Day 73 of 365 days of solace: Visit with an Angel

Tonight I visited with an angel.  She has blonde hair, blue eyes, and a gentle spirit.  She is not an
angel from heaven, but a fellow classmate.  Her name is Melanie, and she gave me a ride home from class.  As we drove we talked about our class that night, and our essays, and how much we love the program.

Somewhere in the midst of talking we grew deeper and more reflective of life.  As she drove up to my house she parked and we visited a few minutes more.  But those few minutes turned into hours.  In those hours we shared deeply personal experiences of life, abuses, personal failures, and heartbreak.  But, best of all, we shared our testimony of how Heavenly Father has helped to lift us up to higher places of safety in our life.  Places by which we can see a more expansive view of eternity.

It was a sweet time of bonding, and understanding.  I saw how even though our lives are anything but perfect, nor easy, that Heavenly Father is directing us to change for the better.  She shared how she used to sob over what a failure she was as a Mom, and that she felt horrible at her terrible lifestyle, but how Heavenly Father helps her to not get hung up on those memories of who she was.  Now, instead, He helps her to see and remember just how far she has come. He hasn't removed all her depression, but He has helped removed the depth of it.  She is doing things now (like going to school, and teaching in church sometimes) which she never could have done in the past.

In parting, I said how I always walk away from a situation and feel worried about having shared to much, but that I don't think I'd be worried this time.  I was absolutely surprised when she confirmed that she did that all the time too.  I've never had anyone say they felt that way.  Melanie said something that really touched my heart when she said, "Oh, you don't have to feel that way tonight, because I know I wont."  She continued, "I know your heart, and while there are some differences in our experiences I feel like we have really connected and understand each other. I know I can trust you with what I've said."

Hearing that she trusted me was music to my ears. I am a very genuine, trusting person.  Sometimes I've regretted that because some people don't earn the right to be trusted.  And sometimes it has been so very hurtful when people act like I can't be trusted, or taken at face value, when I know with everything in me that I can be trusted. When people don't know my heart, and are unkind with me I feel like a confused child. I wonder what I did wrong to portray that message, when I acted or spoke with no malice or guile.

As I've gotten more mature I realize that the perspectives people have about me are general based on their own insecurities and inadequacies and that I can try to learn from their responses, but that I don't need to doubt myself, even if they may doubt me.

But to hear Melanie, with all the sincerity of her soul, say that she trusted me was a special coin of memory placed withing my heart. I know I am trustworthy, which is what makes it all the more special.

As I walked into my home nearing 11 pm, I smiled and thanked Heavenly Father for blessing me with the opportunity to get to know Melanie better, for helping me see His hand in her life, and to feel that bond of sisterhood between we two women who want to know God better, love Him more, and learn
This unexpected opportunity was yet another tender mercy to remind me that Heavenly Father is directing my life, and that He has beautiful plans in store.

I hope that you will prayerfully look for ways that will help you see that God is orchestrating your life- especially during the times when you allow him to lead you through the days and nights of uncertainty.

Love, Christine