Childhood Trauma

My boys in the Dentist office.

Today, as we were driving to the dentist (for tooth cleanings) my 10 year old son said something that took me by surprise. He said that he only sits in the middle of our van because it's the safest place to sit. He then added that his friend Jason died in the car accident because he was sitting by the door.

I told him I didn't realize that he felt that way, but I expressed that I thought it was Jason's time to return home to Heavenly Father and that he would likely have died wherever he'd been sitting.

I didn't express it (okay, maybe a few tears), but in my heart I felt a sense of sadness to see just how the trauma of a friend, and classmate dying, could affect my son's feelings about where he sat in a vehicle.

Some people underestimate the power that traumas may play to the psyche, but just this small exchange with my son was a powerful reminder of how delicate we are in this mortal sphere.

I am so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. I am thankful that through Him we can pick up our crosses each day and learn how to more bravely follow Him, even when it seems we can't take one more step.

With the power of Christ, I have found that I can take not just one more step, but many more! Each

small effort keeps adding up to miles and miles I never dreamed possible that I'd be able to walk.

These steps have come at a high price of sacrifice and a willing heart, but somehow I find that with each new day I can make it through- as long as I have the help of the Lord!





I'm so thankful to God for my many blessings. I'm thankful for the healing and strength that can come through Christ! Healing takes time and effort, but it's worth the fight! Let us keep carrying our crosses and follow Christ. Through Him, we will have victory!

Matthew 16:24–25:

Then said Jesus unto his disciples,

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, 

and take up
his cross, 

and follow me.

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: 

and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Have hope, for through Christ we can be victorious!
Christine

"Sorrows forgot, love's purest joys remain"

Just now, at 2:08 pm, I heard these words from an LDS hymn ""Sorrows forgot, love's purest joys remain." How sweet they are to my heavy heart.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697;
trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897====

Today I'm feeling a bit low as I was struck with some insight of those I call friends. And it is hurting my heart. There is rarely anything that can be done when someone wrongs us, or misunderstands us. What we can do is kneel to pray, and that is just what I have done this morning.

I knelt and told Heavenly Father that I know he has all power. I prayed for greater meekness and humility. I prayed to be at peace when there are people who are not completely kind to me. I prayed that they might understand me better, but I prayed to ultimately accept His will, even when they don't understand. I told Him how thankful I am for his protection and blessings, and I listened to several things I'm grateful for. I told Him that I trust him completely, and I prayed that I would give all my fears into his hands.

I prayed many things, and I took comfort in kneeling before my creator. I took comfort in knowing that He has truly blessed me and directed my life this far. I know He will continue to do so, as I give my will to Him, and as I do my part for righteousness.

Of course, God does have all power, but he also respects our agency. He won't make us be good. He won't make us walk a certain road. But when we do listen to His Spirt, and walk circumspectly before Him, He rejoices. He delights in granting us blessings, which stem out of our righteous efforts, and our willingness to give Him all we have and are.

My husband and children--with a photo bomber on the far left!! True Story!

Those few words that God brought into my mind seem so simple, yet are so profound. As we walk through the darkness, the fear and sorrow can be all-consuming. And yet, when we step back into the light of joy and comfort, the depth and expanse of those sorrows are almost completely forgotten.

It's that way with childbirth too. I experienced a great deal of agonizing pain in my 5 deliveries of my children, but now I can remember so little of what I felt. If I do remember, I can express the details only on a logical level- not on the emotional or physical level of what I was going through! It's amazing how joy can wipe away those memories of pain!

There are just going to be days we don't feel our happiest. That's part of life. On those days you may do some of what I try to do... pray, read scriptures, clean & organize in my home, listen to BYU devotionals or LDS General Conference Talks, walk, sew, draw, or listen to happy music. Those things are healthy ways to process emotional pain, and they will hopefully help as they do me.

But ultimately we must elevate out thoughts to see beyond the storms of this moment. We must tell ourselves positive, grateful, hopeful thoughts. Thoughts that declare that God will give us the strength to get through. Words that declare that Jesus Christ saved us through His atonement and that with His power we will be victorious!

