Slow to learn....

I've been feeling discouraged.  I've been struggling with my identity.  Am I capable enough to continue climb the uphill battle and become the stronger woman that Heavenly Father wants me to become?  

I'm torn in so many directions I don't know what to do first, and I've started feeling very overwhelmed.  How do I manage a house, help my children reach their full potential (when I struggle to reach my own!), and help my husband with gentle kindness and patience.  How can I fill my time with greater achievement?  Do I make more efforts to obtain a job to help support our family?  And, if I do, how in the world will I balance the things I already struggle to balance?  The list of my concerns go on and on. 

And most important... How do I keep my focus on the Savior and trust in his grace, that same power that enables me to become more than I am, so that everything else will fall into place in my life?   I don't want to remain average, or probably more honestly stated....remain in my below average state.  I want to rise to new heights and see new dimensions that can only be seen through the lenses Heavenly Father can help me wear.

This morning I was writing in my journal and expressing my discouragements and fears.  I especially felt worried that I could never be truly loved in my life, because "I'm not good enough." (I don't need to remind you such thoughts are LIES from the devil, who wants to destroy my feelings of self-worth.  This kind of thought is NOT (Nor, ever could be) from God) As I carefully wrote my feelings, the hymn "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" very clearly played into my thoughts.  Indeed, I need to remember that as long as I am loved by Heavenly Father, I have the greatest love possible.

1. Savior, Redeemer of my soul,

Whose mighty hand hath made me whole,
Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up

And filled with sweet my bitter cup!
What tongue my gratitude can tell,
O gracious God of Israel.

2. Never can I repay thee, Lord,
But I can love thee. Thy pure word,
Hath it not been my one delight,
My joy by day, my dream by night?
Then let my lips proclaim it still,
And all my life reflect thy will.

3. O’errule mine acts to serve thine ends.
Change frowning foes to smiling friends.
Chasten my soul till I shall be
In perfect harmony with thee.
Make me more worthy of thy love,
And fit me for the life above.

Text: Orson F. Whitney, 1855-1931
Music: Harry A. Dean, 1892-1987. 
(c) 1948 IRI

For me, music has become a special gift God has given me to help me return home to him.  I need a

lot of love and encouragement, and as I keep trying to do His will, I am regularly comforted by silent, yet very audible songs to my thoughts that help direct focus on Him.

I still have my worries, but the comfort I feel as I listen to that song reminds me of where to place my focus in life--on Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.  The journey to become a better me isn't going to happen overnight, but if I walk true and faithfully on the pathways created by God, I will find tremendous rewards of happier moments, and comfort for the moments of doubt and fear.

I hope you will listen for the quiet songs or thoughts that will undoubtedly come to your mind in the moments of your days.  Often these heavenly messages come when we allow ourselves quiet moments without distraction of television and radio, so try and turn down the noise of the world, so that you can tune into to heavenly  messages.  Those messages may come in the form of a song or hymn, a simple word, a scripture, a long forgotten memory from your life or from the mouth of a loved one, an old poem, or in some other form. 

Here is a sampling of beautiful scriptures on just a few gifts of the spirit, found at Moroni 10:

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

 6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.

 7 And ye may ^aknow that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, ^baccording to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.

 8 And again, I exhort you,...that ye deny not the ^agifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are ^bdifferent ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the ^cSpirit of God unto men, to profit them. 

Listen carefully and prayerfully, and you too will hear His loving and beckoning voice calling you forward, onward and upward!

Christine

Gifts of Love

Several years ago my Mom's sister took my oldest daughter to get a Mother's Day gift for me.  My aunt had seen a beautiful gold necklace with pendant in an ad, and intended to have my daughter get that for me. Upon arriving at the jewelry counter, my little girl (about 8 years old) became fascinated with another necklace for me.  My Aunt said that there was no changing K's mind.  She wanted this specific, less quality necklace for me.  My Aunt expressed disappointment when little K was out of earshot.  I'm embarrassed to admit it, and though I didn't express it, I felt disappointment too.  I could imagine the prettier necklace she had described!

