncertainty.  A woman who was willing to give up addictions (smoking and drinking) and live the Law of Chastity, and tithing to follow the Savior, by becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.

I remember that she tried to speak very little to us of her worries to us her daughters.  She didn't want to burden us with her problems, which she said too many parents did with their children.





My Mom consistently testified that all that we suffer in this world only helps us to learn and grow.  She expressed that our suffering is something we would one day rejoice over, because she'd had very special spiritual experiences that had witnessed that to her. I now understand that more completely.  To become like the Savior, we must face fiery trials with faith and determination.



No words can express how thankful I am to follow in the path of the Savior Jesus Christ, because my Mom was willing to try and change her life.

She was not perfect, she made mistakes, she was terrible at finances and budgeting, and oh yeah, who can forget her moments of hot-headedness "Just let me out of the car, I'll walk home!"  haha... But Mama did the best she could, just like each of us.

I have a very strong testimony that we all make mistakes as people and parents.  We have great moments, and moments we wish we could take back, but we CAN'T.

I take complete comfort and hope in seeing that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can repent, and change my life.  In fact, even now, I am not same the woman I was two years ago. I've been able to turn my life around and make changes I never imagined possible.

The Savior can heal our heart of sorrows and anguish, and from sins and rebellion---if we turn our heart to Him, and learn to tune out the voices all around us, which tell us we can't be worth anything.

Here is my family at my Mom's grave

I am thankfully my Mom was willing to try---even when it didn't seem the odds were in her favor.  I love you Mom. Thank you for watching over me---even from Heaven.

Thank you for letting me know you are near with songs to my memory like "I love you a bushel and a peck!" or "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." You taught me to love music, and rainbows, and art, and Heavenly Father.  You were wise beyond your years, and you loved me unconditionally, and with tremendous patience! (And trust me, we both know that I tested it a time or two!!) You were the best Mom for me, and I wouldn't have had it any other way!

I look forward to the day when I can hug her and visit her in Heaven.  (But I'm not in any rush to get there~!)  For now, it's enough to take comfort from the scripture:

Jesus Christ

Isaiah 25:8

Old Testament

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it.
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I hope you have found reason to consider with appreciate the influence of mother's. From your very own, to the lady down the street who taught you how to crochet, or other women who have fulfilled the place of Mom, when yours was unable to be there for you.

I hope you will take comfort in knowing that we will see our loved ones when our time is through here on earth.

I hope you will keep trying, even when it seems like it's not worth it. Life is worth living, and you are valued and loved, even if you don't recognize it.

My warmest regards, Christine

A rescue isn't one sided

It's been a day of reflection for me.  I wish I could tell you've I've done it with all cheerfulness.  But, in fact, today has been "one of those days."  It started last night when I realized my 6 year old really was feeling sick.  He fell asleep on my bed at 5 pm, and only woke up around 8:30 pm, when I was finishing up scriptures and prayers with the other children.  He went potty and went right back to sleep.  (If you know my ADHD sweetheart, then you know he'd only act this way when sick!) I tucked his feverish body in bed, and climbing into my own bed realized I felt a bit queezy.  Added to that my 4 year old started to become feverish and moaned and groaned all night long.  

It only made sense to keep them home the next morning, right?   Maybe it was because I was tired from a long night, but we slept in, and skipped school.  I soon realized  when I woke up that they weren't as sick as I thought, but I still felt unpleasantly out of sorts.  So home they stayed.

I'll spare you the details, but while my back was turned they threw my expensive camera out the second floor window.  Intentionally!  (And no, it was not in the protective case!)  I tell you now, I feel so grateful it is not broken!  However, I was not my sweetest self in response to their behavior!  I rarely yell, but I did on this occasion.  I gave my 6 year old son a swat.  Again, this is rare for me.  I needed him to understand that this intentional behavior was  not right.  I also placed him in a time out.  I then proceeded to do the same with 4 year old brother.  They were both involved in the occurrence.

After placing 4 year old in a time out, I rushed past 6 year old son, and again made angry remarks like, "How could you do this to me?  I don't throw your toys out the window!"  What I saw when he was huddled there in his time out corner upset me.   For in his eyes and tense body movements, I saw his worry and fear of me.  My heart felt badly.  I grew up in a home of abuse.  I remembered being in a corner feeling afraid. While my actions today would by no means be considered abuse, they were not the action of the sweet Mom he's used to.  At least not the Mom I've become over the last couple of years.

I could see his worry, fear, and sadness in his eyes, and I felt awful.  I know Heavenly Father wants me to show love and care for the most precious gifts he has placed in my life.  I prayerfully asked Heavenly Father to help me feel nicer and I asked his forgiveness for over-reacting.

My natural instincts changed from anger and worry over possible damage to a camera I could not replace, to wanting to be the Mom God wants me to be for my children.   I still defined my expectations for the boys, and they lost consequences---like treats today.  They also had to help clean up their room, and could not play outside for a while.  But no longer was anger helping me choose my parenting actions.  Instead, I chose to allow love and patience to dictate my actions.  I made sure my children knew they were loved after that.

