"Let the healing start"

I have been considering lately how it is easier to feel anger, and frustration, than to acknowledge tender emotions.  Tender emotions are, in my opinion, more challenging, because they can leave one feeling confused, vulnerable, and worried.  Such tender feelings can take us in a heartbeat from feeling confident and capable, to feeling weak and unsure, can't they? Angry or hardened feelings on the other hand seem to make us believe we are stronger and more in control.

It's been a long time now, but I remember when I was hurting so very deeply. I didn't like that hurt, and I stumbled across a singing artist and especially one song, which took my tender emotions and seemed to help make me feel stronger.  I remember writing in my journal and telling myself that I was going to be brave, because no one was going to "steal my crown!"

A portion of something I wrote that dreary September day went as follows: ==

"I stumbled upon this, Rebecca Ferguson, today. I tend to listen to different musical genres, so I had never heard her songs. I love this message--because I've just finally and completely given to God the part of my heart that was in pain and needless despair. I'll just keep trying to do my best. I won't give my energies to believing negative voices in my life. I'm going to look to God for strength and courage."

"This whole song doesn't apply to what WAS (past tense) gnawing at me, but the essence of the message applies---I am strong in the face of opposition!! 

"I'm going to live with the intent to share the positive in myself and seek it in others. I'm not going to play games that are intended to poison others with the hurt I feel/felt, nor am I going to try and "get even."

"I'm going to show forth the love and joy I feel from knowing Heavenly Father loves me--even when I make mistakes. I'm not going to let anyone take my "crown" and I'm not gonna "crumble." I'm just going to freely give love even when it doesn't SEEM deserved, "face my fears," and "let the healing start."

"I am me and I am Okay. I am not keeping your labels. I am strong and Blessed. My worth and value is not dependent upon whether or not I follow social norms- even if I make mistakes, I am a beloved Child of God and so are You." 

lyrics: "I almost crumbled
I almost fell
..This war has started
Rivers parted
But I'm gonna cry no tears
Give it all that I've got
I'll give it all that I've got
Let the healing start

I almost stumbled
When you shot me down
You almost got the best of me and stole my crown

... I'll give it all that I've got
Let the healing start"

Rebecca Ferguson - All That I’ve Got 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3naloY2JG9w

====End of that September entry===

I consider the song, "Shock to the heart, and you're to blame, baby you give love a bad name," and it is just another technique of taking hurt and sadness and trying to displace it at a comfortable distance from one's tender, hurting heart, by angrily pointing fingers. (I considered sharing that link, but the song is too angry and coarse-- and apparently I knew it a little too well in high school! But, I've matured a little, so I'm not linking it here!) 

And, because it is musically important for me to make an analysis of these songs (and you all want to hear my opinion ;) let me say that Rebecca Ferguson's song and Bon Jovi's song both express frustration, but Bon Jovi is one of blatant blame, and not accepting personal responsibility to change, and move forward with courage and faith! (But admittedly, that the musical lines of "shock to the heart, you're to blame" is quite catchy!)

The song "All That I've Got" makes the suggested meaning of, "Hey, I'm worth more than the pain you've added to my life, and because I'm strong, I am going to get passed the anguish."  Whereas the song "You give love a bad name," seems to denote a man, who is angry at a woman, and he blames her for his pain. 

;) Because I'm sure it's likely that Bon Jovi is (was?) highly religious, maybe it would have been better if he lyrically asked God, "Is there something I am supposed to learn from this?" "Did you want me to feel this way?" "Wilt Thou (You) take my whole heart, and teach me how to live a new and better life?"

Indeed, Any righteous question, would be better than casting blame, and narrow-mindedly missing what there is to learn from the experience of "love," or sorrow. But, let's face it, most of us can relate to the psychological technique of "fight or flight," in some way or another. Initially, it seems to dull the pain.

Is it easier to throw angry, hurting stones?  

Is it easier to run away from harmful stones?
Or is it easier to pick up those stones, carefully study them, and then prayerful seek to find something that is beautiful about the injury and pain of that stone that was cast at your head? Can we find something that is valuable and loved about the stone- independent from the suffering experienced? 

I am not different than anyone else, and I'd say that it's easier to either run away and hide, or it's easier to pretend to be strong and put up an angry fight.  As I struggle to make my way through this world, there are times, which I have certainly have (or have wanted to) put up my fists to say, "Come on then, I'll fight you!"

[If I'm being honest, I hurt for almost an exact year, from writing that portion above.  It took a lot of prayer and questions of God, to finally see what I needed to learn!]

While those songs do seem to offer some temporary reprieve of the hurt we will feel in life, they do not adequately bring long lasting comfort.  

In truth, I am finding that peace at times of heartache, comes only when I fall to my knees (figuratively and symbolically) and allow the Savior to take my broken and troubled heart and mind, and soothe it with the balm no earthly source can offer-- the balm of peace.  

I experienced that balm of peace, last night, as I was picking up in the kitchen. After everyone else was asleep in bed, I was growing more troubled about what could easily be read as uncaring intent of a friend. It was on that tenuous verge of vulnerability where the devil was nastily playing with my "vain imaginations," while God was trying to work with my righteous desires.  I was, at this seemingly insignificant moment, standing on an unseen, dark, and very real battle field of life!  