I went to put on the necklace to wear to church that Mother's Day Sunday and I paused for a moment, with the necklace laying on my left hand, and I stood and studied it.  I wondered what my little girl had seen in this necklace, which clearly was not a very pretty or quality gold chain, and which the small attached pendant read, "Mom."  I also admit I didn't particularly like it, because it had a word on it.

At that moment I had a subtle, but fascinating experience.  I felt the spirit of God speak to me.  It wasn't an audible voice, just a thought.  The thought was this, "She chose this necklace because to her the word 'Mom' means love."  And even as I had that thought, I felt flooded with feelings of the love she felt for me in choosing it.

You can imagine that brief moment affected my feelings toward that necklace.  I put on that necklace and felt the unspoken message of my little girl's love for me.  To this day I cannot reach for that necklace without feeling the peace of love that can be associated with motherhood.  I've since gotten necklaces that would be
deemed more beautiful, and which are higher quality, but the love I feel from the message of that necklace far surpasses the value of my other necklaces.  It's financial value is minimal in the world's eyes, but it's spiritual value of love is without price.

Do we sometimes look at ourselves, like I did that necklace?  Do we ever think negative things like, "Look how fat/old I look?" "I'm not very pretty/handsome." "I don't really fit in with the people around me, everyone else seems to have it together" "How could anyone love me, my life is so messed up?" You need to know that those thoughts are not from God!  God is the author of love, not of doubts, self-loathing or discouragement.  He wants us to believe in that love, and take hope for our futures.

Unfortunately, I used to think those types of things all the time.  I used to feel like nothing could ever change for me, or get much better in life. I felt I was destined to remain stagnant in sorrow.  In my process of drawing closer to God by making better choices I have learned to see myself more as he does.  More as my little girl did (does!:)...with a whole lot of love!!  Of course, I don't completely understand how other people can love me as much as they do, but through heavenly reassurances I feel in special moments that they do.  Despite my weakness and imperfections,  I am regularly reminded that I am loved.

I am also coming to learn that my life is truly a gift from God.   And I don't mean just the blessing of living and breathing, but the privileges of my husband and children, talents, and yes, even my weaknesses and trials!   I'm afraid that sometimes I look at it my life as I did that necklace from my little girl--with ingratitude or distaste.  I am learning that He placed me on earth in my own unique set of circumstances because He best knows how I can learn to be more like Him.

There is a song we sing our church sing.  Oh how true it is!!

My life is a gift; my life has a plan.
My life has a purpose;
in heav'n it began.
My choice was to come
to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God's light
to direct me from birth.
I will follow God's plan for me,
Holding fast to his word and his love.
I will work, and I will pray;
I will always walk in his way.
Then I will be happy on earth
And in my home above.
Words and music: Vanja Y. Watkins, b. 1938. (c) 1981 IRI

I hope you will look around you and try to see the good in your life.  Pray to be more thankful for your house or apartment, even if it's not where you envisioned your life.  Or look into the eyes of your child and realize how blessed you are to be so loved.  And don't forget to feel happy for the little things...even if it's just something as simple as those beautiful blue shoes you own.

Let's work on showing The Best Giver of Gifts, our Heavenly Father, that we appreciate what He's give to us!!
Christine

Fast Sunday Football

This past Sunday, 2 March 2014, I ended up staying late and visiting with a friend, Joanne, in the church parking lot.  My husband had taken the rest of the children home in his car, but I had my 6 year old waiting with me.  He waited in the car for a little while, but got restless, and came to ask if he could play in the large green grassy church field right by where I was parked and visiting with Joanne.  I had no idea what he'd do on an empty field, but it was a warm winter day (of about 50 degrees! :) and the snow had finally all melted, so I encouraged him to go entertain himself, so I could keep visiting.

My friend and I finally parted ways, and I went to get little S to come get in the van, but with excitement he showed me a football someone had left on the field.  I made my way down the little steep of grassy hillside and decided to toss around the ball with him a few minutes.  I wanted to show him how to throw it, catch it, and kick it.  We don't actually own a football, so this was a good opportunity.  

