Looking toward the light and example of Jesus Christ, who is "mighty to save." May we face our individual struggles and challenges by being willing to drink whatever " bitter cup" (or trial) we are given, and not shrink from doing what will ultimately strengthen us.
Last night at nearly midnight (I'm a bit of a night owl!!), I finished painting my bathroom a beautiful When I began painting I was feeling so happy and productive. As I worked, the little angel on my shoulder whispered happy songs in my ear of how great I was doing at working so hard today, and finishing up almost everything I can, for now, in the basement!) But, somewhere between the happy songs and productive, satisfied feeling, I started listening to the other voice on the other shoulder!! (I speak purely metaphorically! Not literally!) And the other voice wasn't an angel!
shade of blue.
Indeed, I found myself mulling over unsettling situations in various corners of my life and circles of contacts. Regarding one such situation, I found myself deciding I wouldn't go to my church next Sunday. Then I decided, "No, I won't go for at least 2 weeks." I wanted to prove a point! As I painted, I prayed and asked Heavenly Father if it would be alright if I were to skip my ward. After all, I pointed out to him, "Isn't there room for just a little harmless pride." I just knew that such a behavior really wouldn't affect anyone but me. Right? And Besides, I continued to express to Him, "I'll still go to another church time--- just not my own."
Well, for the record, God did not speak back. He just listened to me express the hurts of my heart. I asked myself, why I should let 1 or a few people cause me to question my value for even a moment, or cause me to feel flustered by certain dynamics.)
I really didn't need God to say, "Hey look, Christine-- just let it go (insert music outburst here... "Let it Gol! Let it Go!! For as I silently continue to pray I already knew my answers. I knew that the most important opinion I need to worry about is Him--and not anyone else.
And though I didn't hear any audible replies, I did find myself recalling the scripture which says:
Philippians 4:12
I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound:
every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry,
both to abound and to suffer need.
Well, I don't happen to like being "abased." I much favor feeling at peace, contently thankful, and happy! Being abased, by definition means to be humiliated, dishonored, defamed, belittled. I've never handled those things too well!
Somehow, as my mind was drawn to the scripture, I also found that my thoughts were able to move past the sting, rejections, and hurt, which to that time I'd been allowing myself to focus on. I also found that I was able to move past the sour taste of this particular topic. Instead, I found myself considering just how blessed I was to be able to have the strength to paint, work with energy, and cumulatively change my life. I felt thankful for divine direction, and the grace- which truly enables and affords me so many blessings. Yes, there in the unlikely confines of my small bathroom, my heart felt full as I considered how I have reached a place in my life that I never imagined possible for the likes of me.
In truth, I used to imagine, and pray, that Oprah would step in and save me and my family with one of her big dreams come true shows. Now I see that I needed to give my life and will to God, and become humbled and hard working. He has given me all the tools I needed to change FROM WITHIN- and it turns out I did not need to be an Oprah success story!
My bathroom is now painted and I'm amazed to realize that my greatest satisfaction didn't come from a sense of accomplishment in finally getting the bathroom painted-- but in the knowledge that I was able to face that battle against my unseen opponent of pride and vain imagination, and come out a victor! A champion against my weaknesses.
Here we all are, on the verge of a new year. You may face, as did I, unseen enemies, or you may face very real and very strong opponents in your daily battles. Whatever you face, please understand that a very loving Heavenly Father is ready to stand at the front of your battle line, and help to fight your battles with you, and for you.
The amount of help God gives us is, in large part, determined by us. It's not so simple as saying, "Please fight my battles for me and with me." It requires our personal discomfort, sacrifice, and self-discipline. We have to decide that we want to improve and change our lives. We have to want to give our troubles, stubbornness, and rebellions to Him, and allow Him to teach us how to be peaceable in all the scenarios we face in life--be they sweet and pleasant, or humiliating and degrading.
