Looking toward the light and example of Jesus Christ, who is "mighty to save." May we face our individual struggles and challenges by being willing to drink whatever " bitter cup" (or trial) we are given, and not shrink from doing what will ultimately strengthen us.
It's 12:24 am and I probably ought to get to bed, because the children want to get an early start out the door to see their cousins for Thanksgiving. I've spend the entire day cleaning the house to a sparkle.!! I scrubbed toilets and baseboards today, in a way I rarely do. I was sitting on the bathroom floor with knife and scrapers in hand and removing caulk everywhere...toilet, tub, walls!! Needless to say it looks so much better, but now I am going to need to hurry and re-caulk!! And, use a lot of "magic erasers" by Mr. Clean to clean the wall drawings off, which are so artistically rendered upon my walls and doors by my 4 year old! :P
I guess I'm kind of breaking my rules in how a while back I announced that I was going to stick to spiritual matters, so I will try and refocus here.
But, for the record, God is involved and aware of us in our everyday processes of life. So whether we're scrubbing toilets, making dinner, or reading a stories to our children (or nieces/nephews), our Heavenly Father is pleased when we work towards good goals. He knows that every little thing we do, adds to the bigger whole of our eternal well-being and progress.
I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father helps me to know I am loved and special. I realize that the angels are around us. I also know that they like to be around us when we have good things going on. I don't think they are too keen on hanging out with us while we whittle away hours in front of the t.v. or game cube. (What do I know, maybe they love a good movie!)
My personal opinion is that I feel we get special blessings when we take time each day to pray, study our scriptures, and (for those of you who are "LDS" or "Mormon") regularly attend the temple. I also think it's imperative to our well being to serve others in kindness, work hard, and play games and read stories with our children and family. Yes, making time for family is an absolute must!
I certainly believe there is a place for some t.v. or movies, but I think we would each benefit from being more selective about what we allow ourselves to use our precious time on. (Want some recommendations?! :) I personaly really enjoyed the movie series "Love Comes Softly." Good clean, and wholesome entertainment. Oh, and recently my husband took me to see "The Saratov Approach" definitely worth seeing (though I didn't love the violence--there is no swearing!). A couple of my other favorites are really "Ephraim's Rescue," or "17 Miracles." (Doesn't hurt that my husband is in one of those movies :)
Let me say this, and then I need to get to sleep... I have always struggled to love. I am sure that a good portion of that is due to the abuse and trauma I experienced as a child. In consequence, I have always tended to push people away, and act indifferently. In fact, I didn't think I'd ever really know how to love like everyone else seems to apt at doing.
This year has been a pivotal time for me, because as I have allowed Heavenly Father to shape my heart and life, I have grown in my ability to love!! Yes, I have truly grown to understand the depths of love in a way, I never thought possible. I love my children more deeply, and new friends more willingly, and toward strangers I often feel sincere love and compassion. I know this miracle is because of my increased love for my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. It's a miraculous phenomenon that I know only comes through the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ.
My heart is filled with so much more joy and love, than I ever thought possible. It's not that sad things don't happen to me, but those sad things do rule my life, because I have the peace and assurance that the spirit of God give's me that Heavenly Father will take care of me, as he seeth fit. I trust him completely.
Before I get to bed, I have a song for you to enjoy. It's one that I heard recently, I don't know how I ever missed it in the movie Pocahontas, but I did. This song speaks to me of how love can teach us so many beautiful and life altering things.
13 Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread.
To me that scripture means that if we are lazy (or sleeping! ;) and not working hard (in the many areas of need in our life) we will be emotionally bankrupt! However, if we open our eyes--meaning wake up and do things. Serve, love, look to God in all things.. then we shall be filled with love, and it will satisfy us. And the satisfaction and contentment will feed out spirits in a peaceful way. A way that we never imagined possible, because we decided to work for his love!
May you feel His peace and love in your heart, as you seek His will, above your own, in all things. Christine
Before I start talking. I should tell you that my marriage concerns don't have anything to do with domestic violence. If you are in a frightening relationship situation. Please, please get help. Find a safe spot, and call this number now! 1-800-799-(SAFE) 7233. You don't deserve to be abused...NO MATTER what you've done. It's not your fault. Please believe me. My prayers go out to those of you, who find yourselves in such situations. There is hope and healing through a loving Heavenly Father, and from those who serve with gentle and loving hands of service here on earth. May you find His peace.
