You are Loved

I do a lot of praying, and a lot of self talk. It's how I try to be honest and self-reflective of myself.  For whatever reason I found myself thinking (or perhaps it was the Spirit), "I am a divine daughter of my Father in heaven."  I may have used this expression before, but this day it was a spiritual experience, because in that moment, I had a reminder that I really do have a Father.  I really am divine.  I really am someone of worth.

As some of you, who read my things know, this has long been a challenge for me to understand. Having an abusive father, and abusive experiences, affected my entire life. I often felt worthless, and at times I figured the world would be better off without me. I always mourned the lack of a loving father. I always doubted my worth. But, in this moment, I felt a witness of the truth that I am not fatherless. I felt loved, and I felt a purpose beyond myself.

I know I am not alone in these feelings of self doubt, and questions of just how some "distant" being could be our father.  But I witness to you that we do have a Heavenly Father, and he truly sees the divinity and royal potential in each of us.  Let us not bow down to earthly gods and golden idols, but to the supreme being, for who we are loved by- beyond the sweetest comprehension of love and safety that we can imagine. He can raise us up and heal us, if we are humble before him, and look UP to Him in all things!

It is of utmost importance that we do our best while in this battlefield of life.  Let us shun the angry screams of the enemy telling us that we are not of worth; but instead, let us raise our swords of righteousness towards the "son," and fight on towards victory!  In the end, we will rejoice that at times we lost blood on this great battlefield, for it helped to refine and purify us!

Always remember that you are a DIVINE Child of a loving Heavenly Father. He is more real and loving than any earthly fathers. Ask Him to help you understood who he is and who you are,  and he will teach you!

There is a scripture that has always stood out to me. It is a visual or warmth and safety.  Kind of like "The Little Red Hen" story that I loved as a little girl.  Brothers and Sister, friends and foe, it is never too late-- God will always receive you back unto him!

3 Nephi 10:6

6 O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart.

==

Jacob 6:5

5 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of the day, harden not your hearts.

Our Heavenly Father loves you.  "Come unto (Him) with full purpose of heart!"
You are loved!
Christine

My Birthday Gift from God!

My front room chandelier, BEFORE I installed chandelier!

(AFTER) My "temple room" chandelier

Idaho Temple

I recently celebrated my birthday.  It was a pleasant enough day, but I was not my usual happy self.  I wasn't depressed.  But, I wasn't filled with light and joy, which I generally am. 

I spent my day really trying to beautify my home.  That meant first tackling the front room. I call my front room, my "temple room," because it's suppose to look like an LDS temple.  few years ago, I even installed this medallion and chandelier to help create a beautiful temple effect! 

M plays legos with our Hamster (look close!)
that's "Ninja" or "donut" depending on who is talking!
M named him  "d

But, that little dream temple room" of mine, seems at times not to be permanently achievable!  On this particular birthday cleaning day I was collecting stray Lego pieces, loose nails (from my little boy, who loves tools and nails, like I do!... but don't get me started on the holes he intentionally put in his bedroom drywall!), and pieces of school papers, bills, or my 6 year old construction worker/artists creations of colors duct tape,paper, and cardboard tubes!  

As I went about my day cleaning, and trying to contain Lego pieces! I had birthday visitors--women from church trying to brighten my birthday.  These church sisters are friends, and they brought me not only gifts, but they also brought me cards (I love a handwritten note).  One sister even brought me dinner, with a gift and card.  

My son playing with the tangram I made!

In fact, I had so many women, show up so closely to my door, though unplanned, that I joked that I should have thrown a birthday party for me! 

Even though I was getting the things I always thought I wanted (gifts, notes, time, and attention) on my birthday, I just felt rather somber. I had even called my husband, as he was leaving work, to make sure he came straight home. I knew that he probably hadn't gotten me a birthday gift, and would stop on the way home from work to find one, but I didn't care if I got one or not!

Dinner from my friend Judy G.

The long and short of the story is, that my heart felt heavy and burdened. And I really could not comprehend my place in "The Circle of Life." I could not understand why anyone would celebrate my birthday, and I allowed a few people in my life, to affect the truth of everything else!

Just a few of the gifts I received from friends

Well, wouldn't you know it, but my husband had stopped at our local thrift store to get me a gift! Even though I said, to come straight home, and he agreed.  He handed me a crumpled bag, and the contents were hidden within the sloppy wad of thrift shop bagging!  