I hope that you will remember that you are loved perfectly by Heavenly Father. He sees you in everything you do, and he knows you better than your dearest friend. The feelings of His heart extend beyond our limited understanding. He is filled with tenderness, love, longing, and mercy for each one of us. Heavenly Father has a special plan for your life. Dreams waiting to be written, and songs yet to sing. No matter what darkness some of you may be facing, or will yet face, there is a beautiful sunrise waiting for you. Sunrises of a new day, filled with new beginnings.
I know those colorfully painted words of mine may sound too flowery for you. You may even doubt what I say. But, I cannot deny that I have seen of God's goodness, and felt of His love. I have had glimpses into the capacity of His almighty hand. Through Jesus Christ, I am redeemed, and through His all encompassing atonement I have the capacity and potential to co-author marvelous dreams of a personal paradise here on earth. I never dreamed I would be able to do so, but now I can't help but sing a song of His redeeming love. I am truly blessed, and grateful for my testimony of God's love for me, and for each one of us, individually.
In closing, let me share some of the words from a BYU speech I listened today, given by an amazing man in 1973. Some of you know Him! Gordon B. Hinckley!
"It is so easy to get discouraged while you’re here. It seems so natural a thing to drop out or to give in. The way seems so long, the road so steep, that we are prone to think it not worth the candle. The story is told of the Irish peddler who wished to go to Dublin, which was so far away and he had no money. But he got there by placing one foot in front of the other."
"My dear young friends, never lose faith in yourselves or in your capacity to do worthwhile things. And call upon the Lord for help that your minds may be enlightened and your understanding quickened. Then go to work with that assurance inside of you that somehow you can do it."
".... for “if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20). Such is the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ. This, my brethren and sisters, is what our presence ... is all about: that faith might increase and be manifest and reflected in our lives..."
You are loved! Keep firm in faith, and take the necessary steps forward to meet your goals. Happy New Year!
Christine
The year is coming to a close. I look back with many fond memories. I have learned so much this year, and especially have learned more about Heavenly Father's love for me and all of his children. I continue to be amazed at his love and patience for me.
Tonight is Christmas Eve. I have been tidying up the house, and preparing food for our Christmas dinner. If I had a choice I would not be cooking, or making sure I find the time to wrap last minute gifts-- BUT, I don't do these things because I love my family.
It is often required of us to sacrifice, in order to bring joy to others around us. When we focus on our discomfort and wants, we will not learn to give to others and in turn we will never feel true
satisfaction, joy, and peace.
As we celebrate Christmas, let us remember that we give gifts as a way of remembering--remembering the ultimate, most wonderful gift that was given so very long ago-- that of the Savior Jesus Christ dying on the cross for each one of us- so that we might live and have eternal life!
As we give or receive gifts lets receive them in gratitude for the ultimate gift and the love associated to that gift. For love should be the purpose behind all we do now and each day of our lives.
Prayerfully look for ways to serve those around you. Pray for opportunities to bless other people--not just in your homes, but in your community. You will find them as you seek them.
(A post especially dedicated to a friend of mine, but I hope you readers enjoy it nonetheless.)
I just wanted to and wish YOU a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope Your day was as special as mine!
This year is the best Thanksgiving I recall ever having. I'm sure there have been other wonderful one's, but I guess old age has set in. There was so much peace with this wonderful family that I married into, and it will long leave memories feelings of happiness!
Today I had many lifelong dreams fulfilled.
First, I got to go into the mountains to pick a family Christmas tree! (though my driving a 12 passenger van up slick roads left me sick--It was like an awful uphill roller coaster ride! And I don't like roller coaster rides!)
Then we went and saw the Indian Hieroglyphs. We came home and ate a delicious dinner--compliments of Marianne and Janeen, who stayed behind to prepare for the troops to eat! (23 of us) The food was delicious, and the company was sweet!
After dinner we all joined in and picked up the mess and scrubbed dishes, etc.
Following dishes and photographing a minor surgery on the couch (A cousin needed his gash seal properly), I played piano for about an hour, and then Janeen played while I sang. Nearing the end Lyle and Kendall joined in--and we performed a better rendition than Journay ;) of "Open Arms!"