I had no sword in hand, only dirty silverware. I had no armor, only pajamas on. I had no protective boots nor helmet-just socks and a messy bed-head. I did not see an enemy and I was very much alone, but I was nonetheless tormented by a very real enemy, that was seeking to destroy my peace!  

In those delicate minutes of mental and spiritual warfare waged directly at me, I was praying that I would be comforted. I was hurting by the messages of silence by a friend, and the enemy was successfully yielding that sword at me!

However, as I reached to get a drink of water, I heard two special lines of this song play sweetly into my thoughts.  You can't imagine the warming peace I felt! Few things in that spiritual moment could have been sweeter, and I prayed that, unlike me, my friend will never doubt my enduring concern and love, despite any warfare waged, or trials of life.

Teacher, Do You Love Me?

(Child) Teacher*, do you love me?

Teacher*, will you care for me?

Even if I turn away, or disobey, or go astray,

Then will you love me still?

Teacher*, will you teach me?

Teacher*, help me choose the right.

When I do not understand the Lord's command, please take my hand

And lead me safely with his light.

(First time child only.)

I need your love, I need your light

To show me how to be like Jesus.

The Savior's love will light the path

To lead me safely home.

(Teacher) Oh yes, my child, I love you.

My child, I'll always care for you.

And with the Savior as our guide,

I'll share the light I feel inside,

And you will feel his love for you.

Oh, yes, my child, I'll teach you.

My child, I'll help you choose the right.

And when you do not understand

The Lord's command, I'll take your hand,

And he will lead us with his light.

I need your love, I need your light

To show me how to be like Jesus.

The Savior's love will light the path

To lead us safely home.

Words and music: Michael Finlinson Moody, b. 1941. (c) 1986 IRI

*word may be replaced with a substitute word of another person. :)

As I headed for bed, I smiled with the comfort only God can offer. And I smile even now, in knowing that I won that round, despite the enemy’s attacks. That I was, even in those lonely, and troubled moments, victorious over sin! I smile to realize that I had risen up to the occasion spoken of in Ephesians.  Even though I was literally dressed for bed, I was, at that time, spiritually dressed for any battle that came my way.  I am going to strive to always be found worthy on God’s errand.

Ephesian 6:10-18

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the   preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

Yesterday, i had the song "Didn't he send us to be tested, didn't he say the way would not be sure" play into my thoughts several times.  

And even this morning I woke up to the hymn/song “Whatever thy lot, thou hast taught me to say- It is well with my soul. It is well."  

I think that as our desires for worldly things change from "Please protect me from that pain or suffering" and move instead to, "Please strengthen me and help me to bear and learn from these trials" that we will see a dramatic shift in our ability to handle the things that come our way!

The Savior is the best example of this. 

In Luke 22:42 we read:

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

For me this scripture personally speaks of facing the dark and painful hours of my life, with a willing heart before God. Giving him everything, and accepting His answers- whether they are a yes or a no, or a wait. The feelings of longing, hope, desire, hurt, and sorrow, anger, and disappointment, can be swallowed up in Christ! There is nothing we need be ashamed of, when we give our life to him, and seek his healing grace.

I can't comprehend the Savior's agony, but I do understand my own relatively small pains and sufferings.  I know that agony is not something our mortal flesh or emotions appreciate. I know that we try to bypass pain whenever possible. 

Instead of praying, "Please protect me from that pain or suffering,” “Heavenly Father, it’s not fair what they have done to me” let us instead pray, “What can I learn from this Heavenly Father?” "Please help me to understand what I am feeling." "Please strengthen me and help me to bear and learn from these trials.”

As our prayers change, and we purify our desires, I confidently declare that we will see a dramatic shift in our ability to handle the things that come our way. And while we may not joyfully feast upon our trials, we can learn to experience them with peace, and enduring hope- which will help to see us through the darkness.

As I walk through the hours and minutes of my days, and I face the trials I face currently, or I consider future trials I may severely face, I offer heartfelt prayers that I will have the faith, courage, and physical and emotional stamina, to accept whatever He see's best to help refine me with.  

How thankful I am for the person that Heavenly Father is helping me to become! With all my heart, I want to be more like the Savior-- even if that means I must accept personal moments of agony.  I pray I will never lose sight of those worthy desires to know and be like the Savior.

I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their ^atrust in God shall be supported in their ^btrials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be ^clifted up at the last day. (Alma 36:3)

My friends, may we prayerfully and diligently seek to know the Lord- each day and each hour of our lives. Let us allow Him to soften and nourish our hearts, instead of seeking the easier road of letting anger and fear harden our hearts.  It will only be through the power of Jesus Christ, and His ultimate gift, that we are permanently and eternally able to be victorious over sin!

Christine

#VictorythroughChrist #Loveistheanswer #TrueLoveInspires #don'tgiveintothepressure&lies #listentothewhisperingof God'sSweettruth  #hatebuildswalls #Lovebuildsbridges #YouAreLoved