Initially, I told him I wasn't ready to open it, because I was in the middle of using wood cutting equipment-- table saw, band saw, and miter saw.  But when the power over-loaded in the garage, I was forced to retire  cutting out wood tangrams! (I had envisioned us sitting around watching a sweet family friendly movie, and painting the wood, or working on finishing up a doll outfit for a birthday gift I am making for my sister. Neither of those happened!)

I came in and sat down, and then my husband handed me my gift. I opened it to discover a doll.  She was pretty enough, but fairly dirty on her face.  And as I surveyed her face, I realized she was not only dirty, but she was cracked.

I wasn't very impressed with the doll, because she had brown short hair and brown eyes. I favor a doll that "looks" like me, with longer, straight brown hair and greenish hazel eyes. But, it was alright, I told my husband, "I really like dolls, because of their clothing."  

I began to remove the dolls lovely lacy outfit.  As I did so, my hand caught hold of something on the back of her dress.  I remarked out loud, "What?!  She has her dress bolted on!" I couldn't believe the'd made her clothes non-removable! With disappointment and chagrin I flipped her over to figure out why in the world, they had ruined perfectly good doll clothes! 

I was amazed to discover that it was not a screw. It was in fact a music box key. She was  a windup key in her back. She was a music box doll!  Suddenly it didn't matter that she was dirty, or cracked, or had brown eyes and curly hair. I loved this doll for her music!

With excitement I wound her up. I waited with surprise to discover what song she played.  As she played the song didn't sound familiar-- which may have had more to do with my distraction from the noise of my nearby children.  But, no worries, I told myself-- she played music, and her value increased tenfold on that premise alone.

As the unknown song played, I expressed appreciation to my husband. I asked him how he had settled on a doll for me. (He had never in our 18 years of marriage bought me a doll before, so why now?) he said that as he drove home he had the thought to stop in to Deseret Industries and buy me a doll.  He added that there were two dolls, but he had no explanation why he'd chosen this one.  In fact, he didn't even know she had a music box. He just picked her up, without a second though, and  he went directly to check out.

As we talked, I realized that the melody of the doll had become very familiar, and into my thoughts the direct lines of the song was recognizable-- "Country road take me home to the place I belong."  I was struck profoundly, and my tears began to flow.  In fact, I was sobbing, and the numbness of emotional I'd felt all day, had melted into a pool of gratitude that Heavenly Father had heard my heart.

To think, minutes before I was looking at this imperfect doll, thinking how I wished she had different colored eyes, darker lipstick, straight hair, and no cracked face. In truth, I wished she looked a little more beautiful and perfect, like my other more cherished dolls of exquisite beauty.  

The symbolism could not escape me, and it was the reason for my well of tears. Here was this doll, who represented me. God had directed my good husband, by his Holy Spirit; and despite my  birthday request to please "just come straight home,"  my husband instead listens to a very soft impression to buy me a doll. 

The doll, like me, has been abandoned and cracked in her life.  And like me also, there are thing which in her appearance that are imperfect--like my crooked tooth, and blemished skin.  And like me, a sense of home has not come easily. I too have found myself in places I never planned to be.  

That doll was an assurance that I have a home, which I am headed for. Ultimately that home is my heavenly home. A home which is eternal. And it doesn't matter how cracked or broken I become on the journey, my future, my home, my eternal well being doesn't depend one whit upon my physical appearance.  My eternal and spiritual well being rests upon the purity of my spirit, indeed, upon the music of my soul!

Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many gifts, among which is my gift of song. He wants me to let my divine song help guide me home, as well as to brighten the lives of others.  Heavenly Father wants me to understand that I am headed home, and that He and His angels are near me every step of the way.  And as long as I am taking steps toward him, and reaching out my hand toward Him- like a trusting toddler, learning to walk- He will be able to guide me home!

Heavenly Father wants the same for you. But, as with me, it all boils down to the same thing- He wants our "heart." We read just a few examples of this in a few many scriptures:

Music doll reaches in to our "treasure box."
Inside this box we keep our scripture treasures! 

Mark 12:30
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

Moroni 7:44

.... none is acceptable before God, save the meek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.

John 14:2

In my Father’s house are many mansions.... I go to prepare a place for you.