=========Well, after that serious beginning, it's hard for me to switch to what I plan to say. It makes me realize just how blessed I am. But, on I will go.....
I don't know about you, but I've been married 17 years, and it isn't a bed of roses. In fact, it hasn't quite as I'd envisioned it. I married a good man, don't get me wrong. But, well, he's super shy, and very uncomfortable in social settings. (Except when he's acting in a role--Another story for another time.) Because of that reason, and some other differences, there have been many moments of heartache or anger on my part.
Of course, here I could tell you what he finds frustrating about me. My cold feet when I come to bed, after he's been sleeping many hours. My struggle to wake up in the morning, when he's most cheerful and energetic. The attention I bring to us when we are out in public, through my talkative, social mannerisms. (Oh, that makes my shy husband uncomfortable!) How I slow him down, when he's in a rush to get somewhere. etc. etc. You get the point. But, I'm not here to speak of comparative differences. And I'm only going to speak from my point of view. It's not meant to put him down. It's only meant to point out some of the challenging dynamics of marriage.
This past year as I've really tried to get to know my Heavenly Father better, I've done a lot of praying for His gift of charity. I've really had to give closer consideration to God's will in everything. Especially as it relates to my relationship to my husband. This has come as a challenge for me, because some people might consider me stubborn. Okay, fine, I admit it. I've always been quite stubborn and a wee bit headstrong! I get an idea, and my mind is not easily swayed. I am grateful to say that is changing.
Something my insightful bishop taught me this year, is that I cannot control my spouse. I can only control myself. I can choose to respond with consideration to his feelings, and seek to understand his perspective above my own. Or, I can cause a fight over things in my marriage because I want them to go a different direction. While I am certainly imperfect, I feel I have been truly blessed. I'm not quite where I hope to be in my marriage, but as I've lightened up with control, I've felt a lot more peace. I am able to let go and move on so much more quickly. Truly a miracle! (If you are LDS and you need someone to talk to, I hope you will go to your bishop. He can help. Don't delay.)
Last LDS Conference I heard a talk about terrific marriages. I have to tell you that I didn't much care for it. Not because it wasn't a great talk, and well written. It's just that it hurt my heart a bit, to see how far away I am from the ideal of marriage that I want for us. I admit my marriage and family life is probably far better than many in the world, but it's not where I long for it to be. When I heard the talk I felt depressed. Recently I decided to revisited it, and instead focus on the aspects within my control. One part really stuck out to me as I read it, "cheerfully do all things that lie in (my) power to persevere" I felt happiness at those words, realizing that despite my imperfections,I really have been smiling more, showing more patience, and acting within MY CONTROL to not let the less than perfect side of my marriage bring me down. Indeed, I Have been "cheerfully doing" all that lay within my power. (And like in my older blog posts, I encourage each of us to CELEBRATE our SUCCESS. :)
"There are those whose marriages are not as happy as they would wish, as well as those who have never married, are divorced, are single parents, or for various reasons are not in a position to marry. These circumstances can be full of challenge and heartbreak, but they need not be eternal. To those of you in such situations who nevertheless “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power”11to persevere, may heaven bless you richly. Seek after the ideal of forming an eternal marriage, including by striving or preparing to be a worthy spouse. Keep the commandments, and trust the Lord and His perfect love for you. One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours.12" APRIL 2013MARRIAGE: WATCH AND LEARN
Today as I studied some articles at www.lds.org on the topic of marriage, I found this marriage article interesting.
“Two people coming from different backgrounds soon learn after the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced. There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Responsibility must be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be relinquished and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.
“One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues that were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses that seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizeable proportions. The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning.” (Marriage and Divorce, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976, pp. 12–13.)
....William Jordan then made another interesting observation: “In the days of courtship two may feel that they thoroughly understand each other, and that no matter how many marriages may fail their happiness together is absolutely assured. Yet courtship is only the kindergarten class of matrimony. Courtship is the preliminary canter, not the real race. It is the matrimonial shopping; marriage is the acceptance of the unreturnable delivered goods.Courtship is the joyous, sunshine launching of the craft of hope; marriage is the long cruise across uncharted seas. The two now pass under the test of new conditions; they face new problems and enter a life of finer attunement, of constant call on patience, tolerance, forbearance, concession, kindness, sympathy and wise understanding.” (Improvement Era, July 1911, pp. 787–88.)