A day of peaceful family, rocks, sticks, singing, and good food....That's my kind of day. (Oh, and while I've been doing the editing of the photos a large family makeup party has been going on in one room with the girl cousins and games in other rooms.)
I feel so content, and grateful for the blessings of Heavenly Father--- for blessing me with loving family and friends, the marvelous beauties of nature, rewarding talents, and friends. Happy Thanksgiving 2014!!
Here's a photo collage of just a few of the happy memories of my day.
I haven't shared a song with you lately. Today I am going to share one that has been playing into my thoughts. I love this song for many reasons, but mainly because God sees a greater pictures. His view is expansive and eternal, and he is never stuck in clouds of thought or experience- as we often are. No, each one of us is destined for greatness, if only we can keep our eternal vision-even through the darkest hours and storms of our lives.
-----
Like a bird that flies
In the morning light Or a butterfly in the spring When your spirit rides On the winds of hope You'll find your wings
And your always free
to begin again And your always free
to believe When you find the place
that your heart belongs You'll never leave
You and I will always be Celebrating life together I know I have found a friend forever more
Love is like a melody One that I will always treasure Courage is the key that opens every door
Though you may not know where your gifts may lead And it may not show at the start When you live your dream You'll find destiny Is written in your heart
Though you may not know where your gifts may lead And it may not show at the start When you live your dream You'll find destiny Is written in your heart ==========
In the bible we read about those who love the Lord, and it gives us a glimpse of such dreams and destiny.
Psalms 30: 10-12
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.
11 Thou hast turned for me my amourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with bgladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
I'm really working hard to make sure a day doesn't go by when I haven't called upon God in prayer and scripture study. I try to remember Him in all things, and keep my heart polished with gratitude. I hope to be found worth, when someday I kneel before His throne of perfect righteousness.
Life can be very hard. Especially for those who struggle with painful challenges and experiences. I want to remind you that the Savior can heal us of all heart ache. When we've done our best, we will truly be able to chime if with the voice of experience, "Yes, joy cometh in the morning!!" (Psalms 30)
Yes, your dreams of glorious destiny are possible! Find His joy, by living His way! Christine
There is someone in my life who is tremendously unhappy, worried, and well... rather hard to have around, because they complain and criticize a lot.
You know those people, right? Nothing ever seems to make them happy. They usually express that if certain conditions existed then they would not worry so much and they could finally be happy. Instead of happiness being a journey, it is always the destination for these kinds.
Well, the Spirit of God seemed to whisper to me, months ago, that I needed to help "carry this person into the Pool of Bethesda." I assumed it meant help teach them how to be happy, and to learn about the loving nature of God. In turn help to heal them of anxiety and depression. But that clearly has not happened!
Tonight I decided to read the source of where I had learned about this concept of the "pool of Bethesda." I read the tear-jerking article and decided that the best thing I can do for my friend is to serve and love with patience and a non-critical ear. (And a Few Other things) When it comes to certain people I have plenty of patience. But, I'm not so good with complainers! And well,...I'm not a critical person, but I can tell that I need to offer this person a better listening ear, and allow them to express themselves without telling them what they need to be doing to be happier, or to give them platitudes. (I'm great with that! But apparently it is not helpful to those who struggle in certain ways.) I need to serve people like this more patiently, and with greater understanding. I need to leave their healing to the Savior, and just love them.
I recommend the WHOLE article, but here's a little to feast on:
In the fifth chapter of John, the Savior goes to Jerusalem during the “feast of the Jews,” or Passover (see verse 1). He decides to visit the pool of Bethesda. Tradition had it that when the waters of the pool moved, or were troubled by an angel (verse 4), the first person immersed in the water would be completely healed.
We know that the pool attracted the “blind, halt, withered,” and others who were sick or had disabilities (verse 3). The day the Savior visited was no different.
“And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
“When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
“The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.
“Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked” (verses 5–9).
There are many in the Church today who wait, metaphorically speaking, by the pool of Bethesda hoping to be carried into the healing waters. War veterans might suffer from horrific memories and broken bodies. Other Saints might suffer from the isolation of depression or addiction. Widows live alone or face failing health; families feel devastated by a child’s illness or an unexpected accident; and caregivers work long, lonely hours taking care of a family member. Who will carry these infirm to the pool?