I hope that we will remember that the Lord does looks upon our heart-- not upon our physical appearance. When we each truly understand this, we will take confidence in knowing that what is within us, is of utmost importance to our eternal well-being.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said.... Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Know that you are loved, and important to a loving creator. Your value cannot be measured on an earthly scale. The music you have to offer others, through clean hands, and pure heart, is the best gift you can ever give him, while here in your sojourn on earth!

As I close this blog post, this song plays into my thoughts, "Beyond this moment lies eternity."

Let's make decisions which will help us home!

Christine

A Prophet; Called of God

I completely support Thomas S Monson, as prophet, seer, and revelator. I am in full support of His decisions, and those of the first presidency. They lead the church in careful communion with God- just as did the prophets of old. 

If the church has given their stance that children of a certain age cannot enjoy the blessings of membership due to family choices, then I assure you that God has a purpose. Such a bold decision does not come of man. It comes ONLY of GOD. 

God sees things that our minds are not necessarily able to calculate--except through the Spirit of God. This reminds me of a scripture in Corinthians 4:5 "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God."

I feel it is very important that we take these things seriously, in Doctrine and Covenants 123:13, 

"Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven—"

God has, and will, continue to sift His people. May we always be found on His errand, and firm in the faith of the Lord Jesus Christ.

===========

I think Elder Uchtdorf hits the mark when he says, "

"In some way we are all susceptible to such strange thinking."

"The “truths” we cling to shape the quality of our societies as well as our individual characters. All too often these “truths” are based on incomplete and inaccurate evidence, and at times they serve very selfish motives."

"Part of the reason for poor judgment comes from the tendency of mankind to blur the line between belief and truth. We too often confuse belief with truth, thinking that because something makes sense or is convenient, it must be true. Conversely, we
 "sometimes don’t believe truth or reject it—because it would require us to change or admit that we were wrong. Often, truth is rejected because it doesn’t appear to be consistent with previous experiences."

"When the opinions or “truths” of others contradict our own, instead of considering the possibility that there could be information that might be helpful and augment or complement what we know, we often jump to conclusions or make assumptions that the "other person is misinformed, mentally challenged, or even intentionally trying to deceive."

"Unfortunately, this tendency can spread to all areas of our lives—from sports to family relationships and from religion to politics."

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2013/01/what-is-truth?lang=eng

When I write anything, or speak anything, I try hard to gauge the appropriateness of my words, based partly on whether I'd be comfortable if my church leaders read my words, and even more importantly, if Heavenly Father would be pleased in my words. I try to remember a concept expressed in Galatians 6:3 "For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself." I use that scripture, and others, as a guide for how I speak and write.

I am hopeful that more often, than not, I meet the qualifications I've set for myself. But, on those times, when I don't maintain a charitable style of communication (more often heard in my everyday conversations, where I don't have the same skills I do with writing; and I'm left to "impromptu" conversation- which is affected more easily by emotion, fatigue, or hunger. (Best not to talk to me on a fast Sunday!)

One of the biggest challenges I see, at this this time, is that concerned members of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints are allowing their emotions to guide their thoughts, instead of acknowledging that "man is nothing," and peacefully accepting such a major decision of the church, while leaving it in the hands of God. 

This world is full of vile, filthy, and disgusting evil at the hand and choice or too many. I don't think I need to recount those examples for you to know that this decision of the church is not a crime, nor a sin, against anyone, not especially the children. We all know full well that the church is one of the most giving humanitarian organizations on earth. Those humanitarian efforts are blessing and helping countless children and families all over the world to to have shelter, food, and education- whether they are members, or not.

We need to be careful not to let our sentimental natures get the better of us. There is no harm or offense being done to these children who are unable to be blessed or baptized into our church, as long as they exist as children in a same-gender marriage situations. And it should be noted that it is not an all or nothing decision. Just as Heavenly Father works with us individually and uniquely; there will certainly be cases of individual exceptions.  .

As parents we may lean on the recollections of our own joy at our children's blessing and baptism days; and we may similarly consider how sad or unfair it seems that these children don't get to dress in white and celebrate like other children their age. We need to remember that these events aren't remotely comparable to celebrating a birthday with cake, blowing out the candles, floating balloons, and happy giggles; nor should we compare ordinances and covenants to the secular bliss of taking our child on the Disneyland merry-go-round for the first time in their young lives.  

