Burial Dress Lesson

Sunday, during church, I learned the shocking news that my friend's baby had died. Little Nora was born at 23 weeks gestation. She lived a week and a day, but then died September 7, due to an infection. 

While I can't exactly relate to a loss so late in pregnancy, I did feel an added measure of sorrow to consider how her oldest son (approx age 4 years old) must feel. 

When my oldest son was about the same age as her son is now, I had a early miscarriage. I felt disappointment at the loss, but oh, my son was devastated by losing the sibling he had apparently felt so much anticipation for! (He loves children!) 

In memory of my son's feelings, my heart had an added motherly ache. I wanted to do something special her and her family.  But what?

Sundress soon to be
a beautiful, modest gown!

Upon contempation of those feelings, I decided to make a burial gown. I knew it might not be needed, but I also knew that it if was, I'd need plenty of time to make it. With the funeral two days away I worried I might not have time if she said she would like me to make her a burial dress. I had wanted her to be able to design the gown for her baby, in whatever style she imagined, but I had not heard back as of Monday morning, so I decided to just get to work and make one. I figured "What can it hurt to be prepared?"

I went through my fabric in search of the perfect material. I wanted to do french hierloom pintucks and lace insertion, but that would take days to create. And then I thought a ornately beaded wedding dress would look stunning, but I didn't have enough left over from a wedding dress I'd recently used for a costume. So I kept looking. 

In a little stack of white blouses and dresses (which I'd set aside with the purpose of using on burial gowns) I rediscovered a lightweight sundress I'd purchased at a local thrift shop. I decided this would be perfect! 

With dress and supplies in hand I headed to my comfortable sewing spot upstairs. Just where my huband likes it! ;) 

First I laid out the dress on my bed, then I studied how the laces, ruffles, and underlays had been sewn. I consider all the possibilites to suit my needs, and how to get the best outcome by cutting in just right places. I contemplated how I wanted this to fit a body so very small, delicate, and possibly swollen. With the details firmly in my mind I created a pattern. I then placed the pattern pieces on carefully selected areas of the dress, and I went to work in pinning and cutting. 

I've just finished pinning the neck facing.

From there I pinned and sewed the pieces together. I worked from the beginning stages to the more advanced stages and areas of neck, sleeves and closure. Then I went back and pinned and sewed some more!  

And then, when it seemed I neared completion, I cut away excess fabric and hanging threads. I also reinforced specific spots, and sometimes I took parts that I'd sewn together, and I cut them off or reworked them for better results. 

Yep, lot's of details! But they're important to what I'm going to say! :)

After completing it, I finally got word from a sister at my church ( My Relief Society ("R.S.") president--she takes care of all the women at my local church. Or as we call it- a "ward") that the mom already had something for angel baby to be buried in. 

Ties on an open back for easy dressing.

I had prepared myself that the dress might not be needed, but I still felt some self doubts over having even made an initial effort. I also have to admit I felt embarrassed for having gone to "so much trouble for nothing," and I worried of how ridiculous I must look to others for having done more than a condolence card. 

I took painstaking efforts to make sure it was a beautiful creation, which I'd envisioned from the start. And yet, I looked back after 6+ hours of a days efforts and wondered if my time would have been better spent on housework, or homework (as I'm back to college). I also wondered if maybe the dress and bonnet were just too old-fashioned looking (something I only noticed upon completion),  and maybe she really just didn't want it. I worried about having put myself out there for others to judge!

Here I am sewing. A drill is always
important to have handy! ;)

But regardless of my doubts, I can't deny that I felt good as I created that little gown. My heavy heart took on wings as I worked. I realize now that I had needed a reminder lesson about my life, and the goodness, grace, and mercy of a devoted Heavenly Father!

Let me tell you why! (Here's where the above details matter!:)

You see, on a small scale, I was doing what God does with each of us. He helps to recreate our mortal mind and spirits into something better and more beautiful! The symbolism in my creation and efforts of this dress reveals that if we let His masterful hands work on us, He can repurpose us into something more beautiful than we can imagine on our own. 

He takes the cut & damaged parts of our lives, and with tremendous care and attention to EVERY detail he will refashion us into something of greater value! God can take things that seem permanent design flaws of our character or circumstance, and through cutting and reconnecting He will have made a more pleasing, beneficial creation. His work may hurt initially, but these careful cuttings and reshapings will be immeasurable blessings to us in the long run!

The bodice measures approx 4" across.

I realize now that I needed to have a visual (though time-consuming) lesson on His work with me, and each of us!.  Even though my gift wasn't needed by this family, I needed the reminder of how our Heavenly Father tenderly and individually works with each and fills us with hope through His artistic vision! He can help fulfill us with more noble purposes! 

It seems I have nothing to offer this family now in their time of loss. Sure, I'll take a meal and make a condolance card. But I wanted to do something special. But perhaps the best thing we can offer someone is continued prayers on their behalf, when we seem limited in what we have to give. 

This process of growth and improvement
can be a very messy experience!

May we remember we are worth more than what we initially appear to be! It doesn't matter if we are loved, accepted, or understood by those around us. I really believe, despite my feelings of personal insecurities, that when we are trying to do a loving thing, we are pleasing Heavenly Father. There is no failure or shame in trying to be right before God! He accepts all our offerings- big or very small, and He can, and will, multiply those efforts for our good!

For all my imperfection and weakness, I take comfort in knowing that through the master creator, who lovingly knows how to shape and construct us, we are destined for eternal joy and unparalleled vistas of heavenly beauty!

May we keep His love ever before our eyes, and let the Lord God work His miracles in our hearts and lives!

Christine

UPDATE: I went to a truly beautiful funeral of this little child tonight at The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints. This little girl, no more than 10.5 inches tall lay in her casket all dressed in white. She was perfect in from head to toe. Her little fingers were half the length of my a sewing need, and she had precious little finger nail painted with light pink nail polish. She had a a precious white headband, and she wore a delightful antique blessing gown with pintucks and fancy french heirloom work. 

This beautiful baby wore a dress that had been made by the dad's great grandma- generations ago...for a doll! I felt tearful to consider that the hand of providence was in motion long before this little girl passed away, so that a perfect family heirloom was ready for this day!

There were many tear filled eyes (especially as the dad walked in carrying the casket of his baby) but the funeral was filled with messages and songs of hope through Jesus Christ. If you've never been to a "Mormon" funeral, I recommend you go to see what I mean. There is always an underlying theme of being able to be reuinited with our loved ones again!

To learn more about our beliefs on death please go to this following link: https://www.mormon.org/beliefs/life-after-death

I now obviously I realize that I worried needlessly about my dress somehow being rejected for looking too antique! ;) I plan to learn from this lesson!