The Savior provided five distinctive examples during His visit to the pool that can serve as guidelines to us in ministering to the sick and afflicted:
1. He looked for one in need. 2. He listened without criticism. 3. He often gave anonymously. 4. He understood and acknowledged grief or disease. 5. He followed up with the sufferer.
And here are the parts that particularly stood out to me.
Listen without Criticism In John 5:6 we learn that the Savior saw the infirm man “and knew that he had been now a long time in that case.” The Savior allowed the man to explain his situation and his need. Because we are not omniscient, we need to first listen—and do so without being critical.
Often, what is needed most is for us to be prayerful and to listen without giving advice or platitudes. People who are suffering don’t need our explanations for their condition. Our well-meaning attempts to put the situation in perspective (our perspective) can unintentionally come across as demeaning or insensitive. In preparing this article and conducting research, I asked numerous individuals what had been most helpful in returning to health and functionality. Every person said they needed someone to listen to their story or situation without being critical.
When we are prayerful, the Spirit can help us know what to say. We might think about saying “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I’m happy to help in any way possible,” or simply give a hug, or talk to the grieving person about a favorite memory of their loved one. In doing so, we are listening and responding in a Christlike way
Learn about Grief
We know from other scripture that Jesus Christ knows intimately all that we suffer and experience. As Isaiah 53:5 teaches, He “was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” Jesus Christ had learned about and experienced what we suffer so that He could “know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).
We also can learn and study about what typically happens to individuals in time of crisis.
Know that people tend to lose their concentration and ability to think clearly for sustained periods.
Know that victims and patients are not always able to maintain normal sleep patterns.
Know that many feel a sense of helplessness and numbness.1
Know that grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss2and that the victim might not have the energy to respond to requests and questions.
Be prayerful and as you learn these things, you can increase empathy and compassion for the individual and improve your ability to look for needs.
The Savior performed many miracles during His earthly ministry, including the one He performed at Bethesda. Ultimately, healing comes from the Savior Himself, but we can help continue His work of making people whole as we minster to those who face sickness, grief, or disabilities. By using the Savior as our guiding light, we too can learn to find a need, listen without criticism, give anonymously, learn about disease and grief, and follow up with the sufferer.
When this person I have a hard time with comes around again, I assure you that my outlook of how to help them will change. I will not so much try to "heal" them with teaching them how to implement my ideas, instead I will to comfort them with by listening, and praying for words from the spirit of God.
I hope that if you are in this kind of situation that you will have some tools to help you through. I'd love to hear how it goes for you.
As some of you know from various posts, I love to worship regularly at my local LDS (Mormon) temple. However, some of you criticize or focus on the "secret" things we do. When in reality, the way we dress and act there is deeply sacred to us--not secret. If society acted in the kind, calm, and thoughtful way we do in the beautiful, and clean interior of the temple, the world would be a different place! We protect the feelings and experiences of our temples, because we hold it dear to our hearts, and we don't want it to be made fun of by those who don't cherish God and our firm beliefs, as we do
This short but very informative video shows you what we wear, and explains the comparisons of our faith to other faiths.
As paralleled in this short segment, It is completely true, that I feel as deeply about God, and Jesus Christ, as any nun, monk, catholic priest, or Muslim feel about their religious beliefs.
When I am in the temple I count it a time of holy communion with God. A time of peace, and tranquility, in which I am reminded of my divine worth, as well as reminded of my vows to follow the path of our Savior, and all that he taught in His ministry.
When I pray, at home, church, temple, or silently in my daily activities, I count it a sacred experience. As special as a "Hail Mary (Ave Maria)" or any other symbolic actions.
By wearing unseen religious clothing, it helps my focus on spiritual things of God and eternity, and it is very sacred to me.
While not everyone in The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints worships identically in all aspects of our lives, the devout member of our Christian religion is daily trying to improve and dedicate our time and energies to faithfully serving our families, friends, and community around us.