There is no real comparison between the entertaining celebrations of life, and the spiritual celebrations that lead us on the path toward the Savior. Those non-spiritual celebrations, are just moments of fun and enjoyment, and while they may make an impact on our family relationships, and our enjoyment of one another, and they may even be growing experiences, they are not going to be the important stepping stones to gospel dedication, and daily diligent discipleship of the Savior, Jesus Christ. On the other hand, the baby blessing and baptism are sacred ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The baptismal covenant is most important, because it is a personal covenant that we make between ourselves and God. 

In Mosiah 18:8–10, 13; we read, "Ye have entered into a covenant with him that ye will serve him and keep his commandments."  

• How then would children of  same gender parents be able to live up to keeping Heavenly Father's covenants, when their parents are teaching them values contrary to the gospel standards?  
• How would they be strong enough to make Christ centered gospel choices which are completely opposite to those of their Mom and their Mom, or their Dad and their Dad? 
• How are these children going to even successfully make sense of their world;when within the gospel framework they are learning that Father Adam (a man), and Mother Eve (a woman) multiplied and replenished the earth?  

It is important that we remember that the guidelines for baptism, are not singling out lesbian or gay couples. There are other guidelines used in such a decision. 

Parenting is a challenge,, and whether straight or homosexual, there are always going to be people who kind and effective parents in both groups.  My concern is that the homosexual lifestyle leads to watered down ideals of God. For he makes it very clear that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Trying to raise children in a same gender parent relationship/marriage and also having them learn that Adam and Eve are our examples, would only lead to confusion. I also believe that living within a home in support of homosexual activity increases chances for exploration to try different types of relationships- in an effort to find "happiness," or "satisfaction.'  

The problem with that type of exploration of relationships, is the same as with any type of negative experimentation (substance abuse, fornication, adultery, etc)  is that it cannot grow deeply rooted flowers of joy in our lives.  In the scriptures we read,"wickedness never was happiness. Alma 41:10" Some  things may seem fun for a while, but in the long-term, these kinds of things will ultimately lead to unhappiness.

God's anointed prophet, Thomas S. Monson and the others of the first presidency; these men  know far more than we do about the dynamics and workings of religion and politics. I have found that it is best to stick to things within our control and influence, and let our prophet, and other righteous church leaders called of God, to lead and carry us forward in truth. They carry such heavy burdens, and I surely would not want that weight of the world upon my shoulder.

I take comfort in knowing that God has promised that no unrighteous man will be allowed to lead our church astray. I have confidence in that promise, because I have seen how Heavenly Father has worked miracles and special protection in my life. Mighty miracles, which have only come about from the power of His hand.

We need ask ourselves if we think that we know better than God. It is bold of me to say that we are ultimately doubting God (instead of Church leaders), because regardless to the position of the church on this matter- or any other points of concern, the scriptures could easily stand independent of what the prophets are saying. It is clear that the Lord's view on adultery, fornication, and homosexuality has been around a long time. The world is uncomfortable labeling sin as sin. It is not politically correct to suggest otherwise, and it is very uncomfortable when people point an accusing finger in your efforts to try to be righteous. 

Christ is a Lord of Love, as is God the Father, but we miss the important issue, when we try to believe

that God is more like a benevolent Grandfather, who is always approving of us; than a God of perfect truth and light, who has strict standards that He wants us to live.

While God is merciful, and kind, he also showed his feelings about sin in scriptures. And let's not forget that even the Savior overturned the tables in the market. Those scriptural sources teach us a lot about the character of Jesus Christ, and about God, the father.  God does not "look upon sin with the least degree of allowance." 

The scriptures are replete with example of Gods love and mercy for ALL of His children. And we like to focus on those "pleasing words." Indeed, such word are pleasing! I know I want a Grandfather figure to pat me on the head, and tell me that I'm a good girl. I'm sure we members of the church favor such a benevolent viewpoint of God. For I know that I find it very comforting to hear that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us perfectly, and rejoice over our goodness.  Who doesn't like such love and approval?! 

I will cite a just few scriptures, which paints a clear picture of the Lord's position on sin:

Jude 1:7

 Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh (gay/lesbian) are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

Ephesians 5:3

3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

Look at it this way....the decision could be worse! 
(Mortify= to put to death, subdue)

Colossians 3:5 "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:"

Mark 7:21
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

Ephesians 5:3-11 

3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; 

4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. 

5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 

6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 

7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them. 

8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: 

9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)

10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. 