Today I was listening to a wonderful talk as I cleaned up my room (mostly toys and stray things that seem to float around a home with young children!). It was a fitting topic called,  Finding Joy In the Journey by Thomas S. Monson.   Here are a few thing that stood out to me.  (Okay, maybe a few more than a few--but some gems.  I would recommend it all, because he shares some touching stories.)

I begin by mentioning one of the most inevitable aspects of our lives here upon the earth, and that is change. At one time or another we’ve all heard some form of the familiar adage: “Nothing is as constant as change.”

Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly.

Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now. The lives of all of us, of course, go through similar alterations and changes. The difference between the changes in my life and the changes in yours is only in the details. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes.

This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.

If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn’t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.
If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” ³ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” ⁴

Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows.

Said one well-known author: “Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” 6

Said the Lord in a revelation given through the Prophet Joseph Smith, “In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things.” 10 May we be found among those who give our thanks to our Heavenly Father. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.

Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed.

He taught us how to pray. He taught us how to serve. He taught us how to live. His life is a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved.
The time came when He stood alone. Some Apostles doubted; one betrayed Him. The Roman soldiers pierced His side. The angry mob took His life. There yet rings from Golgotha’s hill His compassionate words, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” 11

Earlier, perhaps perceiving the culmination of His earthly mission, He spoke the lament, “Foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.” 12 “No room in the inn” 13 was not a singular expression of rejection—just the first. Yet He invites you and me to receive Him. “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” 14

Who was this Man of sorrows, acquainted with grief? Who is the King of glory, this Lord of hosts? He is our Master. He is our Savior. He is the Son of God. He is the Author of our Salvation. He beckons, “Follow me.” 15 He instructs, “Go, and do thou likewise.” 16 He pleads, “Keep my commandments.” 17

Let us follow Him. Let us emulate His example. Let us obey His word. By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.

Brothers and sisters, my sincere prayer is that we may adapt to the changes in our lives, that we may realize what is most important, that we may express our gratitude always and thus find joy in the journey. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 When I came to blog tonight, I was going to touch upon my feelings of loneliness, and personal concerns I felt today.  But, in truth, as I read the above talk, reflected on my day, and consider my blessings, I feel comforted.  My life certainly has areas of sorrow over things out of my control, but Heavenly Father does not leave me alone to face my life.  As I look to him, He always provides comfort and direction.

One example of this was a song that played into my thoughts as I knelt to pray.  "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me."  I knew I was loved, and that through the Savior all things will eventually (in this life, or the next) be made right as I follow Him in faith.  I was grateful that I could be forgiven of my mistakes in parenting.  I felt even more thankful to know that God's power can help bless my children, in ways that I will unintentionally fall short.

I Stand All Amazed

1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

(Chorus)
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

2. I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

3. I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Text and music: Charles H. Gabriel, 1856-1932

I hope you know that it is never too late to improve your life, or change it altogether.  I never thought it possible.  But over the last two years, I have gone from being in a pretty messed up standard of living and a pathetic view of myself and the world, to a life or greater order and peace.  Trust me, through Him all things are possible.  He didn't place us here alone to face our battles.  God put people in our lives to help us, as we can help them.  We each have special things to offer one another.  Don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Recently at my stake conference, my stake president spoke of  how a person drowning in the middle of the
sea, will never be able to save himself, unless someone throws him a rescue line.  And yet, even then, ultimately the person in need of being saved must determine if they grab hold of the rope.  Being rescued takes effort and responsibility on both sides.  No one can help you save your life, unless you want to be saved!  I needed to consider that.

 19 ¶^aRepent ye therefore, and be ^bconverted, that your sins may be^cblotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the^dpresence of the Lord;

                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                           Acts 3:19 (Bible)

....it creeps in

Discouragement.  I've heard it said it's the devil's number one tool used to destroy us.  I believe it!  Have you ever noticed that things are going along fine, and then suddenly you start worrying and doubting.  Wondering if you are good enough to be loved?  Smart enough to succeed?  Or brave enough to overcome the very real challenges we each face?

Just the other night I experienced the beginning subtleties of discouragement when I posted this meme I created on Facebook.  Discouragement silently crept in and took a seat next to me.  It whispered thoughts to me like, "See, what you did isn't good enough.  Only 2 people out of the masses clicked 'like.'"  "Look how good everyone else's memes are.  Their art is crisp, clean and trendy art. Your art is too busy, boring, and just plain out of style."

I went to bed feeling like I really have no potential to become someone who has the artistic ability to fit in anywhere.  I felt upset and weakened. Yes, I felt a bit defeated.  These are not feelings I enjoy.  Who does?! They leave us feeling sick to our stomachs.  These feelings leave thinking we are useless and we ought to give up.

God does not discourage us.  He may redirect us, if we are going on the wrong path, but he will never tell us

we are useless failures. These thoughts and feelings that stem from discouragement are lies of the devil! Don't believe them for a minute!  And if you do..... as I did.... let them last only a minute in the grand scheme of things.