I hope you will take a few minutes to learn about me, and others who share my views. I hope it will help us increase in our mutual understanding and appreciation. It's always best to get your information from the source!! Never second hand.
Christine
P.S. If you have other questions, please feel free to comment or message me. :)
My heart is truly thankful to Heavenly Father today. I wish I could adequately put into words how happy, and peaceful my heart feels. Indeed. These past two days I have had some very special experiences. My first special experience was yesterday. My husband was very kind and drove my children and I to another state to attend the baptism of sister's child. Here's is what I wrote in my journal about the day:
11 October 2014
"My highlight of Beckie's house was talking alone with her when I went to leave, and all her other guests had gone. She was very sick and it was the first day of her nasty cold and diarrea. I had opted not to hug her all day, but I had to the thought, as I stood there about to leave, that I should. And I followed the impression and hugged her (as I am a bit of a germ-o-phobe that wasn't my favorite thought;), but as I did so my heart felt full of love for her, and my insecurities and sore spots seemed to melt away."
I haven't seen her in many months, and it was interesting, because as I hugged her, I could sense how deeply it meant to her. It was a hug where the person it clutching you. She had acted all along that it was alright none of us hug her, because of her sickness, but I could tell it meant a lot to her, because I let go thinking we were done hugging, and realized she was still holding onto me. So I re-hugged her.
Little Beckie and Christine as young girls.
When we finished hugging we each said, "I love you" and then parted. As I climbed into the van, I felt teary, and thankful. I needed that moment to remind me of why I have her as my sister. Too many other things had gotten in the way of our relationship over the last year, and I had forgotten some of the feelings I once had. The power of remembering is healing.
My second experience was feeling I should bear my testimony and tell my ward that I was a hoarder. It was hard for me. Not exactly at the top of my "wish list!"
My continued motivation and desire was to inspire anyone else to change and draw closer to Heavenly Father. Even if it was frightening, and even if I worried what people would think of me, I am thankful if I can be found worthy to be on His errand.
Sharing my testimony didn't come without a struggle last week though. I felt very nervous at the thought that I possibly should share my personal experiences. I didn't want to "say too much." I didn't want to say things that would let people know too many of my weaknesses, or challenges. But, when I prayed about it, everything seemed to suggest I should bear my testimony for all those present to hear.
Through the week I prayed about what I might say, in an effort to prepare. I prayed about what order of things to say, or what stories I could share to make a memorable point. (I knew that I did no want to get up there to the microphone and speak a personal agenda. I wanted to be open and worthy of the spirit of God to direct me, so that I might be an instrument in his hands.)
As you can tell, I worried a lot about the possibility of sharing my testimony. One night, just a few days prior to Sunday, when I was too worried to sleep, I said, "Heavenly Father, I'm going to let this go, and allow You to give me the words that I need to speak--if bearing my testimony is what you want me to do. I knew He could direct my words when I stood up.
Jump ahead to church today. There I stood, pouring out the feelings of my heart, I tried to pause and allow the spirit to shape the form of my testimony. I tried to listen to the ideas that came to my mind. I did not saying everything perfectly, but when I finished I no longer felt that nervous, "I should give my testimony" feeling. I felt peace.
I spoke of many things in my testimony, but one thing I specifically shared was an experience I had a couple of years back, with our last bishop. I told them how I sat in the bishop's office with my husband. And there was complete silence (except the sound of my tears!) as I looked into the eyes of this good man, who was called of God. I had a question on my heart, but was afraid to ask it.
Here is an excerpt from my journal entry that day--with additional information with what he spoke to my husband and I about. 11 March 2012
How can I put into words the feelings of my heart? I sat with my amazing, and inspired Mormon (LDS) Bishop today, and was counseled by him that the most grand, amazing, and eternally beautiful pieces of ART that I have created are my children, and there is nothing more important in this world than putting my time and effort into helping shape and mold their hearts and lives in the ways of God and His paths righteousness.