Imagine it.  There I was a middle aged chubby woman, running around in my skirt and pointed heels!  I was running and catching the football, or clumsily kicking around the ball.   I also tried to teach him how to steady himself on slightly bent knee while he kicked the football with his other foot.  And just like in the charlie brown shows that I grew up watching, I kept letting go of the ball before he actually kicked it!! :P  I'm a great football coach! ;) 

He has a short attention span so he frequently wanted to change up our impromptu play time together.  So then, there we were, Mom and 6 year old son, facing each other, hand in hand, and spinning in circles until we were dizzy and falling over!!  And when he got tired out (Surprisingly!  That's an uncommon occurrence for him!) he laid on the ground to rest, and he had fun counting how many times I could throw the football high up into the air and catch it. (You can bet I successfully caught it every time! ;)  

I have little doubt it was a very crazy sight to any onlookers, but to my son and I, I KNOW it felt like a few sunny minutes in Heaven.  There was a happiness and joy that accompanied our time together.  I felt a certain exhilaration and love that is hard to explain.  

S didn't want to go home, because I'm sure he felt what I was feeling.  Very happy and loved. But, alas, we couldn't play forever--and besides I was "plum tuckered out"!  I played a little game of "Let's see who can spin all the way to the van without falling over."  He won!!  (And don't worry we left the ball where we found it. :)

I don't plan to make a rousing game of football a Sunday tradition, because it doesn't quite fall into my definition of Sabbath day observance, but because of the feeling of that experience I will work harder to have more effective family time with my children.  

I felt so thankful as drove home with my song.  I felt so truly thankful to have that little time alone to just enjoy him for who he is. These little ones grow up so fast and it's easy to fall prey to other distraction around us than our valuable time with family.  We need to relish the opportunities we have with them, while we can!

I hope you create special memories with your loved ones by sharing your time with them.  We not only learn to love by giving of ourselves, but we also help the receiver of our time to feel our love.

Christine

P.S.  A little more details about Fasting and Sundays from the Mormon viewpoint.

SABBATH:

Members of the "Mormon" church (The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.  Also known as LDS) believe in strict Sabbath observance.  The active members of our church try to avoid shopping on Sunday (except in special cases, such as getting medicine for a sick family member)or attending sporting events, plays, and other such recreational activities like boating and river rafting.

Sundays are a day we are encouraged to write letters, visit the sick and the needy, attend firesides, and refrain from work (I really like this one!! ;) , etc. How the day is spent by each family is determined by them--but the goal is to make it a day of peace, reverence, and to help refocus on the priorities of our lives.  See Exodus 20:8-11  (Old Testament)

This specific

Sabbath Day experience doesn't follow my standard tradition, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!

• You can learn more about keeping the Sabbath day holy here at these scriptures: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/sabbath-day

• Or at this easy to follow short lesson: https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-24-the-sabbath-day?lang=eng&query=sabbath+day

FASTING: 

We "Mormons" (The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints) fast on the first Sunday of the month.  It's kind of like a day we come together as a family and unite in the power of a fast.  We can also fast on any day we need personal help, direction, or strength from God.  Sometimes as individual family units or groups of friends, we will fast over a crisis or special need that we are concerned about.

Those who want to participate join from wherever they are in the world, and while they give up 2 meals they also offer up special prayers to Heavenly Father for special blessings.  It's an amazing things, and miracles are seen, and unity felt from fasting.

My Miracle:

When I was around 18 my church ward fasted for me, and I was healed by the time I went into the hospital.  The surgeon thinking he would have to remove my ovary because of the tumor on it, found only a "straw-like foreign substance" in place of where the tumor had been.  Because of the power of that fast, I had miraculously been healed, and my ability to bear children was not removed.  How thankful I am for not only that miracle, but my 5 miracle babies that have since been born to me! 

• You can read more about fasting here: https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-25-fasting?lang=eng