The importance of efforts and attitude, of believing and hoping, of bearing and enduring in marriage (see 1 Cor. 13:7, and Moro. 7:45) is emphasized in the poem “Listen World”:
You can’t leave love to luck.
Love first came with leaping ecstacy.
But when this passes … as it always may …
Love, too, will go unless you make it stay.
For there come times when hearts
Are deaf and dumb, when nothing wakens,
Nothing yearns or burns. … These times must come;
They are not accident, nor do they proveYour choice of love was wrong.
They come with every lover,
Every loving bond-mother or father,
Sister, brother, mate. Always, at times,
Love seems as cold as hate …
Cut off forever, by malignant fate.
But it’s not so. Such chilling of the heart’s
As much a part of life as thirst or hunger. …
It’s the natural ebb of our affection’s flow.
Such times must come for all who love,
And when they come you must know why,
And how to meet them or your love will die.
You can’t leave love to luck,
You must at times build love.
Though lacking all delight,
As blind men weave a pattern in the night,
Counting each gentle gesture,
Spacing word and smile, groping through darkness
Of both heart and head, as blind men fumble
With their unseen thread.
Until at last from out of the dull
Gray warp and woof of service, unto God and men,
There’s the shine of that sweet wonder
Which you had thought had passed …
And, once again, you feel God’s beautiful design.
(Author unknown, quoted in Louis H. Evans, Your Marriage, Duel or Duet? Westward, New Jersey: F. H. Revell Co., 1962, p. 72.)
During the times of the lows, couples should try to build love, as mentioned in the poem. One way to give the highs more attention, more focus, is to talk about them and relive them together. “What have been the highlights of our marriage thus far?” “What were the contributing circumstances?” “Could we create these or similar experiences again?” (See the exercise “Remembering the Highs” at the end of this article.)
Instead of measuring our marriage by the low of the lows, let’s judge it by the high of the highs. And the good news is that the highs are in our control. We
can plan for and create good times together. Then we will have something to cushion the lows with when they occur unbidden. And by so doing, we increase our capacity to survive in marriage. Since we have had good times together in the past—and every married couple has—we likely have the same capacity to experience them again if we both choose to do so. And maybe we’ll discover that things really aren’t so bad after all.
As we experience the lows and strive for the highs in marriage, let’s consider this counsel and promise from the Lord:
“Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.” (D&C 90:24.)
Remembering the Highs It is important to focus on the “highs” instead of the “lows” in marriage. This exercise will help you recall some of the pleasant times and positive experiences you’ve had together. Complete the following statements individually in writing, and then share your written and verbal responses with each other. You may wish to divide this exercise into two or three sessions.
1. The first time I saw you was … 2. I wanted to be with you because … 3. I was impressed with you because … 4. I decided I wanted to marry you because … 5. During our engagement, the most difficult situations we overcame were … 6. The most pleasant memories of our wedding day are … 7. The most difficult experiences we have encountered and survived thus far in our marriage are 8. At the birth of our first child I felt … 9. Highlights of our marriage thus far have been … 10. Other pleasant memories I have of you and our marriage are … 11. Things I like best about you are … 12. Three things about our marriage right now that are good are … 13. Three things about our marriage right now that are great are …"
I know marriage can be hard. Very hard. Sometimes the hardest, most discouraging journey in life can be felt when you share a very lonely road with a companion, who no longer seems to be your friend. Or, the pain of living with a spouse, who may care, but ends up hurting you with unkind words and thoughtless deeds. Or any other set of dynamics.
But, if you are like me, then you don't view giving up as an option. Though at times emotionally you may give up, you know that you want to try and make it work. You want to find a way to be happy together. But, sometimes, no matter how hard you try that just doesn't happen.
I really don't have any perfect answers to those of you in troubling or heartbreaking marriages. I do believe God can heal hearts and marriages and homes and families. In fact, I've seen that in many ways in my own life. (The video takes a strong stand for marriage, but please KNOW our church does not tolerate domestic violence, and abuse.)
