Day 175 of 365 days of Solace: A sincere apology

Recently I went to exchange a defective 8x10" print from a local store. I explained to the man about the defective print the night prior. The man at the counter was a gruff, grumpy man and he used rude, disrespectful tones to speak to me. I gave a sharp reply to him, and he consented to let me exchange the prints out. 

Without looking up at him, I studied the graphic image I'd spent the entire day working on to get just right. The irony was that the image was none other than that of Jesus Christ!! - a painting by artist, Del Parson, which I modified the background, coloration, and added text and flourishes to suit my needs (a gift for a friend). Looking at Jesus I knew I needed to apologize-- even though the circumstances SEEMed to warrant a like reply.

Looking down at the pictures, I simply said, "I'm sorry for being snappy with you. I was just really taken off guard by how you spoke to me." He said nothing, and I kept busy comparing which of the two prints to get. I chose the most beautiful of prints (which if you are interested was without the in-store automatic color correct on. The other was far too blue looking!)

I made my choice, and only look down at his hands we switched pictures. I was about to walk off and leave an unpleasant situation. I said in passing, "Again, I'm sorry for how I spoke," but I had the thought to look up at him, so I did. As our eyes met, it was as if something in him softened, and the previous attitude of his had melted. He smiled at me, raised his hand up to me, and with a wave he said, "Have a good day." He didn't ever apologize, but his apology was in his new kindness toward me. I felt very thankful to feel that sweetness of life. 

It was odd that my determination to apologize, and then to look at him made such a dramatic difference, but it did.  And I would propose that anytime we can humble ourselves and apologize, even though we may feel justified in our words or actions, that beautiful things can happen in our lives!


I'd love to hear about a time that you found the power of apology transformed a situation in your life! Please share!

Christine

Day 162 of 365 days of Solace: A Weeping Walmart Stranger

I've been working on a photography project, and it's kept me too busy too blog! But I wanted to drop a quick line about an experience I had tonight.

I headed toward walmart to pick of my 8x10 prints for a temple photo shoot I did last week.  As I drove I prayed aloud to Heavenly Father. I find those are my best, most heartfelt prayers because I'm not distracted, or hurting by kneeling on my knees! ;) 

No really, for some reason I just pour out my heart more easily as I drive. (Maybe it's because I pray aloud, and I don't always do that as I kneel.) Tonight was no exception. I told God about my sorrows, and joys, and before I knew it I was in tears as I spoke about the love I feel in my heart. I thanked him for filling my heart with that love, especially when I never thought I would know love in this life.

I formally closed my prayer with a "in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen" before I got out of my car. But, of course, my prayers never really cease because I want to give my heart and life to the will of God, and if I remember to always have a prayer in my heart, then I'm more likely to make good choices, and be accountable to God. 

Well, I digress...

I walked into Walmart, as I wiped the last few tears from my eyes, and I look over to see a Walmart associate walking quickly down the front aisle and turning to head to the back of the store. She had a tissue in hand, and was wiping her nose. I looked to see if she had just sneezed, or had allergies, but the expression on her face was much like the one I'd had as I drove there. She had that open mouth, anguished look, and she was taking heaving breaths.  

I wondered, "What can I do?"  I hurried my pace, to an almost run.  I came up behind her (she hadn't even noticed me), and I threw my right arm around her, and said, "I'm so sorry you are feeling sad." 

I kept my arm around her, as I kept pace with her. She looked over at me, made a puzzled expression, like, "Who are you, and why are you being so nice to me?" 

I quickly filled in her silence, and said, "I was crying, just like you are now, as I drove here.  I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with Walmart!" She cracked a smile.  I proceeded, "Do you have a support system to help you through this hard time?" She sincerely spoke and said "Yes, I have three wonderful supports at home." I told her I was so happy to hear that, and as I turned to head down another aisle, I added, "I'll be praying for you hon." She thanked me, and we parted ways.

