Day 45 of 365 days of solace: a letter to a friend & my epiphany!

I was really comforted by the words I wrote to someone I care about..  As I wrote I felt blessed by insights I'd never considered...  I hope that some of you may take comfort and hope as well.
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Dear (Friend),

I really need you to start considering the ramifications of your words. I know you are worried. I know you ... I know you don't like.... I know you feel uncertain about.... I know you worry about... and about ..., and how things can work out. I know know you battle ugly dragons, which are constantly
trying to stab you from the inside out. I know you want to ..., and I know that those same monsters make it hard for you to think straight.  

Friend, I am sorry that you worry so much. I am sorry that your mind is always anxious, and that you are always feeling afraid of how anything can work out. I am sorry that you feel upset that I made a mistake with ..., and sorry that I don't ... better, which ...

.... I know your anxiety isn't going to magically go away, but I know that it will have less power on you, if you don't give it so much power.  When your anxiety wants to yell ..., you need to talk back and say, "I feel really worried about this, but I know that yelling at Christine isn't going to solve the problems I worry about."  Sometimes it's best to step away from the situation to cool off.  But I need you to know that it really eats away at my heart to have you... and say...  

....even if I were intentionally trying to be a lousy (person),  it would not be justified for you to yell at me- ever.  In life, it is up to us to take person accountability for how we act- no matter how another person chooses to act.

Isaiah 41:10

One of the things that is getting me through my own personal worries is to really focus on the fact that the Savior suffered all things. He understands all shame, all grief, sorrow, fear, anxiety, etc....  But, more than that, there is nothing that can happen to us, which cannot be solved through the atoning grace of Jesus Christ.  

It doesn't matter how awful things were to get for me.  It doesn't matter how terrified you feel over... or  ... The truth of the matter is that such things cannot physically touch your eternal spirit. Our bodies are housed with flesh, and they can be harmed- but even if we are shamed, homeless, stabbed, embarrassed, or even imprisoned, or any type of abasement or trial-- we must always remember that our spirit cannot be harmed, unless we spiritually allow ourselves to be injured by the devil's evil war waged at our bright and valiant eternal spirit!

Helaman 5:12 (Book of Mormon)

Even as I write that concept of the spirit being whole and well, no matter what physical or bloody battle takes place on our mortal flesh, I can't help but wonder if it's really a true statement.  Can our spirit really remain untouched?

You might tell me I'm wrong.  And considering challenges like depression and anxiety, which seem to affect the spirit, I stop and wonder if maybe it is a false statement.  But, I stand firm in my concept. I think there is a difference between emotional and mental aspects of life- versus our thriving divine spirits. And I think it is part of our journey here in mortality to  
sort those things out, and make choices which will help our spirits grow stronger, despite any battles that are waged upon us and most especially upon our eternal life-blood--our spirit. 

I was just thinking how the devil is angry that we came to earth with bodies of flesh and bone. I have focused too much of my life on how he has waged a war against our bodies.  So much of his warfare seems aimed at the flesh- from drugs, abuse, illicit sexual relationships.  I think I have considered those to be the sins I must remain pure and safe from, but I sometimes fail to recognize that with his "evil cunning" and "craftiness," those are only a few of his methods to get us to do things to injure our bodies.  He has many more techniques to get us to lose sight of our divine worth and potential, such as pornography, too much media consumption, selfishness, laziness, and so many other things, which I do not wish to bring up.

But is the devil's plan to really get us to destroy our physical bodies only, or to simply inflict emotional, mental, or social pain in our lives?  No!  I believe that the devil's ultimate plan is to destroy our spirits, and he knows that there is only one way to get to our spirits--through SIN.  He knows that being ashamed, or judged, or criticized isn't going to hurt our spirits- UNLESS we allow those negative things to fester and cause us to feel pride, resentment, hurt, and anger... or worse!  

When we aren't keeping the commandment in any form- large or small- we weaken our spirits- even if it's only a little injury.  And the devil knows that small injury to our spirit is just the right wedge for him to get started on causing a larger crack in our spirits. And then, if he's really successful, he will cause our spirits to be severed in half, like a tall oak tree, where the base has been cut so deeply that it crashes down to the earth.  

The great thing is, that unlike that permanently destroyed tree, we can actually be repaired.  How does that happen?  You know!  It happens through repentance.  As our bishop said, "repentance equate to more than just repentance from serious sins, it also equates to progression."

I think it is important that we do not underestimate our individual role of choice and accountability. I need you to accept your decision to let your temper and resentment to rule your tongue, and not justify it because you feel/think that I made a poor choice in ....  

In order to get through hard things, I keep focusing on how the Savior "descended below all things," and how I KNOW it is going to be alright.  I don't need to worry or have excessive fears.  I just keep telling myself from morning until night (and sometimes through the night), "This is in God's hands", "I don't need to worry, He has a plan..."  "Be not afraid, for I am thy God, and will still give thee aide." (Hymn)  

....Please, please, try harder to speak softly toward me.

While words may "break a heart" and cause many tears-
we still ultimately must decide to forgive, and let
God teach us how to heal.  Sorrow doesn't have to
destroy our faith and confidence in God! We can be at  peace
through the powerful love and grace of God, and Jesus Christ.

I love you, but I will never thrive as long as you 

yell at me, or ...  I need you to try and see what I am trying to do right.  Whether it's your love language or not, if you ask God, He will help you to see things about me that can be appreciated. Pray for a heart of gratitude, and then work to speak kindly- or walk away quietly until you've knelt to pray and can be less over-reactive.

Please, please, stop believing any lies that the evil one helps plant in your thought, which are that you are a "bad person," or  that you are just who you are, or that you aren't going to change anytime soon.  Change will come as quickly as you decide to give your ALL to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Change will come when your will is less important that Heavenly Father's will.  Change every sacrifice, even life itself, for the sake of righteousness!
will come when you are willing to make

Don't quit! Keep Trying! I believe in you!

Christine

P.S.  Some of you may be sea deep in some very serious problems and heartaches.  I wholeheartedly suggest you watch the videos in these 12 Steps to recovery serious.  They deal with very sensitive topics, and I do not recommend them for children.  These are true stories of people who have overcome addictions of all kinds.  And I recommend you watch them, even if you don't struggle with pornography, drug addiction, etc.  These are moving and deeply profound videos, which help me to increase in compassion towards others.

Here is an introduction to the program (video) https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/steps/introduction?lang=eng   But on the same page are videos covering step 1-12--those are my favorite, deeply touching videos! And, best of all, each step tells you what you need to do (even if you never join a recovery group).