 11 And have no ^afellowship with the unfruitful works of^bdarkness, but rather ^creprove them"

It is a lot less comfortable when we hear that God expects us to live up to certain standards, and commandment. But it is imperative that we are careful NOT to assign God's mercy and approving love to all situations. For our Heavenly Father, is also a God of wisdom, justice, judgement and wrath. We may not be comfortable with those bold and strong words, especially in a world that tries to convince us we are fanatical, when we draw distinctions of things being black and white, good or bad, right or wrong. Indeed, when we call a spade a spade, or sin a sin- we become the strange one, or "the odd man out."

But we aren't here to prove ourselves to the world. We are here to prove ourselves to God. And while he is a God of Repentance and forgiveness, he is not a God of indulgence or excess. He is a God, who wants us to conform our will to His. A God who wants us to walk in strict obedience. A God who wants us to use our hands to love and serve others, but also show self-discipline in pushing away sin from among us. He asks these things, and more, of us, because he loves us. He knows that by strict obedience to His commandments- through our leaders, and the Spirit He can bless us with, that we will be able to wash ourselves clean from the filth that surrounds us on every side. 

Elder Neal A. Maxwell stated, “Too often we behave as if we were in massive competition with others for God’s love. But we have His love, unconditionally and universally; it is our love of Him that remains to be proven, such as through service to others” (Even As I Am [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982], 63).

Our families, our children, and our friends need us to help lead them with the light of truth and love. There are always going to be causes to stand up for, and people to protect, but it is always going to be best that it is our children we as individuals are teaching to distinguish right from wrong, and error from truth. As we do this, we will begin to see that we are helping victims to become victorious- for the love of God has the power to reach into the darkest abyss and rescue the worst of sinners.  

I know, because Heavenly Father saved me from my prison of sin and self-pity. He brought miracles into my life, which only came about through changes in my heart. I stopped wanting the things of the world. I stopped wanting others to serve me, and give to me, while I made no efforts. I was selfish and self-centered. I regret those times. I regret how my vision was so skewed and distorted, and hurt so many of my family in those moments-- and maybe longer. I am truly sorry for the sadness I caused my family at anytime.  .

I am not perfect, but I am trying hard not to find myself as the person I was. I have been learning to draw on the Savior's atonement in a way I NEVER imagined was possible. But, it is important that we do not love the sin, even though we can love the sinner. If we act like all is acceptable, then there would be no need for us to want to change. Had I felt it was alright to act as I did, and continue to do so, I would never have needed to learn that my selfishness and pride was a serious sin, which had the power to destroy generations of my upcoming family in the sweet encompass of the gospel truth Indeed, without those warning voices along the way, I never would have gotten to the point that helped me learn the Lord's truth and realize that I needed to change. Heavenly Father can work with the penitent, but he can never work with the unpenitent -unless they are first willing to recognize that their actions are not in harmony with God's way. 

I can see how you could feel concern over the change in policy; the voices is dissent are a loud and angry cacophony of discontent. But I hope you and others, will take those concerns with "sincerely of heart (Mosiah 4:10)" to Heavenly Father, and let him help to teach you what you need to understand to move forward in faith. 

The blessings of the spirit will come in abundance as we:

• daily search the scriptures (not a checklist reading) 

•  pour our heart out in prayer,

• shut of the noise of the world (a.k.a. soap operas, reality t.v. shows, and anything that is unholy) and replace that noise with inspiring literature, BYU devotionals, quiet reflective and prayerful time as we do the dishes or drive to the store, 

• service among family and community, and regular temple attendance 

• (and of course there are other things---like fasting, tithing, controlling our tempers, etc) 

As we do those things our minds will increase in intelligence and wisdom, and we will be blessed in ways we never dreamed possible. Half hearted efforts, or quick prayers will not generally get the answers you, and others are seeking at this time. As we strengthen ourselves this way, we will feel a peace amidst the chaos.

I realize my words are strong, but I do not want there to be any misunderstanding. I feel only concern that we "watch ourselves." (Mosiah 4:30) My only desire for you, and the rest of our family and friends, is found within the beautiful words of Moroni 9:25

"My son (and daughter), be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written (nor, which are going on in the world) grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen."

I'll be praying for you, in your efforts to make sense of the world. I wish only the best for you.
Christine

P.S. To read more about the issue, please check this link: http://blog.fairmormon.org/2015/11/06/a-look-at-the-churchs-new-policy-on-children-of-gay-couples/