Day 110 of 365 days of Solace: Hotheaded teenager! 26 June 16

I have been working on making sure that my children do not act or feel entitled.  This means that I

give them an assigned job to do, if they want me to help them financially for school, etc. I told my 17 year old that if he wanted money for his trip he needed to do something each day to help in our home.

That job varies, depending on need of the day. Today I needed him to make dinner. I had printed up a recipe, from www.allrecipes.com. I needed to finish my schoolwork, which is due by midnight on Saturday's. He was feeling stressed about packing up, and I might add he was tired. He laid on my bed and said he didn't have time to make the pasta salad.  I reminded him repeatedly that I would not give him anymore money if he didn't help because I was not giving massive jobs to him, just small, helpful things that benefit everyone.

This wasn't this particular day
Back from camp 3 days, and except the 
popcorn from his naughty siblings, 
the rest of the mess was
camping gear that he and dad dropped
on front room floor.  Instead of cleaning 
he was supposed he fell asleep! 
Though he ended up cleaning it hours later.

I was not unkind, at all! (Unlike yesterday where I was in the wrong.) But, I helped him to see that my terms were exact, and I would not yield on this as I have some things in the past. I told him that I do not want to raise a child, who feel entitled to just be given things. I expressed understanding to his concerns, but that feeling anxious about something doesn't exempt us from needing to help in other ways of life.

He laid tiredly and stubbornly across my bed and angrily mulled over what I was saying.  He realized that I meant business.  And then it happened.... (I might say it was the unbelievable, but the Spirit of God had prepared me the last week for this possibility!) My son looked at me and said,  "You are such a (explative!) parent!" Yes, my sweet, blue eyed son had sworn at me!

This may not shock you, the reader, but it shocked me because in our home we do not swear! As active, diligent members of The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints ("Mormons") we try to use great care in how we speak, because we want to live worthy of the Spirit of God, and in order to feel a closeness to the Spirit of God we have to live worthy, wholesome lives.  No one on earth is perfect, and gratefully, we can repent! (Repentance means to not just stop a behavior and try never to do that said behavior again, but it also means to improve our behavior, and to progress forward a little better than before.)

I sat there dumbfounded, but quickly told him to leave the room and go make dinner. (His sisters were in the room, but they didn't seem to notice that he'd said that word.) I was trying to process my feelings. I was upset at him, but also, I didn't want to let that angry word affect me to say something mean to him. He got up and left. And I reminded myself that swear words are intended to incite anger in other's, but that this swear word represented more of his sleep, worried, fatigue.

I sat there silently praying to be comforted.  As I did so I considered how the last week or so I kept having thoughts that teenagers, even really good ones, will test the waters and use a swear words just to rile a parent up. Every time I had a thought like that I'd pray that my children would not succumb to that, but that if they did that I would respond calmly. Hence, the shock value of his word wasn't quite as upsetting.

I asked my 11 year old daughter to go see if he was making dinner. She came back and reported that he was not making dinner, but that he was just standing in the kitchen doing nothing.  I wondered why he was doing that, but I said nothing to him. I figured part of it was processing what he'd just done.

A few minutes later my son walks into the room.  He's got an embarrassed look on his face, and he asks me to have the girls leave. I tell his sisters to gone on over so I can talk to him.

He walks over to me sitting on my bed.  (I had been doing schoolwork, until this happened. Now it just sat open on my lap.) C says, "Mom, I'm sorry for swearing at you. It's just that when I get really mad I have swear words fill my head. Will you please forgive me." It was wonderful to see the interesting change that had overcome him by being humble in approaching me for forgiveness.  I replied, "Of course. I'm proud of you for saying sorry.  Give me a hug."

My son will give me hugs, but this hug was different. When he hugged me it was a hug of a little boy, who was clinging to his Mom because he loves her and needs her safe, forgiving arms to encircle him and assure him.  It is not a feeling I will soon forget.

He sat on my bed and I talked with him about how the devil helps fill our mind with mean and angry thoughts.  And I expressed how he is a such a good young man, who is diligent with spiritual things. (Every day C reads his scriptures, writes in his journal, and prays. Something I wasn't great about at his age.)

The devil will try to find our weak spots and get us to act on those thoughts and feelings.  I said that if he is having those swear words pour into his thought then he can rest assured that the devil is trying to get him to give in to that weakness.  In not giving in to those thoughts he will grow stronger, but that when he gives in it gives the devil just a little more room to try to get him to do the wrong things.

I don't remember all I said, but I do remember the feelings. My son was in a soft, pliable state of
learning.  He felt good by his right choice to repent quickly, as did I.  He felt my love for him, and I felt his love for me.  And it was a happy moment for me to be able to teach him the ways of the Lord. (For I even shared how God had prepared me that he was going to test the waters.) And it was a happy moment to know that all his anger had melted away to love and happiness.

After we'd enjoyed some time together, I asked him to go make dinner.  This time there was no response of anger. He just teased and said, "But it's too hard and will take forever."  But off he went to make dinner. At one point he came in and said, "taste this." He held out the spoon and I used my finger for a taste. Mmmm, it was delicious! He'd used the special ranch packet...something like "Fiesta Ranch" (sorry, I can't think of it, off hand. I'll try to remember to come back and tell you!)

When it took longer than I expected I walked into the kitchen to discover C and his sisters eating the pasta salad out of the bowl. They were loving the delicious taste and were going to avoid bowls!!
This was another happy moment for me to see how happy family life can be when everyone is doing their part to help each other out.

I have a lot of room for growth in learning how to become a better wife, mother, and person, but I keep taking small steps towards improvement.  I pray often about what Heavenly Father wants me to do to improve my life. As I take steps toward living a pure and worthy life before God, He blesses me with insights and understanding to things I can do and keep doing, which will ultimately yield  happy blessings in my life.


"Dearest children, God is near you, and delights to own and bless you, if you choose to do what's right."


No matter where you are in this process, just start this very minute. Ask Heavenly Father to help you know what you need to change or improve on. If you listen, He will direct you in quiet moments of thought or distinct inspiration.  Listen and then Keep listening.

Christine