How Can I Be A Better Mom?

We made homemade pasta on my daughter's 7th Birthday.

I'm really trying to make an effort to be a better Mom.  I feel like I've been making some poor choices.  I used to do scrap-booking, painting, making homemade play-dough making, nature walks, read picture books, etc. etc.  But after the first 2 children I slowed down on doing those things.  Now
my children watch too much television (T.V.)

If there's water, he'll find it!!! (Oxen trough)

It's especially gotten harder, since having my fourth child, because he came with some special
needs.  Mild, though they are, he struggles to stay at one task very long, and is sensory seeking.  From a young age he kept me busy cleaning up such messes as 50lb. bag of flour, 25 lbs. of rice, water floods, butter painting the floor, drinking hand sanitizer,  letting out all our rolling pigeons--which the dog caught and killed, and many other adventures of our precious, and very energetic son!

Instead of telling you my failures as a Mom, I'll tell you some of my success stories of late.  I mean, really, you don't want to hear the frustration I expressed at my 3 and 6 year old sons tonight, when I walked into my bathroom to discover they were painting their nails, wearing my costume wig hair piece, and spraying water all over the bathroom?! do you?!  :O

So, the other day, my 14 year old son, went on a pioneer trek with our stake. --For those of you who are not members of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints, a stake represents a bunch of "wards" which is another way of saying the group of people you go to church with at your allotted time on Sundays.  I meet at 1pm.  Other wards--in my building-- meet at 9am and 11am.  This is repeated for the other LDS church building in our small area.  Combined all these buildings make a stake.  Clear as mud, right! :P
Anyhow.....  I decided last minute that perhaps I should make sure he was properly packed up for trek!  I ended up staying up sewing his costume and finding odds and ends, until 4:30am!!  Nope, I'm not the most prepared Mom, but I put my mind to it, and did it. 

Although I was really tired after sending him off to camp, I still wanted to go swimming that afternoon with my husband, and remaining four children (ages 3, 6, 8, 12).  I took about an hour nap, and prayed for the energy to go and be a Mom.  Even though I was only going on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep.  I was blessed with the stamina to get up from my bed, and push myself to the pool at my Aunt's apartments.

Once there, I decided I'd rather just sit back and read a good book.  But in the back of my head, I knew that my real goal and desire was to be a better Mom.  It was at this moment that I asked myself what my goals in life are.  One of those goals is to give my children focused time--with no distractions.  Meaning no computer, tv. housework, reading, etc.  So, I chose the harder but more satisfying path that leads me to becoming a better Christian.  I got up off my rear end and walked over to the pool.


Now you should know something about me....ummmm,.....well,....okay this is embarrassing to say (just add it to my list of quirks) but I don't love the initial feeling of getting wet.  Once I'm wet, I'm fine...but the wanting to put myself into the path of water (especially if it's not pleasantly warm water) is not my favorite thing to do.  Now I knew full well that my aunt's pool tended to have cold water, and that caused me to feel all the more apprehensive!

I walked to the deep end, and told my children to count to 3, and I would dive it.  Oh, did they like that. 1! 2! 3! I dove into the chilly water (on an overcast day) and came up colder than ever.  My first response was to get out, dry out, and stay out.  But, I remembered my goal to be a better Mom, and I persevered.  I began doing laps (As I've always been a very good swimmer. I was even known as "the fish" when I was a little girl.)  It took a few minutes, but I was soon comfortable warm in the water.

I then went and took turns bringing each of my 3 youngest children into the deep end.    They all have apprehension about water, and initially with each of them there was a lot of screaming and flailing.  Once they realized they could trust me not to do anything without their approval, they began to calm down.  I didn't make sudden moves, dunk them, throw them around, or splash.  Soon, after each turn with my children there were very clear changes in their attitude.  They each wanted time with Mom. 

She's been improving.  Not wanting ears wet,
but she'll get her face wet.

In fact, my 8 year old has some sensory issues, and has been unable to get baptized yet (which most children do at the age of 8 in The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-day Saints).  She doesn't like waters in her ears or on her face.  She was the most tense when I took her into the deep end.  She has never strayed past the stairs of the shallow end.  I carefully and lovingly worked in the water with her.

1. First she hugged me uncomfortably tightly around my neck and I taught her how to kick.  
2. After a while doing that, I was able to get her to loosen her grip and just hold her hands on my shoulder, while I held her up by her waist, and she practiced kicking.  
3. From there I helped her progress into turning her whole body away from me--  Now she had her back to my front side, and she was practicing kicking and paddling. 
4. By the end of her turn, she was so comfortable, that she let me hold her at my side, while she practiced kicking and holding the kick board in front of her. 

Look at my girl now!!

Too many of you these may not seem like a big
deal, but to a child on the autism spectrum, these are momentous moments.  And I am fully aware that if I'd kept doing things as I have in the past, I'd have kept getting the same results.  We've gone swimming since, and she continues to grow in her enjoyment of the water (as have my little boys:).  She has a ways to go, before she'll let me float her on her back (which requires getting her ears wet), but it's exciting to know that she's made progress, because as parent I cared enough to step out of my comfort zone.

I hope that you will look at the way you are raising your children, and find ways to make improvements.  As with my little girl, you may just make small steps of progression, but a step forward is always better than a step backward.







Pray that God will help teach you what you need to know to improve.  He wants each of us to "bloom where (we) are planted!"

Christine