We can't give up. We must keep trying. How does the old adage go, "Anything worth having, is worth fighting for." Look to God in prayer, and in more consistent and daily efforts to do His will. Seek for help from family, friends, church leaders, and/or counselors. Like me, I know you will feel a difference.
Don't give up. Don't become apathetic and accept life and marriage as drudgery. Hold on to happy memories and hopeful dreams, then act upon goals and efforts that will bring a happier marriage relationship into your heart, or, if nothing else, a happier heart into your unhappy marriage. I know it's possible.
Keep Trying,
Christine
To learn more about marriage, family, Jesus Christ, prayer, and many other wonderful life changing things, please visit my friends at http://mormon.org/
You can also get aFREE Book of Mormon by visiting this link. Learn more by watching this short video. The Book of Mormon is additional scripture that compliments the Holy Bible. I study them each night, and feel the power of God in my life because of it. In fact, let me share a scripture with you from it....
2 Nephi 25 26 And we atalk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we bprophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our cchildren may know to what source they may look for a dremission of their sins.
.
P.S. Mormon's are CHRISTians!! :)
I've been reading the book "Heaven Is Here," by Stephanie Nielson. She is a survivor of a life altering airplane crash. She was seriously burned on 80% of her body.
Here are some questions I had upon reading the book and how I felt they were answered for me. Perhaps they will encourage you also.
Q: What is the eternal significance of experiencing pain and hardship?
A: "He (President Jeffrey R. Holland--a beloved LDS religious leader) greeted us warmly, 'It's so good to see you, Stephanie. I'm so thrilled to see you're up and walking.'
":As we talked he told me to be proud of my scars, "We look for Christ's scars
because they are evidence of what He did for us. They'll be the first things He shows us when we
see Him again.
Your scars tell a story, too. Although they may not make you feel attractive, they are a witness of a miracle, that God blessed youto live, and that you have accomplished very difficult things.'"
Q: How did she deal with no longer being the same pretty she was? (Though in truth I think Stephani "NieNie" is radiant and beautiful as she is!)
A: Beautiful possession and material comforts are wonderful, and looking and feeling great are blessings, too.But the connection I had with my Heavenly Father and other people--my husband, children, parents, siblings, and friends, has always been the priorities in my life. I hope I appreciated how lucky I was to have these things before the accident. I know I have been thankful every day since." Stephanie Nielson page 300 (Heaven is Here)
"I realized along the way that ultimately nothing they did could make me happy. I felt comforted by family and my faith, but peace was different from happiness. At first I thought stubbornly that the only thing that that would make me happy was for life to look like it did before the accident. But no one could give that to me, and no one else could make me happy. Happiness was my choice, and though it is hard won, I am the only person who can stand in the way of it.
As I gradually accepted my responsibility to choose happiness every day, I rediscovered the beautiful life I had always wanted. Iwill have to remind myself to choose happinessalmost every morning when I when wake up in pain, and I expect I will need reminding thorough out my life, but the amazing thing is the more I make the choice to see and feel joy, the more joy there is to see and to feel." Stephanie Nielson, Heaven Is Here, page 300-301.
Q.How did her children deal with such a traumatic experience?
A. There were some big stumbling blocks for her children to overcome, because of her appearance, but children are resilient, and God can and does work miracles-.
On page 306 she writes "I will never know all that my children went through, or all the ways they have been changed, what what I do know is, today, their future is just as bright as it was before the accident"Stephanie Nielson (her blog here) --Reading those words gave me comfort. No matter what mistakes I've made as a parent. (And I've made plenty) No matter what guilt I have over choices in my past with them. No matter how I've failed them...in the end What matters most is CHOOSING NOWto ensure that I'm doing MY BESTto give them a BRIGHT TODAY and a BRIGHT TOMORROW--- That requires REPENTANCE-- which means more than just changing our lives for the better, but also means working to progressively improving each day.