But, at this moment, I can honestly say that I can hardly wait until "loves purest joys remain!" :)

Hugs!
Christine

Answered Prayer

This afternoon I was feeling kind of sad, and therefore very tired. I like to give my time to God, as he sees fit, so I pray through out the day for special direction on how to better use my time. 

I especially needed direction because my mood was low. So I knelt in the quiet of my room, by my bedside, and I asked if He'd be alright with one of my three choices. 

1. Go play the piano at the church. 

2. Write a letter to my sick niece 

3. Take a nap!  

I immediately heard "family time." I softly chuckled because of my tired brain had not considering the fact that I'd presented God with 3 options, but He presented me a fourth!

I finished my prayer and sat on my bed. (It hurt to much to kneel any longer). I am sure God gave me the idea because my 16 year old daughter came into my room and laid on my bed and asked if Brady Bunch was an alright Sunday activity. I said it might be alright to watch, but that I wanted to play family games. 

We went down and sat in the front room and I asked Briant (my husband) what game we could play. He's a teacher, loves game playing, and is very creative-- so he always has some idea to pass the time. He started out with a word game, "Hangman." Then he said "Pictionary." (I was so tired I was laying on the couch acting out "the queen" and "Sunny (rhymes with bunny)" (That's the name of one of our dog's!) 

Everyone really had fun and got into this. A few examples: My 10 year old acted out our wild dog "Sunny" (so the answer was the same 2 times in a row-since he followed me. My 16 year old acted out "Lettuce Party" Who's ever heard of one of those??!!! My 18 year old refused to join us. He just got home from a pioneer trek yesterday and was down in his room writing about it in his journal. (Okay, a worthy goal, so I didn't push his family presence. But I missed him!)

Following that my husband began the "Guess who this scripture person is." A few of his questions were, "Who slayed Goliath? (David)" "Who had a coat of many colors? (Joseph)" We also did people from the Book of Mormon, as well as the bible. We had a lot of fun with that game, and it was a great time for teaching. 

After this game my husband switched to playing a "Guess which child this is?" We asked such questions as: 

• "Which child was on Oxygen as a baby?" 
• "Which child got left at the church after the family baptism?" 
• "Which preschooler destroyed the rabbit/pigeon hutch?"
• "Which child weighed the most at birth, weighing 9.8 pounds?"
• "Which child was the littlest at birth, weighing only 7 pounds?"
• "Which child always pooped in the bathtub, EVERTIME they were given a bath?"
• "Which child has silver teeth? (acid reflux)"
• "Which child would have gone swimming in baptismal font, if we'd said it was alright?!"
• "Who was the only child to sleep in a crib as a baby?"
• "Which child learned to talk the soonest?"
• "Which child walked the latest?"
• "Which child learn to ride a bike first?"
• "Which child likes to draw for hours on end?"
• "Which child doesn't like bones (in meat..or pretty much anywhere!! She doesn't like Halloween!?"
• "Which child likes to fill in the cracks when they sleep?"
• "Which child makes up crazy animal/frog names?" (Hannah! Such as Korea the frog. Nanny Goat Sniffer--a dog we had!)
• "Which child threw up in Daddy's mouth?"
• "Who went on wild, crazy adventures with Musubi? What was their secret weapon?"
• "Who uses up all the tape in our house?"
• "Who loved the Wiggles?"
• "Who got on the internet twice, by themselve, before the age of 1 year old!" 
• "Who was born on a cold, foggy, winter day?"
• "Who was born on a warm winter day?"
• "On which child did Mom's water break?"

And on we went as a family, playing happy Sabbath style games, and uniting as a family. My heart felt happier, and I knew I'd done the right thing.  I am certain it helped make happy memories for our children.

After we played that we read scriptures and listened to two songs (in honor of our dogs!! "Ebony and Ivory" and "Sunny days, chasing the clouds away..."(Sesame Street theme song), and have knelt to say the end of our day prayers. 

I feel so thankful that Heavenly Father "knows better than I." I'm thankful I could hear the voice of His Spirit giving me a better choice. I still felt tired as we played, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this cherished family time together. 

Book of Mormon Scripture

And while not all the concerns of my heart are settled, I certainly feel happier. I'm thankful that we aren't alone on this journey of life, and that our God is there to hear and answer---we just need to ask!

Always be praying, 

Christine