What can you do to fight against discouragement?

• Pray for his help to understand your worth  
• Pray for his comfort, and do things that will uplift your spirits  
• Even when you don't feel much like lifting them 
• Visit someone who is sick or lonely, take cookies to brighten someone else's day 
• sent a not of appreciation to someone who did something kind for you 
• read your scriptures 
• play beautiful, inspiring music 
• hug a child and read them a story  
• Shut off the television or video games-- take a walk in nature  
• Sing a song, or dance the hokey pokey
• If you play an instrument--go and play it!  

Whatever thing you do, make sure it is something that doesn't keep you feeling self absorbed and mulling over your real or imaged concerns and problems.

I listened to conference talks, good music, studied my scriptures, and prayed.  There were many factors to why I felt better when I woke, but the main thing is that I had to focus with gratitude on the fact that Heavenly Father, has blessed me, and will continue to bless me---as I do my part.

All I need to worry about is making sure I do the things that would please Heavenly Father, and have the actions of my life be "^awritten not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in ^btables of stone, but in ^cfleshy tables of the ^dheart." (2 Corinthians 3:3)




My prayer is that you may find the joy there is to be had within whatever circumstances you may find yourself.  Heavenly Father wants us to feel joy and gratitude.

Sincerely, Christine

P.S.  For more severe, long term cases or discouragement, depression, and/or despair I would urge you to not hesitate to seek counsel from a professional counselor, or LDS bishop.  There is help and hope for you.

Slow to learn....

I've been feeling discouraged.  I've been struggling with my identity.  Am I capable enough to continue climb the uphill battle and become the stronger woman that Heavenly Father wants me to become?  

I'm torn in so many directions I don't know what to do first, and I've started feeling very overwhelmed.  How do I manage a house, help my children reach their full potential (when I struggle to reach my own!), and help my husband with gentle kindness and patience.  How can I fill my time with greater achievement?  Do I make more efforts to obtain a job to help support our family?  And, if I do, how in the world will I balance the things I already struggle to balance?  The list of my concerns go on and on. 

And most important... How do I keep my focus on the Savior and trust in his grace, that same power that enables me to become more than I am, so that everything else will fall into place in my life?   I don't want to remain average, or probably more honestly stated....remain in my below average state.  I want to rise to new heights and see new dimensions that can only be seen through the lenses Heavenly Father can help me wear.

This morning I was writing in my journal and expressing my discouragements and fears.  I especially felt worried that I could never be truly loved in my life, because "I'm not good enough." (I don't need to remind you such thoughts are LIES from the devil, who wants to destroy my feelings of self-worth.  This kind of thought is NOT (Nor, ever could be) from God) As I carefully wrote my feelings, the hymn "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" very clearly played into my thoughts.  Indeed, I need to remember that as long as I am loved by Heavenly Father, I have the greatest love possible.

1. Savior, Redeemer of my soul,

Whose mighty hand hath made me whole,
Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up

And filled with sweet my bitter cup!
What tongue my gratitude can tell,
O gracious God of Israel.

2. Never can I repay thee, Lord,
But I can love thee. Thy pure word,
Hath it not been my one delight,
My joy by day, my dream by night?
Then let my lips proclaim it still,
And all my life reflect thy will.

3. O’errule mine acts to serve thine ends.
Change frowning foes to smiling friends.
Chasten my soul till I shall be
In perfect harmony with thee.
Make me more worthy of thy love,
And fit me for the life above.

Text: Orson F. Whitney, 1855-1931
Music: Harry A. Dean, 1892-1987. 
(c) 1948 IRI

For me, music has become a special gift God has given me to help me return home to him.  I need a

lot of love and encouragement, and as I keep trying to do His will, I am regularly comforted by silent, yet very audible songs to my thoughts that help direct focus on Him.

I still have my worries, but the comfort I feel as I listen to that song reminds me of where to place my focus in life--on Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.  The journey to become a better me isn't going to happen overnight, but if I walk true and faithfully on the pathways created by God, I will find tremendous rewards of happier moments, and comfort for the moments of doubt and fear.

I hope you will listen for the quiet songs or thoughts that will undoubtedly come to your mind in the moments of your days.  Often these heavenly messages come when we allow ourselves quiet moments without distraction of television and radio, so try and turn down the noise of the world, so that you can tune into to heavenly  messages.  Those messages may come in the form of a song or hymn, a simple word, a scripture, a long forgotten memory from your life or from the mouth of a loved one, an old poem, or in some other form. 

Here is a sampling of beautiful scriptures on just a few gifts of the spirit, found at Moroni 10:

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

 6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.

 7 And ye may ^aknow that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, ^baccording to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.

 8 And again, I exhort you,...that ye deny not the ^agifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are ^bdifferent ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the ^cSpirit of God unto men, to profit them. 

Listen carefully and prayerfully, and you too will hear His loving and beckoning voice calling you forward, onward and upward!

Christine