Day 47 of 365 Days of Solace: Words from beyond the grave!

My Mom, 18 years old.

Tonight, I came across my Mom's journal. My Mom died nearly 12 years ago. I didn't know what I'd find, but I randomly opened to a spot in her journal-- and I was dumbfounded to read exactly what I needed to move forward in my own life at the moment. I found myself poring over the pages of her chicken scratch writing (sorry Mom, but you know it's true!), and being amazed at the depth of emotion and feelings which I could relate too.

My Mom never could have guessed the impact her journal would have on her daughter this many decades later, and after she had left this earth. How grateful I am that she took the time to write. I only wish she'd been a little more diligent than once a month, but you know what -SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!! (Hint,hint, for those of you who don't keep a journal!)

My Mom experienced tremendous hardships in life. Abuse, illness, divorce, loneliness,financial troubles, and the full range of trials. I was near tears to see just how she could speak to me from beyond the veil of death. Sometimes I look at my life, and I think, "Goodness, my life is a mess. It's all so embarrassing," but now I realize that our loved ones who watch over us, and most especially our God and Savior think nothing of the sort about us! We are completely LOVED- and understood.

While those around us may glare at us, look down on us, push away our friendship, Think we are strange, make fun of us, or misunderstand our hearts pure motives--I take comfort that our beloved in heaven completely understand us, because they lived the trials of that we face now. But BEST of all, there is ALWAYS HOPE for each one of us...no matter where our hands or hearts may be at this time of our lives. We can start from this day forward to change for the better!

I know this is long, but perhaps you will be interested to read a little of what she wrote. The first entry speaks of her feelings on a very happy day---and the rest are self explanatory.

I hope that somehow you will be encouraged by her words, and realize that trial will pass, and life is worth living.

==Excerpts of my Mom's journals=====

May 27, 1982
"Oh the fragrance of the earth and grasses, and the variety of bird songs mingled with the wind through the grasses and the sound of water going over rocks in the canal"

May 8, 1983
"I have reached a point in the past few months where I don't care to live. It's only my love for Christine & Rebecca that keeps me going. I drag myself everywhere, and really care about nothing."

"I really believe the Lord understands the great distress, and more accurately-anguish, I am experiencing."

July 1, 1991

"It has been a long time since I took up my pen to write here. I feel such gratitude to my Heavenly Father and to the Savior for the blessings of this life. I was thinking (a few days ago) of how I would improve the last 4 years or so...As I barely began to make a mental list, I had the thought that my life was perfect for me, because it was exactly as Father had planned it. When I do things I shouldn't, I cause myself problems; but the rest of the time my life has been perfect for me and for those with whom my life is eternally intertwined."

"I know that each of us will have

many days when it is hard to put one food in front of the other. But within each of us is an unconquerable eternal spirit, that can rise above every trial and sorrow in our lives. That doesn't mean we will like whatever might be happening, but we can find a consistent peace and even experience a sense of joy from time to time. But first we have to completely accept the fact that the problems in our life are there because of the grand eternal pattern for ourselves and our loved ones."

"I am so thankful to my (Heavenly) Father for all the trials I've had, because they have truly blessed my life. I don't believe we have to like what happens to us in mortality- we only have to endure in faith, with a cheerful heart during those times. And, even when we cannot manage to be cheerful, we can be faithful."

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You can see that my Mother taught me a great many things-- but the best thing was my testimony in

Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.  My Mom was not perfect. She struggled, as you can read, but she kept moving forward doing her best-- even though she spent many years sick and in bed- due to illness and/or depression-- but somehow she gave us the tools we needed to keep trying, even though life can be devastating at times.

I hope you will look to God in all things, and learn to believe that you have a loving Heavenly Father, who has a special plan for YOU.  A plan that is individualized to your needs.  I hope you understand that you have to do you part in acting on faith-- even if you only put forth a shard of effort, your Father in Heaven delights to bless you in special ways.  

If you are searching for answers on how to put the pieces of you life together, or just want to feel happier, I invite you to "chat" with someone at https://www.mormon.org/

Love, Christine

P.S. To read more of my Mom, or see her pictures-- click here to my dedication to Mama! :)

http://drinkthebittercup.blogspot.com/2014/05/in-memory-of-mama.html