The spirit of God was strong in the bishop's office that day, and the spirit could tangibly be felt in the air. My bishop broke the silence, by looking directly in my eyes, and with piercing strength and kindness spoke the answer to the deepest worry of my heart. He said, "It is not too late. It is not to late." And I cried harder.
Heavenly Father had answered my unspoken question through this righteous man--- "Is it too late for my children, or have we destroyed and scarred them for life by the way we've lived?" [I was particularly worried about our oldest son. (Who, at the time, struggled with oppositional defiance disorder.--He has since had a miracle of being healed from that, as we began daily family scripture study and prayer. And in turn he began doing those same thing, plus journal writing, on his own!) I repeat again, God works miracles!]
In my testimony I also spoke of a few of my personal experiences, and encouraged them to take the things that control them, and let God heal their lives-- be it things they can do on their own, or things that require the help of the bishop. I spoke to them of having the courage to change their lives.
Heavenly Father knows that I am (now) willing to sacrifice my own comfort to do His work on earth. Even in my small ways like sharing my testimony of His power and love for each of us. I hope I can make a difference, for the better, in the lives of others because of my willingness to share my experiences, and my love for Heavenly Father, and the miracles that are now seen in my life, because I gave my heart and hands to God.
After I sat down from sharing my testimony, my insecurities started to play in my mind. I began to
worry if I'd really done the right thing. After all, I'd just announced my secret problem! And that was not completely comfortable. I received repeated confirmation of the good of what I'd done, when after sacrament the stake president came up and thanked me, and MANY others for the next two hours at church came up and hugged me, put their arms around me, expressed their love for me, and showed kindness and appreciation. I even had some youth come up and thank me for my testimony.
It seemed that I'd struck a chord with the congregation, because of my humility and willingness to confess before them what has caused me so many problems--a long life history of depression and hoarding. And of their own witness, in confirmation to my words, they have of themselves see how I've turned my life, home, and family around. What has happened in our home is nothing short of a miracle, which testifies and witnesses of God's power, mercy, and grace. My third experience occurred after tonight's amazing fireside (religious devotional) at the church. I said something in my testimony that touched upon something a threat a ward member had made to me regarding my children. I didn't point her out specifically by name, but I wanted people to realize that we get warning voices that often come from the people closest to us, and we should heed those voices.
I felt some concern, after I referred subtly to her threat, that she would think I was still upset over the incident. Which, I'm sure, some people would not have let go. But Heavenly Father has helped me to forgive people in my life, in a way that to this point I could not do. I used to be VERY slow to forgive. If I forgave at all!
After church, I went to work. I'm a demo lady at Walmart :) During my lunch break I explained in a lovely flower greeting cart, that I have long forgiven her, and that I have truly come to love and appreciate her.
I had wanted to hand deliver it to her house, but I didn't get off work in time, and I had to hurry home to get my two teenage children to the devotional by 7 pm. (I felt she needed this message that day--as I suspected she might feel a little upset over what I'd said).
At the devotional, I saw the woman I referenced in my testimony. Afterward, I went up to her and handed her the note I wrote her on my break, and then I hugged her. She seemed worried and concerned. I said, "I've been wanting to write you for a while now, but after my testimony today I felt I should do it immediately."
She quickly processed what my note was about, and she hugged me again, and then when she pulled away she became very quiet, as though she wanted to say something. I watched and waited. She suddenly burst our crying and told me something she never had before said, "Oh Christine, I am so sorry." I hugged her. I told her I loved her, and I've long forgiven her, and we proceeded to share a very sacred few minutes of love and forgiveness.
Every time I thought we were finished and I was ready to walk away, she'd break the parting silence, and speak. One thing she said truly struck my heart. She said, "Christine, I love to watch you. You have become so happy and radiant. You are an inspiration to me." Those words meant a lot to me to hear. Not because I've done that myself. But because it shows how Heavenly Father has given me strength and energy to become new person through Christ. I replied as such, and spoke of how He has blessed me, and how that means a great deal to me.
She spoke other things to me, but I reassured her that all was well. That it was a lesson we both learned from. I hugged her in parting, and again assured her that all I felt was love for her. I walked away, and felt a joy hard to describe.
