Monday, December 2, 2019

goodbyes and puzzle pieces

2 December 2019- Monday

I took a ten-minute nap on my bed this evening in hopes of getting up a little energy *from my late night shopping for Christmas gifts and writing my missionary son in West Africa) to go with my children to our community tree lighting ceremony)!

Tangent: Last night, I went back and forth between writing my missionary son-- and editing photos to email to him,-- and online shopping.. I really shouldn't shop when I'm tired and have a final English class essay due soon. But alas, shop I did! And with a couple remote control robots (on black Friday special) some cool "The Mountain" t-shirts of animals-- meercat, cat, zebra, etc...

I finally finished all my shopping for good. I hope! (though I did buy a space heater I just tonight because I keep a cold house but like warm feet as I sit to work on school work, and because my little boy sat warming by the physically damaged one that was sent to us-- and he told me that he'd like his own space heater as a Christmas gift. It was too cute! Maybe I should send back his RC dinosaur with colored steam from his mouth, in lieu of a portable space heater! :))

Tangent over:

Upon waking I asked my bedside AI "robot" as we call her around here ("Alexa") to play "The Goodbye Girl"-- it's the generic version of David Gates (Bread) song. I love the song and the reminder that people who love me will never leave permanently. "Goodbye doesn't mean forever."
I take solace in believing that I am deeply loved and that those who love me will always come back for me, God willing.



But as I lay there, I also knew that the greatest love that I take comfort in is Heavenly Father's love. Sometimes people do leave us. Sometimes they hurt or betray us in the process. Sometimes we part for a short season or a long season, but God's love is unfailing and while others may leave us, He NEVER will.

Heavenly Father never forces His will upon the agency of we His children. Sometimes He chooses to remain quiet as we wander off from Him like a disobedient child (or we fail to hear His voice when He speaks), but He never really leaves us. Even when we walk away he has us in His view.
I'm a faith-filled optimist in believing that old phrase that I liked as a young girl: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."  I believe God is at the center of love and righteous relationships and I really do believe He authors glorious stories for us as we look to Him in faith.

But I also believe he is perfectly patient in giving us room to become the best person that He knows we are capable of becoming-- if we will just have the courage to believe in His name and give up all we own to follow him. (Jesus and the Rich Young Ruler (Matthew 19:16-30; Mark 10:17-27; Luke 18:18-27)

Today, I have countless friends sharing on social media about some Christlike person who has touched their life for good. I pondered who that was in my life and I knew. This person has seen me through some really rough years-- and especially the last 8-months (which I "celebrate" on the 2nd of each month) since April of this year-- 2019.

I suppose if I'm being honest, I celebrate it in hopes that by the 12th month that my life will see some justification and closure to several years of pain. But regardless of the timetable God has planned for my healing, I trust him to keep His promises-- whenever He sees fit.  I am thankful for untold blessings from God in my life.

The Christlike person I refer to is none other than my stake president, who for the last several years has watched the heartaches of my life be figuratively spread upon his office table and my heartbroken emails on various occasions over the years. And yet, through the chaos of my life, he has steadily offered counsel, warnings, sound judgments, comfort, and blessings-- and he's offered it all in the Savior's gift of charity and friendship.

We have not always seen eye to eye. Even now I firmly stand my ground and recently wrote him: "... truth in my life will come forth because I have maintained the courage to stand in the face of injustice against me..." Despite the things we don't agree on, he has remained kind and "long-suffering" (Book of Mormon: Alma 13:28, Alma 32:43, Alma 42:30, et al...). But without harsh judgment, my Stake President just lovingly takes the puzzle pieces of my life and holds them with safekeeping. He could have made me feel small and unworthy and yet he has sustained me through the crisis by his Christlike friendship.

Really, I'm so sleepy and keep falling asleep, so I hope my words are clear enough, but it boils down to saying that my stake president, through his pure-hearted Christlike friendship has helped me to feel much like the song that has come to my thoughts a lot lately by Mercy Me: 


"You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred
You are His

You're beautiful"



Heavenly Father has strategically placed people in my path to bless and brighten my life. From a past bishops to my current bishop, to my stake president, I am blessed with leaders who help sustain and support me in the uncertainties of life. I am so thankful that God has given me leaders and friends along the way, like my stake president, who has cared for me in the Savior's way when some have said "goodbye" to me for a season.

I am really tired tonight (which my rambling words may reveal!).... as I type this half asleep the songlines of a hymn played into my thoughts: "What debt of gratitude is mine, that in this offering I have part." I do feel an immense "debt of gratitude for being able to love unconditionally and to be loved in like manner!

I can never forget those of my past who remain dear in my heart, but I also celebrate those who stick by me with kind hellos in the present. I look forward to many more future greetings of friendship which will help further my joy, and I hope to do the same for those whom I reach out my hands of friendship and service toward.

Life is so much happier when we reach out unselfishly in the work of furthering the Lord's work and extending his pure love. What can you do today to be someone's angel?

God is great!
Love, Christine




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