I felt so very thankful that I had the right words for the situation. God helped me to have quick thoughts of what to say.  

I also felt thankful that I could comfort this woman, who seemed to feel much like me. 

I felt thankful that God had placed in my path, with his perfect timing, a woman that I could uniquely give some assurance to.  

I felt comforted by giving comfort.

I felt the Spirit witness to me that by serving others, I am showing God's love on earth. And I felt His love for me because I am willing to show His love.

I am not the woman I used to be. I used to think more about how I felt than about how others felt I didn't comfort others very well because I thought about myself too much, instead of wondering how God could use my hands and heart for the good of others.  

We  can each have regular opportunities like I had tonight. There are chances all around us. They may be  small things, like putting your arm around a stranger and saying you will pray for them, or it may be visiting an elderly person in a care center.  But, if you look for meaningful ways to give your time to others, and pray to have charity, you will begin to see that there is hope in life, even where it seems hopeless.  

You must hold on to hope. Hope helped me overcome depression. Hope in Christ, and in His love, is what keeps me moving forward through the sometimes very dark days of life.

Seek the Lord in prayer, and he will bless you with hope and strength to face life,

Christine

Day 149 of 365 days of Solace: Letter to my Niece, K.

K., this is a poem I wrote recently. You're the first person I'm letting read it all.
Well, I did make the mistake of letting my stake president read a line or two of it to understand how I've been feeling, and he wrote back saying we needed to meet again this Sunday!! (I guess I sound sad, or something!;]

How Much?

How much sorrow can one heart hold,
I ask myself today.
If I have anymore sorrow will my heart break
or my spirit simply slip away.

How much shame can one person take,
I wonder time and again.
Do I have the strength to suffer more
and emulate His name?

How many eyes must peer at me
with wonder, and disbelief
before I cease humility
and angrily wave my fist
and tell them to go away?

And, oh,

what of the gossip whispered
behind closed doors?
What of the accusations false,
that bind me with scarlet pain.

Who can see my spirit sweet
and feel the love that pours from me?
Must I lonely wander with the bereaving
the remaining days of life?

Will anyone stand with me
and decry the mocking tones?
Can anyone see my honor
or am I doomed to stand alone?

With heavy burden I walk each day
stepping across labels that pave my way.
I try to smile and act unafraid
but the searing often scars in waves

I close my eyes with mustered hope,
combined with faith unseen,
I take a step into the dark
knowing in the end I shall win.

The path I walk is narrow

untrod by cowards feet.
Angels attend me each step of the way
and make my hours seem sweet.

At times like these I falter,
and doubt my strength from within
but trusting my all to one perfect man
I know that I shall win in the end

Yet, on days like this
when my heart is heavy
I clutch my chest and ask
How much sorrow can one heart hold?

26 July 2016- Tuesday 5:10 pm
Original Poem by Christine

(drinkthebittercup.blogspot.com

Today is day 149 since some adversity really began to face me, and this trial continue to happen. I 

try to put on a good front and smile, but oh my heart has been so sad. I keep going to church because I'm not there for others. I'm there to improve myself, and to learn more about the will of God, as well as to learn to love others- even when that is not always easy.

It's been a hard journey for me, but I just keep remembering the shame and agony the Savior suffered, unimaginably harder than my own, and that through Him I can face all things. There are times you are going to feel very much alone, but at those times you need to pray to remember the things that the Spirit has already taught you.

K., Hold on to what you know and remember of sweet moments in your life. And pray to remember those sweet, spiritual moments. Try not to let the anger of injustice and hurt dictate your actions. When I let those negative feelings rile me up I start to feel so much worse.

Pray for Christ pure love--Charity. And pray for humility to submissively face things like Christ would. It's what I do everyday. And sometimes all day long- when it's especially hard! You are loved! I know it's hard to imagine, but someday you and I will look back on these hard times and realize that they were making us strong, brave champtions before the Lord!

Love, Aunt Christine