Later on, as I contemplated why my heart felt so much joy, I realized that it was not only a sacred moment, but it was moment that was cleansing. My heart felt purified, and any lingering sore spots of doubt, or worry were washed away. I felt so much gratitude to Heavenly Father, because he is making a new woman out of me. A woman who is becoming meek and humble. A woman who worries less about being verbally strong and sharp spoken, and instead one who tries to speak with softer tones, intentions, and kindness.
I never knew I could be this way. In itself it is a miracle. And it's a possibility for everyone. Not just for me. But it can only come through learning to rely on Heavenly Father, and allowing him to sand my rough edges. This sanding comes of self-sacrifice, and sincere seeking. It requires diligent and daily scripture study and prayer. Weekly church attendance. Service to others. Namely it requires physical and spiritual labor. SUMMED UP: I have given my whole heart to Heavenly Father!
I'm not the same woman I used to be, sitting and watching movies, eating in bed, or spending wasted, mindless hours online. It means that the new me cleans house daily. And I don't make excuses for myself anymore. I am in control of my life. I have no one to blame. I can't even blame the abuses and trauma of my childhood. Although they affected me, they are no longer an excuse for me. I have looked to God for healing, and I have found it.
Whenever the adversary cannot persuade imperfect yet striving Saints such as you to abandon your belief in a personal and loving God, he employs a vicious campaign to put as much distance as possible between you and God.The adversary knows that faith in Christ—the kind of faith that produces a steady stream of tender mercies and even mighty miracles—goes hand in hand with a personal confidence that you are striving to choose the right.For that reason he will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme.
As long as you allow these (negative) voices to chisel away at your soul, you can’t approach the throne of God with real confidence. Whatever you do, whatever you pray for, whatever hopes for a miracle you may have, there will always be just enough self-doubt chipping away at your faith—not only your faith in God but also your confidence in yourself. Living the gospel in this manner is no fun, nor is it very healthy. Above all, it is completely unnecessary! The decision to change is yours—and yours alone.
I would like to share one more experience. (Making it 4!) I hope it is not too personal. It's just that my heart feels almost night unto bursting at how special these tender mercy moments were for me.
On my way home from work, I could tell I was getting a migraine. (They are very uncommon for me.) I could feel my headache growing, and I felt nauseated, and I felt like I was going to be very sick. But oh, how I wanted to go to the fireside to feel spiritually uplifted, and to have that time with my son and daughter. I prayed that Heavenly Father would remove my headache.
When I go home I quickly ate 2 cookies on the stove, and took 4 ibuprofin. I hurried down the hall to my bedroom to grab something, and as I did so a beautiful song played into my memory (by Janice Kapp Perry).. "Thanks for the music, that's in me..." And I smiled and offered a silent prayer of sincere gratitude for my blessing of songs in the night (and day!).
Yet the Lord will command his loving kindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.
No sooner had that melody played into my thoughts, than a new one began to play.... "My kindness
shall not depart from thee..."
My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee
Text and Music by Rob Gardner
For a little while
Have I forsaken thee;
But with great mercies will I gather thee.
In a little wrath I hid my face from thee
For a moment.
But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee,
And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings,
For the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
But know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
Though thine afflictions seem
At times too great to bear,
I know thine every thought and every care.
And though the very jaws
Of hell gape after thee I am with thee.
And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee,
And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings.
Though the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
Know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
How long can rolling waters
Remain impure?
What pow'r shall stay the hand of God?
The Son of Man hath descended below all things.
Art thou greater than He?
So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man, for he
Cannot hurt thee.
And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee,
And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
But know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
My heart felt truly full and thankful. I realized when I arrived at the devotional that somewhere in the last 10 minutes my symptoms of ALL sickness had gone from me. I also knew that there had not been time for the ibuprofin to take any affect. Again my heart felt grateful. Heavenly Father is truly kind to me.