Q. How did people view her? Could those who love her REALLY see past the scars?
A. Somehow --despite her physical appearance and her complete disability, she was loved in ways I struggle to completely understand. In her book she shares the loving and un-sympathetic responses to her appearance. As many (if not all) of us
understand,real love isn't based on conditions. Real love accepts us for the whole of us, despite our imperfections. ===
In reading this book, I was left to wonder what it would be like if I were stripped of beauty and my abilities, I am certain it would be a challenge to think I could be loved for the beauty of my heart. Logically, I know that's how Heavenly Father and Jesus, see each one of us with complete love. I know because I have learned this in some deeply personal ways that resonate to my heart, as I've prayerfully longed to understand. I have found that love has often been shown by those around me. Be it thoughtful acts by friends and family, or the hugs and kisses of my most adoring fans-- my children! Sadly, all too often, logic and emotions fight against each other. My emotional hesitations to believe in my inner beauty and worth, come because the world has long judged me on my face, or the cute way I wear my clothes. I have been granted favors and opportunities many times based purely on my appearance, and without my heart being visible to those bestowing upon me privileges. That's the injustice of societie's mentality and unfair standards of beauty--which is never weighed on God's scale of beauty.
All I have ever wanted is to be loved for the goodness and intents of my heart,but somewhere along the line, I began to believe that somehow my inner-value and worth was dependent upon my outer beauty,or on the talents I've developed. God ONLY looks at our heart to determine our beauty--My talents or appearance should only be used to glorify God. We cannot give in to the lie that those things really matter to our worth. They do NOT.
With logical and spiritual capacity,
I am absolutely certain that pure love can see beyond the limits of the physical appearance.
If I have the capacity to love others, even if they don't look or act flawlessly, then why would I assume less for those who genuinely love me?! ---I guess I have some things to learn :\ I hope and believe that with prayer and service in God's kingdom I will come to understand that I can be LOVEDfor what I am on the inside.Not what's on the outside.
Beauty often and easily fades with age,
orlife taking an unexpected turn for the worse (permanent or short term--as with me below).
Without understanding God's vision
of real beauty
we cannot findreal peace.
Yes! That's me (Christine) and unexpectedly I looked like a 90 year old woman. Mangoes are life-threatening to me!:(
I better understand now that all the seen and unseen scars of our heart,
can --IF we allow them too-- remind us and help us become more like the Savior of the world, --Jesus Christ.
I know that after reading what Stephanie wrote in sharing the words of Jeffrey R. Holland (learn more about him and read his speeches here!that I certainly do. I also took the words of Stephanie's book and her determination of spirit o realize that despite pain and exhaustion WE CANNOT GIVE UP. Fighting and winning, is worth it ALL! Fighting for righteousness helps us to overcome any tragedy, trauma, or trial we may face. Determination is how we fight against hopelessness. Through the refining process of pain and heart aches, we one day wake up to realize that through each little patient step we take we have finally overcome a major obstacle. And in essence we have reach the mountain peak of our beautiful dreams A Personal Experience-------------------------------------------- One morning as I knelt to pray this song quietly played into the memory of my thoughts.
I have a lot of learning to do, but with all my heart I want to become like Jesus.I want to love more purely and unselfishly. I want to give my life more willingly to our Heavenly Father. I want to learn to sing His praises no matter whatcircumstances I find myself in.
I've recently taken comfort from these scriptures on "courage."
Be of good courage, and let us behave ourselves valiantly for our people, and for the cities of our God: andlet the Lord do that which is good in his sight.
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
I hope that wherever life finds you,
or where your travels lead,
that you will look to our brother, and Savior, Jesus Chris.
It is ONLY through His Atonement, that we can find the Grace (Enabling Power) to overcome all the obstacles we each have.)
May All His Blessings Be Yours,
Christine
P.S. If you would like to know more about how to rely on
Christ's strength, and how you can find improvement and greater peace in your life, then please visit my friends at www.Mormon.org.
I guess I'm kind of breaking my rules in how a while back I announced that I was going to stick to spiritual matters, so I will try and refocus here. 
I certainly believe there is a place for some t.v. or movies, but I think we would each benefit from being more selective about what we allow ourselves to use our precious time on. (Want some recommendations?! :) I personaly really enjoyed the movie series "Love Comes Softly." Good clean, and wholesome entertainment. Oh, and recently my husband took me to see "The Saratov Approach" definitely worth seeing (though I didn't love the violence--there is no swearing!). A couple of my other favorites are really "Ephraim's Rescue," or "17 Miracles." (Doesn't hurt that my husband is in one of those movies :)
