A letter to write

Recently, I felt like God wanted me to write a letter to a friend, about a distressing event that he had some part in.  An event that occurred exactly one year ago on the date of Sept 16th.

After spending a good amount of time formulating the letter, I prayed to know if it was good to send. But, I could not get the Spirit to give me permission to send the detailed and clear letter, so I prayerfully slept on the matter.

The following morning as I was stretching to wake up, I asked a new question.  Instead of the previous questions of "What do you want me to change in the letter to make it acceptable to thee?" or "Can I please send what I've written?" ; I asked instead, "If you didn't want me to send these words, then why did you have me write it?" Immediately I heard, "Search it out in your mind." 

I knew the scripture well.  While laying there, I considered how the following passage might apply:

D&C 9:8

• Doctrine and Covenants

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. 

I could not understand how it applied to the situation at hand.  I then asked, "What do you want me to learn from that scripture?"  There was not an audible response or defined impression, just a simple thought that perhaps it was more about it staying in MY mind (and not sharing all I had felt or experienced in corrosive consequence).  I wasn't sure, so I got out of bed with the determination and desire to learn Heavenly Father's will for me in that matter, as I prayerfully went through my day.

As the morning progressed, my 16 year old sent me a text.  I had not been very happy with how he'd been treating me those past few days, and I felt upset at him.  I always try to act with kindness (I don't always succeed, but I try!), so I approached my response to him with prayer. I replied to his question, but also added some Motherly direction, as follows :

" Sometimes in life, you will not understand others, and you may feel inclined to criticize them, but you really need to be humble and ask Heavenly Father to help you have his GIFT of charity.  It comes through the Savior, and cannot be earned or learned on your own.   You must seek it through prayer and diligence." (scripture reference: Moroni 7: 48)

As  I wrote the those words to my son, I received a very clear answer about my other, more pressing concern of the moment.  Writing about that distressing experience had helped me to assimilated and process my very complex, painful feelings.

Such intricate care and attentiveness to every feeling was as though I'd had hours of counseling/therapy. Except that my experience was far more healing and beneficial, because I had the "great physician" listening to the concerns of my heart.

Since that moment of understanding,my burden of fear and insecurity has miraculously been lifted from me.  The power of the Savior's atonement has unlocked the doors of my self-inflicted prison cell, and I am freed from a year long sentence of fear!

I was blessed, by the Spirit of God, to have remembrances brought to my memory of the many years of kind things this friend had done for me.  I could not overlook all the kindness, service, and sincere generosity of my friend's heart, just because of one miniscule moment in time.

Recollections of how Heavenly Father had brought me through on dry ground, and protected me from my figurative Goliath's in life, also gave me reassurance that God would continue to protect me, and lead me forward, if I remain walking in his pathways.

God has been trying to teach me this along my walk the past year, but finally I have learned to listen!  I will move forward, and I hope I can bless others with my improved empathy, and testimony of God's miracles and His love for each one of us. 

I will continue to seek to have confidence in the Lord, and not  "rely on the arm of flesh." God has repeatedly proven His power, might, and mercy in my life, and He always manages to bring me forth on dry ground, or unlock me from my self-inflicting prison cell, even where it seems there is no escape to safety .  I feel so grateful for His consolation in my life, and my many blessings!

2 Nephi 4:34 Book of Mormon

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.
I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed
is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

John 14:18New Testament

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

There is hope, beyond the heartaches of life.  God does work miracles.  Believe him and seek after Him in everything.  God loves each one of us, and He wants to fill our minds and hearts with beauty, hope, and light. It's worth every sacrifice to know Him!

Christine

My Heavenly Father is the most perfect, tender &  loving father I've ever had.
But I am thankful that He has blessed me through other father
figures, who helped me see that there was more in me than I knew.
To those unnamed giants of men, I send my heart's deep appreciation.
Thank you for your willingness to lead and guide me in righteousness.