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Semi-tangent: Listening to the speaker that night was an amazing experience, which I would not have wanted to miss. It was a young Mom, who had been paralyzed when she accidentally jumped off a cliff. She shared amazing experiences of seeing God's love and hand in her life. I particularly liked when she shared the night she went running at 2 am (obviously before she was paralyzed during college).
She was out running, because of the anguish of her soul. She ran through the streets of her community, but ended running herself to the doors of her LDS (Mormon) church building. She sat on the steps and sobbed. As she did so, into her ears she heard a choir singing "I Know that my Redeemer Lives" and she thought, "Wow! That is one tough choir director, holding a 2 am practice!
She knew it was not an ordinary choir. She looked through the door to try and see the choir, but she could see no lights on in the building! She was very aware that this was a heavenly, angelic choir. And they were there to lift, cheer, and bless her soul. Heavenly Father was letting her know that He is aware of her individually. As He is of each one of us!
There are many ways you can hear the voice of God speaking to you. It will come through the voice of friends, and loved ones. It may come through song. It may be a line from a movie, book, or poem that plays into your thoughts. It may be a long forgotten memory. It may just be a feeling of courage, or a special peace "which passeth all understanding." Or, it may be a an act of kindness, or a simple hug., or a simple hug.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
It is unlikely that you will have profound, un-explainable experiences, like a choir of angels! Though such things cannot be ruled out! Such experience generally come when you are seeking to know God's will for you, and then keeping your heart and mind open to learning.those things. They will rarely come without desire and effort on your part--though God has been know to work mighty miracles among even non-believers!
My young brothers and sisters, strive to be someone the Lord can trust. Always be listening for that still small voice. Have you received “a wireless message from heaven” today? President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave this advice in the April 2011 general conference:
Often [the Lord] speaks to us in ways that we can hear only with our heart. To better hear His voice, it would be wise to turn down the volume control of the worldly noise in our lives. If we ignore or block out the promptings of the Spirit for whatever reason, they become less noticeable until we cannot hear them at all. Let us learn to hearken to the promptings of the Spirit and then be eager to heed them. [“Waiting on the Road to Damascus,” Ensign,May 2011, 70–75]
I promise you, every effort is worth feeling and knowing how much Heavenly Father loves you! Have faith. Have hope. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong, capable, and courageous! Keep trying!
Christine P.S. I'm no more special than any one of you, and I hope I don't appear to be saying anything of the sort. What I am saying, is that I've learned to turn down the noises and distractions of the world (i.e. television, movies, music, and yelling!!), and I allow myself the opportunities to listen to the very quiet melodies of heaven. Any of you who know me well, will also know that I never was a great listener!! In fact, I'm truly ADD! But, I am learning to listen, and in listening I am blessed. You will be also. :)
Last night at nearly midnight (I'm a bit of a night owl!!), I finished painting my bathroom a beautiful When I began painting I was feeling so happy and productive. As I worked, the little angel on my shoulder whispered happy songs in my ear of how great I was doing at working so hard today, and finishing up almost everything I can, for now, in the basement!) But, somewhere between the happy songs and productive, satisfied feeling, I started listening to the other voice on the other shoulder!! (I speak purely metaphorically! Not literally!) And the other voice wasn't an angel! 
Well, for the record, God did not speak back. He just listened to me express the hurts of my heart. I asked myself, why I should let 1 or a few people cause me to question my value for even a moment, or cause me to feel flustered by certain dynamics.) 
I know those colorfully painted words of mine may sound too flowery for you. You may even doubt what I say. But, I cannot deny that I have seen of God's goodness, and felt of His love. I have had glimpses into the capacity of His almighty hand. Through Jesus Christ, I am redeemed, and through His all encompassing atonement I have the capacity and potential to co-author marvelous dreams of a personal paradise here on earth. I never dreamed I would be able to do so, but now I can't help but sing a song of His redeeming love. I am truly blessed, and grateful for my testimony of God's love for me, and for each one of us, individually.".... for “if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20). Such is the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ. This, my brethren and sisters, is what our presence ... is all about: that faith might increase and be manifest and reflected in our lives..."
